I touched my face and put my other hand over the mirror.

"What have they done?"

The door rang and I left the trance in which I was. I was in shock, but I had to approach to the door, and when I opened it I was stunned. It was Gandalf! But he was not white, no, he was wearing those gray and threadbare clothes with which I met him.

When he saw that I was looking at him, Gandalf spoke.

"Bilbo Baggins... you have not changed one whit since you were runnig under the skirts of your mother."

I smiled and I closed my mouth, still looking at him.

"Gandalf ..."

Gandalf smiled and nodded slightly.

"I see you remember me, son of Belladonna Took, I knew I was not mistaken with you." When he saw that I did not move, he coughed. "I believed that a Baggins would have better manners and invited to spend a helpless old magician to sit by the fire."

I remembered the last time he was there and how I was not a very good host to him, and I threw myself aside to let him pass. "Sure, Gandalf ... but you must remember that besides of a Baggins I am also a Took"

"I could never forget it, dear Bilbo"

We sat on two chairs by the fire, and he kept looking at him.

"I missed you, Gandalf" Gandalf raised an eyebrow but said nothing. "You do not remember, do you?"

"My dear Bilbo, I do not know what you mean"

I nodded, I stayed silent and looked out the window. I smiled, remembering our first conversation again and looked at him. "What rude of me, Gandalf, I have not tell you good morning.

"Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?"

I laughed so loud that was years since I did not do it like it. "All at once, I suppose!" He started laughing too and nodded. "Really, I've missed you, Gandalf The Grey"

"You liked my fireworks that much?" I looked puzzled, and then I remembered the fireworks from my childhood, the laughter, my parents ... I bit my lip trying not to cry. It had been 90 years since the death of my parents. "Dear Bilbo, are you okay?"

I returned from my memories and I smiled sad. "I just remembered my parents..."

"Good people they were..." I nodded and recomposed myself. It was time to ask a question whose answer I already knew.

"Why are you here, Gandalf?"

"I'm looking for someone to share an adventure"

I remembered then what I had suffered and lost on the trip. When I returned from the trip I was no longer the same gentle hobbit I was once, but I remembered the laughts with Ori and Bofur, the messes in which Fili and Kili got me in, comments of Erebor by Balin and his bright eyes when he remembered her, the stories Bifur had told me about, me chasing Nori after seeing that he had stolen me something, taken tea with Dori, stories about Gimli by Gloin, the different foods made with Bombur and the numerous recipes that he gave me, medicines that Oin taught me to prepare, and Thorin ... Thorin, all I missed about him. See him one last time worth his enduring icy stares and his acts of contempt. I could go through all of that just for seeing him smile again. He should not have died like that... at the gates of Erebor. A shiver ran through me at the thought of how he had died hugged by me while the eagles were coming.

"Count on me, but on one condition."

Gandalf nodded. "Whatever you want, Bilbo."

"You must promise that you will not discuss what I do, in the end you'll know why I do what I do, but please, please, you have to trust me."

Gandalf looked at me blankly. "Dear Bilbo, I have not even said what our adventure will be..."

"We will recover Erebor."

Gandalf became very serious staring at me. "How do you know about that, Bilbo?"

"B-Because I have my contacts, Gandalf ... and ... I think it's a great idea."

"I can not know how you know that, or who are your contacts, Bilbo Baggins, but I'll take my chance, because I think you will be very useful. Tomorrow I will come with the rest of the company, I hope you'll fit well." He got up to leave, and I followed him closely to open the door.

"I hope so, Gandalf."

When I opened the door, Gandalf made a mark on it, and I did not undeterred.

"You're not like I thought you'd be after all these years, Bilbo."

I nodded and sighed. "Something happened, Gandalf ... something changed me and I'm not the same Hobbit I was once. I do not longer care about simple possessions, nor my mother's dishes, I just want to help people. "

"I do not know what happened to you, but it seems you're more of a Took than a Baggins. Maybe this trip will drive away the pain that I see in your eyes, Bilbo."

I shook my head. "I hope so, Gandalf, for I do not know if my heart can go through anything like what I went through…"

Gandalf nodded and left worried. I closed the door and leaned against it. How was I going to face my dwarves knowing that they would not recognize me? How would I look to Fili and Kili without remembering their dead bodies? How could I avoid seeing Thorin and not remembering when he had nearly killed me prey of the disease, and how he pleaded before he died for me to forgive him? I would have to win them over again, and Thorin will be the toughest of all. I should have to defend Thorin from Azog again! I bit my lip, because I tried not to think about it and not think about the pain that had happened, and try not to think how it was only me who could do something so no one would died. And also avoid that Frodo would have to go to Mordor...

I gave up and began to cry sitting against the door, I kept the grieving that I have been into for over 80 years.