===== begin transcription =====
Ahem hm. Hem. Is- is this thing working? Ugh, still? I swear I- wait, yes! There it is! I knew I could do it!
Yes, hello. This is the personal log of the Pearl, entry one. Created, I might add, at Steven's behest, to-
Sigh.
-to "relieve the swirling vortex of tension pulling me into sadville." That- that last part was a quote, does this thing understand that?
Anyway, the very notion that an emotional state like tension, which is usually induced by a complex combination of stressing factors, can be relieved by simply stating my thoughts out loud is preposterous.
But, here I am.
Last week I came to the conclusion that Steven requires a conventional, human-based Earth education. I then remembered that us gems are far more qualified to teach Steven, and that the very thought of leaving his young, impressionable mind in the hands of those... those clowns in Beach City is, quite frankly, horrifying.
The realization arose when Steven and his friend, Connie, were having some sort of... contest of intelligence. Though the rules could hardly decide a winner in any objective sense. They took turns asking each other questions, and whenever one of them answered a question incorrectly they had to...
Gulp.
...take a drink of milk and eat an entire cookie. I don't know how they can manage! All that grinding and the mush and- oh! I can't even bear to think of it! Of course, I tried to warn them of the dangers of over consumption in humans. After all, an average human adult can only hold about one liter of food in their stomach at any one time, and Steven is far from being an adult. Or being average, for that matter. Unfortunately, my warnings went unheeded once again and, given Steven's lack of conventional human education, he, predictably, lost. In fact, he lost all over the front porch. At least Amethyst agreed to clean it up, since she was the one who egged them into doing it in the first place.
Then, the most amazing thing happened. Steven actually said- a-ahem. Hem. "Aw, man! I wish I could be all smart like Connie!"
Oh my, that was a terrible impression of Steven. Luckily this can't transcribe tone or pitch... can it?
Oh whatever, what matters is that Steven wants to be educated! Not that those were his exact words, mind you, but 'being smart' does not come instantly. I, of course, was in full support of the idea. We don't want Steven to be left behind by his human peers and all of their Earth knowledge, after all. But perhaps being smart like Connie is aiming a little too low. Oh, that was rude, wasn't it? What I mean is that we gems have enormous pools of knowledge to draw from. Why shouldn't someone be allowed to take a small sip every once in a while?
Thus, it has been my labor in the past week to identify and distribute an appropriate range of topics, both defined in standardized Earth educational settings and from mission-relevant information, for Garnet, Amethyst, and I to teach to Steven.
Naturally, many of the more advanced topics, including biology, chemistry, physics, philosophy, and mathematics have been assigned to me. Garnet seems satisfied with the more... physical topics of education. I suppose some small amount of combat training would be beneficial, considering how many deadly, deadly creatures Steven ends up in front of or behind of or... inside of. A small amount. Oh, Garnet better not overwork him! She knows how he gets when he's tired and I am not making a pile of extra meals every single week because-
Hooo. Breath. It will be fine. Garnet is focused and responsible. Amethyst, on the other hand... pfah! I'm not sure she even knows what focus and responsibility are! Oh, haha! That was a good one... but I shouldn't use this log for jokes.
But it's not like I, Pearl, am any better. I like to roll around in the mud and oink like a pig-
Amethyst! You know the holorecorder transcribes everything dictated to it! How did you even get in here? No, it doesn't matter just... just go!
Hahaha, have fun reading that later! Wap wap!
Ugh. I swear, that girl...
I informed everyone of my regular log dictation schedule, as per Steven's request, so as to secure a measure of privacy in my room! She knows she's not allowed to-
Oh. I see. By failing to factor in Amethyst's annoying nature, I doomed my own venture before it began.
Sigh.
My attempts to teach Steven, thus far, have had... mixed results. I underestimated the effects that withholding him from a standard education would have. There are substantial gaps of elementary understanding in almost every topic that must be identified and dealt with before he can be truly educated. For example, how will he ever learn to do something as simple as calculating the induced electromotive force in a closed circuit if he can't even take a surface integral? Oh, but should we even be teaching him the human way of doing things? No offense to mister Michael Faraday or his laws, but there are parallel equations of gem origin that would, no doubt, be of more use.
And these textbooks that I picked up from the library simply do not connect with him. None of them successfully capture Steven's attention for more than ten minutes before he's off reading one of Connie's books or playing a videogame or... eating. Ugh. Never will I understand the act of eating as a recreational activity. The only book he seemed to be interested in was that... what was it called? Electricity and magnetism for kids? Yes, that one. It was actually quite the comprehensive beginner's primer for electromagnetism- as it's understood on Earth. But there were so many distracting pictures and limericks and... and there was even a performable play for children in the middle. A play! I mean, what sort of textbook has educational plays about subatomic particles?
The book was, however, quite effective at tricking Steven into learning. He even understands that some particles have charge now! Not that he knows exactly what a particle is, but he knows some of them have charge. Unfortunately, the cost of such knowledge is that we, the Crystal Gems, sworn guardians of this planet, have to, um-
Ahem. Hem.
We have to put on a play. For the whole town, if Steven gets his way, though I have entered negotiations with him and may appeal for a smaller audience. It's not quite how I wanted to spend our teaching efforts, but, if that's what Steven wants...
Anyway, due to the success of 'electricity and magnetism for kids,' I have resolved to find books of a similar nature to stimulate young Steven's mind. Unfortunately I... ahem... fled the library yesterday in something of a rush before I could locate them.
I met that young man currently acting as a servant at Greg's vehicle cleaning service. Oh, this log has no record of him, does it? His name is Ala...n? Yes, Alan. The same Alan who, as Steven informed me, I seemed to have wronged the other day. He was holding some human-written article on the merits of some silly human notion or another. What was it, quantum teleportation? Pfah! It was basically a vague approximation of trans-dimensional communication- not even transportation, just communication!- that glossed over all the parts where the phenomena was actually, you know, explained. And I believe I said as much to him, though he did take on something of a distant look in the middle of my explanation. The same look that humans often get when one attempts to reveal to them a superior rational model of-
Ah, I'm getting worked up again. Steven told me that "making fun of someone just 'cuz they're not all smart like you aren't isn't very nice." B-but, it wasn't him I was making fun of, it was his flawed human knowledge! I-
I don't know why I'm arguing this to you. You're not Steven. You're a holographic dictation log. But where was I? Ah, yes, Greg's servant. I apologized to him- you're welcome, Steven- but instead of following the social convention of dismissing my transgression he started...
Actually, I guess I didn't listen to him that closely. I think he was... praising me for my outburst the previous day! Or, at least, trying to figure out, with his limited human understanding, what my outburst was about. E-either way, he was definitely saying that the things I said were great and, one can assume, that I am great! Haha! I knew pointing out someone's mistakes wasn't a bad thing to do! All these humans need is a little direction and they- ah, heh, ahem.
I mustn't get carried away. Steven was right, and apologizing was the right thing to do.
I-I just get so... irritated when I think about...
Sigh.
Rose, why here? Why this planet? Why these people? I've seen what humans can do. To themselves, to this world, to... It's awful, Rose! They're so backwards, so selfish! All they can think about is how to fill their short century of a life with as much excess and... and wanton pleasure as they can manage; all they care about is some self-promoted legacy that won't live past their people's own short memories! They can't deal with the fact that this world- this reality- is an infinitely complicated mess of interrelated events and laws and states of being that they can never hope to understand in their short blink of an existence. But they still... they still try, so hard. And I watch them crawling their way, slowly, generation after generation, towards some higher purpose, but- but each time any one of them gets close they...
They die, Rose. They can't accomplish what we gems have because they don't have a choice; they can't hide from the inevitability of their mortality like we can by avoiding danger or choosing a peaceful life. They use up the sands of their hour-glass trying to feel good, and by the time they realize they want to do something worthwhile, they just... end.
And do you know what the worst part about it is, Rose? For all our accomplishments; for all the centuries we're allowed to float about the universe and unravel its mysteries; for all the time we're allowed to live-
We gems are no better.
Hm. Well, we're a little bit better. Haha, listen to me... babbling away to this little holographic log like it could actually understand me. But... I do feel a bit better. Hm! I guess Steven was right! Though I don't know why I'm so surprised- he has been correct about similar issues before.
And that Alan fellow... I know that it probably sounds like I have a generally negative impression of him. And that's because I do. But having my knowledge valued like that...
It... felt sort of nice.
Now then. Ahem hm. Hem. Holorecorder? End log.
Oh, wait, how do I turn this thing off? I knew I should've spent more than a couple of hours designing the-
===== end transcription =====