Everything was normal at 'Little Whiners Park'. Well, as normal as a zoo could be. The zoo started when a drunken man bet his money on an abandoned amusement park.
The man, after being divorced by his wife for spending all their money on a 'crap land with a pile of shit all over it', began searching everywhere for odd and amusing things to collect and then charged people to see. When he finally had enough money, he went to a bar and nine months later had a baby to look after.
The park was passed down from generation to generation because the family still couldn't afford an actual house. Its main attractions varied from strange objects to talking animals that they "captured" from the "wild", to weird people. Strange objects were kept in an underground dug out known as 'Downstairs'.
The most famous talking animals were in cage 4 in section 'Private Parts Driven Mad'. One animal looked like a giraffe with its long neck. Another was shorter than the others and resembled a pig. The last had to be related to a walrus. Oddly they all had human faces and the only thing they could say was "freak!" The one and only weird person that actually stayed willingly was an old lady that for some reason needed to constantly be surrounded by cats.
The family that lived at 'Little Whiners Park' now consisted of a couple and their illegally adopted son, Harry. Harry James Potter was found one morning in cage 4, section 'Private Parts Driven Mad' wearing a snake costume playing in the water bowl. The couple could never conceive a child due to a minor problem and thought best just to raise the young boy.
Though the family never thought to go to the police or notify any form of child services, therefor never got legal rights for having Harry. So when ever someone actually went to the zoo, Harry would be stuffed in the closest closet until the coast was clear. At this moment Harry was cleaning, like he always did. A happy, hairy, Harry hummed a new holiday tune.
"Harry, did you flip the sign to open?" Came a voice down the hall.
"Yes Max!" Harry replied.
To the left, another voice said,"What about Breakfast?"
"It's on the table, Sam!" Answered Harry. Harry was used to the morning's craziness, he does live, after all in a zoo. Especially since he was raised by such an odd couple.
It was hard to understand how they kept being a couple, since they were polar opposites. Sam was a hardcore, off roading, hands dirty, badass kind of guy. While Max was someone you would imagine Cupid to grow up to be. He'd prance around all day playing matchmaker and giving tips on how to have healthy relationships. Harry thinks that the reason they are so perfect together is because they're so different.
That's right people, Harry Potter was raised by two homosexuals. And Harry couldn't imagine being raised any other way.
One day when Harry was six he asked how he was born after listening to a rather naughty teen outside his closet door. Max said that their, "love for each other was so passionate that it gave them powers to do the impossible."
Harry shivered.
It took him years to find out what that actually entailed. Though even with their many faults, Max and Sam were the best fathers Harry could ask for.
'Master please, release me. Please young Master, I must be free!'
Harry's head didn't even look up at the gigantic snake.
"Oh no, you are not getting your slim everywhere again," snapped Harry.
As Harry walked away, he could hear the snake say,'Nooooo! Freedom; so close, but so far away.' Just then, the glass vanished. 'Freedom!'
Max and Sam were having breakfast when they heard Harry scream. Sam ran down the hall towards Harry to see...him wrestling a large snake?
"No way you're getting away you mother-ducker!" Harry screams at the top of his lungs.