Liara

Life holds dim triumphs, I thought as I roamed the halls in darkness.

When I had loved a soldier, I had not known such a thing was possible. For me, all the victories won at Serena's side were epic, grandiose in scale and their impact on the galaxy. I had taken a bullet to the chest and recovered. I had survived a thresher maw attack. I had walked through the most tragic histories of one of the most broken and beautiful minds that existed, and brought it to safe harbor. Together, we had stopped Saren, who had been powered, fueled by a Reaper's rage. And we had defeated the Reaper itself.

No. In the months that followed our victory, I had not thought victories could be small, that triumphs could be simple. But now, it seemed an effort of immense strength to draw breath into my lungs. It took all of my energy to keep my eyes open. Through force of will alone did I place one foot in front of another.

I leaned against the richly textured walls of my home, devastated by my miniscule triumphs. I lived. I breathed. Somehow, my heart continued beating though I could feel the holes punctured through it. In my soul there dwelt a chasm I could not reach into.

Slow, I staggered into the kitchen, my stomach rebelling at the thought of food, though I knew, in the back of my mind that screamed for survival, that I needed to eat. Bile rose in my throat again and I swallowed down acid, before contenting myself with a simple glass of water.

I stared at it for a long moment before drinking it down, wincing at the unfamiliar taste. It tasted saltier than the water aboard the Normandy, though I knew such was not the case. It had simply been put through fewer filtration systems.

I thought I knew how quickly a life could change, I stared out the kitchen doors to the vast expanse of the T'Soni estate; watched the moon gleam off of the crashing waves of the sea. It seemed so strange to me, watching myself become a different person in the months aboard the Normandy, greeting a new face in the mirror every morning. It is even stranger to see myself now, to attempt to define myself without Shepard…without all of them.

My thoughts whispered her name and my gut clenched. I had failed her, in so many ways. I had failed her because I had failed myself. She had lost love, and I had not listened to her wisdom, believing that if we had made it through all that we had survived together, that nothing further could assail us. That nothing could tear one from the other. That I need not build a life beyond what we shared every moment…

"Liara, what are you doing?" Serena asks, and I wonder why her silver eyes hold such seriousness as they peer over my shoulder at the screen in front of me.

"I am simply archiving my research." I reply, beginning to feel unnerved as her gaze hardens for no reason.

"I thought you were getting bombarded by universities asking for your papers and giving you opportunities to guest-lecture?" she asks, raising a single eyebrow in the way she has been known to do when questioning a lower ranking crew-member when they have obviously done something amiss.

I nodded. "I have told them that I am unavailable and that I am taking an extended leave of absence from my chosen field."

Serena's frown deepens and the scar across her face creases. Her lips purse and I wonder what I have done to upset her. She reaches back and pulls a chair towards me, sitting down and taking my hand in hers. She holds it for an extended moment of silence, hanging her head, letting her fiery hair shield her features. A deep sigh leaves her lungs and her shoulders slump.

At last, she looks up at me, wars fighting themselves in her eyes. "Why?"

The question is so simple, so soft. Were it to come from any other that I knew, I would consider it an attack, a questioning of my decisions…but Serena is not simply anyone. She is the woman to whom I have entrusted my heart, my secrets, and my life.

"To be frank, it is becoming distracting." I answer. "I am so busy replying and vid-conferencing that I fear I do too little aboard the Normandy. If I wanted to further my name in academia, I would not have remained here."

A slight smile quirks her lips. "My ego is happy." she says, and I remove my hand from hers, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. "But don't archive everything, Liara. You can limit what you do, sure. God knows I won't be pissed if you're in bed a little more and vid-conferencing less often."

I bite my lip, not certain how to take her words. So much of this is still new to me. "I thought…I thought you would be happy."

"Sweetheart, I'm not unhappy." She assures me and my heart flutters as it always does when she calls me that human term of affection. "I'm just worried."

"Why would you be worried about this?" I wonder.

"Because I know you." she smiles, and my heart melts. "You have a tendency to throw yourself into things heart first and head last, in spite of that logical brain of yours. I know you love me, Liara, and I thank everything every day for that, but you can't just love me…you need to love other things too."

"I believe I understand what you are trying to say." I nod, attempting to see this from her point of view. "But why do you say it?"

Serena sighs. "When I lost Avi, I lost my legs, and my military career." she explains. "And there's no desperation like the feeling of losing everything. I didn't have any family; didn't really have any friends, either. I didn't know where to go, and that's why I went…why I went to where she was. We both know how everything changed from there. But…and I say this with so much love and faith in you…please keep loving something else. Because if you lose me…"

"I will not." I shake my head, refusing even to entertain the idea.

We have been through too much together. We have both bled in each other's arms, and walked to the other side of that injury into the healing that lay beyond. She has already lost every battle she ever will. Nothing will tear us asunder. I know this to be fact.

"No, you won't." Serena places a brief kiss to my forehead. "Not by my choice anyway. Just…keep in mind what I've said, okay?"

"I will." I reply as I turn back to my console, immediately dismissing everything she has told me as I archive my research and type an automatic response for those who might seek me out.

Sharp pain dragged me out of the memory and I stared at the shards of glass covering the counter. Biotic energy swirls around my fingers, wisping away as I rein it in and watch violet blood drip onto the counter from the gashes in my palm.

Not by my choice, anyway. Serena's words echoed in my head and I began shaking from something deeper than fury, more ferocious than wrath.

She lied to me, I stared at the blood smeared across the counter. She chose to go after Joker, she chose to force me away! She lied…why would she lie to me? Why?