Thessia

Liara fell silent and Sen stopped in front of her dresser, looking at the holo-display sitting on it. A few swipes of her finger through various pictures at last revealed one of Sen and Zhira. She saw the indigo skin Liara had mentioned, the bright facial markings that Sen had always envied for their symmetry and beauty…unlike her own.

Sen traced the still image with her eyes, wondering at what Liara had told her…all the things she had never known.

"She never told me." Sen whispered, feeling some emotion that she could not name.

It was not hurt. It was not betrayal. Sen knew that people, even family, even mothers, were allowed their pasts and their secrets. Perhaps it was guilt that she felt. Guilt for never asking her mother about her life. Guilt for never wondering why Zhira had expressly forbidden Sen to learn combative biotics beyond the techniques taught to all asari for self defense. Wondering why her mother had abhorred the thought of a standing asari army, and never went near, or allowed her daughter close, to a weapon.

"What did she never tell you, Sen?" Liara asked, drawing closer to the daughter of her old friend.

"Any of what you said." Sen murmured. "That she was a dancer. Or that…" Sen looked to Liara's eyes, her own wide with questions, "…drugs?"

Liara nodded her head. "In retrospect, I should probably not have told you this." she said, regret tingeing her voice. "I simply…Zhira is exceedingly forthright, honest. She hid nothing from me and…I foolishly thought that she would have been as open with you."

"I am her daughter." Sen breathed, turning away from the holo-display. "She wanted me to have pride in our family, such as it is. Matriarch Kariah's reputation is not dead, though she is long gone from this life. We are a stain on the galaxy, and the reputation of the asari race as a whole. Aria T'Loak and her dealings are one thing, but she is one asari, out in the Terminus Systems where no one will care. A true rogue. The T'Aryn family is another thing entirely. We are equated to what the humans call a 'mafia'."

"Indeed they are." Liara made certain to sever Sen and Zhira from the rest of the T'Aryn house. "And of all those who carry Kariah's house name and lineage, Zhira is the sole one who broke from that. And believe me when I say it is not easy to turn your back on wealth and power, even if it is the power of infamy."

"She is admirable." Sen agreed. "And formidable. And I can understand her desire to keep who she was and what she did before she severed her familial ties a secret from me. I mean…" Sen sighed and looked to Liara, "would you reveal all that you have told me to your daughter, if you had one?" she asked, watching Liara's eyes darken. "Would you want her to know the pain and torment that you have described to me? Would you divulge your darker heart to the child you carried in your womb or…or would you want to give her only the joys and beauties and pride of your life?"

Liara waited a long moment before speaking, contemplating the questions Sen had asked her. They were not easy, or pleasant, to dwell upon.

Liara exhaled and met Sen's eyes. "I would like to believe that I would tell my child everything." she answered. "The joys, beauties, and pride that you speak of are all well and good…but to give only that to your child would…would be what Benezia left to me. All of my life with her, she gave me an image of perceived perfection that I could never achieve. Until the day she died, I had always felt a failure when she looked at me. Perhaps if I had known of her own weaknesses, if she had divulged her flaws…my life might have been different. Our lives cannot be comprised solely of triumphs. It is not a fair, or real, image. It is not a gift to our children, but a hindrance to their growth. So, in answer…yes. I would tell my daughter everything."

"You continue to be the most unusual asari I have ever met." Sen smiled as she opened her dresser, removed her clothing, and began to pack.

Liara remained quiet and, after a moment, curiosity took over the cardiologist as she gathered her belongings.

"What was my mother like?" Sen asked. "I cannot envision her as a nurse of any sort." she grinned. "Her bedside manner is…somewhat lacking."

A wide smile spread across Liara's face. "You will face no argument from me on that matter." the archaeologist replied. "But I did not need a nurse at that point in my life, Sen. I needed someone very much like your mother. Zhira did not let me hide. She did not let me run. For some reason, she attached herself to me and when I could not fight my demons, she stood in my place and fought them for me."

Sen blinked, slow, digesting the information and contrasting Liara's words with her knowledge of her mother.

"I can imagine that." Sen whispered, a slight smile on her lips. "My mother is brusque but…but no one that she calls friend or loved one lacks for protection."

Sen looked up, seeing nightmares in Liara's eyes once again. Her heart hurt for the old pain that still lived in Liara's mind and gnawed at her soul. She wondered if, even after centuries, Liara dreamed of the horror and pain that had been the Reaper War, and what she had endured in it.

"Withdrawal is an abyss." Liara murmured. "It swallows you whole and eats you alive. And through all of it, the needle hovers in your mind like a sword with which to cut through the pain and the need and provide relief. I slept." Liara shuddered. "I dreamed…worse dreams than the ones that had driven me to the drugs in the beginning. I would wake, sweating, crying, begging for the relief of oblivion. And Zhira kept her promise. She was always there…always denying me the peace I craved, for my own benefit. Goddess."

Liara's silence seemed ominous, as though she were biting back an anger still present, even though Sen knew that was not the case.

"What?" Sen asked.

Liara laughed at herself, at her past, at all the pain she had endured, because now it was safe to do so. It was something she had come through, stronger and wiser. It had been a triumph, hard-earned.

"Sen…" Liara calmed and chuckled, "...there were times I hated your mother. I remember once…"