Chapter Four
For her last two classes of the day, Rachel couldn't pay attention. She was lost in a swarm of memories. Her mind was racing and her heart was beating. She had no reason to feel so nervous, she tried to remind herself. Quinn probably didn't even remember her.
When Rachel thought about Quinn, despite the fear, she was filled with a warm fuzzy feeling. Over the years, out of all the acquaintances she had made and deserted or been deserted by, Quinn was the only one she had entirely enjoyed being around. Friends in middle school had mostly been for show or distraction, and elementary school kids hadn't been too nice either. Rachel had been friends with Quinn simply to be friends with her, and Rachel assumed that the same had been true for Quinn.
At this school, Rachel gathered that Quinn was, at the least, reasonably well liked and at most that girl everyone hated, adored, and talked about more than anyone else. Approaching Quinn was out of the question. It felt dangerous to even think about it. The childhood friendship that Rachel held onto would be thrown back in her face by Quinn as if it was one of those flimsy rubber bracelets, only worn by children.
Rachel wouldn't have her memories ruined. Instead she would preserve them in a theoretical rainbow colored jar in her mind. There were bound to be some other outcasts she could hang out with eventually.
LeRoy was in the kitchen cooking when Rachel got home. The smell of spaghetti sauce hit her nostrils. Rachel smiled weakly.
"How was your first day of school?" He asked, turning.
"It was fine," her voice sounded a little off pitch. Apparently LeRoy was still attempting to bond. Rachel was oddly touched by the simple meal.
They sat at the small round table and ate the noodles quietly. They were the thick slightly wet kind that the sauce had trouble sticking too. Rachel was glad that he didn't try to make small talk. She hated small talk, especially with adults. Rachel forced herself not to eat too quickly. She didn't want to make it extra obvious how much she wanted to be alone in her room right now.
When she was finally done she cleared her dishes from the table but didn't offer to take LeRoy's who had timed it perfectly so he finished eating right after she stood.
Rachel started up the stairs.
"Goodnight!" LeRoy called after her.
Rachel stopped, doing her best impression of a smile before turning around. "Goodnight, LeRoy." She kept as much disdain out of her voice as possible.
In her room she flipped up her hoodie and lay on her bed with her ipod, not bothering to change into pajamas. She listened to rock music late into the night. A few tears slid from her eyes. When she started crying harder, she cranked up the music so that she couldn't hear herself over the beat of the drum and scream of the electric guitar. She missed Shelby so much. Although she never thought about her name or her face anymore, it was why she would cry at night. The memories of Shelby had become this black void in the center of her being, gradually swallowing her from the inside and growing larger as it did.
It wasn't until the end of the first month of school that Rachel saw Quinn again. When she saw her she froze with her hand on her locker door and watched her discreetly. Everyone was watching her.
Quinn was striding down the hallway in her Cheerios uniform, flanked by Brittney and Santana. Coach Sylvester had finished with tryouts and decided on the new members of the cheerleading squad. According to the gossip Rachel overheard later that day, they were the only three freshmen to make it on the team this year.
As Quinn passed by Rachel's locker, Rachel couldn't help but stare more openly as she tried to catch all of the details of Quinn's appearance. Quinn felt the large brown eyes on the side of her neck and she turned her head reflexively.
When Quinn made eye contact with Rachel, something weird happened. A shocked look came across her face and Rachel could hear her think her name as if she weren't just internally screaming 'Rachel!?' but screaming the word directly into Rachel's head, so only Rachel could hear it. Quinn's mouth opened as if she were about to say something and her eyes widened. A sharp dislike came into her eyes and it was the last thing Rachel saw before she turned away, blonde ponytail swishing down the hall.
Rachel turned back to her locker gasping. She clutched her side as if she had just run a long race. A bizarre smile spread across her face. Quinn Fabray had remembered her.
Rachel still had a grin on her face when she walked through LeRoy's door. It was a remnant of the original smile. He wasn't in the kitchen; to Rachel's relief he hadn't cooked dinner for her since her first day of school. Rachel heard the sound of TV accompanied by snoring, so she microwaved one of the vegan pre-prepared meals LeRoy had bought for her and took it up to her room to eat.
She blasted her music as she sat cross-legged on her bed, but still found it hard to concentrate on her math homework. She couldn't help wondering if she would see Quinn again, and what she would do if she did.
She couldn't help playing out a little fantasy in her head:
'Hey Quinn' she would say, casually leaning against the lockers near Quinn's. 'Your name is Quinn right? I think we used to be next door neighbors but I might be mistaking you for someone else' Rachel would say as if she had too many friends to keep track of.
Quinn would smile down at her books in fond amusement. 'Yeah, I think I do remember you...Rachel Corcoran?'
'Rachel Berry' she would correct her.
'Oh, did you get married?' Quinn would ask.
And that's where the fantasy turned weird.
Rachel bent over her math worksheet and decided to fill in the answers with random numbers. When she was done she started doodling music notes on the corner of the page and a treble clef in the center of them, even though she didn't know that the symbol associated with music was called that.
A few days later, Rachel was groggily hurrying to fourth period, her mind not having room to worry about anything besides the geography test she was about to take and the fact that she would probably be late to geography class because it was on the other side of the school from her. She pushed through crowds of people, vaguely aware that the one she struggled through now was muscled and dressed in red letterman's jackets.
"Watch it. "
"Woah there."
Deep voices called out to her indignantly as she brushed passed.
"Its her!" A female voice shrieked.
The next thing Rachel saw was a football player's malicious grin, then she was doused in something freezing that blinded her. It felt so bad that her brain barely registered the laughter erupting around her. She stood there shuddering.
A hand gripped her arm and started dragging her away from the crowd. Rachel allowed herself to be pulled blindly down the hallway.
"Come on, let's get you cleaned up."
A paper towel was swiped over Rachel's eyes and she saw the bright fluorescent lights of the bathroom. Quinn was standing behind her. Rachel made eye contact with her in the mirror, her expression was grim.
Quinn balled up the paper towel and threw it in the trashcan. "I trust that you can get the rest off your face without help?" Quinn said with a little smirk.
"Uh-uh yeah, of course I can," Rachel cranked a long paper towel out of the dispenser and ripped it off indignantly. She started dabbing at her face.
Quinn leaned against the wall and watched her with her arms folded. She seemed annoyed about something. "Your Rachel." Her voice was flat.
"You remembered." Rachel hoped her disappointment at Quinn's lack of enthusiasm didn't show through in the waver in her voice. "We used to be next door neighbors when we were little...best friends."
Rachel regretted saying the last two words, but Quinn just nodded.
"Look Rachel, I'm sorry about what happened today," Quinn said without much feeling, "but you seriously need to change something girl, if you don't want it to happen again, and I wouldn't advise going to the rest of your classes today, unless you brought a change of clothes."
"I-I don't understand," Rachel said fighting tears. (She hadn't broken down in school in all her nine years of being bullied and wasn't about to now, especially not in front of Quinn). "I didn't do anything to stand out, I kept my head down I-"
"Your a loser," Quinn cut across her simply. "And losers get slushied at Mckinley, that's just school policy."
Rachel couldn't believe that she couldn't believe Quinn was being so mean to her. She should have known this would happen.
"But," Quinn said dragging out the syllable lazily. "There is a way you can stop being a loser," and for the first time in nine years Quinn grinned at Rachel, that interested yet mischievous grin she gave her when she had an idea. "Join the Cheerios."
"What?!" Rachel said. "Quinn, no, come on, e-even if there were still tryouts, which they're not, the Cheerios would never accept me, even I know that Coach Sylvester is a beast and I don't even have any friends at this school."
Quinn rolled her eyes. "Rachel face it, you'll never be anything at this school unless you join the Cheerios, and how will that make me look when I just rescued you from a crowd of hungry sweaty football players who like to get even meatier than they already are by feasting on innocent insecure goth girls."
"I'm not goth."
"See! That right there. Another reason why you should join: everyone thinks your goth."
It was Rachel's turn to roll her eyes.
"Please Rachel! Your a good dancer."
"When I was five," Rachel brushed off the compliment, but her eyes couldn't help glowing a little. Quinn was begging.
"I bet your still a good dancer."
Rachel tried not to let herself be swayed. She knew that Quinn must have an ulterior motive. "Well, even if that were true Coach Sylvester will never let me tryout so it doesn't matter anyway..."
"She will if I ask her too. I promise."
"Fine. If you can get Sylvester to let me tryout I'll do it, but that's not saying I would even pass the tryouts."
"Shake on it." Quinn said holding up her hand. Light glinted off of her shiny nails with their clear nail polish. "And promise that you won't fail on purpose."
"Deal." Rachel said and took Quinn's hand.
Quinn let go of Rachel's hand and with a tilt of her head and a smile she left Rachel standing alone in the bathroom, twenty minutes late to a class that she wasn't going to attend.
Rachel was smiling too though. She was such an idiot. Quinn already had her wrapped around her strong yet feminine finger.