With not much else to do with his time, Cullen spent his days exploring Skyhold. He wandered its halls and always found himself somewhere new, in some little store room he hadn't been in before or in a part of the battlements he hadn't come across earlier.

He was glad that his supposed home was so big. He couldn't imagine just sitting there without anything to do at all. The Inquisitor had explained to Cullen that Cassandra had taken over his duties for the time being, until he recovered. Apparently, the Seeker had been acting Commander even before the accident that claimed his memory happened, though no one told him what had occured before that. Nothing good, he gathered as much from the averted gazes that met him whenever he tried to ask someone about it.

They had told him about some things, though. Of the monster Corypheus, how they'd run the Inquisition and finally defeated him. Ancient darkspawn Tevinter magister. Cullen shook his head in disbelief when he first heard it. But any personal details were sparse. The healer had explained to him that it was best avoided so he could regain his memory on his own accord but it was so frustrating. He'd already lost count of the times that people were about to tell him something but then stopped themselves, an uncomfortable silence following.

He tried really hard to remember but it was like a huge, thick wall in his mind and everything behind that wall was pitch black. Nothing jogged his memory – not the people he met, or the places he wandered in Skyhold. It wasn't really that bad for him personally, he couldn't miss what he didn't know. The worst thing was the disappointment in the eyes of the people who accompanied him sometimes. Like when Cassandra had taken time out of her busy schedule to spar with him in the training yard, or when the Tevinter mage called Dorian played chess with him. He could see it in their eyes – how he crushed their hope that their actions would be familiar to him.

The only one who didn't look disappointed in him was the Inquisitor herself. Her face was the epitome of neutrality when they spoke. He supposed he had been friends with the others on a more personal level than he was with her, which was expected of course. She was Inquisitor and he Commander. There could be room for nothing more than the camaraderie of working with each other through a war.

Despite his rational thoughts on the matter, he couldn't help wondering what their relationship had been like. He must have felt something for her before, working so close to her. He had only known her for a few days now but his thoughts kept returning to her time and time again. He saw her face when he closed his eyes at night, that marvellous, breathtaking beauty impossible not to think about. Not to mention when he saw her around or when she actually talked to him. He tried not to stare at her, tried not to imagine what it must feel like to run his hands through her silky, blond hair. Tried so, so hard not to think about what her full, rosy lips would feel like againt his own.

He definitely must have felt this way before as well. But he couldn't read her like he could others. Either she was very talented at guarding her emotions or he was blinded by his attraction to her. He wanted to ask someone if they knew anything about how she had acted with him before the accident but decided against it. He didn't know how to ask without feeling like a complete idiot for implying that the Inquisitor might have cared for him. Besides, they had all told him to keep to himself for the most part. Most people didn't know that he'd lost his memory and for the sake of the Inquisition, it was better that it stayed that way.

One day when he was wandering about aimlessly, he saw the Inquisitor walking somewhere and before he knew what he was doing he followed her. His heart beat ridiculously hard in his chest as he watched her regal movements through the courtyard and on towards the stables. People moved out of the way for her and bowed their heads in respect as she passed and she returned all their mumbled "Inquisitor" and "Your Worship" with a dazzling smile and a nod of her own. Cullen felt like an idiot when he realized how much he would give for her to smile at him like that.

She slowed when she approached the stables and he saw her stop completely in front of a splendid war horse. It looked like it was her own, the way she stroked it and spoke to it softly.

He was just about to announce himself when he heard her sigh and speak more clearly, still to the horse.

"What are we going to do about the Commander, hm? This is all such a mess..."

Cullen felt his stomach drop. He must be a nuicance, of course he was. He was the Commander of the Inquisiton, and here he was, useless and damaged with nothing better to do than to walk around Skyhold each day, as far from productive as he could possibly be. He felt ashamed of himself. He turned to leave when he heard a surprised gasp from behind.

"Cullen! I didn't hear you enter."

Shit, she'd noticed him. He turned around to face her and was once again awestruck by her appearence. She wore her light armor with a green cloak slung over her shoulders. Her long braid tumbled down the side of her shoulder, as always when she was...

As always?

Cullen felt a shock go through him when he realized the implications. This was the first time anything had felt familiar to him.

He must have looked as shocked as he felt as the Inquisitor stepped closer to him, her face worried. "Are you alright, Commander?"

"Yes, better than alright actually. I mean, this might be nothing but... you always do your hair like that when you're in your armor, right? More practical for any fights that might be coming?"

He could see the light in her eyes flicker to life as he spoke.

"Yes! Do you remember?"

He shook his head. "Not really, it was more of a feeling, a stray thought. I just knew you always do your hair like that when you're in armor."

He almost yelped in surprise when she took his hand in hers and dragged him out of the stables.

"Where are we going, Inquisitor?"

"Don't worry, nowhere drastic. Come with me."

That was not a request she ever had to make. He would follow her anywhere. He couldn't explain why, he just knew he would.

She walked up the stone steps towards the battlements, her hand still in his. He swallowed hard as he became acutely aware of the physical contact. She felt so warm and alive against his skin. She kept walking up, turning back from time to time, flashing him that smile he'd desperately wanted before. His knees felt weak when she looked at him like that.

They stood in front of a door outside a tower up on the battlements when she stopped.

"Do you know what this is?" she asked, her face expectant.

"This is my office." He was afraid to let her down as well, just like the others, but then he felt her hand squeeze his reassuringly and she smiled at him again. "But I don't remember myself, Cassandra showed me."

She only nodded, not a trace of disapointment in her face. "I know. But have you looked upstairs yet?"

"Upstairs?"

She laughed softly. "Yes, in your bedroom."

She opened the door and closed it again behind them. The office was deserted.

"It's odd, you know," she said. He felt a little disappointed as she let go of his hand and started to wander around the room.

"What is?"

"This place is usually bustling with people. I'm used to coming in here, finding you standing over your desk, handing out orders to your people, signing reports, things like that. I don't think I've ever seen it so empty before." She ran her fingertips delicately over the surface of the desk. "Except maybe when..."

She got a look in her face that almost made him blush without knowing why. Like some distant memory caught her, her eyes sparkling and lips tugging up in the corners of her mouth. He couldn't stop staring at her or the way she ran her fingers over the desk. He didn't know what possessed him but he walked up to her slowly, her back turned to him as she was lost in her memory. He was so close to her now that he would touch her if he reached out just a little. He leaned in and felt her scent fill his nostrils. It was intoxicating.

He had to clear his throat before he asked her in a low, hoarse voice: "Except when?"

She gasped and twirled around, backing herself up against the desk with him mere inches away from her. He could see her losing that carefully guarded expression she always sported. He didn't move away, he saw her eyes burn when she looked at his face. He leaned in even closer to her and she didn't back away this time. His lips hovered so close to hers, he lost sight of everything else. All his nervous, rational thoughts went flying out the window as he noticed how she responded to him. She licked her lips and he could feel her breath against his skin, heavy and ragged now. He put his hands on either side of her at the desk and her eyes widened when his leg accidentally brushed against hers. Against all his better knowledge, he could swear he had the same effect on her that she had on him, however impossible it might seem to him. There was no denying it as he had her almost pinned against the desk, her lips parted, her breathing hitched and her eyes wide with lust.

Emboldened by her reactions, he moved one of his hands to cover hers and she gasped yet again as they touched. He intertwined their fingers and he ran them along the edge of the desk. Her eyes followed their movements, mesmerized, until he reached up with his other hand to caress her cheek. His fingertips felt like they were on fire where he touched the soft skin on her and her head snapped back to his face, her incredible, glowing eyes fixated on his. He tilted his head forward and he felt her whole form tremble when his lips brushed her ear.

"Please... tell me. What's so special about this desk?"