Chapter 8 - Broken

Killua was breathing heavily and staring at the ground, kneeling somewhere on the roof where his fight with Illumi had begun. His clothes were soaked from the downpour he had caused; the cotton of his shirt was clinging to his body, rising and falling with his chest and tattered from the process of the battle. Killua's eyes were shining like sapphires, reflecting the arcs of light dancing wildly around his body. Blue crackle snapped, sliced and broke the air around him. Blood ran from Killua's mouth where Illumi had landed a hard blow. Killua could taste the blood as it mixed with the rain water, a warm and salty flavour, not entirely unpleasant.

The rain was useful, Killua had realized some time ago. When he had first discovered he could use his Nen to summon a storm and utilize that power with his body acting like a lightning rod, the rain that came with it seemed to be an objectionable side effect. As it turns out, you can't ask the sky for thunder and lightning without getting a little rain; and in Killua's case, he was typically quite demanding of the sky which resulted in a lot of rain. But then he realized he could add current to the droplets of rain sending down a hail of electricity on unsuspecting foes. Killua could also charge pools of water that gathered on the ground, creating a battlefield full of electric land mines. There were endless possibilities of how he could meld the water with charge and use it as a weapon, he knew he was only scratching the surface of what he might someday be able to accomplish. The only downside was, he would always get very, very wet. It's a fair price to pay, Killua figured.

But Illumi had shrugged off the electric hail and had been simply tickled by the electrified water on the ground, giggling a little as he walked through a large puddle. So these two techniques weren't helping Killua at all in this fight. He was just now witnessing the true depth of his brothers skill and power.

Killua looked up, he could see Illumi standing a fair distance away, hand still outstretched from his most recent attack, a constellation of Nen needles that Killua had barely managed to dodge with his Godspeed. Illumi's pitch black hair was blowing wildly in the wind; even though it must have been thoroughly drenched from the torrential rains it somehow maintained a graceful weightlessness. Killua found it remarkable that even though he was using his Godspeed, Illumi was almost able to keep up at every turn. Killua had known he would not be able to match Illumi in the area of raw strength, but he assumed that he would definitely have a great advantage when it came to speed. The fact was, he no longer had a time limit on his Godspeed and could now maintain it for long periods of time; the lightning in the sky providing an unlimited charge, so long as Killua's body could handle it. But he was coming to the realization that his speed advantage was only very slight and practically made irrelevant by Illumi's cunning battle experience. It was a realization that had likely come too late.

"You are simply delaying the inevitable," Illumi shouted through the rain, retracting his hand from the throwing position it had lingered in and leaving it by his side. "Come to me, Killua, give up. You cannot defeat me, I will end you quickly and without pain," Illumi's flat emotionless voice had returned for the moment. He immediately leaped into the air, one knee up by his chest as he threw a hand forward in a sweeping arc releasing another barrage of Nen needles charged like bullets.

Killua barely had time to react, leaping sideways to dodge the needles and then backwards just in time as Illumi followed up with a secondary attack; dropping his raised knee to the ground, shattering concrete where Killua had been just a fraction of a second ago. Illumi stood up calmly, debris falling from the knee he had just hauled from the indent in the roof, completely unscathed.

"Is that all you can do, Killua? Run away? I thought you had learned to overcome your fear of opponents who were stronger than you," Illumi said, his voice carrying a hint of sarcasm.

"That's not true!" Killua screamed back, defiant. "I'm not running away, I'm facing reality for the first time, I've learned to accept my feelings for Gon as something I can't run away from. That's why I'm going to face him, this one last time. I have also learned that I am not afraid of you, big brother!" He hurled those last words like a knife, aiming for the heart. Killua saw a small flicker of anger in Illumi's dark eyes and was satisfied that the effect had not been entirely lost on him. I've been buying time, hoping I could think of a way out, spot a weakness in his form, but there's nothing! I barely have enough time to dodge his attacks, let alone counterattack. I've tried my Thunderbolt and Thunderpalm and he easily deflects them. He's always one step ahead of me, even though I'm technically faster it doesn't matter, he knows where I'll end up. Killua's thoughts were running wild, he was thinking through every possible scenario and still could find no way out. If this wasn't the most important moment in his short life, he might have taken the time to be impressed. Shit! I hate you Illumi, even now you're denying my freedom. Denying the freedom to choose how I want to die! I won't let this happen. No, this time, I'm not giving up, you cannot take this from me, Illumi! With that last thought, Killua had made a decision.

"Illumi!" Killua shouted to his older brother who was staring directly at him. "Let's see you block this, asshole!" Killua knew he was on the verge of losing his chance, the chance to see Gon one last time, the chance to free himself of all these emotions, expose them to Gon and liberate himself from that prison. If he couldn't stop Illumi, that chance was gone. To risk his own life now, it was nothing, his life already hung in the balance of this battle.

Killua stood up straight with his feet shoulder width apart and raised his hands to the sky, palms facing upward. The rain ran down his arms and over his body like a flood, his clothes now like a second skin. The only thing not affected by the downpour was his hair which still shot upwards in jagged spikes. He could almost laugh, this technique had all the flaws of Gon's Jajanken; it required a long charge time and was painfully obvious. It also used up an enormous amount of aura, if not all of it, just like the Jajanken. To miss with this was to lose the battle. Killua was taking a risk and betting that his brothers ego would prevail. Illumi would want to be steadfast and prove that any and all of Killua's efforts were in vain. At least, that's what he was counting on. But this time, brother, your ego is going to be your downfall, I'm not holding anything back, and this is far more powerful than a Jajanken. Killua's resolve was set.

"What exactly are you doing with your hands, are you praying, Kill-chan?" Illumi said with a small chuckle. He had moved into a defensive posture. Killua was right, Illumi planned to block this.

Killua refused to answer Illumi's question and began to charge his final attack. He knew there was no turning back from this, just using it might be suicide at this point; but if anything was going to take down Illumi, it was The Hand of God.

Blue electricity flowed in a uniform pattern up around his body in a seemingly endless stream starting at his feet and gathering in the palms of his hands. The wind picked up and followed the same direction, it whipped and pulled at Killua's clothes causing them to ripple as they tried to pull away but were caught up in his lean figure. His baggy shorts were lifting slightly exposing the impressive thickness that had developed in Killua's thighs. You could see glimpses of his pale skin stretched over muscle like cut marble though tears in the black shirt as it yielded to the wind. At this moment Killua was truly a fearsome yet magnificent sight.

The sky seemed to answer in agreement, bellowing fiercely, splitting the atmosphere in two and causing the roof beneath them to shudder. Lightning intensified, shooting wildly downward and forking in all directions around the tower on top of which they stood. The rays of light reflected off the heavy rain and cast a blueish hue over the city. Killua stood still while a hurricane of wind, water and light erupted in the world around him. Then, he closed his eyes and time froze.

From Killua's perspective it was as if a single second had been expanded into a minute. In this moment, everything was motionless. He no longer felt the rush of electricity, the rain no longer ran down his arms that were reaching to the sky and the sounds of booming thunder had dissolved. Killua could not even hear his own heart beat, it too had paused. Everything hung in the balance of the moment. It was in this void of time that Killua recited the condition that had to be met for him to unleash his power.

Heaven's, give me your light, give me your voice, I am your conduit, we are one.

Killua opened his eyes, they burned with a cerulean luminosity so intense that even Illumi had to use his hands to protect his vision slightly. Killua's body became even more tense, his muscles trembling with the strain as he was being consumed by power, pushed to the limit. All of a sudden the lightning in the sky combined into a pillar of azure radiance that reached toward the upper atmosphere and rested at its base in the palms of Killua's hands. The shaft of light soared upward at a distance further than Heaven's Arena, further than the eye could see, its end point perhaps only visible from space. Killua could see a new expression on Illumi's face, one of genuine surprise, concern and maybe even fear. Killua took some pleasure in the sight.

He slowly brought the palms of his hands together directly above his head and connected his index fingers and thumbs together creating a diamond shape. The power surged more heavily, downwards and into Killua's hands. The pillar was now completely rigid and straight, its flow focused and synchronized. He could see Illumi change his stance just slightly, taking Killua a bit more seriously.

Now! Killua thought, realizing the moment had come to unleash all the wrath that had collected above him. He swiftly brought his hands holding their diamond shape out in front of his chest, arms rigid and aimed directly at Illumi. The beam of light emptied itself directly into Killua's body and instantly his aura flared out tremendously almost engulfing half the entire roof, wild blue crackling all around.

"Hand of God!" Killua screamed in a voice that roared as if amplified by a chorus of thunder. All of the power that had gathered in that shaft of light stretching impossibly into the sky above rushed forth from his hands in a beam so wide and dense that it was impossible to dodge. The pain Killua felt now was unimaginable. He had asked for everything and the sky had granted it. Killua knew that he likely had over a hundred billion volts running through his body and the fact that he had not yet turned to ash was astonishing. The energy surged through his blood, boiling it, burning at the walls of his veins, threatening to explode outward and obliterate him entirely. It was as if the sun itself had reached out and wrapped Killua up in a solar flare. Killua screamed in pain, tears not even able to form as moisture could not survive this heat. Yet something drove his body to hang on, his aura keeping him just on the verge of destruction. Killua willed the power forth, through his hands, forcing the energy, the electricity and all of the heat outward toward Illumi. He was not going to be denied.

"Die!" Killua screamed through the pain.

The beam of lightning rushed forward at an impossible speed. Killua held his palms out, unrelenting, the flow of energy endless. Then, he saw his brother react. Illumi crossed his arms over his chest and formed his hands into fists. His aura oozed outwards into an opaque sphere around him, droplets of rain bounced off the black shell, unable to enter. His hair spread out within the black sphere in a fan like shape behind him. No matter existed within the spheroid darkness, except for Illumi and those liquid black eyes. They were cold and staring straight back at Killua through the light rushing towards him. They were angry.

And then the beam hit and the world went dark. The sound of the impact plunged the city like an earthquake. Buildings trembled, nearby panes of glass shattered and rain water exploded outward from the force of it all. Killua was knocked back, tumbling over and over. He dug his sharp nails into the rooftop, pulling up shards of concrete while sliding on one knee and just barely managed to stop before falling over the edge. His body was in a terrible state, he could hardly lift himself off the ground and had settled onto his knees. He couldn't breathe for a moment, it seemed as though there was no air left in the world. The force of his attack had created a temporary vacuum in space burning the oxygen away. His aura was almost completely depleted. He only had enough left for maybe one burst of Godspeed, but that was it. He knelt there panting as the air flooded in and steam rose from the rooftop; the heat generated by the explosion had vaporized the moisture. Killua waited, hoping the steam would clear and reveal a charred corpse that had once been his older brother. Everything was silent, there was no rain, there was no thunder or lightning, the sky was calm as Killua could no longer summon the storm. He was completely and utterly depleted.

Silence.

Killua's eyes strained through the fog, yet he saw nothing. Could Illumi have been vaporized as well? What was that black sphere he had seen at the last moment as his attack had charged toward Illumi? Could that have done anything?

"Killua," came a soft voice, like an apparition in the fog.

Killua could still see nothing. Am I hearing things? Did that surge of of power drive me mad?

Killua continued to peer into the steam and then he saw something. A dark shadow began to form amidst the grey wall of mist. It spoke and with each word Killua's heart drowned deeper and deeper into despair.

"Killua. Do you have any idea how long it took me to grow that hair? My beautiful, long black hair. It was perfect, it was mother's favourite. Now look at me!" Illumi screamed the last words and appeared suddenly, leaping through the barrier of fog and landing before Killua. His hair was charred leaving only tufts of it protruding from his scalp. His clothes were ragged and burnt. The damage was superficial but nothing about Illumi was now familiar except for his eyes which were still shimmering pools of black oil. "Look at what you did to me you brat!"

Illumi reached out once again and grabbed Killua by the neck, lifting him up from his knees and into the air, choking the life out of him. His grip was ten times stronger than it had been before and he stared directly into Killua's eyes. There was no mercy in Illumi's eyes anymore, that was gone. His expression was one of cruelty, he would make this hurt.

Illumi loosened his grip just slightly while speaking, "I'm going to hold you here, choking you slowly, as my fist crushes the life from the rest of your body. When every bone is broken, every muscle torn, only then will I allow the rest of the air to leave your body. Oh and don't think you'll pass out on me, Kill-chan, I'll be keeping you alive with my Nen needles. I'll make sure you feel every second of this for what you've done!"

Killua had never felt so alone and afraid. He was going to die, like this, never to see Gon again, never to be able to confess his feelings and show Gon the pain he had caused him. Worst of all, it would be Illumi, the same brother that tortured him throughout his young life would be torturing him out of it. Killua let his head fall forward, relenting and giving in to Illumi's grasp, defeated. I have nothing left. I can't do anything! This keeps happening, I can't do anything! I'm so fucking useless! Killua's thoughts began the torture that he knew would only get worse once Illumi began.

It was only a moment later that Killua realized what was happening. He felt cold hard concrete against his cheek. His body was flush with the surface. The ground? Killua thought, what am I doing on the ground, did Illumi throw me down? Does he plan to smash my bones here? Killua struggled to raise himself to his hands and knees, expecting a hard blow to meet his attempt and send his teeth into the roof. But nothing came. Nothing but a voice, one that Killua could not have expected to hear in this moment, not in a million years.

"Go! Now, Killua!" The voice was clear and urgent.

Killua looked up, completely dazed and what he saw confirmed his wildest expectations. Hisoka was down on one knee beneath Illumi's arm, the one that had been outstretched and holding Killua in the air. Hisoka was holding onto the hand that Illumi had been choking Killua with, pulling it downward and over Hisoka's other arm which was raised above his head, forearm to the sky like a brace. Illumi's arm was bent at the elbow in an unnatural direction. Hisoka had swiftly and violently broken Illumi's arm.

"Killua, do not make me regret this decision. Stop staring and go!" Hisoka yelled.

Illumi was searching wildly, his eyes like a feral beasts unable to understand why his prey was no longer within grasp. "H-Hisoka, what are you…" but he couldn't finish the sentence.

Hisoka had stood up letting go of Illumi's shattered arm and grabbed the clothes at his chest, pulling Illumi close. Killua could only see Hisoka's back as the jester whispered something into Illumi's ear. The look of horror on Illumi's face told Killua that whatever it was, he didn't need to know.

I don't know what Hisoka is doing or why but I'm not going to ask. This is my chance, I have to take it, Killua decided. He summoned the very last of his aura to ignite his Godspeed and leapt off the roof in a flash over and down to the balcony gardens where he was scheduled to meet Gon, just in time.