Liara

"I don't even know if I want to know what's behind that door." Shepard says, eying the door as though she distrusts it.

Behind us, we hear the sounds of the dying mercenaries. The wet, gurgling rasp of their breath still sends shivers down my spine. I am not yet fully accustomed to death. Truly ending a life. It is one thing to shoot a geth, to shred a mess of metal and wires…it is another thing to force bullets into flesh and see the multi-colored blood spewing from beneath the skin.

I look at Serena's face, see the pain and the questions stamped on her brow. Admiral Hackett had tasked her with this assignment, to seek out the reason behind the deaths of scientists who formerly worked for the Alliance. Shepard had been about to decline as we were needed on Virmire, but the admiral had stayed her and said words that chilled my heart…he informed her that all of the scientists had worked on a classified project on Akuze.

Now, we stood here at a once well-guarded facility. Shepard sets her lips in a thin line and activates the door.

"Toombs, you aren't well!" a middle-aged human male in a white lab coat holds his hands out in a gesture of placation, away from the well-armored man who holds a pistol at the scientist's head. "Look, we can talk about this, we can…"

"You've done enough talking!" the man identified as Toombs yells, his voice layered with anger, spite, and murderous rage. "Now you die!"

"Corporal Toombs!" Shepard shouts and I turn to see that her face has gone white and her hands are trembling. "Lower your weapon!"

The man turns and his arm falls. With his free hand, he pulls his helmet off and drops it on the ground. His features mirror Shepard's, milky white and stamped with shock.

"LT?" he asks.

"What the hell is a goddamn ghost doing on Ontaron?" Shepard breathes. "I saw you go down...on Akuze."

Oh goddess! I looked from Toombs back to Shepard, afraid as once more I saw the ghosts swarming in her eyes that had taken hold of them after Edolus. First the maw. Now this…Shepard was the only survivor. How then did this come to pass?

"The maw took me and Richardson under." Toombs rasps. "Spat us back up…Richardson's neck snapped when he hit 'cause the acid had burned his damn arms off. I saw Ivey shoot Rivera," Shepard flinches as though she has been struck, "then he moved on to the rest of us. I hid," tears begin to stream down the man's face, running in the deep grooves of scarring that mar his features. "I pulled Richardson's body over mine. Ivey shot him in the back, three fucking times! But he missed me. Then the crazy bastard shot himself in the head. Never thought I'd thank God for a friend's suicide but I was singing hallelujah."

"Toombs…" Shepard's voice cracks as all of her is cracked. Her heart, her mind, so recently repaired after Edolus, tormented again by the memories of the past.

"Then the scientists came." Toombs spits. "With the Alliance. I'm guessing you were found by soldiers. I wasn't as lucky. They took me, LT."

"You can't prove any of this!" the lab-coated man shouts, and I immediately doubt his integrity. His eyes dart to Shepard and take in her rank insignia. "Commander, this man is deranged! He needs help!"

"Fucking listen to me, LT!" Toombs begs and Shepard nods. "They were there, running tests on the thresher maws. They let those things hit us just to watch and study! We were a goddamn science project, LT! They put me in a cell, delighted that I'd survived and…they turned me into a goddam lab rat!"

"Toombs…I saw you go under." Shepard repeats words she has said before, and I realize it is because she can find nothing else to say.

Her body was broken. I did not understand how she could feel guilt for what had happened that day. Her lover had been shot before her eyes. She could barely speak, let alone move, let alone look for survivors! Even had she known Toombs lived, she could physically have done nothing!

"If I'd known I would have…" I can see the despair in her, but she cannot move, cannot actualize her emotions with her body, cannot give herself to that manner of release. "I wouldn't have let this happen." she manages. "I should have found you…"

"You can't believe Toombs!" the scientist rages, turning enough for me to see the symbol embroidered on his lab coat, a gold and black stamp…it is not an Alliance insignia. "He has no proof! I demand a fair trial not this…vigilante justice!"

"You were there you bastard!" Toombs screams. "He knows the truth, LT! He's with some…some organization called Cerberus! They specialize in illicit research not condoned by the Systems Alliance or the Galactic Council!"

"Ludicrous conspiracy theories!" the scientist shouts.

"You dripped thresher maw acid on my fucking face!" Toombs shatters. "You vaporized the shit and made me breathe it in to see if it could be turned into a biological weapon!" his free hand reaches up and bile rises in my throat as he sticks his fingers into his left eye socket and removes a glass orb, throwing it on the floor where it shatters. "That shit ate my eye, LT!" he looks at Shepard, openly weeping. "He deserves to die! They all deserve to die! Me, you…Ivey, Richardson…Rivera…the whole goddamn squad! All of that blood is on his hands! Are you with me or not?"

He flings his gun up again and the scientist drops to his knees, sweat pouring down his face. Shepard's energy flares and coruscates around her like a physical flame. I have not felt this manner of pure wrath from her since she threw Sergeant Ledee from the Normandy and spaced him.

"Corporal," she speaks, her voice even and controlled, "drop your weapon."

"I don't have to follow your orders, LT!" Toombs rebels. "The Alliance turned its back on me!"

"I didn't!" Shepard thunders. "I just didn't fucking know! You want to kill him, Toombs, go ahead and fucking kill him! What's it gonna do!? Is it gonna give you your eye back? Is it gonna make Ivey come back and not go stark raving insane? Is it…is it going to bring Avi back to life? No. It won't." she is panting now, the words taking a toll on her as her darkest days and dreams resurge. I want to reach out and take her hand, to lend her my strength, but I cannot. I can only hope that my time spent in her mind is enough…enough to restore her from this second foray into hell.

"It's not going to make the nightmares stop, Toombs." Shepard whispers. "I would know. I stood at courts martial. They were going to punish me for everything that happened. I saw Rivera's parents. I told them I was sorry…but that didn't bring her back. I went to the memorial they built on Akuze, but nothing gave me peace. Killing the ones who did this won't do it either. Let the dead rest, Toombs. You still have a goddamn fucking life! And you need to live it! That's an order, corporal!"

"What did you lose!?" Toombs demands. "I was tortured for years! You still have a career, so they obviously didn't find you guilty at courts martial! What'd you get, a few goddamn scratches and a paper trail? A badass reputation!?"

Shepard's silver eyes flare, but she does not lose her temper. "Avi and I were engaged." she tells him. "We were going to get married, right after Akuze. The acid destroyed my back and my legs. The docs told me I was never going to walk again. I got through it, Toombs. Look at me, standing here. You're better than them, than all of them. They tortured you, they stole from you, and you survived. Shove it in their goddamn faces by making something of yourself. Drop your weapon. You're a soldier, not a killer."

Toombs visibly shrinks inside himself. Sweat drips from his nose and tears pour from his one working eye. He drops the pistol with a shaking hand and kicks it towards Shepard. "You're right." His shoulders slump. "I'm not a murderer. I'm not…not them. Just…arrest the hell out of him and make sure his day in court happens. Tell me, LT…does the screaming stop?"

Shepard steps forward and rests her hand on his shoulder. "It gets quieter." she assures him. "I promise. It's time to go home, Corporal. You've done good, soldier. Damn good. Tali," she calls the quarian, who has been standing guard in the hall, away from the conversation, "escort Corporal Toombs to the Mako. Get Joker on comms and tell him to hail the Fifth Fleet. A soldier is coming home."

"Roger that, Shepard." Tali wraps her slender arm around Toombs' waist and the Alliance soldier sags against her as they leave.

The scientist turns to Shepard. "I suppose this means I'm under arrest?" he asks, a sneer on his features, pride in having preserved his life and his lies. "Though I won't be convicted. The corporal has no evidence."

Shepard strides forward, nodding. "Oh I know. I know how slowly the wheels of justice turn." she responds, eying the man's extended arms with disdain. "I assume you have records here. Information on Cerberus?"

"Ha!" the scientist scoffs. "The instant your vehicle appeared on our radar we destroyed everything. There is no evidence other than that lunatic's testimony, and he's so riddled with PTSD that no court will accept his statement."

"You're right." Shepard agrees, and I wonder why she dissuaded Toombs from killing this man who caused the both of them so much pain. "All of your calculations are right on. Except one."

"Oh?" the scientist turns up his nose, glaring down at Shepard from his greater height.

"No one who served under me would ever dare lie to my face." Shepard asserts. "No matter how fucking crazy they went. And you see…" she reaches out in a flash of movement and grasps his wrist, snapping it backward in a display of rage and strength that terrifies me. The scientist screams and drops to his knees once more. "…Toombs has enough demons screaming at him. He's going to wake up every goddamn day wondering why he's breathing, and a man who asks that question doesn't sleep easy with the memory of taking a life. Killing you would only make him suffer more. But me? I'm going to enjoy every fucking minute of it."

I faded out of the memory and back into the present. The present where Shepard did not exist, and where the agency that had destroyed her life in her young years now made veiled promises at being able to restore her to life.

I remembered watching Shepard remove her knife from her boot and torture the scientist until he screamed for mercy. Mercy she did not give him until all the secrets he held spilled from his blood-flecked lips. He had died with a knife in his heart, and I had looked into the soul of pure rage…its color was silver. Its name meant "serenity."

Serena could be…a brutal woman. I recalled, feeling a pang inside my chest that I did not want to exist. But she so respected life. She cherished existing; she fought for the good remaining in the world. She sacrificed herself…her goodness, her humanity…to make the galaxy a safer place for better people. How…how could I have forgotten that?

"We are in the belly of the beast." I said to Feron. "And everywhere I turn there are liars, pretenders, and charlatans."

That is why this galaxy needs Shepard. I never had to wonder who she was, what she intended…she hid nothing. Not even her brutality. And only true power, true honesty, true knowledge of Self and Purpose, can defeat the enemies we face.

"But," I continued, "to use a human term…I will ally with the Devil himself if only to get Serena back."

Feron spat at the symbol of Cerberus. "You may have done just that, Liara." He growled. "You may have done just that."