Everything

by jc52185

Sequel to Love and Memories - Third story in the Amnesia Trilogy. I have waited a long time for him to come to this realization. I have long imagined what it would be like when he finally did, but I find myself being wrong. It is better than what I imagined - so much better.

31. Father of Mine

I will never be safe

I will never be sane

I will always be weird inside

I will always be lame

Now I am a grown man

With a child of my own

And I swear I'm not going to let her know

All the pain I have known - Everclear

Eric POV

I find myself again wishing that I were dreaming; that at any moment I will wake up with Sookie by my side and not staring into the eyes of my maker as he takes another step into my bar. I blink and even pinch myself as I have seen humans do in movies but to no avail; I do not wake up from this nightmare.

This nightmare only gets worse as Sookie does not follow my maker as he enters the club. I had hoped this could be ended right here, right now but with Sookie not present I have to be careful. I do not know whom she is with or what repercussions may follow if Appius does not return.

"Hello, my Child," Appius says coming even closer to me. I do not know what he is trying to prove sounding like a welcoming, caring maker or father. He is not fooling anyone here; everyone who is not aware of my past is picking up on the obvious tension in the room. I feel the tension rise in Pam and I know she is about to do something but I make a discreet motion to her and I could feel her reluctantly back down.

I cannot blame her. Flashes of ending this thing and detaching Appius' head from his shoulders right now dance in front of my eyes, or perhaps breaking a chair and simply stabbing him through the chest. I have scenario after scenario dancing through my head and they all end with my maker being goo at the bottom of my feet. They also end up with Sookie suffering because of it. That is why Appius is taking yet more steps towards me and is in fact still solid.

He stops in front of me and looks at me expectantly. He addressed me but I haven't given him the same respect, or at least that is what it means in his eyes. I nod, fully knowing that would not be enough for him but not willing to give him any more that that, not anymore at least.

"I taught you more respect than that," he says with a quiet voice. The anger in his voice in anything but quiet though.

"To those that deserve it, to those that have earned it," I respond, insinuation clear in my voice that my maker does not fit that description. I have a fine line to tread here, not fully knowing how anything I do here would affect Sookie but I refuse to give into my maker any more when I can avoid it. With the maker-child bond in play, there are still so many situations that I will not be able to; I will use it to my advantage whenever I can.

The smile that appears on my maker's face send a shiver down my spine that I cannot help not matter how much I try to stop it. I know that smile means nothing good is coming my way and if it were only I, I would have no problem taking it. It is not just me though; my children and everyone here, Sookie where ever she is. I want to be able to make a stand with my maker and I will be sure to. I just need to make sure it is done in a subtle matter. That will truly get under his skin. I could act against him in anger and that is something he would understand, something that he would even expect with his actions. But if I act against him in a controlled manner, that is something that he will not be expecting.

It will unnerve him, which could be a good thing at the moment.

He does not seem happy at my words, at my small act of defiance. I would not expect him to be. I have to play this little game between us very carefully as it truly will be a question of life or death. But it is a game that I am determined to win.

It is Appius turn to roll the dice. I know that he would love nothing more right now than to exert his authority over me as my maker but I also know that he will not like any more shows of defiance that could allow from me. He would not like anyone to perceive him weak and he believes they will do just that. That is not something that worries me though. Anything I do tonight will be for people I care about. There is no weakness in that.

He stares at me straight in the eye and I know the potential scenarios are working through his head. I can also tell when he picks which one he will be using. I can also determine that he is certain that I will not like what's coming.

"On your knees," he tells me. The weight of his command weighs down on me and I do not fight it though every one of my instincts is trying to get me to. I have a feeling this is the least that my maker will want from me tonight. I have to pick my battles in order to make sure that those I care for are safe. What I do however, not wanting to give my maker everything he wants, is continue to look at him straight in the eyes; my eyes never leave his, which is certainly not what he wanted and by the look on his face not what he expected. He expected me to be submissive once again, to be looking down at the ground when in his presence, especially with everything else that is going on.

It may be what he expected but it is sure as hell not what he got.

Still he walks around me appraisingly, not saying anything about my act of defiance; he would not want to bring any attention to the fact that I am 'misbehaving,' even if it is such a minor infraction. It would look bad on him and that is something that he would want to avoid. So I will be here, on my knees, defying him the only way I can at the moment.

At least until he says, "You have a child you have not introduced me to yet. I feel she is here." If Appius can feel that Pam is here through me that tells me that whatever magic is interfering with my ability to feel my maker it is not interfering with his ability to feel me. I can only hope the same is true for Sookie. She can get a little comfort in feeling me.

I do not get to think about that for long though as Appius is calling for Pam to come forward. When she does not with his first call, I get hit across the face and still my eyes never leave his. I hear a gasp and I hear someone moving toward us as Appius says, "You obviously haven't taught her respect."

"Only to those who deserve it as I was taught by you," I tell him saying words similar to the ones I made before.

"Order your child on her knees in front of me," Appius says the smile getting bigger on his face. The silence he gets in return is answer enough; my child will not go on her knees for anyone, especially not the bastard staring down at me. He raises his arm and is about to hit me again when Pam falls to her knees right beside me wrapping her arm around mine.

The first time I take my eyes of Appius it is to look at Pam. The second time is to look at Karin when she joins Pam and I and drops to her knees on my other side, taking my hand in her own. I have many reasons to be proud of my children and seeing them on their knees is never something that I thought would illicit this feeling of pride from me; but in this moment I have never been more proud.

I then hear every other vampire, and some of the Weres that had joined us, come and stand behind us and I am not surprised when it is Thalia leading them over to us and she places a hand on my shoulder. Appius came here expecting to see me broken and when he did not find that, he wanted to be sure to break me, using my children to do so. What he did not expect is to find me strong, find me supported, and find me with a family.

The flabbergasted look on his face is almost worth my children being on their knees. Almost, but it is definitely not. So I fight the command Appius issued me, finding it surprisingly easy to do so and pull my children up with me so we are standing with everyone else. Thalia takes a step forward and stands with the three of us as we just stare at my maker. He shakes his head and mutters something about how he should have done this sooner before leaving the club.

Claudine, who had been with us and has learned how to mask her scent, steps up out of the shadow and the look in her eyes used to be one that bothered me because I thought it came from a place of pity. I have learned however, that it comes from a place of caring and though surprising to see it on Claudine's face, it is something that I welcome. I nod to her as she takes off to follow Appius. She may not be able to get to Sookie if she really is surrounded by iron, but she will be able to find out where she is.

Pam POV

Tonight has certainly not been easy. I'm not going to lie; part of me was waiting for Eric to simply roll over when his maker walked in through the door. But I knew he wouldn't. I knew my maker would remember all the strength that he has built in the last few months and he proved me right by standing up to his make in any small way that he could. I have never been filled with more pride in my maker than seeing him retain his strength when face to face with something that has made him feel weak in the past. Tonight, my maker showed no weakness; tonight my maker only showed strength. That is why I had no issues with getting down on my knees for Eric, so he wouldn't have to yet again fight against a command for his child.

Even if my pants had issues with me going down on my knees.

When Appius leaves, we continue with our work choosing to ignore the unpleasant interuption. My work currently consists of watching Eric and making sure that he is truly as okay as he seems about what just happened. I wouldn't blame him if he needed a second or a minute or even a few to collect his thoughts and headed back to his office. But he hasn't. He stared at the door after it closed with his maker on the other side for a few seconds before getting us all back to work.

It almost seems like he is standing straighter and with his height that has never been an issue. It's like a huge weight is lifted off of his shoulders; he had stood up to his maker in every way he could have given the situation.

And I am so proud of him for it.

I squeeze his hand as he walks past me to let him know how much. Karin lays a hand on his shoulder while Thalia playfully punches his arm as she makes it to him to tell him where the vampires will be stationed in Arkansas. That is typical Thalia.

The door to the bar opens again and we all tense up and am on edge immediately with who walked through the doors the last time. Eric put more people on the outside monitoring things so chances are if someone got through, it's someone we wouldn't mind seeing tonight.

Or it's someone who has killed all of our guards. Pick an option.

But the door opens to show welcomed guests. Well most of them are welcomed anyway, Jason and Alcide to be specific. The third, Merlotte, well I guess time will tell about him. He goes right over to Eric who doesn't seem too happy to see him but as someone else who cares for Sookie, he may be able to help.

We will see about that.

I go right over to Alcide only to find there has been no change yet with Tray. "Ludwig still thinks the new treatment will work and she is continuing to supply the doses," he says with hope in his voice. I don't know if the hope is for me or if the hope is for him but I appreciate it none the same.

Jason goes straight to Thalia and though the concern is evident on his own face, I can hear that the first words out of his mouth are concern for her, which she reciprocates with her own concern for him; quite the difference for both of them from a few months ago. Maybe Eric and Sookie are not the only ones who have learned something in the last few months.

The rest of the night at the bar goes by smoothly, or at least we have no more unwanted visitors. More than once, Eric slams down something in the anger that we are all feeling. We all are feeling the frustration. Usually we just go in and get stuff done. Usually, this situation would have been solved by now. But there are many complications and many things to consider and that is making things more difficult and that is something we are all feeling.

Just like we are all feeling hope that Claudine will give us the lead we need to be sure of where Sookie is so we can actually end this.

We aren't used to working with the Fae. Hell, up until a few months ago we weren't use to working with Weres, at least not consistently. But that has definitely changed recently. And I may not have admitted before but…it is nice to be working together for once and not working against each other.

Just don't tell anyone I said that.

We have to head back to escape the sun without learning much else of importance. Octavia and Amelia will spend another day researching and hopefully will have something come nightfall. Hopefully there will be a few messages for all of us when we wake from our rest at nightfall.

Karin and I are staying with Eric tonight. We have done so every night that Sookie has been missing. We all rode separately though; I stopped in by Tray before heading to Fangtasia.

My ride back from the bar is quiet. Usually Sookie is singing in the car, most of the time without even realizing it. I never thought much of it but I guess it's just one of those things that you don't know you miss until it's not there. I use the time to continue to wrap my mind around everything that happened tonight.

My phone rings and checking the caller ID, I see that it is Amelia and I immediately answer the call. Ludwig had some new idea that involved using my blood; give it to him in small measured doses and allowing his body to adjust before supplying the other. There is no way to tell even if this method succeeds in waking him up, what kind of shape he will be in.

The first thing I hear is Amelia's tears and my blood, that is already cooler than the human ninety eight point six, gets even colder as I imagine the news she will be calling me with. "Pam," she says in question as I haven't said anything so far. Her voice is shaky and I prepare myself for what is coming. I do not expect what she says next.

"He's awake, Pam. Tray is awake," she says as I slump down on the couch.

"What?" I ask not believing what I heard and want to hear it again.

"Your blood. It worked. He's awake. He woke up a few minutes ago."

"Is he okay?" I ask still not believing what I am hearing.

"The doctor says he needs some recovery time but he recognized me and she says that is a good sign."

My blood starts to get a little warmer. If he is recognizing people, if he recognizes Amelia than there is a chance he can make a full recovery. "That's great," I say excitement in my voice. I wish I was there. I wish I could see if he recognizes me. I wish I knew for sure that …that…that things with us were still okay.

But then Amelia adds, "He's been asking about you," and I can hear the smile in her voice.

"What?" I ask again.

"Say hello," she says and I can hear the air move past the phone as she moves it.

I don't hear much of anything at first. Then I can pick up breathing, breathing that's a lot heavier than Amelia's. It's not as even as when he was unconscious. That alone makes me smile and start to allow myself to think that he may just be okay. That feeling grows as I hear him say breathily into the phone, "Pam."

And after thinking about changing my name when I heard Eric say it with so much pain, after hearing it coming from Tray with so much hope in his voice I can't say it's something that I will ever do.

"I'm here," I say to him.

"No you're not," he says before taking a deep breath and I curse the sun for one of the first times since I have become a vampire. I have loved the night until it prevented me from looking for my friend, until it prevented me from being with my…Tray.

"I'm sorry," I tell him, feeling guilt that I'm not there with him right now.

"Don't apologize," he tells me and I can hear the wheezing in his voice. "Just get here first thing tomorrow night," he says hope in his voice.

"As soon as the sun sets," I tell him.

"Good," he tells me before handing the phone back to Amelia. I don't hear the first thing Amelia says to me as I am simply dwelling on the fact that Tray is awake! Tray is awake and I talked to him and I will see him tomorrow night.

And then, just when I don't think anything more can add to my happiness, Eric comes in and says, "Claudine found where he's been staying. We are going to Oklahoma."

What Eric is saying is good news. We finally have a location for Sookie and we can finally do something that feels important! Maybe our luck is finally starting to change.

Yet the look on Eric's face tells me that this may not be as good as it seems.

Sookie POV

My days and my nights are all messed up. Before this, I was sleeping most of the day and up most of the night with Eric and everyone. Now I sleep when I'm tired. I sleep when I'm bored. I sleep when I need to escape from my thoughts, which at the moment surround how Eric made out or is making out from Appius' visit to him.

The only way I know when it's night around here is when the person who brings me my food is a vampire. The only way I can know that is the silence I get from his head, and even that was harder to sense tonight. I may not exactly understand the how, but I cannot deny that my telepathy is weakening. The idea of a part of me is disappearing, even one I detested my whole life is a very unnerving thought.

I don't like it and it's just one more thing that Appius is taking from me.

Thinking of the vampire brings the first smile to my face that I have had in days. Not usually the response I have when thinking of my husband's maker. But I am not going to have to see him tonight; hence the smile. Hopefully the little visitor he has planned for me is too lazy to show up and I can just have a quiet evening to myself. Before I can think too much more about that, the door opens and a young looking male comes into the room. A few steps in and I can tell that though me may look young, the void I get from him tells me that look could be deceiving.

I note that he looks vaguely familiar as he walks into the room. Well, stalks in may be a better description, as that is the only words that comes to mind when I see how he approaches me. I fight against my want to stay quiet and I hate the shaky way my voice comes out as I say, "Hi. I'm Sookie."

"Alexei," he says is quick response and it's his accent that made me realize just why he looks familiar. And that is when I realize I am most likely looking at Eric's vampire brother. Appius would be crazy enough to do something like this.

"You are Eric's," he states as he starts to circle around me.

"You know Eric?" I ask trying to keep his focus off of me.

"I have heard stories. Never met him. Always wanted to," he tells me very disjointedly. He says it in a sort of singsong voice that tells me that he may not be all there, like with Bubba.

But his eyes are every different than Bubba's, which does not look good for me.

"I am sure your brother would want to meet you too," I tell him honestly. I know Eric would especially with his new understanding of his feelings and of family. Especially knowing what he is most likely going through at the hands of Appius. No one deserved that.

Except maybe de Castro at this point but deciding to work with Eric's maker, he brought it on himself.

"That would be fun. I am not allowed to have fun," he tells me getting impossibly closer. "It is something that Master doesn't allow. It is something that he punishes me for when it happens. Or tries to at least," he finishes with a smirk. Something tells me that though there may be issues with Eric's brother, he has learned how to work his maker.

"But he is not here now. And you would like to have some fun wouldn't you?" he asks, his accent growing thicker as the excitement in him grows.

Warning sounds are going off in my head. I may feel pity for Alexei but I definitely do not want to have fun with him, at least not until after Ludwig has put him through his paces with some heavy-duty therapy. Sadly for the vampire in front of me, I'm not sure it would do much good.

I have to find away to get Alexei to back off from me without getting the vampire upset. Easier said than done. My head quickly goes through everything I know about Eric, the very little I know about Alexei, and what I know about their shared maker and try to come up with a plan to how to get out of this situation.

"Don't you think that's exactly what Appius want you to do?" I ask him trying to use his distaste for the vampire to my benefit. It is clear that Alexei both worships and despises his maker, not unlike his brother did. Maybe that is something that I can use.

He looks at me thoughtfully as if he is trying to understand where I might be going with this. "Do you think he would want you to have fun with me?" I tell him forcing the words out. Part of me can't believe I am having this conversation but I am willing to do whatever I can think of to get away from this situation.

Alexei slowly nods, as if he is still confused on where I am going with this. And this is where I am hoping Alexei is like his vampire brother. Though technically they share no DNA, and my mind is dizzy from trying to figure out how sharing Appius blood comes into play, I am betting, betting my life, that given the chance Alexei would want to stick it to Appius as much as Eric.

I take a deep breath and put all my chances in one simple question. "Then why do you want to give him what he wants?"

I look into his eyes and know when his decision is made. I can see it. And in that second I feel for this vampire who has been threatening me almost since he came into the room. I see the pain in his eyes that I used to see in Eric's and I know what he is going through. The actions Appius completes with Alexei may be different from the actions he put Eric through but the results are the same; Appius knows how to torture his children and for whatever reason he gets off on doing just that.

Part of me wishes that Alexei could be another Bubba in the vampire world but I think the damage to him must be too much. And my heart breaks for him again and for Eric who is going to hate the fact that he may not be able to save his vampire brother.

Alexei looks me up and down and for a split second, I think I misunderstood what I saw in his eyes. But then he gives me a nod and I see his own understanding for my position in his eyes. He leaves and the door is still open. Eric's brother left the door wide open! I think about it for about a second before slowly making my way to the door. I listen with both my ears and my telepathy and don't hear anything. I wait a few seconds just to make sure before creeping out of the room I had been stuck in for the last few days.

Don't even get me started on what my bathroom habits had become.

Now comes the tricky part. I have no idea how I got in here. I was pretty much unconscious at the time. I take turns down hallways hoping they lead outside or at the very least not in a dead end or lead me straight to someone who would not approve of my outside the room activities. I only do once and it seems like it is pure luck that it doesn't happen again and I don't run into another being the entire time.

It feels like I have been going through this building for hours but it can't be longer than minutes. I may have been lucky and got out of the room but I'm not stupid enough to think I can best the senses of Weres and vampires, which is why I have to take advantage of every minute, every second that I have.

I finally make it outside and pause just long enough to take a deep breath of the fresh air before I start to run.

I don't get to far.

I am about twenty feet away from the building, which from the outside looks like a large warehouse, when a few things happen at once. I hear someone call my name and I turn to see Claudine. I start to move towards her not believing that I am seeing her and hoping I have found my way home. But then I see the look of terror on her face and feel a hand clench around my arm. I am suddenly next to Claudine as I look up and take in Appius' face as he grasps me in his one hand and holds Claudine by her neck in the other before throwing her farther than I ever would have thought possible, even with vampire strength.

With the pressure Appius is applying to my arm I am worried that I may have two broken arms to deal with. "I leave for one night," he growls out and I can start to see the sun starting to rise over the horizon.

The one positive of Appius being here is that he is not spending more time with Eric.

People, I assume those who work for him, start coming out of the warehouse. "Can you ingrates do nothing right?" he asks throwing me down on the ground in front of everyone. "Get her back inside. There's another girl here that way," he says pointing. "Find her a deal with her." I whimper at that, worried about Claudine. She had been here trying to help me and I don't want to think about what is going to happen to her. Hopefully Fae healing rivals vampires and she is up and far away from here. I don't want her to be hurt for trying to help me.

Appius continues and says, "I will deal with all of you tomorrow night and you better hope you don't screw up any more throughout the day." With the look on his face, I do not want to be any of them at the moment.

He stops addressing the others and looks straight down at me. "And you little bird," he says. "I will be seeing you tomorrow night." The look he has on his face tells me it will not be a good visit.

Hello dear readers. I do hope this week has been kind to you and that you have enjoyed this little chapter. There were a few big things in it. Thanks for taking the time to read and I appreciate all your thoughts.

Jackie69 – Appius and de Castro are definitely not on the same page about much here. Hopefully that can be used to their advantage. Felipe would love his own personal telepath but as we see, he's not Appius choice of babysitter. Yeah, not good that the iron prevented Sookie's Fae family from finding her; she did find her way out of it though in this chapter so we shall see. Happy to see that you enjoyed Eric's thoughts. They are a good indication of how far he has come and where his head is at now. More with Sophie-Anne and Freyda in the next chapter. Have a great week!

To my guest reviewer – Yes, Thalia would have loved to jump across the room and stab something into Appius' chest. But without knowing how that would affect Sookie, she was hesitant to do so. We will hear more about this from her in the next chapter.