Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter. Keep them coming, the more, the better. I want to know what you all are thinking now that things have started to change in the story. Enjoy the new chapter!
"Oh, God, Jack, I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd have this reaction after all this time. I shouldn't have told you anything." Gray said after Jack told him everything about the previous day.
"No, it's okay, you were right to tell me. I need to be prepared if he tries anything." He added after a beat. "Did he say anything to you? Did he threaten you?"
"No, he didn't say anything. He seemed to be too busy gloating, as if he knew you had moved to get away from him." There was a pause, as if Gray was waiting for Jack to say anything. "He seemed to be as sick as before, Jack. Even if he didn't say anything, he creeped the hell out of me." Jack still didn't say anything. "Oh, Jack, I don't want you to go back to the way you were. Things were finally getting better for you. You deserve to finally have a happy life. I really shouldn't have said anything. It just felt so wrong to keep it from you."
"Gray, relax, you did the right thing. And even if he finds me, it's not like he's going to come all the way over here. I'm still safe." Jack told him, not believing a word he was saying. He just didn't want his brother to worry so much, or worse, feel guilty for what he'd told him. "I overreacted yesterday. I'm going to be fine." He hoped Gray wouldn't be able to tell he was lying.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, Gray, I'm sure."
"You know we're all here for you if you need anything."
"I know, Gray. Thanks. Look, I gotta go. Hug mom and dad for me."
"Sure thing. Take care, Jack."
"You, too."
Jack felt extremely unsettled. John had developed all this power over him, and even if he hadn't tried anything yet, Jack could feel his overbearing presence, tainting his every move. He didn't want to lose what he'd gained while living in Cardiff either, but he didn't know how he could possibly relax again, now that he knew he still wasn't free. Then he remembered that morning. He was exhausted, and he could barely talk, but just being around Ianto had made him feel so much better. He felt calm, safe, comforted. Ianto had understood exactly what he needed, and Jack could feel his support even when he was busy doing his things. After the night he'd had, he never imagined that he would be able to feel so much better the next day. Of course, the situation wasn't even nearly solved, but just the idea that maybe this time things wouldn't be so hard because he had Ianto made him feel that much lighter. He felt like he never would be able to thank the younger man, just for being there. Then again, maybe that's what friendship was really all about, being there for each other without expecting anything in return. And Ianto was the best friend he'd ever had.
Jack had tried to keep his mind away from things the rest of the day. He tried reading, watching telly, listening to music, but he couldn't relax. He had developed such a natural response to John, that it was impossible to think about him without feeling terrorised. He fought this feeling all afternoon, but nothing made it better. Then the phone rang. And Jack smiled for the first time that afternoon.
"Hi, Yan."
"Hey, Jack. How are you doing?" God, just hearing Ianto's voice made the knot in his stomach dissolve a little.
"I'm doing okay. Trying to move on, I guess."
"Okay, that's good." He paused for a bit, and Jack kept silent. "I don't want to force you to talk or anything, I just wanted you to know that I'm still here."
"It's okay. I'm glad you called." Another pause. "How about you talk instead? How was your day?"
"Normal, I guess. Finished tidying the flat, went for a walk in the park, you know, to enjoy one of the three days of sun in the year." Both men laughed at that. "Oh, and I got an email, someone interested in lessons, so I might get another student. Which would make things a bit better."
"Oh, that's good. I hope it works out." Jack had everything so easy in that department, that he kept forgetting how much Ianto struggled just to keep up with basic expenses. Of course, Ianto being who he was, he never really showed that he was having any problems, which made it easier for Jack to ignore it completely. Not that it would make any difference if he did remember, it's not like Ianto would ever accept any kind of help. He'd thought about it, about trying to find him something in his company, but he knew Ianto would see it as Jack trying to do charity, and would end up more upset than grateful. So Jack just let it go.
"Yeah, me, too. Then I planned the lessons for the week, and now I'm ringing you."
"And what are you gonna do when we hang up?"
"Dunno. Watch telly maybe. Try to finish that book that seems to go on forever. Don't really care." They were both quiet for a while.
"Hey, Yan?"
"Yeah?"
"I know it probably didn't seem like it, but you really helped me this morning."
"Really?"
"Yeah. That was just what I needed, someone to be around. You're a great friend, and I'm truly grateful that you're in my life."
"I'm here for you, Jack. Anything you need, any time."
"Thank you." Jack looked outside the window, and noticed it was getting dark. Sudden fear gripped his heart again. He asked before he even knew what he was doing. "Hey, would you like to go to the cinema or something?"
"Yeah, sure. Let me just go see what's on." There was a pause, and Jack could hear Ianto moving around, and then typing on his laptop. "Okay, there's this French film I'd been meaning to see that's playing in one hour. Would that do?"
"Yeah, sure." Jack didn't really care what they watched, as long as he didn't have to be alone. "I'll pick you up in half an hour?"
"Okay, I'll be ready."
"See you soon."
"See you."
Jack was barely paying attention to what he was watching, but it didn't really matter. Just having Ianto beside him was calming him down, and that's what he needed. He was extremely disappointed when the film was over, because he knew he'd have to go home alone. He drove Ianto to his flat, and started preparing himself for the night ahead.
"Call if you need anything, okay?" Ianto said before leaving the car. "Any time, day or night. I mean it."
Jack almost asked. Ianto was there, offering. He could have asked him to go home with him, so he wouldn't have to be in that big house alone. Stop it, Jack. Get a grip and stop being pathetic. You can take care of yourself. You don't need a babysitter.
"I will. Thanks for the company tonight."
"Any time. Good night, Jack."
"Night, Yan."
Jack had another terrible night. Every time he closed his eyes he'd see John, that maniacal look on his face, threats and more threats flowing from his mouth. If he fell asleep, he would have the same nightmare over and over, the one he'd started having when John had made the very first threats, the thing he kept imagining could happen at any time. A loud bang, excruciating pain, and blood flowing down his chest, until everything went dark. He would wake up screaming, covered in sweat, every time. John's words would still be floating in his head. 'You can't leave me, Jackie. I'll have you, or you won't see another day."
His week was even worse. He barely slept at night, and his performance at work was clearly suffering. He was exhausted, constantly distracted, and the clients were clearly getting more and more frustrated with him. Ianto called every night, and aside the usual 'how are you doing' he never asked Jack anything. He would just tell him about his day, and try to distract him. Jack was immensely grateful for that. He was amazed everyday with how understanding the other man was being. But that only helped while they were talking. Jack would relax and finally breathe a little, but as soon as they hung up, everything would come back to torment him. On Friday, his boss called Jack to his office.
"Okay, Jack, what's wrong with you?" His boss started, without as much as a greeting.
"I'm sorry?"
"Something is going on with you, and it's affecting your work. I need to know what's happening."
"Sorry, sir, I've been having some personal problems. I'm taking care of it, and it won't affect my work any more."
His boss sighed deeply. "Jack, I hate to have to tell you this. I can see that something's not right, and I wish I could help, but you're already on thin ice here. Even if your tutor has sent us a very promising review of your first six months, we can't live on promises alone. The clients are still a bit uncomfortable with you, even if they did recognise that you're making an effort, but this past week things have gotten a lot worse. I've gotten three different complaints. I have no doubts of how good you are at your job, and that's why you're still here, because I keep expecting that your relationship with the clients will get better, but I can't risk losing any of them. And that's what's going to happen if things continue the way they are."
Jack was completely shocked for a while. He knew things were bad, but not that bad. He tried to recover quickly.
"I understand, sir, but I promise things are under control. This has been a bad week, but next week things will be back to normal, and I will improve my relationship with the clients. I guarantee it."
"I appreciate what you're saying, but I need results. Soon. I don't want to add to your problems, but you have to know, this is your last chance. I can only give you another month, or until I lose the first client. If you don't prove that what you're saying is true, I'm going to have to let you go."
"I'll prove it to you, sir. You can count on it." Jack said, trying to show a lot more confidence than he was feeling.
He left his boss' office feeling completely defeated. What would happen to him if he lost this job? Would he be able to find anything else in Cardiff? He was in such bad shape, would he be able to convince anyone to hire him? And if he couldn't, he would be forced to go back home, to live with his parents. Which, considering what had been breaking him in the first place, would be the exact opposite of a solution. He had no idea what to do. He worked through the rest of the day like a zombie, and he called Ianto as soon as he left the office. He was knocking at his door fifteen minutes later.
"Oh, God, Jack, I'm so sorry." Ianto said, after Jack recounted the entire conversation with his boss to him, and told him about not being able to sleep. "I had no idea things were so bad."
"I just... I didn't want you to worry more than you already were." And I don't want you to think I'm weak. "I just kept thinking that things would get better soon, that it wasn't so bad. I wasn't expecting to get this ultimatum. And now I don't know what to do."
"Well, first things first. I know this doctor, his father was our family doctor for years, until he retired. He took over his father's practice a few years ago. You can talk to him, I trust him completely. He can at least give you something to help you sleep."
"I... I didn't want to depend on medication again, you know? I wanted to deal with everything on my own." Jack said looking down.
"It's okay to need help sometimes, Jack." Ianto reached for his hand. "There's nothing wrong with you, every one needs an extra push every once in a while. It just so happens that in your case it might have to be medication, but that's okay." He got up to pick up a pad and pen. "Here, his name is Dr. Harper. I know he works Saturdays, so you can call him in the morning and he might even see you tomorrow." He paused for a while. "I can go with you if you want."
"No, it's okay. I can do it on my own. I don't need you to babysit me." Jack said, sounding defensive.
"I'm not. I'm just reminding you that you don't have to deal with this alone." Ianto replied, just as softly as he'd been talking to Jack the whole time.
"Thanks." Jack offered him a small smile, looking up a bit.
"Now, about work. Maybe regular sleep is all you need. Some rest, and everything might be better. If it's not enough, we'll figure something out. I promise you, everything's going to be okay. I'm gonna help you, okay?"
Jack just nodded.
The next day, Ianto got to Jack's house around one. Jack had called him to tell him that he'd made an appointment with Dr Harper for eleven, so he'd have to cancel the lesson, but he still wanted to meet him for lunch. Not that Ianto was any worried about the lesson, Jack clearly wasn't in any condition to focus on anything.
"So, how was it?" Ianto asked as soon as he sat at the kitchen table, taking the beer Jack had offered.
"It was okay. He's a bit snarky, but I could tell he's really good at what he does. He gave me some pills, told me to call if it doesn't get any better."
"Did you tell him? What's causing this, I mean."
"No..." Jack sighed. "I know I probably should have, but I just couldn't. I just told him I was having a few problems at work, and couldn't sleep because of the stress."
"Okay. Well, if the pills work, it won't make a difference anyway." Ianto smiled, trying to be reassuring. He wanted to tell Jack that if it didn't get better he would have to tell someone, but he didn't want to add to the pressure on him.
"I hope so."
Ianto waited a beat.
"Jack... I had an idea." He paused, as if considering if he should go on or not. "It might be a bit daft, and maybe it won't work, but... I don't know, I thought I'd tell you anyway. You can tell me if you think it's too ridiculous."
"Would you just tell me what it is, already?"
"Well, part of the problem at work is that some of the clients still don't trust you." He paused again, as if needing time to gain courage to say the rest.
"Yes..."
"And... I don't know, sometimes you say that I help you calm down a bit. That you feel better when you're with me."
"True..." Jack was wondering what one thing had to do with the other.
"Oh, forget it, it's too foolish."
"Just tell me, will you." Jack was getting exasperated.
"Okay." He took a deep breath. "I was thinking, what if I went to work with you? When you're meeting the clients, I mean. I could be your consultant, or something. It might help them relax, talking with someone with the same roots. Plus, I did study History and all that. Well, until I dropped out. Anyway, I could be like your partner or something, so they would know that you're willing to make up for your lack of knowledge." He paused to look at Jack, who was just staring at him. He thought he'd better just get it over with, now he'd started. "And maybe it could help with everything else, you know? Maybe my being there would help you focus more, and be more relaxed, more confident." He thought he sounded ridiculous saying that, assuming that he could have so much power over Jack. But he just wanted to be there for Jack, as much as possible. And if his presence could make a difference, than he was more than willing to offer it.
"But, but Ianto, you have your own job." Jack said, sounding confused. "And what would I even tell my boss, he barely wants me there, how could I convince him to take on someone else?"
"Well, I don't have that many students. And you don't see clients all the time. I'm sure we could work something out." He paused again, trying to gauge Jack's reaction. "And I would be doing it as a volunteer. No one has to pay me anything."
"Ianto! I could never do that to you. I'd feel like I'm exploiting you."
"But you wouldn't be, because I'm offering it. Please, Jack, I just want to help you. And it won't be for long, probably, it's just until you get your bearings again."
"No, Yan, it's too much. I can't let you do that."
"Please, Jack. I can't stand seeing you suffering like that and not being able to do anything. I feel so useless. Please let me help you."
"Yan..."
"Plus, it would be fun. I miss being around all that. I'd get to see all these sites you keep telling me about, and I'd be able to say that I helped make them better, helped protect history. If you think about it, I'm actually being selfish, taking advantage of your situation to do what I want." He added, tongue-in-cheek.
Jack actually laughed at that. It felt good to do that, it was the first time it'd happened since the other Saturday. He honestly didn't know what he'd do without Ianto.
"You're something else, you know that?" He said, still laughing, looking fondly at Ianto.
Ianto looked through his eyelashes at him. "Is that a yes?"
"That's an 'I'll think about it'." Jack said shaking his head good-naturedly. "I'll still have to talk to my boss. I'll have to explain what you're doing there."
"Okay."