A/N: Thanks to Desert Sunrise for catching my error. It's fixed!

Liara

I followed Doctor Chakwas into the med-bay, and gasped. The room around me had been outfitted with the highest grade medical equipment. Cerberus had far upgraded from the med-bay on the SR1. They had even installed a small, completely sealed clean room in the space, reserved for trauma surgery and infectious patients. It became clearer that not only had Cerberus replaced what Shepard had lost, they had bettered it. They truly intended for her mission against the Collectors to be a success.

Karin waved her hand and the medical staff exited the room, leaving the two of us alone. The physician turned to me and I braced myself for another conversation, similar to the one I had with Joker. Guilt washed over me as I waited for Chakwas to speak. She had been so kind to me, always kind, and I had departed without a word, without a way to keep in contact. Joker had spoken truthfully…I had abandoned my friends. I had chosen isolation, and it had damaged me.

My fault.

I waited for her words, for their chill, for their justifiable anger…but they did not come. Instead, Karin Chakwas took a step forward and wrapped me in an embrace. Tears pricked my eyes as her warmth enfolded me. I joined her in the embrace, wrapping my arms around her, feeling her sigh, sensing a weight removed from her shoulders. When she pulled away, I found that I was not the only one who wept.

"I am a sentimental old fool." Karin murmured, removing a handkerchief from the pocket of her lab coat and dabbing at her eyes. "But it is such a blessing to see you again, Liara. I attempted to contact you after the STG ship brought us to an Alliance cruiser…but your private frequency had been…disconnected."

Changed, I thought, feeling my heart ache for my foolishness. I had it changed, because I could not bear to hear your voices or see any of your faces again. I shut you out and I walked away and I hurt…I hurt those who cared for me, because in my pride I thought that I was alone in the depth of my grief. I have spoken too soon with Serena but I have this chance…I have this chance, here and now, to begin to repair the damage I have done.

"I am…I am so sorry, Karin." My voice cracked over the words, but in them I sensed all the sincerity I possessed, and hoped that she could hear it as well. "I…I have handled everything so terribly."

That was all I meant to say, but a sympathetic light shone from Karin's eyes.

"And suffered for the doing." She spoke, and I sensed the bridge between us mended.

Karin Chakwas was a woman of great heart, great forgiveness, as only someone dedicated to healing could be. More tears fell between us, and for the moment we remained silent, letting the weight of the time that had separated us fall away, slough off, expose the raw wound, and let it be mended. The woman before me had cared. She had washed my mother's blood from my hands, comforted me after the battle of the Citadel, and faced down humanity's ambassador in defense of the woman I loved.

"Does Shepard know?" Karin asked.

"No." I shook my head and the word emerged on a cracking sob. "No, she does not. I have been so angry, Karin. So foolish and distraught and bitter and she…she is the one who has suffered for that anger and that idiocy. I have hurt her and only just…only just realized the measure of my crimes."

"I feared as much." Karin's voice darkened, and I tremble at her tone's implications. "Shepard has not…not had an easy time of it since her return. She went to the Council, seeking support for Cerberus' campaign against the Collectors. They refused any overt aid, though they did, quietly, re-instate her Spectre status. Then it all went to shit when Udina discovered that Shepard lived, and was now affiliated with Cerberus. Somehow, he found that Captain Anderson had met with Shepard, spoken with her, and the scum used that to his advantage. In order to avoid an investigation, Anderson abdicated the position of humanity's councilor an returned to the Alliance. Udina, of course, took his place."

Inside, I screamed. I could not bear the thought of that unctuous, manipulative creature being given the greatest position of power a human could occupy. Witnessing it…knowing she was its causation…must have torn Shepard apart.

But Karin's tale did not end there. "The human colony of Horizon was raided by the Collectors and we flew to their defense, but arrived too late. I left the ship and did what I could for the survivors, but there were many too gravely wounded who did not survive. However, it was not the dead that tore Shepard's soul in two that day, but the living."

"What…what do you mean?" I asked.

"Ashley Williams had been stationed on Horizon." Dr. Chakwas replied. "And she survived the attack. I saw her and Shepard meet…you remember how close they once were. Sisters in battle, tried and forged together in the flames that threatened to destroy the galaxy. Ashley turned her back on Shepard. Called her an abomination against God. Said that Shepard had destroyed all of her principles by even considering working with Cerberus. She said that Shepard deserved whatever hell might come for her."

"Goddess." I breathed, already able to see the pain in Shepard's eyes as she took the heat and vitriol of Ashley's words.

I had witnessed it before, after Virmire. The gunnery chief had berated her commander, accusing her of sending Kaidan Alenko to his death purposefully. Accusing her of doing it out of love for me. But Shepard and Ashley had mended their differences and stood together against Sovereign and every trial of the aftermath. My heart ached for Serena. She had been betrayed by one that she loved, one that she cared about…she had been damned to hell.

And I have treated her no differently, have I? Pain and regret dug their claws into me and I struggled not to double over from the transmutation of emotional suffering to physical agony as my gut clenched and my heart kicked in my chest.

"Shepard spoke to me afterwards." Karin continued her tale. "In her way…as you remember. Deeply heartbroken, but refusing to ignore what truth there had been in Ashley's words. She has been…having trouble…with what Cerberus did to her, and yet there is nothing that she can do about it. But, as I repaired the scrapes and lacerations from Horizon, she said one thing that chilled me to the bone, and it is why I must speak to you now."

I did not want to know, but I could not avoid what would be said. I deserved it. For all of my ignoring, all of my denying, all of my worthless, arrogant justifications…I deserved this. I needed these brutal hammerings of the truth against the walls of my soul. From Joker. From Karin Chakwas, from whomever would reveal to me stories and truths so that I could take the damage and truly, truly attempt to heal.

"Tell me." My voice trembled.

"She looked at me and said 'Karin, if Ash is that bitter...Liara's gonna fucking kill me'." Karin said, somber even as she quoted the commander's rougher speech.

"I…I am afraid that she spoke the truth." I whispered as I absorbed the blow. "I have been…I have been so unkind."

Karin reached out and rested her hand on my shoulder. "Humans are resilient creatures, Liara. And I know and care for Serena Shepard as if she were my own child. If you seek to repair what has been damaged between the two of you, then I know there is forgiveness to be had. But, I beg you, do what you feel you need to as speedily as possible."

"I…I want to but…" I narrowed my eyes, knowing that Chakwas knew more than she had revealed thus far. "…why do you beg this of me? What is wrong? Does it…does it have something to do with what I witnessed before you spoke to me?"

Karin nodded. "Since I have known her and been on board this ship, Miranda Lawson has doggedly pursued a relationship with Shepard."

I frowned and crossed my arms, leaning against a bio-bed. I did not know Miranda well, but brokering information had allowed me to cross paths with many like her. Single-minded. Devoted to whatever cause they chose to adopt. They were people of deep seated secrets, calculating, and bristling with ulterior motives. But something had snapped and changed within me. I could not dismiss this, not if someone as astute as Karin Chakwas thought it serious enough to mention.

"Shepard has many desirable qualities, and she is not an unattractive woman." I kept my tone carefully even, my words non-committal.

Karin shook her head. "I agree with you completely, but Miranda has exhibited this behavior towards Shepard since they came on board this ship, not long after Shepard was…restored. It fills me with disquiet, Liara, because Miranda Lawson is a woman who is unaccustomed to being denied what she wants. And what she wants is Shepard loyal to Cerberus. Permanently."

I shook my head. "The Shepard I knew would never work with Cerberus." I stated, emphatic. "But I have seen the Collectors in action, and I have seen the lack of galactic response to their current actions. Serena cannot sit idly by and watch people…of any species…suffer. This is why she is working with Cerberus, is it not?"

Karin nodded, confirming what I wanted to believe and, now, could. "Once more, we are in agreement." Karin said. "But Shepard's will is growing thin. Her defense is growing weak. You…you reawakened a need in her, Liara. A need to be touched, to be understood, a basic desire that plagues and profits us all. I do not believe that Miranda is evil, by any means, but I do believe that she intends to use Shepard and I cannot bear…I cannot bear to watch my commander hurt yet again. Her life has held so much pain."

I bowed my head, absorbing Karin's words and her concern. She spoke the truth. I had loved Shepard. And she had risked opening her heart to me. The open heart had needs when left alone and when broken. I knew this…because I had let lust burn out of me and consume so many. I had taken numerous partners into my bed and with anger and aggression brought them screaming to ecstasy. It had done nothing for me, after. But during, the pain had faded. The aching, burning, gnawing need had dulled. The temporary cessation had made it worth it…and Shepard suffered now.

She suffered worse than I had, for her wounds were true, not imagined, not expounded upon, not exacerbated by a naïve mind engrossed in its own torment.

"If Miranda persists, Shepard will give in." Karin said the words I feared…feared for their truth. "For even the strong among us falter."

"I cannot help her, Karin." I whispered. "I have already…I have already told her to leave me be. I have already stolen her hope that a resurrection of what we once were might be possible."

"I feared as much." Karin pursed her lips and nodded. "But I ask you, as her friend, and as yours…do what you can to help her heal, so that desperation does not make her seek the easiest remedy."

Healing. Yes. It is what we both so desperately need and perhaps…perhaps I can offer her that much. Serena is so forgiving and she…she will forgive me if I can keep from opening my foolish mouth and hurting her continually.

"I will do what I can." I whispered, knowing, even then, that it would not be enough.

"Thank you, my dear." Karin said.

"I will…I will seek her out." I said the words aloud to make the intention real and force myself forward, into what would be the most difficult thing I had ever done.

More difficult than leaving her in the burning Normandy. More difficult than recovering her body from the Shadow Broker. I will have to attempt to impart closure, to help her heal…all the while knowing that I cannot love her again.

{Normandy, this is Commander Shepard.} Serena's voice rang over the PA system. {We're about an hour away from Hagalaz. Liara, Miranda, Garrus, and Tali, meet me in the weapons bay. Shepard, out.}

"I…I have to go." I breathed, surprised at the time that had gone by. Time that I could never regain. Time that I could not now spend with Shepard, trying to repair what time and bitterness had destroyed.

"Be safe, Liara." Karin urged and I left the med-bay, hurting, trembling, and heartbroken.

All my fault. All of this…my fault. I must remedy this. I must.