Chapter Two:
Dude, you fugly.
Dad was following Mom's car, and joined as at the end of the drive way. I was talking to Keithie who was very excited to be a sophomore
"I'm finally a senior!" I grinned happily, settling down next to Keithie on the rocks.
"Yeah, last day of school, Greg. Last chance to ask out Nancy Arbuckle," Keithie laughed, looking up at our brother.
"Yeah, you know, the girl you're totally in love with and has no idea you exist." I laughed along with my little brother, enjoying very much watching my twin squirm.
"Nancy Arbuckle?" Dad asked, bouncing a ball on Becky's helmet as she rode around him.
"You like a girl? Is that why you've been taking those long showers?" Oh. No. Ew.
"Gross, dad, really?!" I groaned, I really didn't want to be reminded.
"No!" Greg defended himself quickly.
"I, I'm conditioning my hair. That's all I do in the shower. Condition my hair." He added. And I felt my Dad was on the right track, I took shorter showers than him,
"Right," I scoffed
"Yeah, that's not what the deer told me," Dad laughed.
"That deer's a liar!" Greg shouted back.
"Oh-oh-oh," Dad chuckled.
"I heard," Becky piped in, driving in circles around us
"That too much conditioning can make you go blind." She drove past me and my eyes widened and my jaw dropped, letting a chuckle escape. Keithie and Greg laughed
"What!? Where'd you hear that?" Dad demanded.
"Higgins," Becky grinned back, as if it were obvious, which now that I think about it, it kind of is.
"Of course," I nudged Keithie who was laughing.
"Oh, I should kill him!" Dad didn't sound too angry with his best friend who didn't have children, so the whole censoring thing didn't really sit well… And now that I think about it, even with kids, he probably wouldn't… . I was busy picking at a thread on my boot when Keithie stood up and walked to stand with Dad and Greg.
"He's too chicken to ask her out, dad, because she's the hottest girl in school, and Greg is fugly." He stated.
"So what he's fugly? All the guys in our family are fugly. That don't stop us from getting the hot chicks. Look at me and look at your mother; I mean, that makes no sense, only like in a Hollywood movie or something." Dad laughed.
"Then I am really lucky I take after Mom then, aren't I?" I asked, earning a glare from my Dad. He wasn't doing well with the whole me growing up thing. It was his hope I would stay Becky's age forever. He almost had a heart attack when I announced I had my first boyfriend shortly after school started. But, he likes Tanner well enough.
"All the guys at school like her Dad!" Greg groaned.
"And you'll be the guy who ends up with her, you know why? You're going to follow my three step program. Number one: make the girl smile. Number two: tell her she has a nice smile. Number three: say she has to go out with you that night," Dad instructed, ticking off each of his fingers as he explained the situation.
"Why that night?" Greg and I asked at the same time. I was really curious at this point.
"Because it gives her less time to think about how fugly you are. Because you are fugly." Dad replied.
"That makes so much sense…." I nodded.
"It worked on your mother," Dad continued. I looked at him in surprise
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. And Keithie's right, I'm too chicken to even talk to her," Greg sighed, I frowned.
"Hey!" Dad yelled, causing me to jump back a little bit.
"You're a Feder! And Feder's aren't afraid of women; that's not how I'm raising you." He continued his unnecessary yelling.
"By the way, Dad, did you ask Mom if I can play football?" Keithie piped up, standing on Greg's other side.
"No! I was scared! I was afraid she was going to yell at me in that accent no one understands!" Dad replied, causing me to roll my eyes. Not afraid of women my butt.
"You're doomed bro." I sighed at Greg, who just glared at me.
"Shut up." He said. I shrugged grabbed my iPod and began to look for something to listen too. It was then I noticed Bean Lamonsoff rode up on his bike, looking cuter than ever.
"Come on Becky!" He called.
"It's eight o'clock, and school starts at eight-fifteen, which means we only have twenty five minutes to get there." He began to pedal away without glancing back at us. We all exchanged very confused looks. Was it a good idea for him and Becky to go without supervision?
"Daddy, you promise Mr. Gigglesworth will be better by bed time?" Becky's question caused me to look down at her and I began to feel bad about her stuffed monkey friend again.
"Will you stop worrying about him?! He'll be fine! I love you. Have the best last day, okay?" He asked, leaning down to kiss her cheek and then sent her on her way to school.
"Okay. Bye daddy, love you." She followed after Bean.
"And you read the street signs, okay? Don't let Bean!" He shouted after her. And then he looked at us.
"My god, riding their bikes to school. They could never do that in L.A. with all the nuts out there." He sighed happily, staring after them.
"Yeah, because thank god there's no crazy people out here," I said sarcastically, it was then I noticed the bus barreling towards us, and the brakes screeched as it came to a stop and the doors flung open.
"How you doing, Nick?" Dad greeted the crazy haired man who looked a little more off than usual.
"My wife's leaving me. After three weeks…" He replied. What a shocker… What normal woman would marry him?
"Three weeks? That's not bad for you. What happened?" Dad nodded.
"She found me eating a banana…..With my butt." That really was not what I expected, but it gave me a whole new outlook on Nick.
"Gross…" I whispered, sharing a disgusted look with my brothers.
"And she didn't like that?" Dad didn't really need to ask the question.
"Yeah, she got really bummed out. But, you know, I shouldn't have done it at her Mom's house." He seemed genuinely sad and all three of us kids couldn't help but laugh.
"Yeah, you seem like you're a little extra out of it today, what's going on?" Dad asked, I felt a little uncomfortable about getting on the bus with Nick acting like this. I mean, even normal Nick confused me on how he got a job around children in the first place…
"I'm a little medicated…" Nick nodded casually, and now I'm very afraid.
"I met a very reliable doctor at a concert and he floated me a couple pills just to feel better, you know?" He continued.
"But I don't feel better!" His voice got extremely high and then really low.
"You feel worse!" I took a step back, about ready to walk to school
"It's okay guys, I got this." Dad pushed us all on the bus and sent Nick to a different seat, where he immediately fell asleep.
"Can you even operate a bus?" I asked as
"You doubt your father? The best producer in Hollywood, can't even drive a bus?" Dad laughed,
"My bad." I chuckled, going to sit near Greg, as soon as I sat, the bus ride began. Over the course of the route, students piled on, and when Donna Lamensoff got on, you could tell. She was wearing boots that she made herself, and she seemed very happy with them, waving to me and Greg as she went and settled herself in a seat across from Keithie. We finally pulled up to the McKenzie's where Andre and Charlotte got on. Mr. McKenzie got on as well, sitting up front near our Dad. Charlotte sat next to Donna, and Andre sat next to Greg stating that he had a funny story to tell us. I instantly twisted around in my seat, eager to hear.
"What's up? Because, I am sure we can top it." I greeted.
"Doubt it! Mom forgot their anniversary. But Dad remembered." He laughed.
"Ouch. Is your Dad okay with it?" I asked, knowing Mr. McKenzie is going to use this to his complete advantage.
"Yeah, he's pretty psyched about it," Andre grinned.
"Of course he is." Greg laughed.
"What happened to you guys?" He asked.
"Oh! Becky left the door open last night and a deer got into the house. A huge one. I almost died this morning!" I exclaimed.
"What?" Andre laughed.
"Yeah, she thought it was cute." Greg nodded.
"She's crazy.." He sighed.
"Yep, but I think the real issue is Greg being in love with Nancy!" I grinned.
"She's hot," Andre smiled stupidly, and it was times like these that I wished I had more girls for friends…
"You really should take Dad's advice about asking her out. I mean it landed him Mom!" I said.
"What advice?" Andre asked.
"Some three step thing he told him always worked." I shrugged.
"You should do it man. The worse thing she could do is say no." Andre nodded.
"No. That's not the worst thing." Greg sighed.
"What else could she possibly do?" I asked.
"She could laugh at me and tell all her friends how pathetic I am!" He replied.
"You really need to have more confidence…" I sighed, shaking my head. Greg went to reply, but a scene a few seat back caught our attention. A very large, overweight boy wearing a camouflage jacket, and with shoulder length, surprisingly glossy hair, was picking on Donna,
"Where'd you get those shoes? Loser's R Us?!" He guffawed loudly, and I raised an eyebrow at him. Did he really think he was funny?
"I made them!" Donna replied, completely unfazed. You havta admit, she was confident and she owned it.
"You made them!? Where? In the toilet?!" Cue more laughter from the back of the bus. Idiots. All of them.
"That didn't make any sense." Charolette rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, leave her alone." Keithie defended her, and the bully's attention shifted to him, he grabbed my baby brothers shirt and lifted him up.
"What'd you say, Hollywood?" He snarled in his face, I glared at the boy and looked at Greg.
"Why are you looking at me?" He asked.
"Are you gonna do anything?" I shot back.
"He needs to take care of this on his own." Greg shrugged. I rolled my eyes and went to get up. No way was this kid getting away with this. He's done it too many times.
"I'll do it then." I said, but both boys instantly clamped down on my arm.
"Don't even think about it." Greg warned.
"What? Why?" I demanded.
"He will hate you if you do." He replied. I rolled my eys again.
"I'm doing him a favor." I assured, moving to get up again, but Andre grasped my shoulder and held me in place.
"He's right," He agreed.
"Boys are stupid." I slumped back into my seat, shaking their hands off me, glaring at the kid.
"Attention Kmart shoppers, uh, let's find a seat please, yes you in the camouflage jacket and the Mariah Carey hairdo, yeah, just pop a squat. Thank you." Dad's voiced sounded from the speakers and I was very thankful he was there. The kid ignored him though, opting to threaten Keithie some more.
"Beanbag with arms and legs, seriously, take a seat, or seats, before someone gets hurt." Dad's voice had an edge on it now, the kid was entering dangerous territory. Dad wouldn't hold me back. I hope. Everyone else laughed and this finally made the kid decide to back down.
"You're dead man." He shot at Keithie before skulking back to his seat, leaving my little brother wide eyed in his. Well Daddy, you made things worse. We finally pulled up to the school, and I noticed our principal's car was flooded with blue paint. I laughed and piled off the bus with the rest of the kids, and waited beside Dad and Mr. McKenzie,
"Bye Rapunzel." Dad noted to the bully. I chuckled into my hand,
"GEMMA!" I heard my best friend yell from across the school grounds.
"Bye Daddy, bye Mr. M." I waved, backing away.
"Bye sweetheart. Make good choices! Don't have sex!" Dad shouted after me and I rolled my eyes.
"No worries!" I jogged to Alyssa, smiling at her.
"So which are you more excited about? Being a senior or being cheer captain?" She asked.
"Hey, don't jinx me!" I warned, today was the day I would find out if I made cheer captain, it was me against Megan Foster, a good friend of mine.
"You're gonna get it. Don't even worry." She assured, and the bell rang.
"The bell. Have to get to my locker. See you after?" She asked. I nodded and she ran off, I shook my head. She was crazy. I ran into the building, blending in with the flow of students heading into the brick building.