Chapter 7 :

"Do you think she could make it?" Haymitch asked, leaning against the outside wall of the shed. He had taken advantage of the Everdeens' visit to take the man aside under the pretense of getting some more logs inside while his wife checked Effie's wounds. Haymitch's explanations had been sparse but truthful, he had told him of her plan to go as far as Thirteen because he wanted his honest opinion. Haymitch could survive in the wild if he needed to, he had done so before, in the arena, but, of the two of them, Everdeen, in his opinion, was the expert.

Everdeen piled the last log on the stack of wood they were planning on getting inside and wiped his hands thoughtfully. "So far? In winter?" The man winced. "I really don't know. Does she know how to hunt? Find shelter?"

Haymitch shrugged. "I would say no. But she's clever."

"Clever won't make a difference if she can't find food." Everdeen pointed out. "It would be easier in spring. Don't get me wrong, it would still be near impossible, but… she wouldn't have to worry about freezing to death or hunting. There would be berries and plants. I could show her."

"Right." he sighed. "She doesn't want to wait."

That was a conversation he had had several times with her since the night she had finally come clean about what had happened to her. She kept talking about leaving and he kept telling her to wait some more. She didn't want to go, he knew that much, so, she relented. But it wouldn't last forever. One day he was going to wake up to an empty house.

"Is she afraid of being caught?" Everdeen asked, sitting on the stack of wood. "Because in my opinion she's safe enough here. Nobody suspects a thing and, as far as I can tell, nobody is looking for her."

It wasn't entirely true. He had run into Cray at the Hob the day before and the Head Peacekeeper had asked him again if he hadn't seen a stranger in the District. It had only taken the offer of a drink for the man to spill everything he knew, mainly that the Capitol was breathing down the neck of every Peacekeeper in every District to find her. But Cray didn't believe she could have gone that far and he wasn't bothering with real search parties.

"She's…" He trailed off, not knowing how to explain what was going on in that head of hers without revealing her whole back story. He trusted Everdeen to a certain degree but he didn't want to betray her confidences. "She wants to be free."

"Even if that means going to her death?" The man asked with a frown.

"There's freedom in death, I suppose." Haymitch replied quietly, avoiding Everdeen's eyes. That was something he had learned too late, after the arena. He had wanted to live so badly at the time, to get free from the Capitol, but now… Now he knew the truth. Freedom wasn't for victors. Once in the arena, always in the arena.

"Are you going to go with her?"

Haymitch startled and stared at the man he didn't dare call a friend but was slowly starting to consider thus. He had never even entertained the thought of leaving Twelve behind. That was…

"No." he told Everdeen as much as he told himself.

Leaving Twelve wasn't a possibility. She could make it undetected, he couldn't. At some point, the Capitol would realize he had escaped and then they would move heaven and earth to find him. It would be even more dangerous for her, not to mention that he still thought it was suicide. "No."

"Why not? You love her." Everdeen accused with knowing eyes. "You know how to survive in the woods. She would have a chance with you."

"She won't have a chance when hovercrafts find me and bring me back here." he spat, not bothering to correct his assumptions. The hunter was there more often than not lately, and there was no hiding the longing in Haymitch's eyes when he looked at her. "She will be dead and I will be back to the hell pit. There's no getting out of this circus, Everdeen, Maysilee was lucky in that aspect."

He had aimed to hurt or even anger the man with that jibe but Everdeen only folded his arms on his chest. "You're afraid to hope."

"There is no hope." Haymitch rubbed his eyes tiredly. He was itching for a drink but he was trying to stop or at least really slow down while she was still there. She hated when he drank. "I thought you would know that."

"There's Thirteen apparently." Everdeen pointed out, "Do you think it's true? Could it be true?"

"I heard rumors of rebels before, there's whispers of that between victors." Haymitch confessed, rummaging the snow with his boot. "But never of Thirteen and I'm not sure I believe it. It's too big, too… If there are rebels, I doubt they're in Thirteen."

"But Effie believes it. She's sure of it?" There was a calculating glint in Everdeen's eyes. Something that looked like a sort of tamed hope.

"What, you want to take off too, now?" Haymitch scoffed.

"If it wasn't for Katniss, I think we would take our chances." The man answered. "But not with the baby, no."

Haymitch shook his head. "You're as mad as Effie. There's nothing there but ruins."

"Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith." he replied.

~0~

"Here you go." the healer said with a smile, tugging Effie's shirt back down. "Your cuts are healed and the bruises are almost gone. You're as good as new, take it easy on the knee though."

Effie smiled and tucked the blue shirt back into her pants. The blue shirt she had stolen from Haymitch that first night was her favorite and she wore it as often as she could – she had actually taken it on herself to do the laundry because it was obvious he wouldn't but she had forced him to clean up the house a little, arguing that she wasn't his housekeeper. Aster – Everdeen's wife had insisted that she called her by her first name – scooped the baby from the middle of Effie's bed and rocked the little girl slowly to stop her fussing.

Effie offered her something to drink and they made their way downstairs to the kitchen. Haymitch and Everdeen were still nowhere to be seen but Aster waved her worry away, declaring that they were probably chatting. The woman watched her like a hawk as Effie opened cupboard after cupboard to prepare their tea. She had been surprised and delighted when Haymitch had come back from town with it a few days earlier. It was nothing like the fine brands her mother used – had used – more like a clutter of leaves and even some pieces of bark but it was good nonetheless and it helped soothe her nerves.

"You feel at home, here." Aster observed, still rocking Katniss. The baby's tiny fingers were playing with a strand of her mother's hair. It was the first time she had brought her daughter when she stopped by to check on her but she had talked about her so often Effie felt as if she knew her already. "Haymitch is good to you."

She could feel the blush slowly creeping on her cheeks so she turned her back in the pretense of pouring the tea into two mugs. "He's… nice."

"Only nice?"

She could hear the teasing smile in Aster's voice so she gave up on her act and went to sit at the kitchen table before sliding a mug in front of her. "Kind." she added. "Thoughtful. Caring. Loving."

Aster's laugher made her blush increase. "Oh, you're in deep."

"You're one to talk." Effie rebuked gently, because there was no way to ignore how in love the Everdeens were. She leaned in to stroke Katniss's tiny hand, the baby closed her fist around her finger and she was amazed by how strong her grip was. She looked so frail, so breakable.

"Do you want to hold her?" Aster suggested.

"Oh, no!" she refused, gently extracting her finger from the baby's grasp. "I've never done that. I wouldn't know how. I don't want to hurt her."

"You won't hurt her. Here." In a matter of seconds, the baby was transferred in her arms. A precious weigh in the crook of her elbow. She rocked her experimentally and the baby babbled happily. "Do you want children?" Aster asked.

The question took her by surprise. She had never given any thought to children or, rather, the possibility was so far remote in her future that she hadn't bothered thinking about it, she had wanted a career first and foremost. But it was different there, she supposed. Women got married and had children, men went to the mines… There was no real opportunity for careers and self-development. She had gathered as much from Haymitch.

Did she want children?

"I don't think so." Not in the world they were living in. Not when they could be killed as easily as… Domi's screams filled her head but she focused on the baby and they went away. "I couldn't bear to see them hurt and I don't see how I could protect them from everything happening out there."

"I felt the same way." Aster confessed, taking a sip of her tea. "And then I became pregnant and I could never regret having her, but sometimes… I can't help but think she could get reaped one day. I don't know how…"

Effie lowered her eyes on the baby in shame. She understood what her father had said now, about how unfair life was in the Districts. She felt ashamed for having enjoyed the Games once, for never having realized that the tributes were someone's daughter and someone's son. Children. The idea that the small baby she was holding could one day be sent to fight for her life in an arena was… "I'm sorry." Sorry she didn't understand it before, sorry she had to go through so hard an awakening to get it into her thick skull, sorry that she couldn't help.

Aster sipped her tea in silence for several minutes but didn't acknowledge her apology, she only shrugged. "Life is what it is. Fate deals the cards, all we can do is do our best." A small smile played on her lips. "Speaking of best… You've done a number on Haymitch. I can't quite believe it. Sober, clean and smiling more often than not… You work miracles."

It should have delighted her but Effie felt her anxiety go up a notch. She knew she had an impact. The man she had first met had been bitter and determined to drown in his anguish but now… Now he was more relaxed. Still bitter, still broken – and that was alright because so was she – but less on edge, less… haunted. He was slowly letting himself forget that he was a victor and she was afraid – so, so afraid – of what would happen to him once she left.

If she ever left.

Each time, she talked about it, he advised her to wait and, each time, she yielded to his arguments because it was easier to pretend her decisions were logical rather than purely sentimental. Truth was, she didn't want to go. She had stopped running for too long, she had grown comfortable, she had made friends, she had learned to know Haymitch and she was about to settle for a life as a stowaway. She could feel herself on the edge of settling for this life and it frightened her.

"What's wrong?" Aster frowned with concern, placing a comforting hand on her arm. "I didn't mean to upset you…"

Effie cradled Katniss closer, stroking the baby's cheek and letting her play with her finger.

"I think I love him." she confessed softly. At that second, she missed Domitia so fiercely it felt like someone was stabbing her in the heart. She missed her parents too, of course, but Domi had always been her confident when it came to boys. Domi had always known what to do and say.

"That's wonderful news, isn't it?" Aster leaned back slightly in her chair. "It's obvious he has feelings for you. He looked so… dead before you came here."

"I'm leaving." Or so she kept saying. Perhaps, she would start believing it if she said it often enough. "I can't stay here. It's too dangerous."

The thing was… She didn't know why it was dangerous anymore. Because she could get caught? Because Haymitch could be caught hiding an enemy of the Capitol? Or because she was afraid of the depth and strength of what she was feeling for him? She wasn't ready for that, she didn't even want that, she didn't need that kind of complication at that point, she had enough on her plate as it was. Love had crept on her when she wasn't looking and it was all Haymitch's fault, damn him and his inability to leave her in the snowstorm. If he hadn't taken care of her… If…

"Effie…" Aster sounded so sorry for her, she turned her head away. She didn't want to see the pity on her face. "Do you really have to? Nobody ever comes to Victors' Village… I think we could hide you."

It brought tears to her eyes how easily that 'we' had passed Aster's lips. "I don't want to go but…"

The back door opened on Everdeen and Haymitch, their arms were full of logs, so she fell silent. They dispatched the wood in a corner of the kitchen but when Haymitch straightened and glanced at her with the baby in her arms, something like yearning flashed in his eyes.

"So?" Haymitch asked Aster, after banging his feet against the wall to make the snow fall off his boots. "How is she?"

"Totally recovered." the healer smiled.

Neither Effie nor Haymitch looked particularly happy at that prospect. Her injuries were his main argument for her to stay in Twelve a while longer.

"Good." he said, but she knew he didn't mean it.

This chapter drove me crazy because the Everdeens don't have canonical first names. That's very complicated ^^ I named her Aster because it's flower that symbolizes love and patience.