Falling Rain
Chapter 13
Glitters of ice shined bright in the early morning sun, a blanket of white covering the grounds of the citadel. Movement was always limited in the snow, but not here, not in the great demon city of the west.
People moved within the snow as though it were not there, chores being completed, shops being visited, training being done. She was avoiding it as though it were death itself, the cold too much for her human body.
At least, that's how it had been before.
Part of her was clinging to the belief that everything was normal and that her nightmare was over; her assailant was captured and serving a terrible sentence as penance. Another part of her stubbornly refused to believe that anyone had the ability to change her so thoroughly, on such an intimate level as to change her very nature. But the rest of her knew, knew, without a shred of a doubt that it was possible. She had seen it, she had defeated it. Naraku had once been human.
His transformation had been deadly and dark and painful, but it was also wilful, a request made by his own dark heart. Hers was not the same, not that she actually had changed. Until someone proved it to her, she would hold firm to her human banner, which is why she was so stubbornly refusing to go out into the cold, winter air.
If he changed her, and if she was anything like them, then the cold would not bother her, would not even register at all. And if she went out there now and nothing happened then she would know, would have to admit it, would have to submit to the truth as he made it. She wasn't ready for that.
Thankfully Sesshoumaru wasn't there to force her hand. He had disappeared in the night almost a week ago, a journey burning him enough to make him leave during the witching hour. Demons had a tendency to do that she noticed.
She let a sigh fall from her and turned away from the view of the courtyard outside her window, the shawl over her shoulders being pulled tighter. She was burning up in the blanket, but the room was cold; she should not be warm yet and she fought against it ferociously. It was so clear to her what had happened, what was still happening. She knew it and yet she did not want to accept it.
Her humanity was the last thing she held that was hers, truly hers; it was the single-most important piece of her that no one could take away. At least, that was what she had believed. She didn't know what to think anymore. If not human, if not pure, if not her…then who was she?
What consequences did his decisions have on her?
**FR**
The sound of his footsteps echoed around him in the place that should not be able to carry sound. This place was terrible and inhabited by a selfish, evil witch that he liked very much to ignore as often as possible. Unfortunately, she was the only one he trusted enough with the secrets of the west that might know of the ancient magic that Toukai had used.
His path took him up a long flight of stairs, the chill of the air noticeable more here than in the citadel, but that had more to do with the inhabitant than the weather.
"Ah, my honorable son has come to visit. What a pleasant surprise"
As if she didn't know he was coming.
"Mother"
"Oh Sesshoumaru, where is that darling human of yours? Or even that squawking toad? I haven't seen them in years! Honestly, how can you be so cruel to your loving mother?"
His nerves were tried simply in knowing that he would need to speak with her at length, but she frayed them even more with her useless blathering, her overtly dramatic display. She, of all people, knew well where each person was and why they did not visit.
"Humph, still as quiet as ever I see. You should visit me more. I don't ever get to see you!"
"You are capable of leaving this castle in the sky"
"Yes, but I don't want to. People should come to me. I am not a servant to bow to their whimsical little lives"
His eyes drank in the sight of her, the long white kimono, the thick fur shawl, the two hair ties at the top of her head, her perfect image and absolute languor as she lay haphazardly across her dais. She was a selfish bitch that refused to give in to the will of anyone but herself. How his father had had the stomach to deal with her long enough to lay with her was beyond him.
"Your shoulders look heavy, honorable son. Tell me, what burdens you?"
"Soul curses"
He watched as she stood from her dais, the manner of her walk as she made her way towards him bespoke of a languid indifference, but he knew better. Her eyes flickered with interest, glinting with barely veiled excitement.
"You speak of dark things my son. The ancient one's forbid us from using such things long ago"
His lips remained closed; the honesty of her words a rare treat as she was prone to preferences of deception, games of wit and mockery. Darkened golden eyes followed her figure as she walked around him, close but not touching, an invasion of his personal space, a test to see how far she could go before his ire ripped her in two.
"It has been done already. You seek answers to questions you don't know how to ask"
A low growl resonated around them. She dare insinuate that he was not intelligent enough to know how to ask a question?
"Be at peace my son. The answers you seek are not for the questions you bring. Ask again"
"Is it permanent?"
"Oh quite. A soul exchange is nasty business, but lasting just the same"
"What will change?"
He had never asked such direct questions to her. But then again, she had never given such direct answers. He was sure that if he moved even a twitch more than necessary that the spell would be broken and he would be left to fight for answers as he usually did.
"Everything that matters"
So much for 'direct'.
"Will she live longer?"
His mother stilled, her hand raised next to him, poised and ready to either strike or embrace. With her it was always hard to tell which she intended to do.
"She? How very interesting"
"Hn"
"Is she a demoness?"
"No"
"Oh? So you've done as your father, have you? Fallen to the charms of one?"
He narrowed his eyes, his thoughts raging against her accusations. She was the queen mother, untouchable and powerful in her own right, but she was his mother and he had no qualms with knocking her down if the need arose.
"Ah, it is of no consequence. Who has changed her?"
"Toukai"
Her eyes turned on him then, narrow and suspicious, a glint of a question burning on her lips. He saw it and he could not stop it. If she asked it, he would not lie to her.
"And who is Toukai?"
"Inuyasha's beast"
"I see"
He watched as she sauntered back to her platform, her gait swifter, harsher with purpose. She sat on her dais, a flourish of color and fabric falling around her, caressing her perfection.
"I might have known that the royal line would be the ones to commit such appalling crimes. Who is this female then?"
"The Priestess of the Jewel"
"Truly? Howinteresting! Was she not his intended? Never mind, it hardly matters now. Tell me, have you captured and punished him yet?"
"Yes"
"Oh, pity. I would have liked to talk with him"
"He lives"
"Oh? That is news. Perhaps not all is lost. I shall like to visit with him in silence. I'd like to come and go without all the pomp, if you will, just this once please. I'd also like to see her"
"It will be her decision. She has not left the citadel since the incident six months ago"
Her hand waived at him casually, an air of pleasure surrounding her then.
"I will watch her from here. Her mind will be busy enough with the troubles your brother has wrought down upon her. But I am curious…why do you want her to live?"
Sesshoumaru blinked, a lazy burden of disinterest settling over his features.
"She wishes to see the future"
His mother watched him then, a moment stretching into minutes, her light golden eyes burning into his with conviction, with arrogance.
"So much you refuse to tell me. How am I to help if you don't tell me everything?"
"Can it be stopped?"
"Oh…"
She stood from her dais again, her kimono held up by her own hands as she slinked down the steps toward him once more, her eyes glinting with malicious glee.
"…now that is a good question"
She stood tall in front of him, her nose nearly touching his, her eyes bearing down on him, so close that he felt the fabric of her skirts brush heavily against his knees when she released them, the sound of heavy silks deafening. Silence surrounded him as he waited for her answer, stared down into her eyes with nothing more than vague curiosity.
"You think you're so clever"
Words whispered against him, pushed at him, dared him to say something back, to defy her, to challenge her.
"Can it be done?"
"Well now, that all depends"
**FR**
Her eyes flickered in the dark, her vision darting back and forth rapidly, taking in the sights around her. She felt strange being able to see so clearly in the dark. It wasn't perfect, more like a night outside on a full moon. Only it was a crescent moon tonight and she was not outside.
She walked down the halls, a measure of confidence at war with doubt pressing around her, swirling in dark waves. Her feet carried her to the end of the hall, a door-less room to her left.
The old wooden stool sat to the side of the room, innocent and free. She brought it to the center of the nearest wall and sat down on it, turning to face the only inhabitant within this horrid place.
"Hello Inuyasha"
"Hey"
She smiled then, comfort wrapping around her at the knowledge that he was there, conscious and dominant.
She could see the difference in him already, a sort of weariness that bore down on him, made him appear heavier, more burdened by the world than he already was. His features hadn't changed yet, but that would come soon enough.
"Does it hurt?"
"Not physically"
"But it hurts anyway?"
"It's my soul Kagome…my beast. It is the most evil and dark thing that exists inside of me, but it is a part of me and it is being taken away. Yeah, it hurts"
Kagome bowed her head, her understanding of his situation clearer than she wanted it to be.
"I need to ask you about this…thing…that Toukai did. Do you know what it is?"
"Yes"
"Can you explain it to me?"
He hesitated then, a silence for more than a beat of her heart and she grew nervous for it. He was the only one that might be able to offer her answers right now and she really needed them.
"Yeah, sort of"
"What do you mean, 'sort of'?"
"I don't know everything about it. I didn't even know it existed until he was doing it"
"But then, how did you know what it was?"
"Some things are so ancient, so basic, that you just know. I can't explain it. I just…I know what he tried to do, okay?"
Tried to do? Did that mean that Toukai was not able to finish it? Maybe there was hope after all.
"What do you mean 'tried'? Did he or didn't he do it?"
"He did. I tried to stop him and it…changed it, sort of."
"How?"
"It's called a soul exchange. The idea is to take the soul of another and replace it with yours and yours with theirs; it's more complicated than that, but that's the basics of it"
Heat poured through her, dark and sinister and frightening. What he said, what he implied, was more than she had thought, had tried to deal with so far. She didn't know if she could handle much more than that.
"What did you do? You said you tried to stop it… you changed it. How? What's different?"
"The night that you were supposed to exchange souls, I made sure that the new soul wasn't there and then I untied you. I … you're still you, Kagome. You'll always be you. That won't ever change!"
"But, if that's true and my soul is being locked away, then what would that make me? I won't be human, I won't be demon, I won't be…anything. I'll be like Kikyou"
"Kagome no! She was…undead. You…you're still you Kagome. You're just you with, well, a lot more time"
Kagome blinked, tears falling down her cheeks in relentless waves, fear and desperation coiling inside of her and clamoring for dominance.
"So it's forever then…I won't die of old age?"
"No"
"You know, I don't want this. I don't want to be anything else. I'm human Inuyasha…it's who I am! I don't want to lose that!"
Her throat closed on her the more she talked, but she needed to say this, to get this out. She sniffled, the tears blocking her senses of everything but that moment.
"You're still human, Kagome. You're just a little different, that's all"
Kagome nodded, a world of worries and fears melting away at the admission. She was still human; she had always been different, so it was just another fact to her oddness. No big deal, right?
"I need your help, Inuyasha"
"Kagome I can't help you! This beast, I couldn't control it. It's a murderer, I'm a murderer. It's evil and dark and you were ravaged by it! I can't help you; I can't even be around you!"
She blinked at the vehemence in his voice, the tears threatening to fall from his eyes, the absolute remorse raking through his aura.
"Are you scared?"
"Of course I am! Wouldn't you be? I don't want to lose you…and I don't want to lose my beast Kagome, my near immortality, but I don't have that right anymore. I messed up!"
Kagome stood up and reached out a hand and placed it against his face, her fingers cupping around his jaw and twining with his hair.
"That's that then. You're going to live, Inuyasha, and you're going to help me get through this because this is what you fear more than the loss of your own beast!"
She turned then, her hand still on his face, pulling him to look at her; her other hand reached out to his chest, laid softly over his heart. Tears streamed down her face, the pain of her memories real and present and screaming at her.
"You are going to learn to control this beast Inuyasha. You are a good person, a good friend, but you've made some really fucked up decisions! You will spend your life at my side, at my command, learning to do this"
"Kagome I can't!"
Her hand glowed blue over his heart, a beacon in the darkness, blinding and warm.
"Which is why you will! Inuyasha, when you give a child a task and they don't know how to complete it, you don't take that task away from them…"
She looked into his eyes, the bit of her soul that remained shining with pain for him, her voice a viper of conviction ripping through gritted teeth.
"…you get down on your knees and you teach them!"
His screams echoed around her, beating against her, pulsing in rhythm with her powers. She pulled from him all of the power that held his soul prisoner in the dark places of his heart.
When the light died down, she kept her hands on him and stroked his cheek, a gentle and comforting touch to help ease the pain.
"I want to talk to him"
"Kagome…"
"Now, Inuyasha"
She waited as the smooth golden eyes of her friend faded into dark crimson, a snarl greeting her with its release.
"Don't tempt me Toukai; I can always change my mind!"
"You bitch! First you try to kill me, and now you want me to help you?! Are you fucking insane?"
"Do not sass me pup!"
She watched with veiled satisfaction as the demon blinked, shock clear in his darkened eyes. He probably hadn't expected her to refer to him in such a childish way.
"Listen up and listen well. Your life belongs to me now, your existence the whimsy of my mercy. Try me, just once, and I'll unleash all of the wrath and vengeance upon you that I hold deep inside this pit of a soulless existence you created! Test me one time dog! I dare you"
Kagome stepped back and took a deep breath, her nerves raw and tender from the emotional ride.
"You have a choice to make. You can learn to coexist properly with Inuyasha, or you can be locked behind those beads again…only this time they'll be enhanced to lock you away so deeply that you won't even know whether you're alive or dead. So what'll it be Toukai?"
She watched his head tilt to the side, curiosity coursing through his eyes.
"You've said my name a lot this night. Are you laying a curse or are you just enchanted by it?"
"Actually, it is a form of recognition. Give the dog a bone, if you will. By giving you your name, recognizing you by it, I am acknowledging your existence, your importance, my belief in your ability to assimilate yourself with society properly."
She crossed her arms over her chest and watched the thoughts that crossed over his eyes, the emotions that bled through him.
"I don't have all night. Do tell me what there is to hesitate about?"
"What makes you think I won't kill you in your sleep?"
Kagome smirked then, genuine amusement coloring her pale features.
"You aren't the only one that knows magic, Toukai. You're welcome to try, but I'll warn you just this one time. If you do try and fail…and you will fail…then you will be put to death, no questions asked, no trial, no jury, no sentencing…just execution"
His eyes blinked at her then, shock at her boldness, elation at her darkness; he seemed surprised, but happily so.
"Fine"
"Wonderful, now give me back my friend"
A low growl pierced her ears, angry and dark, filled with resentment.
When Inuyasha was once again in command of his self, she fell against him and held his head up.
"That's very tiring"
Kagome smiled and looked up at him, willing him to see how important this was, the last things she needed to tell him. He had to understand at least this much.
"You are mine now, Inuyasha. I own you. You will learn to control this beast. You are going to help me to cope with this disaster you have wrought, and you will rebuild the destruction you created on this land."
Her eyes searched his, watching as the pain flickered brilliantly across honey seas, fear trembling beneath it's cold hands, until realization dawned and finally the stormy golden seas settled on acceptance.
"Alright"
"My my, you are a lively and interesting bunch aren't you? I must say, I do like the way you think Priestess!"
Kagome turned around, her senses only just then registering two very powerful auras. She looked up to see a female that resembled Sesshoumaru in so many ways that it almost hurt, though her face expressed a bit more than his ever did. But she shook not for the woman that emanated such a dark and eerie aura; rather, she shook because behind her was Sesshoumaru, his cold golden eyes swirling with poorly held fury.
"You will speak with her tomorrow, mother."
"Pity"
**FR**
Kagome barely had time to register her shock at his title for the woman. She found herself trapped against him, his arm like steel holding her to his side, the world rushing around her in colorful arcs of dark browns and muted grays as he whisked her away.
Time moved too fast for her and she found herself unable to focus on anything, the shock of his appearance there tonight more powerful than she had thought it would be.
She felt her body slam up against cold stone, her head bouncing off of the unforgiving rock without mercy, dark hair whipping wildly around her, a cry of pain wrenched from her lips.
He held her up by her throat, his nails prickling at her neck, a dangerous warning to pay attention.
"What were you doing?!"
Author's Note: I had half a mind to continue it here, but I decided that the next part deserved a chapter all its own. I'm sure you can guess what comes next… ;)
See you soon kiddies!