Liara

I waited for her answer, shivering, feeling naked and vulnerable, surrounded by the words that I had uttered. I had spoken what she wished; I had told her what I needed, as she had asked. Now it was I who waited on a thin thread, a razor's edge, and a precipice.

"No." Her word held the hollow, aching sound of regret and of failure and I felt as though a blade pierced through my heart.

"What…what do you mean?" I asked, having expected something different, a response other than the one that she had given me…because of who she was. Because of who she had been.

I exist so that other people can dream, her old words rang through my mind. And she had…she gave up so much…everything...that she possessed in order to keep the galaxy in the dark, free from the horrors awaiting it. She has sacrificed so much…surely a simple, simple request is not too much for someone who once maintained her single belief, that one, magnificent, terrible, marvelous dream.

"You're better than that." Shepard spoke and I could feel the fire beginning to burn behind my eyes. "You're better than to ask for me to lie to you." She clarified, but that did not make the aching burn in my chest dissipate. It did not calm the streams of fire flashing across my eyes.

"I am asking for one reassurance." I hissed.

"No you're not." Serena countered. "You're asking me to lie to you, to make a promise that I can't make. You're asking me what a coward would ask, and I thought that you, Liara T'Soni, were most assuredly not a fucking coward. You need to know I'm always coming back? I'd love it if I could give myself that guarantee. But I can't. I can't because I'm getting shot at on a near daily basis. I live on a ship that flies around in space, a vast and terrible ocean that I've drowned in before. I'm going to go through the Omega Four relay and face off against the Collectors who are scary as fucking hell and have weapons like I've never seen. I won't make a liar's promise, Liara, and I won't give my word to a coward either."

"I would consider myself a coward were it not that I have walked from the abyss I sank into." I breathed, knowing that I had come forth from that dark, inky cesspit only with the aid of others, but knowing that I had remained on the other side by my own power. "Do not call me such a thing again."

"No? Then why are you asking a coward's question?" Shepard demanded. "Don't you see what you're doing? Asking me to promise that I'm always coming back only means that if, one of these days, I don't, you're free to blame me for breaking my damn word. You can get angry at me and blame me and all that shit…just like you're doing right now."

"That's not…" I broke off, attempting to argue, but knowing that I could not.

She had spoken the damning truth and I could not stand in the face of it. No matter how many times I argued myself out of that belief, how many times I pushed myself into different lines of thought, it came back to the belief that she had ignored all that I desired and pushed forward, going to her death in spite of me, not because of her circumstances.

"You accepted me as I was, Liara." Serena's voice sounded dry and cracked, like desert ground that once had been verdant. "I thought you understood forgiveness, because you forgave me for everything that I was. Now, all of a sudden…even though you're face to face with a fucking miracle of science, you can't find that same forgiveness that once defined you."

My lower lip trembled. "I can't…I do not think I can forgive you for leaving me, Serena." I breathed.

"I understand." She nodded. "I really fucking do, whether you think I can or not. Because I know that loss is not a fixed moment in time. It is its own creature, gnawing, ravenous, unceasing and merciless in its devouring. Facing loss can make you one of two things…it can make you bitter, or it can make you kind. It didn't make you kind, Liara." Her words were not accusatory; instead filled with grief. "I'm so fucking sorry…"

"You cannot apologize for dying, Serena." I growled. "The…the very notion is ridiculous!"

"What's not ridiculous about this?" she asked. "Seriously, Liara, can you think of anything more ludicrous and far-fetched than our story? We should never have met. Should never have fallen in love. In a world where the ridiculous wasn't happening moment after moment, you would never have known that I existed, and been happier for it. But no. The ridiculous did happen. Stop thinking of it in the way I know you are…"

"You don't…" I interrupted.

"Yes I do." Her eyes held such surety that I fell silent and questioned my own beliefs. "You see that a soldier and an archaeologist fell in love. They fought through history and uncovered the secrets that could spell galactic annihilation here in the next little while. They killed a Reaper and the soldier almost died. But that didn't happen, and they spent months in space, tracking down the last of the geth resistance. Until a new enemy came out of nowhere, attacked, and the soldier did die…and the archaeologist suffered because she asked for a promise on a burning ship that the soldier didn't give. And life got dark, and cold, and relentless. It caved in and became too much to endure and now the dead soldier has to carry all of that, because none of it is your fault. You are just a victim of horrible, horrible circumstance."

In her entire paragraph, I relived our life together. I saw it in the simplistic words that she used. Every passionate moment, every misunderstanding, every climactic triumph and devastating defeat. I saw her eyes glowing when we made love, her lips spreading in that slow, easy smile that she reserved for me alone. I witnessed the story and I saw its end…feeling the bitterness, feeling the pain, feeling the anger that I struggled to let go of but could not…not in the face of all that I had suffered.

"This is not how you see the story?" I asked, and she nodded as she knelt to the floor with stiff movements, lifting the shirt she had discarded and putting it back on, another layer between us…another obstacle that I had let fall in place.

I lowered my head, wondering what she would tell me when I asked this question, wondering what her answer would be, and if it would have the power to change anything.

"Then…tell me, Serena." I whispered my intent into the world, almost begging, almost praying for her to give me a way to envision it differently, to alter my perspective.

Once again, I wanted…needed…her to take away my pain. If she could not do so with a promise to me, then I did not believe she could but I…I had seen her do the impossible before. And we had done the impossible together. Perhaps, one last time, life and the galaxy could be kind…could help me be kind again. For I feared I had forgotten.

"Tell me what you see differently. Please." I entreated.

Serena closed the distance between us. Her eyes were glowing like stars that children made wishes on in the night sky. I felt the presence of her energy coruscating around us. She remained a force in this galaxy that knew no equal, a presence that could inspire any emotion she desired to elicit. I felt the warmth of her body near mine and I could not resist the shiver that ran down my spine.

She lifted her hands, resting one on my shoulder, reminding me of the weight of holding her, of the conflagration that was her body against mine, the joy of a union that transcended the mere physical. Her other hand, perfect, flawless, with no scars or injuries, reached out, cupping my cheek, drawing my eyes to hers, blue to silver, ocean to sky, past to present.

"The way I see it, Liara," her breath still held the scent of wintergreen, "…a human and an asari fell in love."

Her words landed against my hearing, soft but bladed, and her lips pressed to mine in a kiss that sent fire down my throat.