Ambriella
Week Two. Day Seven.
He's not a terribly clever prince. He's a little self absorbed—I haven't missed all the times he's stopped to check himself out while he was talking to me. And I know that I told myself I'd say goodbye to him yesterday night, but he seemed so desperate for me to return tonight. Breaking my promises to myself is not something I feel like I should make a habit of.
But he seemed so urgent.
So...what then? Should I go back? He said he had something for me. It seemed sort of imperative. I've been wondering about it all day. It's well into the night now. Late—terribly late. Late and Lucia and the girls have gone and I've already dusted every visible surface in the house but I can't stop wondering what it is he wants me to see.
Here's a sticky situation. If I go, then I'm opening myself up to a lot of potentially nasty issues. If I stay, then I'll never know. It's only been a day since my goodbye but I miss his company already. And it's the last day, so surely tonight of all nights is the best night to be there. Yesterday was not a good night to say goodbye. Maybe tonight will be.
Master Buxton isn't expecting me tonight. I hand him my mother's ring and turn to face the gowns. He's got plenty of them, some wild, some loud, some sweet and simple. I've worn the best of his creations already, but today isn't about shining. No, tonight I just want to leave a note of finality. I choose a black ballgown.
Master Buxton's coachman is already at the palace waiting for Talia, with the understanding that I would not be attending today. It takes half an hour to send word to him to come back into Amonta to get me. I'm late, even by my standards.
I was never too enthralled by the palace, truth be told. It's splendid, no questions asked. But I dream of the cream colored halls of Royce Manor. All the same, I do confess that to be the princess of such a castle would be one hell of a thing. Whoever Rainier ends up marrying will be one lucky fucking girl.
I wouldn't really mind staying in the ballroom if there wasn't the ever present threat of running into Lucia or the girls in here. No thank you. I choose life. So I've always gravitated towards the garden. This palace has the biggest freaking roses I've ever seen. It's a joke. They're huge. I reach out to touch a soft petal, but the gloves don't really let me feel much of anything. The gloves are necessary, okay? Imagine what people would think if they saw the cuts on my hands. I can't exactly walk into a royal ball with gauze wrapped around my fingers.
I'm just beside the doors to the garden when a scarf is wrapped around my eyes.
"What?"
"It's fine," says Rainier's voice. "It's fine, it's me."
"Wha—what's going on?" I ask. "Where are you taking me?"
"To your surprise," his voice says. His hands grip my arms gently and he guides me along slowly.
"I'm going to fall."
"You're not going to fall, I've got you."
"I'm going to fall."
"No, you won't."
"I'm going to fall on my face."
"No, you won't fall on your face."
"Then I'll fall on your face."
"That wouldn't actually be so bad."
"What if I accidentally bit your nose off?"
"Why would you bite my nose off?"
"Accidents happen."
"Have you ever bitten anyone's nose off?"
"No comment," I say. I can hear him chuckle. We stop at last. I can't hear any music or voices. "Where are we?" I ask.
"We're here," he says, and the scarf is lifted from my face. I open my eyes. Oh, Jesus.
I wasn't in any way serious when I told Rainier that I like orchids. In truth, I hate them. It's such an elitist flower. But orchids were the only flower that I couldn't see in his garden, so that was the one I chose—just to mess with him, you see. But now the prince has gone and corrected that flaw in the royal gardens, because I'm staring right at an orchid bush. Fully bloomed. It's pretty—but still elitist. But I'll hand it to him—it was thoughtful. Really thoughtful. I don't know if I'd ever go planting flowers for a girl I'm likely never to meet again.
"Orchids," I say, smiling hugely as I reach forward to touch one. "How pretty."
"I...I know now," he says. "Why you won't tell me anything about you."
"Oh?"
"It's because you never intend to see me again."
I turn away from the flowers and look at him. I don't think anyone's ever looked this good. Does he know how attractive he is? Well—yeah he does. I remember him checking himself out in glassware. But I've never seen him looking this sad before. There's something about him that seems brighter, in an aged sort of way. Some new hope has grown within him.
"It would be best that way, I suppose," I say.
It would. Because I can't be whatever he's hoping to make of me and still be the Lady of Royce Manor. One or the other—and I've wanted Royce Manor longer than I've wanted to be around him.
"Do you see that window on that tower up there?" he asks, pointing upward at one of the hundred towers.
"I see it," I say.
"That window is mine. So now, every day when I wake up and look out my window, I'll see this bush and remember you, and that'll remind me of my promise."
"What promise?" I ask.
"This one," he says, and he takes my hand. I can feel the warmth of his skin through the fabric of my glove. "I don't know who you are or where you come from or why you don't want me to know. I have only theories and possibilities that I know you'll neither confirm nor deny. And when you leave tonight, go off wherever you go, disappear into the shadows again—it doesn't matter. I'll find you someday. I'll find you and I'll save you from whatever Hell you seem so keen on keeping to."
Don't go there.
"Rainier..."
"I'll let you go this one last time. I'm going to find you no matter where you go, and I'll destroy whoever's hurting you."
"It's not that simple," I say quietly.
So he cares? Big deal. Don't cry, Ambriella. You were loved once before. Though it was long, long ago, the soft and simple love of a mother and father for their sweet little child. Not this fierce floodgate you can see in the bright blue eyes of this perfect prince.
How long has it been since anyone's fought this hard for you?
Damn you, treacherous tear trickling down my cheek. Rainier wipes it away with his thumb.
"It's complicated, then?" he asks. "You think that will stop me? It won't. Nothing will. I've fought battles of all sorts and I've dealt with snakes at every turn challenging me, manipulating me, aggravating me and I've done it all with a smile. My sole weakness, the one chink in my armor, appears to be you. Nothing will stop me from finding you, and nothing will stop me from protecting you. Your oppressor can't be any more difficult to handle than the rats that I deal with every day of my life. If he fills an ocean, I will sail it. If he grows a forest, I will cross it. If he raises an army, I will cut through it like a knife through butter. I'll find him and I'll carve out his heart and I'll do whatever it takes to see you smile."
Pause. Who the hell is 'he'?
"He, my prince?"
"He. This vicious husband who has silenced your voice and broken your spirit."
"Husband?"
Oh, Jesus. The guy thinks I'm married.
"Your husband, my sweet."
"Rainier—I'm not married."
His face goes blank for a moment.
"You're not?"
"I—no."
"But then—you never tell me anything and you're so secretive. Why will you not tell me anything if not to conceal us from a husband?"
"There is no husband, my prince," I say.
"Then—then tell me," he says. "Where are you from? What is your name? Where can I find you again?"
"My circumstances cannot allow for me to be frank with you about my identity," I say. "Or any other detail about me. I'm sorry."
He just stares at me. "That makes no sense," he says. "If you have no husband shackling you...then what sort of family would object to your being with me?"
"I told you," I say. "It's not that simple."
This is going south fast, Ambriella. Get out of here.
"You can't—" he runs his fingers through his hair, aggravated. "You can't seriously tell me that you're single and just leave it at that. You don't simply renew a man's hope only to bury it deeper."
Oh, God. Get out now.
"I..." I look around. "I'll tell you. But every answer I give you comes with a price."
"What is this price?"
"An orchid for each answer. How many questions do you wish to ask me?"
"So many," he says.
"Give me a number, my prince," I say, my head already starting to spin.
"I—three," he says. "Three questions."
"Then pick me three of these orchids and I will answer the questions for you."
He blinks, then leans towards the orchid bush to pick the flowers loose.
"The biggest ones!" I say to him.
I wait until he's got his arm in deep, then I turn tail quietly and run like a choir boy from a priest. The garden has a lot of twists and turns and Rainier led me out with a scarf over my eyes into a deeper part of these grounds. It's about two turns ahead when I hear it.
"Wait!" his voice echoes into the quiet of the night. "Wait—tell me your name!"
Oh, damn. Follow the music, Ambriella. Hurry now.
The ballroom is completely packed with people and the music is loud. But I know that Lucia and the girls are somewhere here, so I stick to the walls, inching along at a painfully slow pace before I finally reach the top of the stairs and tear ass back to Master Buxton's carriage.
"Wait!" comes Rainier's voice at the staircase. "Wait—tell me who you are! Tell me where to find you! I can change their minds, I swear it!"
Sure you can, honey bunches. I don't doubt him. Really. I don't. But the problem here is that I can't even be close to married if I want Royce Manor. And I do want Royce Manor. I want it more than Prince Rainier.
"Hurry up," I say to Arthur. "Hurry!"
I skip the last step and jump into the carriage. Dammit. One of my shoes just came off. Come on. How in the hell am I supposed to explain that to Master Buxton? That I lost one of his crystal embellished shoes? I'll have to wait until the Big Day and then I can pay him back for its full value. So I guess then I'll have to hold onto this other one until then.
I caution a look back at the palace. Rainier's figure, shrinking in the distance. The guards hurrying behind him. Getting...ominously...closer.
Oh, God. Don't let them catch me. The Big Day is coming so close and if I get caught now then Royce Manor will be gone forever. I refuse to lose after all these years— all I've endured. My suffering and patience outweighs this fortnight with the prince by far. My suffering and patience outweighs the prince's entire existence.
Eventually I can no longer hear the shouts of the guards behind us. We slow our pace to Amonta town, where I return to Master Buxton's shop and change back into my own dress.
"I'm afraid the other shoe is in royal custody," I tell him, holding up the shoe. "I'll pay you for it, though. Just give me a few weeks."
"How drunk are you?" he asks. "Losing shoes?"
"I'll pay it off," I tell him. "Promise."
"Fine," Master Buxton says. "But I'll be holding onto the ring until you pay up."
So I return home with a sparkling silver shoe. Not having Mother's ring is a thorn in my side—but I'll get it back soon. I just need to wait a few weeks.
I walk into the foyer and look around me. The halls are dark. The staff are all asleep. I tiptoe upstairs to my room. There's a heavy breeze picking up—a parting gift from the winter. I light some straw in my makeshift fireplace and huddle to myself.
He'd sail an ocean. He'd cross a forest. He'd cut through an army like a knife through butter. And he'd do it for me.
Snap out of it, Ambriella. It's over and done with now. You stick to the plan like a good girl. Be patient. Be kind. Be smart. The prince can't change the Allendale rules of inheritance. The prince can't give you Royce Manor if you go with him. The prince can't offer you anything you want—except maybe love.
No, no, no. You don't want that. You don't want love. You don't. It's let you down enough. Haven't you learned? The cost of love is too high. Even the prince's fortune can't pay it off. The things you want are things that he cannot give you. Love hurts and it cuts and it burns and it's far more trouble than it's worth. No thank you. I've had enough of love.
Yes, if he makes you his princess then Lucia and the girls will get on their knees and beg your forgiveness. Yes, they will be kissing your shoes. Yes, they will be spending the remainder of their pathetic lives with their heads inside your asshole. Yes, they will be forever miserable. But not because of Ambriella Allendale. Because of Ambriella Harrington. It will be Rainier that threatens them, not me. I want to be the one who makes them beg. I want to be the one they bow to. The Allendale heiress they wronged, not the Harrington princess all subjects are sworn to obey.
Though I do confess it's nice to know that I'm still loved by someone. Even if I can't accept it, I'll keep it with me here somewhere. It keeps me warm—warmer than this fire. Rainier would sail an ocean. He would cross a forest. He would cut through an army like a knife through butter. And he would do it for me.
I'm startled to know that I almost wish I could have stayed put there with him, that perfect prince of mine—let him love and protect me forever. For anyone else, it would have been enough. For me, this house was enough—once. But I'm not so sure anymore.
I'm ashamed. After all of my care and caution, it only took a fortnight. Just a single fortnight to make me second guess the past decade of my life. One single fortnight to change a pattern of thought that had been running steady for so long. In my wildest dreams I'd never imagined that this would be what would make me pause. Love—of all things.
Just when I told God that I'd never love anything again. Haven't I learned enough from all that's already happened to me because of love? I loved Mother, but she still left me. My love wasn't enough to save her. And I loved my Father, but love couldn't help him either. And love definitely couldn't protect me from Lucia—or else it would have at some point in the past decade. I loved my parents, and I loved their memory, and I loved their love that warmed me through the cold nights just as Rainier's love warms me now. And I loved their voices that soothed me to sleep when I had to listen to Lucia and the girls laughing in the night. I loved. And I lost. And I learned. No more love. Only memory. Prince Rainier will become a memory, drift off into the sweet abyss in my mind where I tuck only what truly matters, like my perfect parents and my invaluable home and my golden moments here in Royce Manor.
He'll never find me. Because I intend to grow old and die within this house. And if I want that, then I cannot be a princess. And I've wanted Royce Manor longer than I've wanted him. I choose House Allendale—I choose family.