Crossroads
AN: I've been trying hard to post this chapter. It took forever. I hope that you guys like it!
Intervention, Part I
After the fiasco two weeks ago, Zuko decided to give Toph some time to cool off. He tried following her to his room that last time, but it was useless. She didn't want to talk to him. She bent the metal of the doorknob in such a way, that it was impossible to enter; no one was able to enter her room, but herself. She didn't join them for breakfast the following morning when he told the rest of the ship's passengers the news that he'd decided to continue their journey to the Fire Nation by land.
The news was received with mixed feelings. Haru, Suki, and Rae were the only ones that encouraged and supported his idea. Katara, Sokka, and most of his servants argued that it would take twice as long to make it to their destination. Toph wasn't present to give her opinion. Avatar Aang remained neutral, his legs curled underneath him, and eyes closed. He did not partake on his friends' ranting. Zuko walked to the corner of the breakfast table and glanced over at his friends. His friends were deep in their own conversation, arguing about his sudden decision to dock as soon as possible. He was tired. He wanted to be left alone with his son or Toph.
"Zuko," Rae said, tugging at his pants.
"Yes," he said, looking down at his amazing son.
"Can we play?" Rae said, his topaz eyes opened widely, as he stared expectantly at his father. "Please, can we play?"
Zuko smiled and carried his child in his arms. "Of course, my Crown Prince," he chuckled, kissing Rae's chubby cheek. The kid giggled merrily and hid his face on the crook of his father's neck. After breakfast, the Fire Lord played with his son. They ran around the ship's deck for almost three hours. Rae became tired, but didn't want to stop playing with his father. It took all of his willpower to stop playing, but it was enough. His little legs shook tiredly, crumbling beneath him and he sat on the floor.
"I, ugh, need to sit, Zuko," he said to his father and patted the floor next to him. "Sit with me."
Zuko sat beside his son and placed him on his lap. "You look like you are tired, Rae." Zuko said to Rae, resting his chin on the child's forehead. His son nodded; he opened his eyes briefly; his eyelids were heavy and he could barely stay awake. The motion of the boat and the strong, secure arms that held him, made the child feel protected. Rae sighed and began to doze off in the Fire Lord's arm.
"I'm happy that you are my d-dad," Rae sighed dreamingly.
"I'm happy that you are my son… You are my pride and joy. I love you." Zuko said honestly and pressed his child closer to his chest. They remained together, wrapped under warmth of the comfortable mid-morning sun.
Rae didn't move. His little head rested contently on his father's shoulder. He let himself be carried off into a peaceful dream. Zuko noticed the change in his son's breathing pattern. The little bugger was sound asleep; he smiled to himself and ran a caring hand over his son's hair. Zuko decided to take his son to his bedroom, where Rae could take a comfortable nap. He walked proudly down the hall, his gorgeous son in his arms. Zuko wasn't aware that Katara, the young waterbender, had followed them down the hall and to his room.
Katara stood under the doorframe and watched Zuko put his small child on his bed. "Zuko," she began and softly knocked on his door. Zuko slightly turned his head and looked at the door and found her leaning against the large metal door.
"Hi, Katara," he said unenthusiastically and whipped his face back to the bed. He reached for a thin blanket and covered his son with it. Zuko watched Rae proudly, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
"Can we talk?" she asked gingerly and pointed out to the hall. He nodded and walked to the other side of the bed and threw five pillows around the mattress and then proceeded to do the same thing on the other side. "What are you doing?" Katara asked confused. "Aren't those expensive pillows?"
"So," he shrugged and leaned forward, planting a caring kiss on his son's forehead. "They aren't worth that much… he is," he said nonchalantly, pointing at the child with his head. "They will protect Rae if he falls off the bed. It's to soften the fall... if he falls My mother used to do it to us when Azula and I were younger."
Katara smiled and trudged closer to him. "You are a great father. Your children will be the best kids in the Fire Nation." She said, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"You really think so?" Zuko asked and tilted his head at an angle to have a better view of his son. "I really hope so…"
"You will, Zuko," Katara reassured him.
Zuko nodded, stepping outside the room and slowly closed the door. Haru had just exited his room, when he saw Katara and Zuko together. He stared at her, but didn't speak a word. Zuko asked him if he could keep a close watch over Rae. The earthbender agreed and without giving Katara a second glance, he turned around and marched over to the Fire Lord's room. Zuko didn't hesitate to guide the waterbender to the upper deck of the ship. He saw Toph laughing and playing with the Avatar in a corner. When she sensed the Fire Lord's presence, she turned quiet and excused herself from the game.
"You don't have to leave," he whispered to himself and watched her leave the area. He wanted to run after her and apologize if he made her feel uncomfortable, but every time he tried getting too closed to her, he would say something stupid and make things worst.
Katara followed his line of vision and shook her head. "Zuko, give her time," Katara said and slowed down her walking. "She'll come around. She just needs time to clear her head."
"How much longer?"
"Just a little longer,"
"How long will it take for her to come around?" he said strained.
"I don't know," Katara shrugged, linking her hands behind her back. "It might take a few weeks for her to relax… You should know how she is, Zuko. She hasn't changed much. She's still stubborn... just like you." He whispered the last part.
"I understand. That's what I've been doing for the last few days," he said impatiently, clenching his fists into balls. "I'm trying hard to give her enough time and space. She's just being unfair. I tried to apologize, but she doesn't want to talk to me... And I heard your last word. I'm not stubborn. Anyways, it's been two weeks, for Agni's sake. How much longer does she needs? "
"If it gives you any comfort," she began and sighed. "You can talk to her later… perhaps, tonight? I'll talk to her first, though, and hopefully drill some sense into her." Katara said irritated. "This has to stop. It's ridiculous… you two like each other and act so, like stupid teenagers. Ugh, but before I do talk to her, I have to talk to you first."
"Okaaay," he drawled.
"There's something that I need to speak to you about."
"What is it that you want to talk to me about?" Zuko asked, glancing back at where Toph had stood earlier. He wanted to go after his earthbender. "Can it wait until later? I have thing to do before we dock. I promised Toph that I would take care of Rae."
"I know and you will. I promise that I won't take too long. It's just… let's not speak here," she said, looking around, her eyes stopped on Aang. "Let's go somewhere more private."
"Fine," Zuko said exasperated. "But make it quick."
"I'll try," she said, placing her hand on Zuko's shoulder. She looked back to Aang. He shook his head, and then looked down at his lap where Momo rested. Katara guided Zuko to the deck of the ship and took one last look at Aang. He was glaring at her. Katara swallowed hard and straightened her back. Aang's accusing gaze was too much for her to bear. She didn't want to admit it, but she'd hurt him. The way she'd handled their friendship wasn't the best. She could've been more understanding or tactful, but her intentions went awry. "Let's go over there," she said, pointing at the isolated part of the ship.
Zuko nodded and after a few minutes of standing there in silence, he spoke. "What do you need, Katara? What is it that you want from me?"
Katara inhaled and exhaled slowly. "I know that you are in love with her," Katara said.
Zuko stared at him befuddled. "You… you know? Is it that obvious?"
"Too obvious and didn't I said it earlier?" She nodded. "I can see the way you two act around each other. Look, she adores you… Toph Bei Fong is crazy about you, but she's doubts about you. She's not used to all the attention you're giving her. She feels overwhelmed and confused. Toph hates feeling insecure and vulnerable. You have to tone it down a bit, Zuko. It bothers her."
"How do you know all of this?" He asked quickly. "Did she tell you how she felt or are you concluding all this based on your observations?"
"She told me something about you last night," Katara said blasé.
"What else did she tell you?" Zuko asked, holding Katara by her shoulders. He was much taller than her, towering over her by six inches. She raised her head and rolled her eyes. "Did she tell you that she's uncomfortable with me doting on her? Why?"
"Yes, no, I don't know!" She said confused. "Not really... not in a lot of words, but I could read between the lines."
"Okay, so, then what should I do?" He said desperately. "How I my supposed to approach her? I can't just tell her that I love her! It'll push her away. You know it! You just said it!"
"Ahh! Oh, this is great!" she exclaimed, lifting her arms in the air and then clapped merrily. "You do love her!" Katara said excitedly and looked behind her. "I just knew it. I knew it!"
"I thought that you already knew that! I thought that you deducted all that based on my special treatments of her…" Zuko said angrily. "Isn't that why you came here to talk to me about? I thought that you were gonna give me pointers on how to win her over."
She shook her head. "No, not really. I just wanted to know how you felt about her. Well, more like tell Suki "I told you so!" She doesn't believe me that there's something going on between Toph and you." She rambled. Zuko stared puzzled at her, she cleared her throat. "Sorry, Zuko," she paused and played with a strand of her hair. "Toph is confused. She'd been alone for five years. She'd to take care of her son all by herself. She didn't have anyone to help her… and here you come… lavishing her with gifts… expensive gifts, nonetheless. I understand that you want to treat her like she's the only woman in the world. You just have to know that it doesn't take a lot of gifts to make her feel special."
"What am I supposed to do? I don't know any other way. With Mai it was so easy… I just gave her an expensive gift and she was… well, happy." He said frantically, raking his fingers through his hair.
"She's not Mai. Don't ever compare her to Mai. Toph can't transmit her emotions very well. She won't articulate how she feels. Listen to her actions. Observe her. Analyze her moods. They'll tell you how she's feeling. Zuko, what you need to do is win her heart. You already make her feel safe."
"I do?"
She nodded and continued, "she loves the way that you dote on Rae. Just continue doing what you do, but tone it down with the luxurious gifts... If you continue proving to her that you love Rae and that you want a relationship with her, based on the fact that you want to start a family with them... not because it's your duty to your son... then you are doing fine. The key to Toph - to her heart is through your son, idiot. Tell her how much you enjoy their presence. Don't overwhelm her with all the flattery and lavish gifts. Toph is a simple girl. She may seem tough on the outside, but deep down, she still is a vulnerable teenager. "
"I feel horrible," he said, leaning his head back and stared at the sky. "I keep on letting her down. I'm such a big failure. If I could go back in time... if only I could. She was in love with me, Katara, and I couldn't see it. I was too caught up in my daily life that I couldn't see what was in front of me… She was there all along, practically handing me her heart in a silver platter. I didn't pay attention. And then, Toph had my son and I wasn't there to help her. I wasn't there for Rae. I am such a loser for not being there for her… for my son… for them."
"I understand," Katara said softly, patting his back tenderly.
"You don't understand, Katara." He said weakly. "You'll never understand how I feel. You only lost your mother." He said in a whispered. "I lost my family... I lost the opportunity to be a father from the start of Rae's life. I lost Toph. I've lost so much."
"I don't have to go through what you are going through to understand how you are feeling." Katara said hurt. "I really understand your point of view and hers… I'm so sorry for both of you. I'm sorry that you feel that way, but listen, Zuko," she said, placing her hand over his. Zuko looked down at their hands and swallowed bitterly. "I- is not too late for you two. Toph is as confused as you are. I talked to her yesterday and she told me all about… the conversation- um, about your conversa-"
"What?" he asked puzzled, his scarred eye opened as wide as it possibly could. "What did she tell you?"
"Toph is scared. She gave her heart to someone a long time ago…" The waterbender trailed off and pointed at Zuko.
"To me?" He asked surprised.
Katara nodded and placed her hand on her hip. "Yes, to you… and she got hurt. She doesn't want to make the same mistake again. Having a broken heart is painful. Having your heart broken twice by the same person is… devastating."
"What are you trying to say? That it's my fault that she got hurt? No, I don't think so." He said, seething. "This is as much her fault as it is mine. Am I responsible for the fact that she ran away from the Fire Nation? Is it my fault that she left without telling me that she was pregnant? Is it my fault that for five years she raised our son on her own? I wasn't even included in the picture. I'm never enough for her. She's always finding an excuse to run and hide! If it wasn't for Mai's suspicions and her journal, I wouldn't have known that I had a son and neither would I've been able to find him. This is not only my fault! She-" He shouted furiously, the air around them turning hotter.
"Calm down, Zuko," she whispered, taking a few steps back. "She was scared. For Tui and La's sake, she was young... fourteen or fifteen year old when she had your son. She didn't know what to do. She was lonely… confused and she felt abandoned. I was too self-centered to notice how badly she needed a friend. Y-you were too busy ruling a nation and your engagement to Mai was going to become official. We can point fingers and blame, but at the end of the day, nothing is fixed. The pain is still lingering. Listen, I'm not here to take sides, but I do know that Toph thought that what she was doing was the right thing to do. You can't blame her! You can't blame yourself, either. Destiny works in mysterious ways. It wasn't your time to be with her. Maybe you weren't ready to accept the fact that you'd become a father. Probably you weren't prepared..."
"Perhaps, Katara. I really don't blame her. I can only blame myself," Zuko grunted. "I know that she was scared. I knew that she liked me; I just thought that it was a crush. I was all that she had... I know she is constantly guarding her heart, even when we were fighting for the freedom of the world. Toph was never truly there. She didn't have anyone to bare her burdens to. She was probably alone after she had Rae, with no one to help her. But if I was her best friend, why -she could have turned to me. She could have told me about Rae. I would've been there for them. I could have been a father. A damn good father to him! Rae wouldn't have been laughed at by the kids in his village if I was involved in his life. They wouldn't have struggled the way they did! My son would-"
"You say that you aren't blaming her... but it sounds like you resent her, Zuko,"
"No, that's not it!" He shouted, shaking his head. "I can't talk to you, Katara. This is something that she needs to know. I have to go talk to her." He began pacing around Katara, raking his fingers through his hair. "I'm lost. I don't know what to do anymore."
"You have to give it time…" Katara trailed off and inhaled, turning around. "Just give her time. If you talk to her in that state, she won't listen. Give her time, she'll come around."
He nodded. "I will." He watched her walk away. "I'll try to give her time, but I can't promise you anything."
Zuko walked passed Katara and ran down to the flight of stairs that led to the first level of the boat. He saw Haru sauntering the hall, keeping a close guard on the door that led to the Fire Lord's chamber. "Toph is inside your room. She wanted to be left alone with your son."
"Thank you," he said to his friend and patted his upper arm. "I'll see you around." Haru bobbed his head and continued on his way.
Zuko faced the door of his room and mentally prepared himself for the verbal battle that he was going to have with Toph. He had planned a long dialogue, but the moment that he stepped inside his room and saw Toph clinging to their son, he froze. All his anger and irritation faded away and was replaced by a feeling of loneliness. He felt excluded. Toph's heart would never be his. She would never love him. He was going to carry this one-sided love with him for an eternity. He approached his bed and sat at the edge.
"I don't usually act this way." Toph said, wiping her tears. "But I feel so angry."
"I know," he whispered, staring lovingly at her and his son. "I know how it feels to be angry at the world, at yourself and everyone around you."
"No, you don't, Zuko!" She hissed in a low voice, afraid that she would wake her son up. "No, you do not understand. I'm torn between the present and the past."
"I'm sorry, Toph. Let me help you," he said, offering her his hand.
"Zuko," she sighed, closing her eyes and sensed the weak vision of Zuko extending his hand to her.
"No, don't cut me off," he sighed, touching her thigh. "I have some things to ask you. I want you to answer them as honestly as you possibly can." He said hoarsely. "And please, be sincere, I don't want to argue with you, okay?"
"Okay," she said gloomily. "I don't want to argue with you. It's tiring."
"Yeah, I know. Okay, can I begin?" He asked, inhaling deeply. She nodded, not removing his hand off her thigh. She tightened her hold on her son and prepared to listen carefully. She sensed Zuko's vulnerability; which seemed to match her own. Zuko's heartbeats were erratic and his breathing was off key. "Do you want to go to the Fire Nation with me?" he asked sternly.
"Ha?"
"Toph, do you want us to become a family? I asked you all this before... but this time, I mean it! It's going to be the last time that I ask you if you want to come and live at the Fire Nation with me. Rae will be crowned as my prince. You will eventually become my Fire Lady. I don't want to beat around the bushes. You make me confuse and I feel so vulnerable around you; so exposed. I told you before that I don't want anyone else that isn't you with me. I want you! I know that you might not believe me, but I want you! I'm crazy about you. I don't know what else to say to make you believe me. I just need to know if you want to be with me? And don't give me that bullshit that you want to be with me, because it's what's best for Rae. I know that I am what's best for Rae. Damn it! If I wasn't, I wouldn't be his father." he said agitated. "You and I, together, that's what's best for him," he said, pointing at the sleeping child. "Tell me that you want to be with me, because you fucking want to... because you can't live without me... Because, damn it, Toph, because you need me just as much as I need you."
"Zuko, I don't know,"
"No, Toph, I'm tired of all this half-ass answers! My head is constantly hurting because I'm over-thinking everything. It's a simple question that merits a simple answer! Do you want to be with me? Would you be with me?" His voice trembled. Here was the Fire Lord exposing his soul. Toph didn't answer. She closed her eyes and held on tightly to her son. "Just tell me, please..."
"I do wan-" she began, but was interrupted by a loud bang on the door.
Zuko groaned and stood up, taking long strides to the bedroom door. "What?" he snapped, startling the Captain as he opened the door.
"My apologies, my Lord," Captain Woe said, his eyes darting from Zuko and then at Toph.
"What is it?" Zuko said, straightening his back, irritated, running his fingers through his dark hair. "This better be damn important."
"It is, Fire Lord Zuko. We've just received an important message via hawk mail. It originated from the city of Ba Sing Se," Captain Woe said, handing the Fire Lord a papyrus.
"Ba Sing Se?"
"Yes," Captain Woe nodded, taking a step back. He watched as Zuko read the letter with a frown on his face. "It's from the retired General Iroh and it was addressed to me." He said seriously. "As you can see," the Captain began, "I took the liberty to reroute our destination. We should be docking by the end of the day at Port Providence, south of the city of Ba Sing Se."
"What's going on, Zuko?" Toph asked.
"One moment, Toph," Zuko said, his eyes still on the paper. Zuko read the message that his Uncle Iroh had sent. He gulped hard and read the message several times. "Are you sure of this?"
"My Lord, we are certain, your uncle would not lie."
"It's just - it's too sudden." Zuko breathed.
"I have sent message to the military fleets around Ba Sing Se to prepare a military escort to accompany you and your friends to where your Uncle specifically pointed that he would be." Woe said, standing regally.
"Where is Iroh, Zuko?" Toph asked, placing Rae on the bed and carefully tucked him in. "Is he all right?" She asked worriedly.
"He's fine," he said, turning to face her. "Captain Woe," he paused. "Don't get a military escort for Haru and I, until further notice. We should be fine, though. We don't want to draw too much attention to ourselves." Zuko said and veering his head to look back at his Toph. "We should be docking by the end of the day. In the mean time," he sighed, leaning against the doorframe. "We should start packing. Captain Woe, as soon as we unload, I'll put Toph, my son, and friends in a inn near Port Providence. Will you have my soldiers keep a close watch on them. I don't want any harm to befall upon them. Understood?"
"Yes, Lord Zuko," Woe said, giving the Fire Lord a firm nod.
"Wait, Zuko," Toph said, walking over to Zuko. "I'm going."
"No, we don't kno-"
"No, we are going with you."
"No,"
"No, Zuko, we are going. We are all going with you. If you are worried about something happening to us... don't worry. I don't think that it's necessary that we stay behind. I want to see Iroh. Where is he?"
"He's in Blu province. He has important information regarding my mother's whereabouts."
"Zuko," Toph said, running her hand over her face. "Do you think this is real?"
"It is," he said. "Azula is with him. Do you want to go with me even if she's there?"
"I don't mind. Do you want me to go with you?"
"Um," Zuko muttered. "I would love to have you and Rae with me, Toph. I just don't think that it would be a good idea. Azula is going to be there. I'm afraid that she woul-"
"I'll personally kill her if she messes with you or our son," Toph said seriously. "I don't have a problem ending her life." She shrugged.
"Toph," Zuko said, arching an eyebrow. "I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you... I'm just worried... but, would you really want to join me?"
"I'll take my leave." Captain Woe said, smiling as his eyes darted from the Fire Lord and his friend.
"Okay," Zuko said to the captain. "I will talk to you later."
Toph nodded, waving at the captain, as he left their room. Zuko closed the door after he was gone and turned to Toph. There was no place she rather be than with Zuko. Her heart swelled with mixed emotions. She was afraid to give her heart to him... again. But it was unfair to rely on the past, it was futile. She wasn't the same girl she was before. Toph had grown through the circumstances. Toph needed him. They could continue their conversation later, but for now, she wanted to call it a truce. Being with him was enough to calm her soul. She loved him and being with him was the realistic thing to do.