Chapter 6 :

Haymitch stared at her in silence long after she had stopped talking. He didn't know what to say to prevent the tears rolling freely down her cheeks nor did he know how to comfort her. What she had been through… He could say he was sorry, because he was, but what good would it make? It certainly never helped him.

When she turned away from him and curled up in a ball, he knew he had remained silent for too long. He placed a hand on her shoulder but she only withdrew further. "Do I repel you?" her voice was a mumble because of the fist she had pressed against her mouth in an attempt to quiet her sobs. "I may very well be a killer after all."

"You're no killer." He lied back down and wrapped an arm around her waist, spooning her.

"I tried to kill that man in Four." She gave up on trying to stop her tears. "I tried to kill you too. I'm afraid of what I could do." The sobs wrecked her body so violently it had to be painful. "I'm afraid of… I…"

"Shhh…" he hushed her, hugging her tighter. "Cry. Let it all out."

She did. She cried and cried until he was sure she was about to pass out from exhaustion and he just held her. He didn't make false promises, he didn't tell her time would heal her wounds, he didn't lie and say everything would be okay because the sun never looked brighter in the morning no matter how many times you told yourself it would. He just held her and got that little bit angrier at the Capitol.

When she finally had no tears left to cry anymore, she turned around so he rolled on his back and let her snuggle against him like she had done before, her head tucked under his chin and a hand on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her.

"My family…" she whimpered. "They're… They're dead. They murdered them."

Her voice was resentful and slightly incredulous and he wondered if she had said any of that out loud before that night. It felt more definitive after you had said it aloud for the first time, he was painfully familiar with the process.

"You're alive, sweetheart." He arranged the covers back over them. It was getting chilly. The fire must have died downstairs. "You have to focus on that. It won't make it any easier but… What is it you said to me? You have a duty to keep fighting."

"Yes…" she breathed out against his neck. "Run and never look back." The way she said that, it seemed to have a deeper meaning for her but it was also full of regrets and Haymitch's heart started racing again.

"Run. To Thirteen." He tried to force his body to relax, not to let her know how disturbing that thought was to him but she perceived his tension all the same.

"Thirteen will be safe." she said "My uncle and my cousin…"

"Your very much dead for years uncle and cousin?" he cut in. "Look, sweetheart, I'm not saying your father didn't know what he was talking about but… Thirteen is a long shot." It was too huge to be believed. The Capitol would never allow that. If Thirteen was still standing, where were the people? Those would-be rebels? Because he was sure that the Capitol wouldn't allow them to roam freely. The Capitol wouldn't rest until they were destroyed and if there weren't any bombings on Thirteen anymore, it probably was because they were already dead.

"I never would have thought Peacekeepers would try to kill me… What I saw in the Districts… They never talk about that in the Capitol. They lie to us. They minimize the truth. They said Thirteen is gone, but…" She scrambled up a little, until she could rest her head on the pillow to be able to look at him. "Why would I take their word over my father's? I trust my father. The hope that Thirteen is real is all I have left."

He turned on his side to face her without letting go of her - he didn't think he could do that even if he tried. "It doesn't have to be." He brushed the hair out of her face, letting his fingers trail lightly on the fading bruise on her cheek. He hoped that Peacekeeper was dead. He would never tell her because, clearly, the idea of possibly having killed someone distressed her but he hoped that man was rotting in hell. "You could stay here. I could protect you. You'd be safe."

Would she? There was a little voice nagging at the back of his mind, saying he was being selfish. He could hide her. He could pay off anyone who would guess what he was doing. He could do a lot of things. But would she be safe? Could he actually hide someone from the Capitol long term? He was a victor, once or twice a year for the rest of his life he would be in the spotlight. That meant more danger for her to be discovered.

"But I won't be free." Her eyes begged him to understand. "I can't live my life in fear of being found out and captured, Haymitch. I can't."

"Even if it's real, even if Thirteen is really there… You won't make it." he said. She opened her mouth to object but he put his hand on her lips so she would let him finish. "I'm not trying to be mean, sweetheart, I'm actually pretty impressed by everything you did, but… It's winter and trying to survive out there is very different from hiding or sneaking around." She touched his wrist softly and he put his hand back on her waist. "Trying to reach Thirteen is suicide."

"When I left my parent's house I thought I was going to my death." She sighed. "And I'm terrified of… That's just it, don't you see?" She was so earnestly convinced by what she was saying he didn't know how to make her change her mind. "I can't keep being terrified. I will reach Thirteen or I won't but I'm not staying here, waiting for them to shoot me down. I can't let fear dictate my life."

He closed his eyes because he knew nothing he could say would keep her in Twelve. He could understand her point; really, he could but… it didn't change the fact that her plan was doomed from the start. She wouldn't reach Thirteen. He wasn't even sure he could reach Thirteen. Either way, when she would leave he would never see her again and that had been so stupid of him to have grown to care for her… Who was she to him, this girl? No one. Just a stranger in the snow. He had fallen quickly and hard and he wasn't one to believe in love at first sight but… There was something about her. Something that felt a little too much like destiny for his taste.

"Haymitch, don't…" Her hand brushed his face, ghost-like fingers that floated from his temple to his chin before cupping his cheek. She was so close he could feel her breath on his lips, they were tingling and he knew without having to open his eyes that she was contemplating kissing him. "If I stay and something happens to me you will blame yourself and if something happens to you it will kill me. It's better if I go now, don't you see?"

"I really don't." He had trouble swallowing because he was right and she was glancing at his lips every so often. "At least wait a few weeks until the snow clears out."

Her eyes were sad when they met his. "The more I wait, the harder it will be."

"The safer it will be for you in the woods." he argued. "If you really want to do this, at least be sensible about it."

She bit her bottom lip thoughtfully. "I don't know."

"Ten." he said softly. "You don't want to go."

"It's not about making a choice but about not having any." She pulled the covers up from where they pooled around their waists.

"There's a third option." He let the hand resting on her hip slide to her back.

She frowned slightly. "I'm all ears."

"Yeah, see…" he smirked. "I haven't found it yet." Her smile was small but it was a smile nonetheless so he counted that as a victory. "I want to kiss you."

"I want you to kiss me." she confessed in a whisper. "But…"

"Yeah." He understood. He felt the urge to kiss her but, at the same time, he knew he wouldn't stop at a kiss and he also knew there would be no return from that. He wanted everything or nothing because once he had a taste of her, he wouldn't be able to let go. "Best not."

"We should try to sleep." she suggested. "We can wake each other up when we have a nightmare."

"Sounds fun." he snorted. "Not really what I had in mind when I told you my bed was always open for you. Can I have my alcohol back?"

"Do you really need it?" She would give it back if he asked, that was surprising. She had a way to make him want to drink less despite the looming threat of nightmares and bad memories.

"Nah." He waved the question away. "Got you, don't I?"

"Ten." Her smile was soft and caring and he thought, quite absurdly, that he would never have a nightmare again if she could smile at him that way every night. "You're secretly very soppy."

"Only for you, sweetheart." he winked. "Only for you…"

It's a bit shorter than usual but the last one was veeery long ;) Let me know what you think!