Cullen was screaming inside his own head. There was a war between his moments of lucidity and the times when he was completely wrapped up by the whispering singing in his ears.
The confusion in between was worst of all. He couldn't quite remember what he'd done when the haunting song swept him away. Fragments of time were clouded in his memory, like something just out of his reach. He was afraid, but never for long before the singing filled him again and made him forget his fears.
In a rare moment of clarity, he knew he had to tell Trev what he was experiencing and he had to do it fast before the thought slipped his mind again. He was so unsure of what was happening, everything was a blur, but he knew he needed to tell her. He wouldn't be able to do his job as Commander like this, and she was bound to see that something was wrong with him sooner or later.
It was a cold evening the night Cullen hurried to Trev's quarters. The chill mountain air sent shivers through him and he quickened his step, wishing to be in her warm arms instead of out here. He dreaded seeing her reaction to what he was about to tell her, but it had to be done.
He knocked at her door but there was no answer. He entered anyway, making his way up the stairs, stumbling as he felt the volume of the whispers increase in his head. He tried to focus, to fight the urge to let it soothe him. He needed Trev, not this Maker-forsaken singing.
Andraste, he needed her. Needed her so bad, so bad.
He stumbled into her bedroom and found her sitting in front of the fireplace, her chin on her knees. Her head snapped up when she noticed him.
"Why are you here? You've made it very clear..." She stopped mid-sentence when he fell to his knees before her. Her eyes widened as she saw him put his head in his hands.
"No, no, no... Stop... No more, please just be quiet, I need to talk to her..." he whispered, shaking his head hard.
She sprang to her feet, weary now. "Who... are you talking to, Cullen?"
"Trev, please, I need to – arghh!"
His ears were ringing, the song so loud now, pushing him into the floor. Trev gasped and hurried up to him. She tried to put his hands on him but he screamed and he scrambled backwards, using every ounce of his willpower to back away from her. He pushed his back into the wall.
"No! It doesn't want you near me. It wants to hurt you." He stared at her, barely seeing her through the blue flames that was gathering around her, growing thicker with each second. Her expression was shocked and helpless. "Please, Trev, get away from here... I can't fight it much longer. It wants me, Maker!"
"Cullen, what is going on? What is happening to you?!" Her voice was panicked, and Cullen wanted nothing more than to comfort her, but the whispers tried to push their way in and he wanted to hurt her at the same time. He bit down hard into his fist to try to fight the repulsive thoughts that tried to enter his mind. He fought harder than ever before in his life, harder even than when he'd been trapped by desire demons in Ferelden's circle. Images flashed through his mind. He suddenly remembered how he'd betrayed her with that girl outside the stables, how he'd kissed her even after Trev had found them – no. That was nothing compared to the things that tried to force their way into his mind now. His very soul fought what the whispers tried to tell him.
Kill her. She's in the way. Kill her, kill her now and no one will know.
Cullen screamed out loud - he screamed and screamed, Trev jumping back in surprise.
"NO! You will never make me hurt her! Never!"
He forced himself up, fighting so hard against whatever it was trying to control him.
I would rather die than hurt her.
Trev had backed herself up against the wall, shock, confusion and tears messing up her usually royal and beautiful face. She stared at Cullen, frozen while he took one agonizing step forward after the other.
"Cullen? Where are you going?" she whispered, and when he didn't stop, she yelled it at him.
He turned to look at her, the war in his mind evident in his expression. He looked so infinitely sad.
"I love you, always, no matter what. Don't..." His voice broke down, tears forcing their way out of his eyes. He fixed her with his gaze and she could only stare back at him. "Don't you ever forget that," he wispered. He turned and resumed his course.
When she seemed to realize where he was headed, it was too late. His slow, laboured moves were replaced by something so fast she couldn't even see what was happening until it was too late. He ran towards the balcony and threw himself over the railing, accompanied by Trev's shattering scream.