15. "Wait – That Was Supposed To Be a Secret?"

Darren's POV on chapters 14 and 15 of As a White Knight on His Steed

...

When we returned to the main camp that afternoon, Chris was nervous about running into Robert, worried that our little display of affection in the kitchen that morning had too obviously gone beyond our usual closeness, and that Robert would call us out on it. Or, worse yet, that he'd say something to David and Ryan.

I thought we had nothing to be concerned about, but Chris suggested that we should play it safe by keeping our distance from each other around camp. Which, considering what a smart guy he is, seemed like a pretty dumb idea. But, although I may be a blurter, I do know better than to tell my boyfriend he's being stupid. So I took a more tactful approach.

"Baby, remember what happened right after we started doing this," I gave him a little kiss, just in case it wasn't clear what 'this' meant, "and we were trying to hide it from everyone?"

Chris made a little humming sound, but I couldn't tell whether he was thinking about my words or just focusing on the kiss. For once, I was more interested in making my point than in making out, though, so I kept going.

"You told me that Mark pulled you aside and asked if we were having a fight, 'cause he'd noticed that we hadn't been holding hands under the table anymore."

Chris nodded.

"Well, I figure the best way to fly under the radar is to keep acting like our normal selves. I mean, most of these people have known us since we were eight. We've always been super-affectionate with each other, and if something changed now, they'd wonder why. In fact, it might tip them off to exactly what's going on."

"You think that being less lovey-dovey around camp is going to make people realize we're in a relationship? Why?"

"Well, maybe not exactly. But they'll either think we're mad at each other, or they'll figure out that something else is going on. 'Cause you know how, in elementary school, when a boy started picking on a girl and teasing her, it was usually because he liked her?"

Chris ruffled my hair. "I'll bet you were never like that."

"Well, I never liked any of the girls that way. But you're right, I probably wouldn't have been a jerk about it if I did. After all, I had a huge crush on you for all of those years, and I just followed you around like a puppy. But I might have acted differently if I was trying to hide it. Like, I'm convinced that Draco had a secret crush on Hermione, and that's why he was always calling her a 'mud-blood' and treating her like shit, so no one would figure it out."

Chris snorted, but I was warming to my theme.

"Come to think of it, I'll bet that was one of the reasons why you got bullied so much at school. I'll bet most of those boys secretly had crushes on you."

"Yeah, right," Chris said sarcastically.

"No, I'm serious. I don't think you realize how supermegafoxyawesomehot you are."

Chris raised one eyebrow at me skeptically, like he thought I was just making up words and didn't know what the fuck I was taking about.

"Hey – I said it, I meant it, and I'll say it again. You. Are. Super. Mega. Foxy. Awesome. Hot." I punctuated each word with a kiss, and by the time I got to "hot" he was smiling, even if he still looked a little dubious.

"All of those boys, who probably assumed they were straight, must have been freaking the fuck out over how attracted to you they were. And they didn't know how to handle it other than by acting like assholes."

Chris got a pensive look on his face, and I hoped I hadn't upset him by bringing up painful memories. When he spoke, though, it wasn't about the bullying he'd experienced.

"I guess I kind of did the same thing to you," he said sadly, squeezing my hand, "pushing you away because I was afraid of my feelings for you. I'm really sorry."

"Oh, Chris," I cried, wrapping him in my arms and holding him close. "Baby, please don't feel bad about that. You were scared, and I was oblivious, and we were both idiots, but that's all in the past. I wish we could have been closer when we were in middle school and high school, but we're together now, and that's what matters, right?"

"Right," Chris agreed, hugging me more tightly. "I really do love you, you know."

"I know. I love you, too. And I don't care who knows it."

"Well, you might not care who knows we love each other, but I do care who knows we're having sex. And at this point, I hope it's just you and me. 'Cause if Robert figured it out and says something to Ryan and David, I'm afraid there's going to be trouble."

"Robert's cool. I don't think he's going to say anything. And even if he did, what did he really see? Just a kiss. It's not like we were humping each other in front of the campers."

"Darren! No! Way to take all of the romance out of our relationship!" Chris tried to sound scandalized, but I could tell he was struggling not to laugh.

For most of the week, it seemed as if I was right, and that Chris's fears were groundless. But after dinner on Friday, Ryan and David asked if they could talk to us.

Uh oh. As we followed them up the stairs of the old farmhouse to the second story, where the camp's owners (first Uncle Mike and Aunt Lisa, and now David and Ryan) lived, I wondered if the shit was about to hit the fan.

"Don't worry," Ryan said, apparently sensing our nervousness, "you're not in trouble."

"We just wanted to ask you about something that Robert mentioned," David added.

"Um," Chris began, looking at me frantically, seeming to be at a loss for words.

I stepped forward, grabbing Chris's hand. "It's true that we're a couple," I said, pleasantly surprised at how sure of myself I sounded. "I hope that's not a problem for you."

"Relax," Ryan said. "We told you you're not in trouble. I just wish you'd felt like you could share this with us."

"I'm sorry," Chris said, finally finding his voice. "We were afraid that you'd think it might interfere with our work. Which I promise you it won't."

"We're not worried about that," David said. "Being a couple has never interfered with our ability to work together."

"Wait – what?! You guys are a couple?!" I blurted. I guess my days of being Captain Oblivious weren't over yet.

"Yes," said Ryan, smiling. "The older staff members – Robert, Zach, Ian, and Brad, who've known us since we were kids – have always known. And we haven't gone out of our way to hide our relationship from anyone else. It's just that we've always followed the example set by Uncle Mike and Aunt Lisa. They never engaged in public displays of affection, and in fact lots of the boys never knew whether they were husband and wife or brother and sister. We just figured that, working with kids, it was best to keep our private lives private."

"We can totally do that," I assured him, and Chris nodded his head in agreement.

"Good," said David. "Now, while you're up here, would you like us to give you a tour?"

"That would be great."

As they showed us around, I thought back to how Chris had mentioned Ryan and David a couple of weeks ago as people who were role models for him. Now – seeing this home that they'd created, and realizing how long they'd been together – I decided that I was glad to have them as my role models, too.

…

Coming out to Ryan and David about our relationship felt so good that Chris and I were excited to let the rest of the staff know, too. Everyone was totally supportive, as I'd known they would be. My favorite reaction, though, had to be Cory's: "Wait – you mean that was supposed to be a secret? I thought everyone already knew."

Before long, the only folks left to tell were my parents. I called them up, and as soon as my mom put me on speakerphone so they both could hear, I blurted out, "Guess what? Chris and I have fallen in love!"

There was a beat of silence before my dad asked, "You mean, with each other?"

"Yeah."

"Well that's great, honey!" my mom gushed. "We're so happy for you! Right, Bill?"

"Oh, yes, of course," my dad said, sounding a little dazed. "I'm sorry, you just took me by surprise for a moment, there. I didn't realize you were gay."

"I know. Neither did I," I laughed. "But I am, and so's Chris, and we're madly in love with each other. And guess what else? He's going to Michigan in the fall, too! Isn't that amazing?"

"Well, people do always say it's a small world," my dad said, starting to sound a bit more like himself.

"We haven't seen Chris since you boys were twelve years old," my mom said. "It's hard for me to picture him all grown up."

"Chuck's band is performing at a coffeehouse next Saturday night. You should bring Chris up with you for the weekend so we can get reacquainted," my dad suggested.

"That would be perfect! I know you're going to love him!"

"If you love him, honey, I'm sure we will too," my mom agreed.

End Notes: Check out this video of Darren and Nick Lang talking about Draco being mean to Hermione because he has a crush on her: youtube dot com / watch?v=D5U9EIVvCOA&feature= youtu dot be&t=1m1s