Liara

The world had sharp edges. Bladed. Cold. I followed the writhing of the dancer's bodies in Eternity. Each curve and line cut into the air around it, leaving a gaping hole. I felt like I could see through their skin, to their hearts, to the scars surely stamped there.

Suffering. It was something every creature in the galaxy knew on some level. Even those at the perfect level of material contentment must have known it. Joyous times united no one. Contentment for some bred contempt in others…and thus the cycle of suffering continued.

I wonder, I thought as I contemplated the drink I held in a trembling hand, if the Reapers really are as evil as we all believed. Yes, so much suffering is endured, but only to the point of eradication. When there is no one left to weep, the pain is ended, and all who are spared are free to rebuild their lives. Peace must be enjoyed for a great time as societies advance and evolve before they fall backwards into discontent and war. Is that so bad?

I lifted the glass to my lips, tasting the savory spices of the Thessian red wine. The bite of my traditional whiskey had dulled. It had lost its affect. The strangers I woke next to each morning were becoming less and less alluring. Less promising. More painful than pleasurable. More hurtful than healing. The needles I slipped in my veins helped less and less in blocking out reality.

The drug induced euphoria had become more of a glossy sheen over the world, allowing me to see the darkness of my actions and myself that it had formerly obliterated. Those I brought to my bed were more and more willing to leave it when we were finished. I frowned as I stared into my glass of wine. Sobriety threatened to emerge, and I missed the hazed edges of my surroundings.

The stark clarity frightened me. I had run from it for so long and fleeing further seemed to be the only comforting thing. I set my wine aside on the table and withdrew my silver box from my pocket. I needed the haze, craved the oblivion, the chemicals that would sever my soul from its all too cruel reality. I examined the three filled syringes inside the box. One was no longer enough. Two would dull the pain, but not eradicate it.

Some small inner voice screamed at me. It begged me to stop in a melodic voice that could cut like a razor or pierce like a sword. It was my voice that screamed as I pushed the first needle into my skin. Inside my mind, I heard Benezia sobbing for her lost daughter as the second needle punctured its vein. I lifted the third needle and stared at it. I smiled as the bitterness of the world faded away. But it did not leave. It hovered like a stalker, painting the world in dark shades that threatened to strip away the layers of my soul and lay it bare. I needed to run. I needed to feel nothing.

Don't make me say good-bye. Another voice filtered through my thoughts, sweet, firm, lovely and dead. Álainn anam.

"You're not here." I whispered, pressing the needle into my skin. "I've already said good-bye."

I depressed the plunger and watched the world fade. The sharp edges were gone; the shadows receded to a place where they could no longer speak or touch me. I sank back against the couch, watching the dancers. Their bodies no longer cut the air; no longer could I see through their skin. And I wanted to touch and taste and take. I wanted to augment the high. I wanted to feel anything but the pain.

I rose from my seat, intent on going to the dance floor, my hunting ground, and finding my secondary drug and high…a warm body to share a moment of false intimacy. To pretend that I was capable of true feeling…a lie.

I took a step forward and the world swerved in front of me. My entire body shook now, not just my hands. The air in Eternity felt cool for the first time, when normally one began to sweat as soon as they entered. I took a deep breath and it was not enough to fill my lungs. I breathed deeper and still felt deprived of air.

My knees shook so badly that I collapsed to the floor, holding my throat, breathing faster and harder until I was gasping for air. Black spots began to hover in my vision as I coughed and the muscles in my back seized before tremoring uncontrollably. Their first flutter doubled me over, but no one noticed in the chaos that defined Eternity.

My back seized again, the tightness of the muscles made me feel as though they would snap. I cried out as my back arched, the muscles spasmed and it threw me back onto the floor. I still could not breathe and every exhale was a sob of pain and fear that I had gone too far. The room swirled above me as my body continued to tremor and shake. I could feel everything but could do nothing to stop it. The air around me felt like an icy tundra and I could no longer decipher my shivering from the tremors I could not control.

My heart kicked in my chest as I tried to breathe, to gather enough air to cry out, to call for someone who might care enough to find my life worth saving. My body seized and released again, the force of the spasm forcing me forward. My head slammed against the leg of the table and I cried out from the pain. My eye burned as blood dripped into it. Blood that felt cold on my skin instead of warm.

Something is wrong…very, very wrong.

Suddenly I felt frigid hands pulling me away from the table, touching my cheek, trying to steady me as my body bucked and thrashed.

"Matriarch!" I heard a voice cry out. "Matriarch Aethyta, I need you over here!"

The music continued, people kept dancing, drinking, giving Eternity its purpose…a place to flee from the world that surrounded them. I felt an impossible clarity in that moment as a stranger held me, tried to soothe me, tried to keep me from hurting myself as my body rebelled, my mind's wishes and commands thwarted by the drugs invading my system.

"It's all right." I heard the voice that belonged to the hands, so blessedly cool and sure. "You're safe. Help is on the way."

I heard a low, raspy voice yelling at patrons and the bartender of Eternity knelt down beside me. Her eyes were dark, darker than any asari's I had ever seen. And her face bereft of any markings…so unusual. Oddly compelling.

"Bloody fuck." she hissed. Her hand grabbed my wrist and activated my omnitool. "Take her here." she pointed to a line of text that blurred in my vision.

I kept gasping for air as my heart raced, slowed, and raced again. My body continued to seize and release and I felt helpless.

"Aethyta, she needs a hospital." the other voice protested and the cold hand rested on my forehead. "She's burning alive and if she doesn't get help soon, these tremors will turn into full blown seizures. I would know."

"No hospitals." the matriarch growled. "Trust me. I'll handle it. Just. Get. Her. Home."

"Don't make me regret this." the gentle arms slipped around my shoulders and under my knees, lifting me from the floor.

The cool of her skin pierced my clothes. It felt so good…she was scarcely wearing anything. Was she a dancer?

Another spasm racked my body, blood and sweat burned my eyes, I struggled to breathe. Black danced in my vision and I fought it. A door opened and we walked into the open air. The chill of it hurt and I moaned, fighting to stay awake to know what was happening, not to succumb.

"Let it happen." the asari carrying me urged. "You're not alone, and I'm not leaving."

All of the air flew out of my lungs as her words resonated.

You're not alone.

I had been…for so long. I let the darkness wash over me, trusting the kindness of strangers. I had done so before…and been blessed.