Crossroads
AN: Things aren't going to be as you think. Just give me a few more chapters to elaborate on what is going to happen. I promise that I will strive not to disappoint you. As for a beta-reader, I take anyone's offer at the moment. I can barely sleep. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but I had a baby earlier this year. He doesn't sleep much, and when he does, I am so tired, that I don't want to do anything else, but cuddle beside him. He is gorgeous, and yes, I am in love with him. He looks just like his father, with amazing blue eyes that I just can't help but wonder, how come am I so blessed to have such handsome men in my life? He is our little miracle in my crazy life. His father is crazy about him, too. All we do is stare at him. Okay, I'm so done gushing about my baby. Here you go, read, and review, please!
Panda Lilies
Zuko walked all around the mansion, struggling with his inner demons. He lost track of everything around him, not noticing that the sun had already set on the horizon, or r that the Panda lilies had bloomed earlier than usual, and that the night breeze graciously carried the rich fragrance of the flowers all around him.
It was warm for a January evening, Zuko thought, as he continued to stroll through the private garden of his mother's property. He'd been too deep in thoughts after his conversation with Haru to notice them approaching him. There were far too many things that just didn't add up. He perplexed about the mystery of Rae's kidnapping, and to top it all off, he was assaulted with the enigma of who his real father could be. Zuko knew that he resembled his father. Heck, if he didn't have the scar on the left side of his face, he would definitely resemble a younger Ozai. He shuddered at the mere thought and for once was thankful to the gods for the wrinkly scar that graced his face.
He continued pacing, throwing twigs, and rocks on the calm pond. Zuko drew in several breathes and raked his fingers through his long hair and grunted. His mind was muddled from all his thoughts. How could this be happening to him? Nothing good ever happened to him.
Okay, he thought, shaking his head, Rae and Toph are by far the best things in my life.
But then again, before them, many horrible things did always happen to him? First his father – or was he okay to call Ozai his father? – scarred him, shunned him and favored his sister, Azula. Ozai always hated him. Maybe he knew that Zuko wasn't his son.
Yes, Zuko thought miserable, that had to be the reason why his father disliked him so much.
Could that truly be the reason? But... why did Ursa abandoned him? Why would she leave him behind to be raised by a ruthless man like Ozai? Something was off. No matter how hard Zuko tried to put together the puzzle pieces, they just didn't fit.
"What am I missing?" he asked himself, as he wrinkled the page of the journal that Haru had given him to read earlier. "I should ask her," he said, as he tilted his head back and sighed, as he stared up at the sky. "What am I missing? "
No matter how much he thought about it, the only reasonable conclusion he came up with was that Ursa was the only one that could clarify this misunderstanding. She could probably shed some light into this twisted and confusing dilemma.
He continued to stare into the star-lit sky and pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled a deep breath. He didn't know how he was going to address the matter to Ursa without offending her.
"I have to find out"
He spun on his heels and marched down the cobblestone path that led to the main house. He needed to ask questions, and by Agni, his mother was going to give him answers. Ursa definitely knew about their past. Something deep down in his soul snapped and anger flared through his veins, like fireworks in a summer night. He stopped walking and paced back and forth, as he muttered his discontentment over the whole ordeal. He was about to cursed aloud when he heard the approaching footsteps against the crisp grass, and quickly caught sight of the dark silhouettes that were getting nearer.
"What do you want?" he asked nastily and placed himself in a fighting stance.
"I was just taking a stroll," the nonchalant female voice said. He straightened his back and gulped guiltily. They moved closer to him, closing the gap that separated them.
"Toph?" he asked incredulous.
"Yes, Zuko, it's me, Toph," she said quickly, sensing that something was bothering him.
"And me, Rae!" Rae chanted contently.
"What are you guys doing here?" he asked worriedly, rushing to their side.
"I was bored," Toph shrugged. "It gets tiring of sensing Aang pinning over Katara. And," she paused, crossing her arms over her chest, "someone here," she smiled, "wanted to see his father."
"I wanted to see you, Zuko!" Rae grinned, releasing his mother's hand. "Aang taught me something!"
"What did he teach you?" Zuko asked, kneeling in front of his son.
"This," Rae replied, and let a blue ball of fire dance over the palm of his small hands. "See, it's me, Dad!"
"Hey, that's amazing." Zuko said proudly, exhaling his relief at the sight of the dancing blue flame. The ache in his heart was replaced by a ghost of a smile. Maybe the gods weren't as cruel as he thought. "You have amazing control and your breathing techniques are superb." He praised his son, and reached to grab the small, blue flame.
"It's good to see you. You look pensive," Toph teased.
"You can't see, Mom," Rae said, rolling his eyes and shaking his head at his mother's absurd comment, as he watched in amazement as Zuko formed a small flame that gently danced around Rae's blue fire ball. "How do you do that?" he asked surprised and stared admiringly at his father.
"I don't know," Zuko shrugged. "Why are you two doing here?"
"You don't want us here?" Rae asked, his large, honeyed eyes stared down at his father.
"No, it's not that. Of course I want you with me," Zuko replied quickly, and offered his son a dejected smile.
"We went for a walk," Toph said, filling in the silence, and took lazy steps toward the Fire Lord. "We were with the gang, but I sensed your distress over a mile away," she said nonchalantly. "I had to check for myself that you were all right. What's wrong? Is something bothering you?"
"Nothing. I just needed time to myself," Zuko lied, causing his flame to flicker on and off.
"We can leave, if you wish to be alone." She said annoyed, lazing her fingers behind her back.
"No, no," Rae said alarmed, stomping one small foot on the crisp grass. "No! Momma! We just got here! Zuko! You don't want your little prince to leave? Do I bother you?"
"No. No, son, you are fine. I was just... thinking about certain stuff," Zuko shook his head and stood up, the small flame continued to dance on the palm of his hand. He took several steps back and stared down at his child. "You don't bother me. It's great to have you near me,"
"Okay!" Rae said contently, offering his father a wide grin. "Look what else I can do, Dad," Rae exhaled and raised his hands to his head, "Aang taught me this breathing technique. He said that Genoral Ira,"
"It's General Iroh, son," Toph corrected Rae.
"Sorry," Rae blushed. "Gen-general Ira- oh, yes, Iroh," he blushed, but continued, "He told Aang that to create lightning, you have to let go of the bad stuff," he whispered, closing his eyes, "and become one with the world. I'm one with the world,"
"Aang talks about –" Zuko began, but Toph hushed him.
"Just watch this," Toph smirked. "The way I sense it, is phenomenal." She giggled proudly.
Rae closed his eyes, slowly pushing the air out his lungs. He released all the turmoil that had been plaguing him for a few weeks, out of his heart and soul. His entire being became a blank canvas, as he let himself become a vessel for the energy that danced around him. Slowly, he controlled his movements, enhancing the size of the flame. Zuko jumped back when sparks of blue lightning slowly began to form around the flame and his son.
"Son of a bitch," he muttered in admiration.
"Ahem," Toph frowned. "I'm the kid's mother."
"I didn't mean it like that, Toph," he said apologetically, his amber eyes still fixed on his child's amazing display of creating lightning. "Isn't that awesome and dangerous at the same time?" Zuko asked worriedly.
"Shut up and watch," Toph said annoyed, as she let the seismic vibrations around them pool under her feet. "He can create lightning. We have created a prodigy."
"Yes, we have," Zuko nodded, as he watched his son.
"Do you like it?" Rae asked meekly, hoping to get his father's approval.
"Yes," Zuko said admiringly, as he ran a hand over his heart.
"Really?" Rae beamed.
Zuko smiled sadly, as he watched lightning form around his son. "That's great control, son. When did you learn to create lightning?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.
"I learned on my own," Rae shrugged, as he diminished the size of the lightning that buzzed around him and smiled. "Aang taught me breathing techniques and what Ge-general Ira taught him."
"Iroh," Toph corrected him.
"He taught me how to make sure that no one is hurt when I am firebending." Rae explained very methodically. "He doesn't want me to burn anyone again," he pouted, recalling when he accidentally burned Ursa's small hands when he first met her. "I want to be careful... But, the buzzing blue light," he paused and knitted his eyebrows together, similar to the expression that his own father sported, "I just learned this a few days ago." Rae frowned; suddenly the lightning flickered, dying into an ember glow.
"What happened?" Zuko asked puzzled. "Why did you...?"
"He still can't separate from his emotions," Toph informed him. "He can only do it for a few moments."
"I thought about how alone I was when they took me away," Rae said sadly, letting his hands fall to his sides.
Zuko closed the gap between them and scooped Rae in his arms. Rae's small body shook with sobs, as he clung to his father. "I know how you feel. You, my dearest child, have been through so much in the past few weeks. It's only normal to react that way."
"I want to make you proud,"
"You, just by existing, make me proud. Rae, you being my son is the greatest accomplishment I have ever made. I've loved you since the moment I knew of your existence. I've adored you with all the love my heart can muster up. Do you know how beautiful and amazing you are to me?"
"No," Rae mumbled. "It doesn't bother you that I can't create big lightning?"
"I think that you will get better with practice. Creating blue flame and lightning requires that you void yourself of any feeling that troubles you. You are still a child. Learning to isolate your troubles takes years of practice. It's normal to feel fear. Don't ever forget that,"
"But I want to be as strong as you," Rae whispered. "You don't show fear."
"If you only knew," Zuko breathed. "I fear for your safety every day. I fear that your mom will not want to be with me... I cried for you, every night you were away. Even now," he paused, feeling the hot tears streaming down his face, "even now, I am scared that I will open my eyes and you or your mother will leave my side. I fear so many things... I fear to know why my mother abandoned me. I fear that I'll never be a great father and just turn out to be like Ozai!" he said angrily.
"I won't leave your side! I promise, Zuko," Rae sobbed, tightening his little arms around Zuko's arm. "I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want you or Momma to leave my side. I want to stay with you and Momma. I will be the best son."
"You are the greatest son, Rae. Regarding Ursa, she understands that you didn't mean to hurt her. She's forgiven you."
"She has?" Rae asked, pulling away.
"Yes, she's said so her self. Right, Toph?" Zuko's forehead furrowed and looked down at Rae.
"Yes," Toph said, wiping her own tears with the back of her hand. She sauntered over to where her boys were, and wound her arm around Zuko's waist.
"You don't have to be sad, okay? You are with your mother and father. You are safe. We'll be ready if anyone or anything tries to separate you from us. Do you understand?"
"Yes," Rae smiled behind his tears and pulled away from Zuko. "I understand, Zuko." He whispered, brushing his tears away. Zuko gently set him down on the floor and watched Rae's adorable face. "Can I – " He hugged Zuko's leg and held on tightly.
Zuko heard Toph sniffling and chuckled. "Are you crying, Toph?"
"No!" she said, wiping her own tears with the back of her hand. "It's allergies or something. Probably the Panda lilies. Their scent is strong tonight."
"I'm hungry," Toph said, as she tugged Zuko by the belt of his robe. "We should go inside... and get dressed. Ursa informed us that she'll be having guests over for dinner," Toph said, and reached for Zuko's large, masculine hand.
"Yes, I heard," Zuko said, as he offered Rae his free hand. "Ready to go back inside, son?"
"Yes," Rae said happily, taking his father's large hand.
They walked several yards, when Toph leaned in and rested her head on his shoulder. "I won't press you much about what's bothering you, Zuko," she said, kissing his neck, "but I want you to know that I am here for you. You can tell me anything. I promise not to judge."
"Thanks," he said, leaning forward to give her a chaste kiss on the cheek. "Thank you for giving me a son." He whispered next to her ear. "I love you so much."
"I love you, too... and um, you are welcome," she replied confused.
Zuko gave her hand a gentle squeeze and brought her hand to his lips, kissing the palm of her hand. She shuddered at the simple gesture. It sent sparks flying all over her body. She new she loved him very much, but something felt different. Maybe it was how intimate their relationship had become over the weeks that Rae was missing. Yes, it had to be that. Her heart ached for Zuko. Something was troubling him, and all she could do was wait until he was ready to open up to her.