He was talking more now. It had gone two days. He usually never felt so fine on the second day, it gave me some hope. This time had to be the time he would make it. This was day one. The day every drug addicts dream about. The first day of a clean life. I wanted him to have a life worth living. I knew him before he was ruined by drugs. Before he turned in to this hollow person, nothing but a shell. It's too late to change the past; it'll always be what it is. Always. It's a scary idea, but it's the truth. "Hey! Why don't you take a shower?" I asked. He didn't move. "You're smelly, okey?" I poked him and he let out a un just to let me know he was alive. It didn't seem like he felt for a shower. "Are you hungry then?" He turned around lying on his back. "You know what would have been good?" A smile crept on his tired face. He liked his lips and closed his eyes. I was now quite curious of what he was going to say. "Carrots and dip." He started laughing and rolled over on his stomach. He literally laughed himself to sleep because he went quiet. Maybe I should get what he wanted, but I was far interested in my book.
After ten minutes or so he opened his eyes. So he hadn't been sleeping. "Aren't you going to get it?" He tried to sound hurt, but I've been living with this man for a while now. "I'm not leaving you alone. The first thing you'll do is run to the streets to get your drugs." He didn't talk more to me that day. He had learned that I know him too well. Was he frightened by the idea?
"When did you get the money for this?" I looked at the dress Deidara had given me. He just gave a sly smile and didn't answer. I know he was high because he didn't notice me pinching him. "You didn't remove the price tag, where did you get the money for a 200 dollar dress?" I was getting worried that he had started stealing by now. Not the pity theft he had been doing. Something bigger, more serious. Still he was giving me that smile. "Can't you just say thank you and be happy? Hm?"
I had later learned that it had been what you can call his first day at work. He was using more or less all time now. It wasn't once in a while to feel better anymore. I had been so disgusted when I found out. How could anyone do something like that? The answer was quite simple I would learn, from the love of yourself or someone else. It might have been both for me. He kept buying me stuff when he was high. He spent the money he needed for his next shoot on me. I never asked him to. I was often useless thing, like set of tiny tea cups. I also needed the money for school. I rarely ever show up, but I make sure it's enough to pass. I still have a clean record and high grades so they have nothing on me. I don't remember what gave the idea to start, but I still remember the first night. I didn't want to sleep with anyone yet then. I had never done it and I didn't want my first time to be sold. I had only used my hands. It didn't pay well, 40 dollar, judging by the car I had lost my soul in, he was rich. It doesn't matter if they're rich. The only thing that matters is what they pay you. You can be lucky or hardly get anything at all. As long as the money is on the nightstand, or somewhere you can reach, everything goes. I had been burnt on that enough times now.
"Why do you have to fucking follow my path?" Itachi must have told him. I wonder if they ever had a relationship. More than junkie and customer. Deidara still needed the money for his drugs, but had there ever been feelings involved from both parts? I had tag on yesterday. None of us minded. Itachi had food and a soft couch. Most importantly, his home smelled clean, like lemons. We had stayed up talking while Deidara was sleeping. What I have been up to the few last night must have slipped out. Itachi didn't mind backstabbing me since he was jealous of me. "I'm not on heroin, and I'm not fucking anyone for money like you!" I screamed out. I bet most of the people living at the orphanage heard me. If he still had the ability to feel ashamed I had killed it.
When Deidara got tired of being mad at me he went to the bathroom. He took my advice on the shower part. Thankfully we had a good view to the bathroom so I would see if he made a run for it. He didn't bother getting dressed or even dried off when he came back. He started walking around the room thinking. Thumb under chin and fingers resting on his lips. Deep in thought, I bet he wouldn't even notice if he dropped his towel. "Deidara…?" He didn't even look at me. He didn't notice me talking to him I think. What he was thinking about I don't know. After a while he started having trouble walking. His feet were shaking and couldn't support his weight. Today he hadn't screamed out of pain even once. I knew that the shaking and twitching was painful. Today he was calmer. He drank a bottle of wine looking over at me with a cold murderous glare. I didn't say anything, it wasn't worth it. He was mad. Saying anything would have angered him. Why risk it when he would have forgotten it the next week anyway.