Newt's pov

I tried to kill myself in the Maze. Climbed halfway up those bloody walls and jumped off.

Broken. Over my entire time in the Maze, I had put up an act. I pretended to be strong, calm, happy, hopeful, anything that they needed me to be. I acted like the glue keeping them from falling apart. I spent every moment of every day trying to keep the entire bloody system from crumbling into pieces.

I spent every day pretending I didn't hate myself more than anything we had ever known.

Why'd you come over here? You expected a bloody hug? Huh? A nice sit-down talk about the good times in the glades?

At first, I really had seen hope. I started running through the Maze everyday in order to find a way out. We celebrated when we got the glade running. I had believed that maybe one day, we would find a way out of our prison, that we would remember who we were.

if you ain't scared, you ain't human

Then one month later came the first greenie. More and more came, more people who were trapped. The first few I comforted, using only what I believed.

Thomas reached out and shook the boys hand- he seemed a lot nicer than Alby.

With time, I began to wonder if we were going to be free, then why so many people get sent here. But I ignored my worry, figuring with time something would happen.

Guess go bug someone else till the excitement begins, which had better be soon.

Around the fourth month, things did change.

Be carful what you buggin' wish for.

It was a normal day, the Maze opened, people began their jobs, and we ran. The glade was filled with hope. That morning, eight boys entered the Maze. That night seven of us remained. The next morning, we found George's body.

What's your story? Chuck annoy you to death?

Slowly, more Gladers were lost to death. I did my best to keep the others from quitting and giving up. At this point, I was worried, but kept calm by reminding myself that there had to be a way out through the Maze.

Whats gonna make tomorrow any different? Its been two bloody years ya know.

Around the sixth month, we realized nothing was new. We saw nothing about an exit. We decided we needed to keep up the lie. Slowly, over time, I lost hope. I began to rely on lies so the newbies would quickly fit in with the system. We relied on lies to keep the order that kept the glade alive.

You saved some lives, Tommy, but ya still need to learn-

Yeah, I know. Order.

Around the twelfth month, I saw there was only one way out. By then, we had gone to the point of making up our own the language so the gladers could have something to hold onto, so they would have something they could call their own.

Yeah, that guys a shank. And I don't even know what a shank is.

I took pleasure in running. It was like I was able to run away from my growing despair. But I always had to run back. I kept up the lies the few hours I was with the other gladers. At night, I was kept up by the fight in my head. The fight trying to decide weather I should just take the way out.

What is wrong with you?

Ever lovin' thing in the universe.

Around the eighteenth month, I decided to take it. I woke early, running as soon as the doors opened. I ran till I got to a point where they would never get to me in time, and hopefully never find the body.

How many have died, then?

At least twelve. Well, those are just the ones we found.

I tried to remember if I had left the note for either Minho or Alby to find. As soon as I was assured it was there. I turned to the wall, tears making their way down my face. I wiped them away, breathing in.

Thank you for being my friends

"You don't have to do this. You could always just go back, act as though this never happened." At this point, I was unable to tell if I was speaking out loud or not. For a moment, I was tempted to go away, run back.

Just bloody do it!

Then I remembered that no matter what, there was no way out. If I didn't do this, the Creators would. Deciding I didn't want to give them the satisfaction to torture me more, just too bloody kill me anyway, I took a step forward. I inhaled, and then began to pull me up the wall.

The Maze can't be solved.

I think we all know that now.

Don't worry; the Creators meant for us to escape.

Around thirty minutes later, I was half way up. I took a breath and looked down. Knowing I couldn't go any higher, I began to speak.

He had to quit wasting time for them to come and end his life.

"I know I have always talked about shucking order. I know I should just climb back down. But I know that you, Creators, are listening. I know you wouldn't just put us here without checking up on us. You have put us through so much. You're the reason I am about to let go." I loosened my grip, knowing I didn't have long.

Closest I've come so far to hanging it all up.

"So I want you to deliver the message. To either Minho or Alby. I think I deserve that much. You probably have better things to do than watch me all day, so ill make this quick." I heard footsteps running close, so I took a fast breath, and continued.

"Tell… just tell them that… I'm sorry. I just can't take this anymore." I heard the footsteps stop behind me, unmoving. Somehow, without looking, I knew it was Minho. I took one last breath, realizing that for some reason, the creators had listened. This was their way of delivering my message. I felt one last tear, speaking once more, this time to Minho.

Kill me. If you were ever my friend, kill me.

"I hope you can find your own way out. Just it won't be with me. I'm sorry." At this point, I knew there was no turning back.

A final tear making its way down my face, I let go.

Tears moistened Newts eyes, and Thomas was sure he had never seen someone look so sad.

Everything slowed down, as though time decided to capture every detail of my fall. The air slipped past me, and it felt like I was falling out of reach of all my sadness, of all the pain, of all the lies, and most of all, the madness.

What in the world is the flare?

Then I hit the ground. In that split second, I managed to register three things. First, I heard Minho scream, and run to me. Then was the pain. I had landed on my leg, most likely shattering bone in it.

Don't worry, I did it on purpose.

As the darkness approached me, I realized something that crushed me more than anything. Because at this point, I knew I wasn't high enough, and would wake up, alive.

After all I did for you, after allthe freaking klunk I went through in the bloody Maze, you cant do the one and only thing I ever asked you to do.

Eventually, I woke from the dark oblivion that I enjoyed during the few moments I wasn't awake. I took the news that I wouldn't be able to run ever again calmly, putting up my walls once more. They decided to add to the lies, say a griever attacked me. I kept up the act that everything was fine.

Thomas turned to see Newt there, smiling. That grin sent a wave of reassurance through Thomas, as if he were finding out the world was okay again.

Because at this point, it was just a game of waiting till death caught up with me.

Please Tommy, Please

AN: yes, I am alive. I am so, so sorry for tacking forever to update and for the last chapter being a piece of klunk. I would like to thank Machete Girl for following this. I hope this made you sad… that came out wrong… the next and final chapter will be in Thomas POV. Please read and review.

Disclaimer: James Dashner doesn't write this nor does he write Fanfiction… thankfully