A/N: This is not the last chapter, make sure you go read the Epilogue after you finish reading this chapter, that'll have a huge author's note at the front of it, so go, but for this chapter, please read, review and enjoy.
Phoenix sat up to blinding light, noises droned around her and it took a moment for the scene in front of her to clear. The light was the sun, peeking out at her from behind the foliage in the surrounding trees. Her hand gripped around something vaguely cylindrical in shape with a rough prickly texture, lines and bumps ran across it but it felt slightly pliable.
A branch. Phoenix was holding onto a tree branch.
Where she sat she could feel the same texture pressing against her legs, she wore shorts that only came halfway to her upper legs, so bare skin was exposed to the bark of the tree where Phoenix was sitting. From her calculations she was about halfway to the top of the tree, maybe 10 feet off the ground, and the tree she sat in had little coverage, so she could see for miles ahead of her.
A breeze whipped across her face rustling the leaves around her, and she wondered for a moment what would happen if she fell, and let the breeze carry her onwards.
Phoenix stood up on the branch, arms still wrapped around the one beside her to steady herself. She began to climb, higher and higher, as the breeze picked up speed, whipping her hair into her eyes. The trees around her begun shaking and swaying at the mercy of the wind. Phoenix eventually reached the top of the tree, and standing on the last branch, she looked around her.
The view was astounding, the forest seemed never ending as the trees stretched on for miles and miles around her. Phoenix let go of her support branch and laughed, the wind blowing leaves around her. The wind picked up, stronger and stronger, blowing up underneath her arms and pushing her up onto the tips of her toes.
Phoenix didn't bother to look down or up, she only looked ahead of her, a noise like a shaky and giddy laugh escaped her lips as she stepped forward and fell.
The leaves bristled her arms as she plummeted towards the ground, wind howling against her ears. The background faded away from her and soon Phoenix was falling into nothing.
She landed on her back on an object that was both soft and hard at the same time. It cushioned her fall, but was an object with enough solidity that she felt it when she hit it. Her surroundings had changed, she was indoors this time, and yet there was natural light coming from above her. A brief sense of familiarity washed over her, she'd been here before.
It was hard to tell without a thousand streamers hanging from the ceiling and a giant stage at one end of the room, but this was the school gymnasium where Phoenix had captured Thravi.
The world around her numbed as Phoenix's vision sent her surroundings into slow-motion, allowing her to further observe what was happening. Her hand gripped whatever she had landed on, she couldn't quite put her hand on what exactly the object was just from the feel and texture of it, so she looked down and saw blue. She realised that it was a gym mat, but why had she landed on one?
Her question was answered when a hand came towards her, reaching out for her. Instinctively Phoenix wanted to inch away and then run, but there was something calming about this hand and in turn the person it belonged to. Whoever it was stepped into the light, and Phoenix smiled.
The world snapped back into the correct speed the second Phoenix took the person's hand and allowed them to pull her to her feet.
"It doesn't matter if you fall down," Natasha told her with a warm smile as she pulled Phoenix to her feet. "As long as you get back up."
"You know if you repeat that in Russian you might sound more insightful and less like a fortune cookie," Clint commented from where he stood a little way behind Natasha, counting and sorting his arrows.
Natasha gave him a wayward smirk before focusing entirely on Phoenix. "I'm proud of you Milaya Moya," Natasha brushed a strand of her off Phoenix's face and placed her hand on her cheek. Phoenix covered Natasha's hand with her own and smiled.
Clint walked up beside her and gripped her shoulder. "You've done good kid," he told her.
Phoenix looked from Natasha to Clint, feeling a warmth in the centre of her chest. The light around her seemed to become brighter, shining a light down onto the space where they stood in the gymnasium. Natasha and Clint were illuminated by the light that surrounded them.
Natasha let her hand drop and pointed in the direction of the double doors, the entrance and exit to the gymnasium. They were open wide, but beyond them was nothing but a white light, some of its rays sneaked into the room by the edges of the door. The sight of it should've frightened Phoenix, but it didn't.
"Ready to run?" Clint asked.
Phoenix looked to the door and smiled, nodding in response. With Clint on her left, and Natasha on her right, Phoenix took off in a mad sprint. The bright white light grew closer and closer as Phoenix advanced on the door as fast as she could possible move.
She ran through it and her vision was near blinded by the sheer ferocity of the light, all she could see was white. Natasha and Clint faded away and for a second Phoenix was surrounded by nothing.
Someone took her hand and Phoenix's hit the ground running, landing on hard wooden ground, planks, she had landed on a layout of wooden planks. A bridge maybe.
The light still shone in front of her, but around the edges of her vision, colour was forming into shapes. The light faded and became smaller, until Phoenix recognised it as the sun, and she could see what was around her.
She looked ahead and saw a vast stretch of blue, the ocean surrounded her from nearly all directions. Phoenix realised that she still held someone's hand, they were pulling here along as the two of them ran. She observed a young male with black hair and a slim build.
Mark laughed as he led Phoenix along the wooden pier, in the distance Phoenix spotted two figures waiting at the end of the pier, she recognised them as Sam and Bella, they were laughing as well. Phoenix and Mark reached them, and without hesitation the four of them launched themselves into the water.
Phoenix rose to the surface, and then Mark. "Where are we anyway?" He looked around; the pier seemed to stretch on forever in the opposite direction, never able to reach land.
"I'm not sure," Phoenix responded, it was her first time speaking, and only she sounded out of breath, like she was struggling to keep upright. But she felt weightless, able to do anything. "I saw it in a picture once."
Sam and Bella broke the surface of the water and had begun waving at someone behind Phoenix.
She turned to the pier behind her and saw a boy sitting on one of the rungs of the ladder attached to the support pole of the pier, and a girl sitting at the edge of the pier with her legs dangling over the side. Josh and Heather, both of them smiling.
Phoenix looked up at them, and then back to her friends surrounding her in the water. She felt a tugging around her lips, she allowed herself to smile. Tears began to form in her eyes, she laughed, crying had always meant sadness to her.
"I bet you've gone a long time without real happiness," Mark had swum up beside her. They drifted for a while facing each other, until Mark took Phoenix's hand. "We're all here for you Phoenix. No more bad memories."
What overtook her in that second was a feeling that Phoenix neither understood nor had ever experienced before. She wanted to sink the bottom of the sea, she wanted to sit at the ocean floor and laugh, and cry, and allow the water to envelop her. Phoenix wanted to do all this out of happiness, and she couldn't understand why.
Mark let go of her hand but she still felt something pulling at her, but whatever it was that was catching her attention, was behind her. She turned around and looked into the light, the second she made eye contact with the spreading white light that had previously been the sun, her surroundings shuddered.
A voice echoed from inside the light, but it was faded, and Phoenix was unable to make out what it was saying. She glided through the water towards it, and as she swam closer the voice became more distinct, but still undecipherable.
Phoenix felt herself being pulled from the water and into the light, she was blinded, white light invading her vision in all directions, she was no longer floating in water, now she was floating in nothing.
"Good morning sweetheart."
The voice pulled her into reality and the light vanished. A scene was played out in front of her, but what she was seeing wasn't formed quite right, the image was blurred around the edges, fuzzy and ripped in some places. Almost like she couldn't quite bring it into focus.
Phoenix could make out a living room area, the colour of the carpet was brown and the walls were a bleak cream colour, but her surroundings felt warm to her. She stood at a low height, far too low. Feeling both confused and familiar with her surroundings, she took a step forward.
A woman came into sight, and she couldn't see if there were any defining features about this woman, her vision was too distorted. She could make out some things about the woman, long blonde hair, pale skin, and she was tall. Phoenix's eye line only reached the woman's stomach.
No, the woman wasn't incredibly tall, the woman was average height, for some reason Phoenix was incredibly short. She tried to open her mouth to question what was happening to her, but nothing happened. Phoenix couldn't move, all she could do was watch the scene play out in front of her.
"Did you have a nice sleep my darling?" the woman approached her at a steady pace, Phoenix felt herself growing panicked as the woman advanced, but there was a feeling that stirred deeper than what she felt on the surface. She knew this woman, she trusted her.
Phoenix felt herself nod in response, it was odd, being stuck in a body you had absolutely no control over, Phoenix knew that she should be terrified, and yet she was oddly calm. The woman smiled at Phoenix's responsive head gesture. She bent down on her knees and gestured for Phoenix to walk to her.
Phoenix's legs moved of their own accord, one after the over, after the over, until she reached the woman. The woman then gently grabbed Phoenix by her waist, and lifted her into her lap, sitting her down so Phoenix's back was pressed against the woman's right shoulder, and the woman had her arms wrapped around Phoenix's small body.
Up close, Phoenix found it easier to pick out some of the woman's features. Naturally pale skin, decorated with barely visible freckles across her cheeks and a rounded face. Something in the woman's bright blue eyes caused a feeling of recognition in Phoenix's emotions. The woman smiled as she held Phoenix closer.
She began to trace a circle around Phoenix's thumb with her finger, singing to a song as she did so. The woman's voice was strange, her words moved differently, there was a lilt in her voice as she sang, an accent that Phoenix couldn't identify, but she had heard it before. The way her words danced were familiar, and they brought warmth to Phoenix's body.
The woman stopped singing which upset Phoenix greatly, and she started talking again but Phoenix couldn't make out what she was saying. The woman was fading, Phoenix reached out but it was like an image in a pond, it rippled as Phoenix tried to touch the memory. Eventually it faded completely and Phoenix was left with nothing.
What felt like a mental slap to the face broke Phoenix from her dream state.
Darkness, and then the smallest glimmersof light peeking through her eyelids. Phoenix struggled, but eventually her eyes flickered open, and she was greeted with the blinding light that reflected off a white ceiling. She groaned, and attempted to sit upright, ultimately failing because her insides felt like lead.
She felt a hand touch hers and flinched automatically. She sat up straight, but winced as she did so, a pain striking in her left side. Her eyesight still hadn't cleared, so the person bedside her bed looked like nothing more than a fuzzy shape of various colours.
"Are you alright?" The person asked her, and immediately, Phoenix recognised who it was and blinked several times in surprise. As her eyesight cleared and things moved into focus she saw Heather watching her cautiously, a small smile on her face. "Hi Phoenix."
"Heather?" Phoenix questioned, her voice hoarse and grated. She began to look around her, trying to analyse her surroundings. She realised she was in a bed, in a white room and surrounded by medical equipment. "Wha-what are you doing here? Where am I?"
"You're in the Avengers Tower, in the infirmary specifically," Heather answered. She rose to her feet off the chair she was sitting on and placed a comforting hand on Phoenix's shoulder. "You were injured pretty badly, try not to move too much."
"What happened?" Phoenix groaned as she leaned backwards. "I know Hanora stabbed me, but, how am I alive? I was dead for sure."
"Hanora healed you," Heather answered. Phoenix stared at Heather with wide eyes, and a confused expression. "Natasha went off her brain when she saw that you had been hurt. She threatened to kill Hanora's son if she didn't heal you, so Hanora really didn't have much choice," Heather hesitated, as if there was something more she wanted to say, and with a prompting look from Phoenix she continued. "Natasha practically called you her child, I know she's not literally your mom, but I think you're like a daughter to her Phoenix, and she would've done anything to save you."
Phoenix processed the information, and looked at the wall ahead of her with a small smile. Another thought overtook her mind, and her expression changed to one of disappointment. Heather saw her face change and thinking that she needed to be comforted, placed a hand on Phoenix's wrist. Phoenix looked up at her and made eye contact, she received a warm smile in return.
"What's wrong?" Heather asked.
"It's nothing I…" Phoenix shook her head and looked down, her hands fiddling in her lap. "When I walked into that warehouse, I wasn't planning on walking out of there."
Heather sucked in a breath at Phoenix's confession and drew her hand away. "You let Hanora stab you," Heather concluded. "You wanted to die."
Phoenix kept her face stony, and nodded after a second of hesitation. Heather swore loudly in response and Phoenix instinctively flinched. "You're right Heather, you've always been right," Phoenix said with a whisper. "I was designed as a weapon, to destroy. I can't be that thing anymore, I can't stand having all the darkness at my back. I just wanted to save people, and the easiest way to do that is to end my own life, but I physically can't kill myself. He conditioned me that way, so the only way I could die, is in battle or at his hands. Hanora was my way out, obviously I'll have to think of something else."
"No," Heather told her sternly. "You have to stop thinking like that. Sure he conditioned you and tortured you to horrible lengths, just to make you into his own personalised solider. But you have free will, and you can use that to change yourself. You don't have to be the weapon Phoenix, you can change that. I said horrible things, and I drove you to unimaginable pain. Please, whatever I said you to in the past, just forget it, I believe in Phoenix the person, not the monster I drove you to be."
Phoenix stared at the girl at her side, her eyes falling to the burn marks at Heather's neck. Phoenix reached out a tentative hand, her fingers just millimetres from the damage she had caused to Heather. "Why have you changed?" Phoenix asked, lowering her hand. "After everything I did, all of a sudden, you're accepting me. Why?"
"I guess you could say someone brought me to my senses," Heather answered meekly. "It's a long story, but I want to take the time to explain it to you in length. I acted out for a horrible reason, and I want to apologise to you properly. But you've only just woken up, and I should probably go get Bruce."
Phoenix nodded and Heather stood up off the chair, walking in the direction of the open infirmary door. She stopped just as she was about to walk out and looked back at Phoenix. "When you're better rested I'll come back," she promised.
With that she walked out, leaving Phoenix staring after her, awash with confusion. Although she was pleased to see a change in Heather's behaviour, she wasn't about to express her good mood. Phoenix stiffed where she sat up in bed, and kept her eyes focused on the wall in front of her.
"I would've thought someone like you was above eavesdropping," she commented flatly, directing her voice to the shadows.
The shadows stirred, and he emerged, striding towards her with a devilish grin. "However pedestrian you think the technique is, it's useful for obtaining information," he retorted, his words slicing the air with a chilling venom that made Phoenix's skin crawl.
Phoenix turned to Loki and looked him up and down. "What happened to Hanora?" she demanded.
"I see you're just as mission-focused as your beloved mentor," Loki quipped, leaning against the wall besides Phoenix's bed, he nevertheless answered her question. "After her defeat yesterday, she returned to Asgard with her son and was immediately locked away. Several Einherjar came to Earth and successfully recovered the weapon, which now resides once again in Odin's Vault. Thor visited to thank The Avengers for their help, he even came to see you while you slept. Offered his gracious thanks, and ensured you that Hanora would be severely punished for harming you."
Phoenix cocked her head and looked him up and down. "Why didn't the Avengers rat you out to Thor?" she asked curiously.
"In their minds, I was never even here," Loki grinned at her slyly, and nodded to the door. "A carefully concocted memory charm, and they are none the wiser to the fact that I still live. They believe that an anonymous Asgardian gave them the information regarding Hanora, and I have removed all physical evidence that I was ever here. You may speak of me, but do not tell them about my involvement in these past days, as that will break the spell."
Phoenix looked skeptical, and narrowed her eyes in his direction. "First of all, what makes you think that I'm going to listen to you and swear not to tell them anything?" she asked. "And second, why didn't you give me the memory charm? Is there a particular reason you want me to remember everything?"
"I know you won't tell of my presence because you are better than that, you would lose more than you would gain if you said anything," he answered cryptically. "And the reason I didn't give you the memory charm is for a quite obvious reason, I want you to remember me. You and I are alike Phoenix, and it is important for your future that you don't lose sight of that."
"You and I are not alike," she told him sternly. "You're chasing your imagination, there is nothing connecting us."
"Oh but there is," Loki raised an eyebrow as he responded in a challenging tone. "We are both monsters, and you can't turn your back on that. You fought against the Avengers, just as I did. You slaughtered innocents, just as I did. And you acted based on what you perceived to be good intentions, just as I did."
"Good intentions?" Phoenix questioned in outrage. "How can anything you did relate to good intentions in any way. From what I understand, you wreaked havoc on the city all because you wanted to rule the planet. No one acts as a dictator for good intentions."
"Take a look at your own pathetic human history before you speak to me about dictatorship and good intentions," Loki snapped dryly. "We all serve a cause we think is good, it's just when other people oppose your view that you are declared evil. You know it to be true, after all, your plan was to destroy humanity so you could save it. What about that is good?"
"I was trying to help people," Phoenix spat back, her voice cold. "I was taught, that SHIELD were the tyrants, and by destroying them, the people would be saved. My ideas were not my own, I was misinformed and led astray. Whereas everything you did was of your own free will. You have no right comparing us, the situations are drastically different."
"I should think not," Loki responded, smirking as he saw Phoenix's anger growing. "I was lied to, by someone who I thought cared for me. His care was a lie, all for his own sick purposes. Odin wanted to use me, as a device for peace between the Jotuns. I was an object for him to use, I was never his son. Does that experience sound familiar, Phoenix?"
A shiver crawled down Phoenix's spine. He taunted her as he spoke her name with an edge to his voice. How could he possibly know what Doctor Blake had done? "We might have similar beginnings," Phoenix spoke after a pause, her voice drained of anger, and she spoke in a cool, neutral tone. "But after we discovered the truths about our origins, we journeyed down very different paths."
"Yet somehow, both paths lead to our true nature," Loki hissed. "We both became monsters."
"No," Phoenix informed him sharply. "You discovered the truth, and you fell into darkness. You killed innocents, all because you had been denied a throne that was never truly yours to claim. You became a monster. I learned the truth, and I strove to do good, to fix my mistakes. I stopped being a monster the day Natasha saved me."
Loki scowled down at her, his words like knives. "You killed your creator," he accused in a last attempt to send her over the edge. "And yet, he still has power over you. You'll never be able to escape his influence."
"You're right," Phoenix agreed, responding in the way she knew would catch Loki off guard. "And we are similar, but not the same. You accuse me of not being able to face my true self, but it's you who can't face yourself. I know what I did, I know the horror I caused, and I am trying to fix my mistakes, to become a better person. You Loki, you just keep running. You hop from place to place, causing more havoc to try and cover up the mess you left behind."
Loki went rigid, and Phoenix, seeing an opening, swung her legs over the side of the bed and slowly rose to her feet. Rising to his level, she made eye contact. "You're pathetic. You come to me, and start talking about monsters. I've stared my monsters in the eye, whereas you can't even look back as you run toward your own destruction. You can't escape yourself, and it is important for your future that you don't lose sight of that."
Having struck the final blow, Phoenix stared him down until he turned on his heel and marched away. He looked back at her, reining in the anger he felt towards her, he fixed her with his never-ceasing devilish smirk. "This won't be the last you see of me," he promised her. "After all, we tortured souls must stick together."