Thessia

Liara leaned against the wall of her secure room, her eyes closed with the pain of a memory revisited. Her thoughts had not ventured there in decades. Though her subconscious had constant knowledge of all that she had been, she did not participate in active recollection of those memories. Remembering her former identity hurt in ways she had not thought it would...even after over a hundred years had passed.

It had not simply been the one. There had been others, many, many others. A stream of company to keep her out of her own head, to share with her in the temporary ecstasy that eased the pain less and less until it no longer served its purpose. At that point, it had become rote. Tradition, even. To sacrifice her sanity to the needle, her throat to the alcohol, and her body to whomever would be a willing host for the pain and self-loathing she spilled into them with every touch, every meld.

Liara looked down at her hands, at the minute threads of old scars that no one but her could see any longer. Time had let them fade into almost non-existence, but in her mind she could see them, tracing the patterns like maps of where she had been. She wondered of those she had been with...if they remembered the desperate, drug-infused couplings, the malicious grin on cobalt lips and the hands that speared their veins.

Most of them are no longer alive, Liara thought. Most of them will never know how truly, truly sorry I am for those nights when I did not inhabit my own mind. Goddess, Liara looked up, her eyes fading into the distance, shaping a face, a body, another memory that ached, but did not haunt, how did you ever bring yourself to forgive me, Shepard?

"Doctor T'Soni," Glyph appeared at her elbow, startling Liara from her thoughts, a distraction she was grateful for. "There are updated reports on the condition of one Mira Dorsen. You said to alert you imm..."

"Yes. Thank you, Glyph." Liara cut the hovering VI off, pulling up the monitor and reading over the doctor and surgeon's report.

Alive. A breath Liara had been holding rushed from her lungs as relief swept over her. Remembering her own loss, her own grief, and the dark spiral that had been her existence after losing Shepard...she could not bear to see Sen walk that same path. Or any path even close to it.

However, if the worst does come to pass, Liara translated the medical jargon as she skimmed over the report, her eyes darkening at the severity of Mira's injuries, I owe it to Sen to be here for her. It will be the only way to begin to repay the debt that I owe. Though I doubt anything I shall ever do will truly absolve me.

Liara copied the data from the Broker's terminal to her omni-tool and left the secure room with a heavy heart. The sole good news was that Mira had survived. However, the recovery, if her tenuous state did not worsen, would be long and involved. Liara remembered what Sen had told her at the hospital, that Mira's father was en route to Thessia. It would not surprise her if the human man took his daughter back to her home to recover. Humans often did such things. It would be a loss for Sen...but not nearly so terrible at losing a love to death, especially a love that showed promise of repair.

She tapped on the door of Sen's room and heard the quiet voice allowing her entry. Sen's eyes did not meet hers when she came in, and Liara's heart fell.

Can you admire someone and yet find them reprehensible? Sen's question echoed in Liara's mind and in her heart, hanging on the knife blade it had pierced her with. Those words had wounded her in ways she would never tell the cardiologist. They had reminded Liara of her own shortcomings. They had reminded her that love could be blind...but that when that blindness ceased, the image before the open eyes could sear, scar, and brand a soul for eternity.

"I have news, Sen." Liara whispered, and the asari's head lifted, her unusual eyes shining with a universal emotion that broke Liara's heart.

How is it that hope looks beautiful in every gaze? Liara wondered. Even the eyes of fanatics, when gleaming with hope, are lovely.

Liara sat down beside her younger friend and opened her omni-tool, letting Sen's more educated eyes read over the medical reports. The cardiologist paled and her lips parted, but she seemed to steel herself as she continued to read.

"Goddess." Sen whispered, lifting a finger and closing the screen of Liara's omni. Her hand trembled. "It's all...so much. So much damage."

So much damage...Liara rocked backwards in time, hearing those words in a calm, weary British accent. I will do what I can, but you do understand that sometimes...sometimes what life that remains cannot be salvaged.

Liara wrapped an arm about Sen's shoulders as the cardiologist looked up to the ceiling. "She'll be moved to the Traumatic Care Unit." Sen calculated the hospital's procedures. "Because of the neuro-surgery, she'll probably have quarter-hour observations. Probably only one permitted visitor and her father won't be here for...for at least another day."

Sen's last words ended on a whisper and a knowing, commiserating smile crossed Liara's lips as she pulled Sen closer against her, imparting comfort.

"Do you want to go to her?" Liara asked. "I promise you, you will not be alone."

"I don't know." Sen looked up at the one friend she had in the galaxy. Two perfect tears fell from each one of Sen's eyes. "I am afraid, Liara. I am afraid of the reality of this. It is easier to read, to understand from a cold, clinical purview but I..."

"It is always difficult to witness." Liara acknowledged. "But I know that your heart wishes to be with her. That your hands want to touch and heal. That your lips wish to whisper words of comfort and that the thought of her waking alone terrifies you."

"How..." Sen's eyes fell, "...you would know, wouldn't you?"

Liara took a deep breath and nodded. "I would." she wiped away Sen's tears. "I would know all too well."

Sen closed her eyes, calculating. "It's morning, so Valen should be lead at the TCU." she thought aloud. "Thankfully, we work well together...it helps that Valen cannot stand Chief T'Vari either, and constantly circumvents orders when in the patient's bests interests. But if chief finds out and tries to have me removed..."

Liara rested a calming hand on Sen's wrist. "If that happens, Sen, I will handle Ela T'Vari."

Sen looked up, incredulous, weighing what she knew of the chief of medicine at Thessia Medical against what she knew of Liara T'Soni. A small smile touched her lips as she realized that T'Vari did not stand a chance.

"You would do that for me?" Sen asked, suddenly shy, suddenly feeling as though Liara had power that surpassed her family name and her heroism in the Reaper War. Something darker, something more sinister...something hidden from the eyes of the public.

"Indeed I would." Liara nodded, standing up and helping Sen to her feet. "After all, Thessia Medical's funding must come from somewhere."

An absolutely wicked smile crossed Liara's lips and Sen wanted to shiver...but in the hope of the moment, all she could do was laugh.