We're both looking for something
We've been afraid to find
It's easier to be broken
It's easier to hide
Looking at you, holding my breath,
For once in my life, I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance, letting you inside.
Feeling alive all over again,
As deep as the sky, under my skin
Like being in love, she says
For the first time
Maybe I'm wrong,
But I'm feeling right where I belong
With you tonight
Like being in love
To feel for the first time - Lifehouse
Eric POV
Sookie's words repeat in my head, as they have many times before but this time it is because they are good words and not haunting ones. These are words I want to hear over and over again. The happiness I feel from her in our bond is something I want to always feel coming from her, which is why I choose my next words carefully. I feel the need to say them, to make sure that this is what she wants.
"Sookie, I would like nothing more than to complete the bond with you. You have shown me that I am capable of being happy, of being loved and showing love and for that, I am beyond thankful. I would like nothing else than to be one with you."
"Why do I sense a 'but' coming on?" she asks.
"Because I just want to make sure, I need to make sure that you are making this decision for no other purpose than that you want to. I need to know that none of the threats to us are coming into play with your decision. I need to know that this is your choice, what you want."
She looks right at me but for once her face gives nothing away. I am also not sure how to take the emotions I feel coming from the bond I have with her, the bond that hopefully she will still wish to complete tonight. I am worried that I have done something, said something wrong. I am filled with a momentary panic that I have managed to change her mind. That is the absolute opposite of what I intended my words to do.
"My darling, little vampire," Sookie says. Those words could have been condescending but they are not. With Sookie they are soft and filled with love, and maybe just a little bit of laughter, which leaves me hoping that I did not completely ruin the evening. "I'd be mad at you if I didn't know that you were saying this because you love me."
I try to say something but a finger to my mouth, silences me. "Don't you dare try and apologize. You have nothing to apologize for," she tells me before replacing her lips with her fingers and giving me a soft kiss. "You never have to apologize for loving me. That's why you want to make sure this is what I want. This is why you need to make sure I am not doing this in a panic of what threats may be coming."
Relief fills me as I hear her words and realize that she understood why I said them. It is not because I doubt Sookie; I do not doubt her feelings for me. I just need to make sure those feelings are the only things that are influencing her decision.
"Do you want to complete the bond with me?" she asks.
"Never doubt that," I tell her and the smile is back on her face. I feel the smile that appears on mine as I take hers in.
"Do you want to complete the bond because you love me or because of all of the threats surrounding us?"
I do not hesitate to tell her the truth. "Because I love you."
"So why do you worry that it is not the same for me."
I think over her words and I know she appreciates me giving them thought, especially given that they are correct. I have no doubts that Sookie loves me as well as I have no doubts that it is for that love that she wants to complete the bond. I just felt the need to make sure, to double check so to speak. So I tell her that and she smiles in understanding. She lowers herself a bit and rests her head on my chest, her fingers lazily traveling it.
"I know," she tells me. "You always stop and make sure I am okay, that I am all right with things. You know," she says gently. "That's what convinced me to sleep with you the night your amnesia was broken."
"You had to be convinced?" I ask her teasingly trying to keep the conversation focused on whatever she is speaking about. I still have tremendous guilt for what happened next in our story. I have guilt that my insecurities led to poor decisions, which led to the pain of those I love. I doubt the guilt would ever go away completely; instead it serves as a reminder of what to never do again.
Exhibit A – the fact that I am talking, I am communicating, instead of simply jumping on Sookie and making her forget all the words in her gorgeous little head.
"I wouldn't say that I had to be convinced," she says, pinching my side a little. Tease. "I was starting to have doubts. You were hopefully going to be getting your memories back and I didn't want to take advantage of the situation."
"You did not," I reassure her. "I wanted it just as badly as you did. That did not change when I did not have my memories. I was still myself."
"You were. You absolutely were. And it was when you stopped and asked if I was sure that this was okay that made me so sure of it." And her words suddenly make so much more sense. "You want to take care of everyone, Eric. You want to make sure that everyone is safe, that everyone is happy." She picks up her head and looks at me before adding, "It's just one of the many things I love about you."
She crawls a bit up my body and gives me a kiss but pulls away before I can deepen it. "And my love for you is the reason why I want to complete the bond."
And though I admit my first reaction is still to ask her if she's sure again, I swallow it down, though the grin on her face tells me that something must have passed on mine and it did not go unnoticed by her. But that is also when she starts kissing her way down my chest and suddenly I am the one left with no thoughts in my head, only excitement for what is about to come.
Sookie POV
My goal in starting to kiss down Eric's chest is quickly thwarted as he quickly turns the tables and has me on my back with him being the one kissing down my chest. "Ruining my fun," I say in between gasps, as the sensations start to build.
"Just trying to increase both our fun," he says before continuing to kiss down my chest and stomach. But instead of going lower as I try to get his head to do, he starts nipping and licking his way back up. I don't complain however, as I arch up against him as his mouth envelopes my breast. His teeth gently bite the sensitive nipple they find there as his hand spread my lower lips, his fingers always moving but never quite where I need them to be.
I let out a gasp as the teasing finally stops and he slides a finger in as his lips once again find my neck. My hands come up and try to hold his head there as he alternates between sucking and licking but after a few seconds he again starts kissing his way down my neck, down my chest, down my side. I may have complained if I didn't know what his goal was. But there are no complaints from me when his tongue joins his fingers. My hands grip his hair as I hold him to me. Just when I think I can't take anymore he places a gentle bite in a strategic spot and he has to hold my legs down so I don't bounce of the bed as I explode.
Eric presses a kiss to my inner thigh before making his way back up the bed. Taking some hair that had moved onto my face with my motion, he puts it back behind my ear before leaning down and capturing my lips with his.
As he is kissing me, I take a hold of him in my hand, gently running my fingers down the length of him with the lightest of touches. I smile against his lips as a shiver runs through him, pleased that I can get that kind of reaction from him. I keep my hand moving up and down the length of him applying a little more pressure with every stroke. But he doesn't let me for long as he gently pulls my hand away, kissing each one of my fingers when he brings my hand up.
As his other hand appears I my vision, I see that he is holding a small knife, though I have no idea where he got it. As he looks into my eyes, I can see his unasked questions. He wants to again make sure I want this and that I am ready for it. As thankful as I am that he is still 'asking' them, I am also thankful that he doesn't ask them out loud. When I see the smile grace his face I know that my eyes give away my answer.
I wonder if they conveyed the right tone for, "Hell yeah!"
He makes a small cut in his neck and the need for the knife is obvious. I move to where I can slowly lick up his neck before attaching my lips to the wound, grateful for the closeness this position supplies. I can feel him nipping gently at my neck as he also adjusts his body on top of mine. I can feel him, heavy and thick against my thigh and I cannot wait until I feel that inside of me.
He finally bites as he thrusts into me and the sensation of both at once has my eyes rolling back into my head. I see little explosions behind my eyes and I can feel them in my blood, like fireworks in my body. I can feel my body start to hum and sing and I don't know if it is the bond but at the moment, I don't care. Eric starts to slowly pump in and out as he lazily licks at my neck to seal the wounds. He pulls away from me, as I finish lapping up the blood at his neck and for a minute I just look up at this man. I have never felt so safe, so secure, so loved than right here in this moment. Eric's face and eyes are showing all of the emotions that up until a month ago he was denying.
There's no more denial on his face. He is no longer even trying to.
His eyes never leave mine as his thrusts speed up. I arch my back under him, my hips moving in sync with his, him adjusting to add more friction causing my to cry out with almost every thrust. I can feel something building low in my stomach and all it takes is a light touch of his hand that he snakes between our bodies for me to come undone.
Eric, himself finishes with a roar as the fireworks still explode in my head. The last thing I see before everything goes black is the eyes of the man I love telling me just how much he also loves me.
As I come back to myself, I am resting comfortably on Eric's chest again and I feel his hands gently moving through my hair. "I love you, Sookie Stackhouse," he says quietly. "I cannot remember ever feeling this happy."
I am still not able to move that much as the feeling is only starting to return to my body but I manage to find his hand that is not in my hair and squeeze it trying to have him understand all the emotions I am trying to tell him with that squeeze. A kiss to my head leaves me hopeful that he got it.
"I love you too, Eric," I tell him as I finally find words again. And then I tell him one more thing I have thought for a while now but didn't think it was possible based on what he told me about the bond. "I feel you, Eric. I've felt you." I am telling him the truth him speaking the truth. All these months, I've had ghosts of emotions that aren't mine, especially when Eric's were high. I had been able to know, to feel, when he walked into the room, even in the crowded bar area of Fangtasia. That feeling of something being there but incomplete, now feels complete, now feels whole. In fact, it now feels like it is singing with happiness.
His hands still in my hair as he hears my words, causing me to angle my neck so that I can look up at him. His face looks serious for a second and that worries me but it is soon off his face replaced by a smile. "It should not surprise me that you can do what is supposed to be impossible. You have already helped me realize what I had thought to be impossible is anything but. You are special, Sookie. So special."
"You don't doubt my words are because I am just basking in the afterglow of the incredibleness?"
"I do not doubt you," he tells me. "Should you have been able to feel me, to feel the bond before the third and final exchange? No. No human has been able to feel the bond before it was completed. But you are not exactly all human are you?"
I think that over in my head and wonder if my Fae heritage is the reason, but of course I don't know enough to be able to have a definite answer to that thought. After all, for all I know this could be a side effect of my telepathy from my half demon godfather. I have never exactly fit in or have all of the answers for my life. But what I am starting to realize is that I may not need them. They would be nice to have sure, but my life is moving on just fine at this point without them. In the past, I have dwelled on my lack of answers.
Now I have plenty of other, more positive things to dwell on.
"Does the why really matter?" I ask Eric.
"Not to me. What matters to me is that I can feel you, stronger than ever. What matters to me is the connection that I feel between us, the connection that has only gotten stronger, gotten better. What matters is the happiness and peace I feel coming from you," is his response as he moves to lie down on the bed, pulling me down with him. I kiss his chest before laying down on it just enjoying the new feeling I have. My parents did their best to give me a good life with the little amount of time they had with me. My Gran did an amazing job in helping me in all of the ways that she could. But here in Eric's arms as I can feel the connection happily humming between us, I don't feel alone in the world anymore.
As I settle back on his chest, another question springs to my mind. It's not a why question but a when. "When did it change for you?"
"When did what change?"
"When did my happiness start to matter to you? When we first met you wanted to fuck me and that was it. When did that change for you? Now that you know what you feel for me is love, when did you start to feel it?"
He's quiet for a few seconds using the time to search his mind; at least I hope that is what he is using the time for. His hand is back to stroking my hair when he starts to say, "I cannot say for sure when the feeling started. I can tell you when I realized that I had it."
"When?"
"It was in Jackson," he says before pausing. The possibilities of when he could have realized his feelings in Jackson flow through my mind. I know he stopped talking and didn't offer an explanation in case I don't want one, in case I don't want to talk about anything. But I can't hide from anything that happened to me be it good or bad. Our past happens and how we deal with it helps to shape the people we become. If we try and forget or ignore out past, we are also then trying to ignore a part of us. So I repeat my, "When?" letting him know it was okay for us to be discussing this.
"You were at the club there. I remember watching you and wanting you but it was different. I wanted more. I wanted to be the one that made you smile. I wanted to be the one you danced with, you sat with, whose body you wrapped your arms around."
"I didn't know you were watching me that much, that closely," I tell him and I didn't. When he came to me at Alcide's I of course knew he was there and would be but I had no idea he was watching those details.
"I did not plan to be," he tells me. "That should have been my first clue. But when you were hurt, when you were staked," he tells me, his hand rubbing the spot on my thigh where the piece of wood pierced it. "I swear I felt it like the stake had went through my own leg. I felt a terror rush through me that I had not felt in centuries. I was so worried that it would complicate things and that would put you in even more danger. Suddenly, that was the last thing in the world that I wanted."
"You were different after," I say to him. "At Russell's you were different. Granted you still tried to get into my pants, but it was different. The look in your eyes, it was not one that I had seen before, not aimed at me at least." Suddenly his reactions about my attack that I thought I understood knowing the truth about his maker become clearer. Sure what happened to me must have brought back memories of his maker but if he had already cared for me at that point the reactions, how unstable he was during that time, those bloody tears I saw on the pavement make much more sense.
I pick up my head edge myself a up a little bit on the bed so that I could kiss Eric. This kiss starts out soft and sweet with my tongue almost timidly asking for entrance. Eric of course is never one to deny it and soon enough our tongues are dancing together and our gentle waltz soon becomes a quick salsa. Eric moves his body slightly and pulls me up on top of it, never once breaking our connection.
And then Eric lets out a groan and it is definitely not a good groan.
I immediately pull back and roll to the side of him, looking at him in confusion. Before he can say anything though, I hear a voice calling out and I know that suddenly we are not alone. "I am going to finally kill her," Eric says with another groan.
"I'll go get you a stake. You'd miss her though," I tell him with a little laugh. I know he would never hurt Pam and I would never either of course, but that doesn't mean I don't agree with him right about now. And I was hoping to get through one night; I was hoping to get through this special night with no crisis. I didn't think that was asking for too much but Pam's presence is telling me it just may be.
"It would be worth it to be able to have the rest of the night with you," Eric says making sure I am covered with the sheet before letting out his third groan and collapsing back onto the bed. I see why he covered me with a sheet as Pam walks through the bedroom door.
"Pam," I shriek. I know she is close with her maker, hell she's close with me, but this may be crossing a line here. But when the smell of a pizza is enough to make my stomach growl I am not as upset.
Only slightly as not upset.
Pam POV
"I just wanted to make sure it was remembered that one of you is human and needs," she says. "I brought a pizza for you, Sookie."
"Thanks Pam but you know I am a big girl. I would have fed myself."
"I'm not entirely sure of that," I tell her. "At least with the little love fest I have been feeling from you, I doubt your have gotten all your needed nutrients tonight and there is so little of the night left." The looks on their faces tell me that they had no idea the night is almost over. Sookie's face then quickly turns red and I am not sure if she is blushing or angry and that is when I realized, I may have overstepped.
Just maybe.
I mutter a quick apology before making my way out of the bedroom, not wanting to ruin anymore of their evening. I am almost out the door when I feel a hand on my shoulder. "I have never seen you run away," Eric says. "I do not want to see you running away now," he adds before turning and leaving me. His words are telling me to stay, so I stay.
I hear the shower start in their bedroom as I mull over my actions tonight. I am sorry to have barged in and that is not an emotion that I am used to feeling. Eric comes out of the bedroom, having washed quickly but makes his way into the kitchen before coming and sitting down next to me on the couch. He hands me a blood and as he does so I see that he can't even keep the smile off his face. I know I could have waited until tomorrow night to see him, to see them. I also know that if Sookie didn't eat tonight, it wouldn't really of hurt her. But I needed to see this. A bit selfish of me, I know but I needed to see my maker be this happy. I need to see him this at peace. There was no crisis tonight for seemingly the first time in forever and who knows what tomorrow could have brought. I just wanted to see him, to see them happy.
"I am so happy for you, Eric," I tell him. He looks at me at my words. "I have known almost since I awoke as a vampire that you were in pain. It wasn't something that I missed and it was something that both Karin and I hated. We both were waiting for you to be happy, waiting for you to realize how much you are worth. Though I am sorry I interrupted your evening, I will not apologize for being able to see you be this happy," I finish before turning away from him and wiping my eyes.
"Do not apologize Pam," he tells me and I look back to him once I can no longer see the red rings in my eyes. "If I had felt the happiness from you that I feel with Sookie, I would want to see the smile on you face that accompanies that feeling as well. But even though this will always be your home and you will always be welcome here, I think you may need to call before coming over under certain circumstances," he says, his voice teasing.
"Understood," I tell him, clinking our bottles together like the humans always do in out bar.
"Pam," he says and the way he says it lets me know that something serious is about to be said. "I want you to know that if I had not gotten your support throughout our time together, I may not be as happy as I am now. I may have not been able to see it, to understand it, to believe it until Sookie walked into my life but she only supported what you had been telling me for as long as you have been a vampire. You set the foundation for this Pam."
"I don't care how you got here, Eric," I tell him honestly, though his words are very touching. I am glad that he was able to get something out of our conversations. "I just care that you are here, that you are finally here. That you are happy."
"You have given me much joy, Pam. This just adds to it. Sookie just adds to it."
"If you had to pick a breather, I am glad you picked her," I tell him truthfully. Sookie has managed to worm her way into my life as well. It has been a while since I can say I had a friend. I can say that now with her and Thalia.
"I am too," he says with a laugh that I am again happy to see and hear from him. "She is it, Pam. She is it for me and I need to make sure that everyone knows about it."
I gasp as I realize what he is saying. "Eric," I say before stopping because I have no other words.
"Yes Pam," he says to me. "I want to pledge. I want to pledge my life to her."
I am filled with excitement of planning for all of this and excitement for what it means for Eric. I have waited years, centuries for him to heal from what he suffered at the hands of Appius. This is the epitome of that. But before I can say anything else I hear a confused voice call out from the doorway, "Uh guys. What's a pledge?"
Oh this is going to be so much fun.
Well you were waiting for it, dear readers and I sure hope that you enjoyed it. This chapter is a big one for so many reasons, some less obvious than others and I am sure looking forward to see what you caught and what you thought of it all. A few of you were thinking that Sookie would ask for a pledge at the end of the last chapter – well, it was on someone's mind ;).
As always, thanks for taking the time to read and an additional thanks for those taking the time to leave your thoughts. I really do appreciate and am glad you are enjoying it.
Jsm88 – Thanks so much for letting me know you enjoyed the last chapter. Hope you liked this one too.
Jackie69 – Thanks so much for your kind words. I really appreciated them. Yes, Victor is a big problem and needs to be taken out – carefully.