Chapter 8: Finally, Something Actually Cop-Like Happens
You know, you can learn a lot from my stories. Like, how many cop movie clichés and shout-outs you can fit into a RWBY story. Or, what those clichés are in the first place. Here's some knowledge for you that doesn't have to do with the story: the color orange is named after the fruit of the same name. And your parents said you can't learn anything from sitting in front of a computer all day. Funnily enough, I'm also eating orange Tic-Tacs and drinking orange juice while I'm typing this. Orange, orange, orange. Anyway, let's just get to the story already. Orange.
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It had been two days ever since Blake tried to cheer him up, and yet Sun was back to resenting his lot with his assignment.
When he heard the words "junior detective", he expected a life of action, badass monologues, and being so good at his job that he would be fired, but then rehired based on how badass he had performed.
But here he was, sitting in the Gabby, watching for speeding cars with Neptune. According to the speedometer that Neptune was pointing at the street, nobody had broken the speed limit. But, that was understandable, as this was more or less a side street in a relatively unimportant part of Vale City.
Sun leaned on the steering wheel. "Holy, shit, I'm bored…" he grumbled.
"Well, at least it's easy," partially-agreed Neptune. He was starting to feel just as depressed as Sun. It was like being locked in a blank white room. Hell, Neptune would settle for being a meter-maid. At least that would be more exciting than sitting around in a shitty van, parked in some random alley.
"I mean, fuck me, dude! We could be doing fucking literally anything else!" Sun complained, sitting back up. "I think the chief has something out for us, bro."
"It probably didn't help that you blew out his window," Neptune observed.
"…Shut the fuck up," Sun spat in return. He hated to admit it, but he definitely knew Neptune had a point. "Protip: Never whip out your gunchucks in front of your fucking boss," he thought.
The pair then returned to staring at the street. To say they were bored was not only the understatement of century, but it was the understatement of the Universal, After Colony, Future, and Correct Centuries as well. But not the Cosmic Era. We don't talk about that.
An idea popped into Sun's head to pass the time. He had just bought into the time-honored tradition of people watching. "Yo, Nep," he said, leaning slightly towards his partner. "What'd ya think this schlub's story, eh?"
Neptune looked over to where he guessed Sun was looking at. "You mean the guy with the hat?" he asked. Indeed, there was a guy in a cowboy hat walking on the sidewalk across the street.
"Yeah. Like, why's he wearin' a fuckin' cowboy hat? He's in a city, there's no cows here, man. And he's eastern, too. Ever hear of a fuckin' Eastern cowboy? That's fuckin' nuts," Sun rambled.
Neptune couldn't help be somewhat interested with Sun's analysis. "Maybe he had a ranch in his family for years. Like, after his family immigrated, or something," he added.
"Yeah, and now he's in the big city, lookin' to refinance his ranch shit, otherwise it'll get taken by the bank. But he's nervous, since he's never been here before," topped Sun.
"Yeah…" both Neptune and Sun said at the same time, watching the Easter cowboy walk out of their field of vision. By now, they were hooked. People-watching was way more interesting than paying attention to an empty street.
"Hey, what about that dude?" Sun then said, pointing at a bum in an alley across the street.
Neptune gazed at where Sun's finger led his vision. "You mean the homeless guy jerking off behind the dumpster?" he questioned.
"Yeah, like, what's his deal? Where did his life go if he's jerkin' the gerkin behind a dumpster?" Sun mused.
"…Shouldn't we arrest him? I mean, that's public indecency," said Neptune.
"Nah. Look, he's havin' a good time!" Sun observed. "Plus, if he's a fuckin' bum, he's already having a bad enough of a time as is."
"Dude, I'm sure nobody's comfortable with some random dude jacking off in front of them. Hell, even I'M grossed out by it," Neptune said.
"Oh, c'mon, as if you haven't seen a dick before," moaned Sun.
"It's different when one's about to cum right in front of you! I can see the fucking head!" Neptune shot back.
Sun began to mock Neptune. "Oh, look at me, I'm Neptune!" he said in an exaggerated imitation, "I don't like my dick! OoooOOOooohhh!"
"Really? That's all you can come up wi—" Neptune's complaint was cut off when the speedometer beeped, signaling a car that had broken the speed limit. At that, both Sun and Neptune looked at the car that had passed. It was a van, not unlike the one the pair was sitting in.
Neptune checked the readout on the back of the speedometer. "Ten above the limit," he noted. Turning back to Sun, he said, "Let's get him!"
"You don't need to tell me twice!" Sun excitedly claimed, taking the Gabby out of park and driving after the van.
The speeding van had stopped only a little ways up the street, at the next stop sign. The Gabby pulled up right behind it, but Sun didn't put on the sirens. He wanted to wait until they were on the next street. After all, he had to lay and spring the perfect trap. That speeding ticket was going to be EARNED.
Sun only did the briefest of stops after the other van crossed the street. Luckily, as there was pretty much nobody at this crossing, Sun was able to follow shortly after the offending car.
Now that the Gabby was right behind the van, Sun flashed on the sirens briefly, and signaled at the driver to pull over. Luckily, the driver apparently complied and flipped on his right-side blinker. As the van pulled over, the Gabby also pulled over against the curb of the sidewalk.
The junior detective pair grinned at each other as Sun put the Gabby into park. "We're finally gonna be cops. For real this time," Sun grinned.
"I know," Neptune smiled back.
Stepping out of the car, Neptune walked to the left side of the van, while Sun sauntered up to the driver. As he did so, Sun eyed over the van. Weirdly enough, it was the same model as the Gabby. The red paint was chipped near the bottom, and it was overall just as shabby as the police van.
Sun knocked on the driver's window and signaled for him to roll down the window. The window slowly rolled down the window and leaned out to face Sun.
"What can I do for you, officer?" the man politely asked. The man had loosely combed blonde hair, a slightly snubby nose, and was wearing a nice, light blue suit, with a green shirt and black, patterned tie. That made Sun feel a little suspicious. There was no way someone dressed in an expensive looking suit would be driving such a shitty van. Those two facts just didn't click together. Something was off about this guy.
"You were, uh, speeding back there, pal. By ten miles per hour," Sun said, leaning against the car door.
"Oh dear. I tell you, this speedometer is busted. Sorry about that, officer," the suspicious man said with a small chuckle.
"That's alright, mister. Can I see your I.D., please?" Sun asked. That's what they always asked in cop shows, especially when they pulled over somebody. Plus, he wanted to get a tag on this guy. There was something about him that rubbed Sun the wrong way.
"Of course," complied the man. He pulled a wallet out of his coat, and took out his driver's license. Handing it over, Sun took the I.D. and scanned over it.
Apparently this man's name was Yoshikage Kira. 144 pounds, 5 feet and 7 inches tall, and blood type A. Overall, this man was completely average. Sun just couldn't figure out what was making him on-edge. From what he saw, he didn't have enough evidence to really freak out over anything.
"Okay, Mr. Kira. Looks like that checks out," Sun said, handing back the license. Now was his chance to figure out what was off about this guy! Quickly, he came up with a good excuse. "While I get my ticket book, mind if I have my partner check out the van? Just standard procedure."
The man blinked and replied, "Sure, officer. I've got nothing to hide." His voice wavered a little at the beginning, but his tone was otherwise normal.
"Great. Just hold on," Sun said, walking towards the back of the van. Looping around, he tapped Neptune on the shoulder. "Check out the back. We got permission to," he said to his partner.
Neptune cocked an eyebrow. "Something wrong with this guy?" he asked.
"Yeah," Sun replied, before walking over to the Gabby.
While Sun took his time to get his ticket book, Neptune walked over to the back of the van. Apparently, the double doors weren't locked, as the trunk opened with a simple twist of the handles.
Neptune peered into the back of the van. This guy must have been big into home repair, gardening, and construction, because the whole back of the van looked like a hardware store. There were several bags of fertilizer, a pile of piping, and at least a dozen small spools of wire.
"Big into landscaping?" Neptune asked as he picked up a toolbox.
"Not really. Hobbies aren't really a part of my hobbies…" the perp replied without looking back.
Neptune gave a small grunt of response to the odd statement as he fumbled with the latch on the box. Flicking it open, he found some rather suspicious material. In addition to the materials just lying in the back, the box had several long looking devices, neatly lined up. They looked rather delicate and complex. Neptune calmly closed the box and placed it back. He didn't want to startle this guy. He might be dangerous if he had this type of stuff in his trunk.
Meanwhile, Sun walked back up to the driver's side with his ticket book. Trying to make conversation to buy time, Sun said to Kira, "It's kinda funny. We drive the same type of van."
"The world sure is small. Not really, but you get the idea," Kira simply replied.
Sun scribbled on the ticket, trying to remember how much he should write up the guy for going ten miles per hour over the speed limit. At the back of the van, Neptune hovered over a different box. This one was cardboard, and had one of the flaps lifted, exposing a little of what was inside.
Curious, Neptune lifted the lid and looked inside. What he found was some damn incriminating stuff. It was a whole box of White Fang paraphernalia, ranging from a folded flag with the logo on it, to a Grimm mask to cover up his identity. If Neptune had to guess, this man supported them in some way. And, in addition to the materials in the back of the van, Neptune began to piece together the clear picture. If he liked the White Fang, and had a bunch of weird stuff in the back of his van, that could only mean…
"Sun, mind coming back here?" Neptune calmly called to his partner.
"Yeah, sure," replied Sun, finishing his ticket and handing it over to Kira.
He walked over to the back of the van to see what Neptune called him over for. The answer to his question came in the form of Neptune holding up part of the White Fang flag. Sun's eyes widened in realization. This man was a criminal after all!
Not hesitating at all, Sun held his hand over his pocket, where he was storing his service pistol. Walking over to the driver's window again, he commanded, "Sir, get out of the car!"
Unfortunately, that tipped off Kira to what happened. Quickly throwing the van out of park, Kira floored the gas pedal and skidded away from the curb. A few loose objects, like spools of wire or a few pipes slipped out the back. But then, as he rounded the corner, the doors to the van's trunk slammed shut from the momentum.
"Fucking shit!" Sun swore as he and Neptune dashed over to the Gabby. Diving in, Sun took the car out of park and rounded the corner, speeding after Kira's van. "Call it in!" he yelled at Neptune.
Neptune yanked the radio receiver towards his face and yelled into it. "This is car A-12, chasing a suspected White Fang member! Heading down Hathaway Street towards Agi Avenue! Copy?!"
"Copy," dispatch responded from the other end. Neptune didn't bother to hear the dispatch call out to the other cars. Right then, he focused on the van some distance in front of them.
"Catch him, he's in a god damn van!" Neptune yelled.
"We're in a fucking van too, dipshit!" Sun growled back.
Sun tried to push the Gabby as hard as the engine under the hood would allow. However, because the van was a pile of rolling shit, they weren't going as fast as either of the pair liked. At most, they were hitting 70 mph. Fortunately, as Yoshikage Kira was driving more or less the same van, he wasn't exactly leaving dust trails either. In fact, even though he got a head start, the Gabby had managed to close the distance between the two pretty quickly. Yet again, that was also due to this street not being very crowded. The only few cars on the street were just a handful of sedans and one parked garbage truck. Yet again, how can you expect a street where a bum can get away with publicly jerking off to be crowded?
Kira's van took a sharp left at the corner of Agi Avenue, and railed towards a more crowed part of the neighborhood. Throwing his steering wheel to round the curb, Sun swore, "Fuck! He's heading towards more people!"
Now there were several more cars along the road. This forced the Gabby and Kira's van to swerve and dodge around several more cars, trying not to hit any of them. Sun could have sworn that he clipped a few side-mirrors, but he didn't care. This was for the public good, after all.
Then, further up the street, the four-way stoplight was busted. As only a few cars could go at a time, the traffic around there had slowed down significantly. Forced to make a decision, Kira blindly turned his van into the nearest open gateway. It was an entrance to the local farmer's market, where plenty of people were hoping to sell their produce. But, because of the huge amount of stalls that he could crash into, Kira was forced to slow down a bit to weave around the surprised veggie-sellers.
"Shit, the fucking stuff!" Sun grunted as chased Kira's van. A farmer's market full of people was one of the last places he'd want to have a car chase at. If anything, just the regular street or even the freeway would be preferable.
"Look out!" Neptune shouted, as a man pushing a cart of cabbages walked in front of the two vans.
Kira, noticing the cabbage cart, barely managed to swerve out of the way to avoid it. But, that was way too close of a call. He had nearly over-corrected and crashed the van. However, he hoped that the produce cart would slow down his pursuers.
Sun, however, experienced a stroke of luck. The cabbage merchant had managed to shove his cart across the street in time and dodge away from the chase raging down the street.
"That was close!" Neptune breathed in relief. They had really come close to running through that cabbage cart. It was pure luck that they missed it.
Their luck immediately flipped as another cart, this time full of fruit, was being pushed into the middle of the road. As Kira had gained a little distance in front of the Gabby, his van managed to swerve out of the way in time, without losing his speed.
The Gabby instead rammed right through the fruit cart, spilling all sorts of fruit everywhere. A blended mixture of oranges, watermelons, and bananas splattered all over the hood and the windshield.
"Shit and piss!" Neptune cried in shock.
"Fucking cliché!" Sun growled as he put on the windshield wipers, cleaning the window of the impromptu smoothie.
The two van sped towards the end of the road. However, the road continued with a sharp right turn. Otherwise, the cars would crash through a chain link fence and onto the neighboring street on the other side.
Kira didn't react in time to make the sharp turn. All he could do was hope for the best as his van ran through the fence, as if it was made of hot butter. But, as he tried to turn onto the paved street, Kira made the mistake of over-correcting. His van wavered briefly, before slamming onto one side. The momentum carried the crashed van across the street, and into a rather unlucky brick wall.
"Brake, brake!" Neptune screamed as they saw what happened in front of them. As the Gabby was a little behind Kira's van, Sun had enough time to brake, if only barely. Even though the van managed to slow down, the momentum behind the van made them skid into the rear of the flipped over van.
Sun and Neptune whipped back and forth in their seats as the airbags deployed. Even though they were protected well enough from life-threatening injury, Sun and Neptune were still rather bruised up from the collision. They had crashed hard enough to bend the front bumper of the van into a V-shape. At least the crashed van stopped the Gabby well enough. So, in a way, the van brakes worked fine.
"Oh shit…" Sun groaned as he opened his door. He was still feeling whiplash form the crash, so he didn't much as step out of the car as much as flop onto the pavement. Neptune nearly mirrored Sun, except that he managed to catch himself on the door in time.
Wheezing, Sun hauled himself to his feet and stumbled over to the side of the crashed van. Meanwhile, Neptune managed to steady his stance and lean over back into the Gabby. Reaching over, he grabbed the radio receiver and began to call in their position.
Sun leaned over to look into the now shattered passenger-side window. He hoped that Kira was still alive. Otherwise, this whole chase would be worth nothing. He needed to figure out what the deal was with this White Fang guy!
Kira was found groaning, lying down on across the van's now flipped over wall. Sun breathed a sigh of relief. He was still alive. But, if Kira was going to stay that way, he needed an ambulance. Now that Sun thought about it, he could probably use one too. That crash must've hit him hard, because it felt like a bomb just exploded behind his eyes.
Sighing, Sun leaned against the side of the van and slid to the ground. He felt much better sitting down. In fact, he could probably stay this way for a while. He was done with police work today. He could really, really use a break. Man, he felt tired.
As his eyelids fluttered, Sun could see Neptune make his way over to his side. "Sun! Sun! The cavalry's on the way, man! Hang in there!" Sun heard Neptune say.
"Dude…" Sun groaned, motioning for Neptune to come closer.
"What man?! Stay with me!" Neptune cried, hunching over to face his friend.
Sun gave a weak smile. "We're fuckin' cops…"
At that, Sun promptly fainted, his body strained from all the quick excitement (and the blow to his head didn't help). He really should have braked earlier. But, on the plus side, the duo of Sun and Neptune finally caught a (probably) high-value perp.
Shit just got real. They were really in the cop life now.
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Who doesn't like a good car chase? Even if it's with shitty vans? And, hey now, now the plot lines are beginning to weave together! I wonder where this could lead… I know where, but I'm not telling you. You'll just have to read more to find out. Oh, and be sure to leave a friendly review before you go!
This is The Draigg, and I'm biting the dust!