Crossroads
AN: It's been a while. Enjoy!
Kisses
Zuko and Toph awkwardly managed to get in their carriage. The silence loomed over them, creating an uncomfortable atmosphere. Toph was preoccupied. Zuko hesitantly played with his hands – he desperate wanted to use his hands to sooth the wrinkles of worry that had registered on her porcelain forehead. He wanted to reassure her that everything would be all right. Zuko observed as she nervously played with the hem of her dress. He cleared his throat and tried to speak several times, but it was obvious that the earhtbender's thoughts were elsewhere.
"Toph!" he called out to her, but she didn't respond. "Toph, Toph," he said repeatedly, leaning forward to touch her knee. "Talk to me, please. Tell me what's bothering you." She jerked his hand away.
"Nothing's bothering me," she said – a hint of irritation interlaced in her tone – every time he asked her how she was doing. "I'm fine," she said and continuously waved her hand at him to drop the subject. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine!"
He sat back on the cushioned bench and ran his fingers through his hair. He continued to watch her. Toph could feel his eyes on her. She truly wanted to tell Zuko how she felt. She wanted to cry aloud and tell him how angry she was at herself... and at him.
"We are almost there," he said, changing the subject.
"Good," she whispered. "I miss Rae."
"I miss him too," Zuko said softly, followed by another awkward moment of silence. "What's wrong, Toph?"
"Nothing is wrong with me!" she said curtly, dropping the hem of her dress and straightened her back. "I'm fine! I just want to see my son."
"No, don't lie, you aren't fine," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "You are angry. Just say it and get it out of your system."
"No," she said, shaking her head. "It's useless."
"You are mad at your parents,"
"Zuko, just drop it." Toph snapped, smacking the Fire Lord on his leg. "Stop trying to analyze me. It's not going to end pretty."
"I'm not analyzing you. I just want to help you feel better."
She didn't want to tell him that she resented him. He'd known from the start that going to her parents' house would be a bad idea. He remained quiet, sitting opposite from her. They were getting close to the next town. He just prayed that he would be able to keep cool and nonchalant. Toph tried hard to imagine how good it would feel to take a hot shower, a good meal, and just be with her son, but Zuko kept on pressuring her to share her feelings.
Zuko looked out the window and saw the signs, indicating that they were near. She wasn't talking to him; it irritated him. He really was growing frantic with Toph's attitude. He needed to get through to her, but how? What could he say to make her feel better? He knew from experience how it felt to be deserted by your own parents. He had an inkling on how she felt.
"You don't know how I feel," she said sharply, as if she could read his thoughts. "So, don't even try to comfort me. You must be laughing inside! You knew that it was going to turn out like this."
"Toph," he said dejectedly.
"What?" she said angrily, adjusting her skirt. "You know it's true!"
"I woul- Fine, believe whatever you want!" he said, raising both hands in surrender. "No matter what I say... you'll think that it's my fault."
"Zuko," she said softly, once she realized what she'd said. She didn't mean to. In her anger, she'd said terrible things to Zuko. "I'm sorry. I feel horrible."
He didn't speak, but remained quiet, glaring at her. Why bother? She had a strong, independent mind, no matter what words he uses to console her or try to defend himself; she wouldn't accept them. Perhaps, she momentarily forgot that he did know how it felt to be rejected by one own parents.
"I'm sorry," she suddenly whispered. Her green orbs glistened with unshed tears. "I took my frustration out on you. I- for a second, I thought that... I'm so sorry." She said, getting up from the carriage bench. She placed her open palms on the ceiling and steadied herself. The carriage movements shoved her on the Fire Lord's lap. "I am so so sorry." She repeated. "You know how it feels to be rejected by..."
"I do," he breathed and cradled her in his muscular arms. "I really do understand how you feel. I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you. One of us needs a happy ending."
They remained in silence during the entire carriage ride to the nearest inn. It was a slow and awkward ride. Toph didn't move from his embrace. She was deep in thought, pondering why she felt so dejected. She shouldn't have blamed him. He'd tried to warn her, but she didn't listened. Deep down, she knew that a similar outcome would happen. She'd ignore the nagging feeling as she entered her parents' mansion. She pushed the previous events out of her mind and tried hard to concentrate less on her misery and more on Zuko. His delicious scent was mesmerizing and the warmth of his arms engulfed her was enough to stop her from dwelling in self-pity. She couldn't think properly whenever he was around. She just enjoyed having him near her... In all honesty, it sort of bothered her that even in times like this, her body could react to his nearness. She was a woman full of desire for this man. All she could do was think of the handsome Fire Lord. She scoffed and folded her arms over her chest and turned her head.
Zuko's anger melted into nothingness. He couldn't deny the attraction between them. The more time he spent with her, the more he loved the sassiness and the feistiness that she displayed. He knew that she was sad and Agni knew how much he wanted to comfort and console her. If holding her in his arms was all that he could do for the time being, then so be it! He held her closer to him, watching her attentively. His eyes never left her face. He studied her deep frown, the movements of her lips as she mulled on whatever she was thinking. He chuckled at the sight of her blushing face when she became aware that he was watching her. He tried to memorize every detail of her face: from the vacant look on her eyes, to the pout on her lips, to the way she wrinkled her nose. She was perfect. If only he could make the world better for her. If only he could make her truly happy.
"Your hair is soft," he said, twirling his finger through her dark hair. "It smells like Panda Lilies and Jasmine."
"Thank you," she said confused. How could he act so relaxed after she took her anger out on him. "What should we have for dinner? I heard that this town makes the best miso soup in the Earth Kingdom."
"Aren't you angry at me?" Toph asked anxiously.
"No... maybe." he said nonchalantly, crossing his legs at the ankles. "We should be close to the inn. As soon as we get there, you can take bathe. We can talk more then after you've spent some time with Rae."
"That sounds great," she said, tilting her head. "I wonder if Rae is doing fine. It's almost bedtime for him. I feel like hugging him."
"Katara knows that. She took care of him during our boat trip." Zuko shrugged and kissed her forehead. "In the meantime, you can hug me." he said childishly.
"I'm sorry that you had to change your agenda for me." Toph shuffled a bit, but relaxed as he continued to caress her cheek.
"Let's not talk about that."
"Okay," she nodded and tilted her head, until it hung back and her neck rested on his forearm. "Katara will take great care of Rae. She's amazing with children. She reminds me of my good friend Hana. She too was good with children."
"Hmm" he said, rubbing his chin against her cheek. "I don't want to talk about Katara or Hana. I just want to know more about you..."
"What about me?" she said.
"Are you okay with me holding you so intimately?" he said, the last words saturated with concern.
"It's fine. I like it." Toph said, giving his wrist a gentle squeeze. "I've never been held like this. My parents' never showered me with affection. That's why I'm always holding Rae," she said miserably.
He was surprised how the young bender could hide the pain of her childhood and her parents' rejection, so well. He sighed inwardly and slowly exhaled.
"You once told me that you loved me," he said slowly near her ear.
"I remember," she said low.
She heard him lick his lips and gently deposit a soft, chaste kiss on her temple. "You told me that I was the only one for you. You said that you didn't see a future without me. Do you remember?" he said in a husky tone.
"Yes," she gulped hard, nodding.
"That night at the inn when I first met Rae, you said that it all had been a mistake. Was I really a mistake?" he asked seriously.
Toph abruptly sat up and moved away from him. She wasn't ready to discuss this. Her heart was beating erratically and it felt like she was suffocating. She knew that she'd lied to him that night. He would always be the love of her life. She opened her mouth to speak, but the carriage came to an abrupt stop.
"I guess that we are here," he sighed, getting to his feet. Toph also got to her feet, when the carriage made a sudden move, causing Toph to jerk forward, falling on top of Zuko. He steadied her and took advantage of her proximity, kissing her on the lips. "Are you okay? You aren't hurt?" He asked concerned.
"Sorry about that, Fire Lord," the driver shouted from outside.
"Are you all right?" Zuko asked, ignoring the shouts of the carriage driver. Toph nodded and he exhaled. "It's fine, Tito." Zuko shouted back, his eyes fixed on her.
"Are you okay, Toph?" he asked again, cupping her face with his hands. She stood still, wondering if he would kiss her. She desperately wished that he would kiss her again.
"I'm fine." Toph's face turned crimson with embarrassment at their closeness. Zuko's lips curved into a secret smile watching as she fumbled back, trying to sit down on the padded bench, but he restrained her, engulfing her in his arms. "I'm fine, Zuko," she said mortified. "You can let me go. I can take care of myself."
"Why do you always do this?" he asked, his smile fading. "You are always ruining our beautiful moments. Am I not enough of a man to protect you? To care for you? To watch over you and our son?"
"Zuko," she whispered. "It's not that- I'm sorry if it gives you the wrong impression."
"It's exactly that, Toph. You are too damn scared! You think that I'm the same Zuko from five years ago." He fumed. "Can't you see that you are constantly pushing me away? I know that I've hurt you in the past... I was stupid and an imbecile for letting the Fire Sages trick me into proposing to Mai, when all along I had the perfect woman beside me. Haven't I paid for my sins? I don't know what else to do. I've gone out of my way to make you feel valued. loved and appreciated. I'm always telling you how great and what a wonderful woman you are. You have to stop holding me accountable for the mistakes of my youth. You are also at fault here..."
"I don't hold you accountable for getting me pregnant," she said curtly, shifting in his arms. "Let me go!"
"You do hold me accountable. You've always had!" he glared. "You are constantly reminding me that I'm not good enough to take care of you!" Zuko said heatedly.
"Don't you dare turn this on me!"
"I am!" he hissed. The atmosphere was turning heated. He regretted opening his mouth, but enough was enough. "I'm just being honest. I'm so tired of this. We aren't getting anywhere." He said, slowly letting her go and flopping down on his seat.
Toph stood there, sensing a defeated Fire Lord. Her heart broke for the first time in many days. She reached out for him, but hesitated. He was right. She blamed him for many things. She knew that she was also at fault. She hid a son from his father. She deprived Rae of growing up with a father. She hid her son's heritage from him. She had many faults. "I'm sorry," she cried. The emotions that she'd bottled in were finally flowing free. The loss of her childhood, her parents' negligence, and her fear of falling in love finally caught up with her.
"I'm so sorry, Toph," he said, not looking at her. "I'm always going to be sorry for the time we wasted... precious time that I can never get back."
She knelt in front of him and grasped his hands. "I want to start over, but I'm so afraid. I want to have the same confidence you have in 'us'" She confessed, pointing at him and then at herself. "I'm scared to fall in love with you again," I still love you, Zuko. I never stopped. "I suffered so much. I am afraid that I'm not good enough for you." She whispered and stood up. She turned around and started to exit the carriage, when she felt strong arms wound around her waist. The force of Zuko's thrusting her against his chest drained her lungs of air.
"Don't go," he begged in a hoarse whisper against her ear. His massive chest, anchored her. He spun her around and kissed her fervently on the lips. His lips trailed down the soft skin of her neck. "Stay with me. Let me hold you. Let me love you. Don't ever leave me again."
Toph didn't respond, but fought a few times, wriggling out of his arms. He was much stronger than her. Not that she truly wanted to push him away. She was tired of running away. Her fears had controlled her life for far too long. His arms were starting to feel like a safe haven. She couldn't describe how protected she felt. She hoped that the feeling would last a very long time.
Zuko's arms weren't always this strong before, she thought.
The man that held her wasn't the same Zuko that bedded her and got her pregnant. This Zuko was a real man. He wanted to rectify his mistakes and damn it was she desperate to let him. She leaned closer in to his chest and savored the comfort his embrace provided. She'd missed the security that the Fire Lord gave her. It was surreal to finally be in his arms. She dreamed of this moment for the last five years they've been separated. Maybe it was time to stop listening to reason. She should follow her heart. Wasn't that what Hana, her beloved friend, always said?
"Stop fighting it!" Hana always reprimanded her. Toph could hear her friend's voice in her head. A secret smile tugged the corners of her lips.
She would stop fighting and this time it was for real. She just needed to give everything from her past up and let her love for Zuko rule her life. But at what cost? Love hurt her before and she wasn't ready to suffer another broken heart.
"Zuko," she said, lifting her face to him. "It's late and I want to be with Rae. I know that I'm difficult to understand. Heck, I barely know myself..."
"What are you trying to say?"
"I'm not trying to say anything specific," she sighed. "I want you to know that I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying with you. I promised you that Rae and I would go with you to the Fire Nation, and I intend to keep my promise. You want a family and so does Rae and I. Like you said before, we do have chemistry... We have plenty of time to sort out our feelings. Right now, the most important thing is Rae. For now, let's just concentrate on that."
"I understand," he nodded, followed by giving her a chaste kiss that sent her world spiraling out of control. He slowly pulled back, his eyes resting on her glossy lips. She clutched at the collar of his robe and brought his face down to hers. He chuckled, as she feasted her lips on his. Her tongue slowly parted his lips and the taste of wine filled her. Hands began to move around her body, she was losing self-control, when a soft knock on the carriage door brought theit perfect kiss to an end. They both groaned, but Toph was thankful for it. Who knew where things would have led them? Zuko pulled back and mumbled something under his breath and walked over to the door and opened it. The footman stared at them in confusion.
"What do you need?" Zuko said, refraining from losing his temper.
"A thousand apologies, Fire Lord."
"What seems to be the problem?" he asked the footman.
"There's another carriage that is impeding us from continuing on our journey," the footman said nervously, pointing towards the front side of the carriage. Zuko snuck his head out the door and smiled when he saw the familiar crest of a white boar with wings.
"Thank you for letting me know this," he said, nodding. "Tell Tito not to worry. We'll solve this problem."
"You are welcome, my lord." The footman said proudly, and closed the door.
"What's going on?" Toph asked perplexed. "Who's blocking our way?"
"I don't know... why don't you find out?" Zuko said haughtily.
"What? What does it have to do with me?" she asked, pointing at herself.
"A lot," Zuko accented his head and took her hand. He ignored her questions and helped her out of the carriage and they slowly walked toward the dragon moose that were pulling the carriage. He patted one on the nose and it purred like a leopard-lion cub. "We are going over there to greet our friends."
"Who are they?" she asked intrigued. "Oh," she muttered to herself. The closer the got to the other carriage, the harder her heart pounded against her chest. "Oh my, Zuko, it's them." She swallowed. "It's them."
"Yes, it's your parents." He smiled and kissed her forehead, as he glanced at pairs of green eyes that scrutinized them.