Author's Notes: So, apparently, traveling and going to conventions/amusement parks are two very good ways of shattering writer's block, as there was only one night when I didn't write. On that night, I was just too exhausted to do anything other than read and sleep once I got back to my room. It's either that, or lamenting that I had writer's block in the first place, and honestly, I'm not sure which one it is. In any event, I've written two chapters and done work on two others. Universal was amazing, especially the Transformers ride … I don't generally like 3D (I consider it overrated), but that was worth it. I'm making tentative plans to return to hit the theme parks that I missed this time (Magic Kingdom, Sea World, etc), but that can wait. So, here is the final part of 'Riding the Storm Out,' and the chapter title comes from the same song as the story title. And, in this chapter, we have Alice reacting to her first tornado (and honestly, she's not doing too badly. While tornados seem to be rare in the UK and Europe, they do happen ... assume for the sake of this story that she was never in town when a tornado hit) and poor Suzie's mental shields getting overwhelmed. I know, I'm so mean to her. On the other hand, she's strong enough to handle it. Of course, her language gets salty …
Part Three
Waitin' for the Fallout
Dupree, Oklahoma
Same Day
She'd never been through a tornado before. They weren't at all common in the UK, after all. And as soon as the sirens began wailing (actually as soon as she understood what those sirens meant), she wasted no time in following Marie Havelock to a place of 'minimum' safety. Why they would say 'minimum' safety, Alice had no idea, but she wasn't about to ask. Besides, she was entirely too busy following Marie to ask any questions. They were actually lucky enough to be in a store that a) had a cellar/basement and b) had a large enough cellar/basement to fit all of the customers in the store at the time. What followed was the most terrifying half hour of her life (excluding the time when she was held hostage by the people who swore to keep her safe, in an effort to keep her father in line).
Marie was kind enough not only to not judge her for her skittishness during the course of the storm, but actually held her hand when she realized just how frightened she was. Alice was grateful to her for that, because as the storm raged over her head, the Englishwoman wasn't ashamed to admit that at that point, all she wanted was the safety of her father's arms. However much she may have hated him (and in truth, still did a little bit), Jack was still her father and despite everything that happened between them, despite Steven's death, she still felt safe with him. What that said about her, she wasn't entirely sure.
Perhaps some of it had to do with her confrontation with Carlyon Tregarth, not long after her arrival, in which he told her very bluntly that he was the reason her son was dead … the reason that she'd lost her father and her son in the same day. He had decided in 1965 that the lives of his dangerously ill pregnant wife and unborn child were far more important than anything else, save the lives of his other two daughters. And when her father protested, reminding him that they both saw where appeasement led, Carlyon Tregarth threatened to dump that unpleasant task onto the shoulders of a green recruit … a young woman named 'Lucia Moretti.' Alice was starting to understand that regardless of what her father had done in 1965, her family would have been affected … if Jack still refused, even after Tregarth threatened to have her mother take that duty, there was a strong chance that Alice would have never existed. There were days when Alice was hard pressed to say why this would have been a bad thing.
Needless to say, even weeks after that particular conversation, it was still hard for Alice to look at Natalie, the baby for whom Carlyon Tregarth made that pivotal decision and who was now a grown woman with a child of her own. It wasn't her fault. Alice knew that. But Natalie was alive, and her Steven was dead and … and it still wasn't her fault. She knew from her conversations with Natalie's mother Sophia that the other woman felt tremendously guilty when she first learned the truth. Alice didn't want her to feel guilty. She was uncomfortable with Natalie and likely always would be, but she knew that none of this was her fault.
And that, she realized, was why Carlyon Tregarth told her … to give her someone other than her father to blame for her loss. It was such a bitter pill to swallow, and it made it possible for her to grant her father even a little bit of forgiveness. If it hadn't been her son, it would have been someone else's. Someone else's son, someone else's grandson, which forced her to realize something else. If Jack had used another child, someone else's grandson, then she still would have lost him. He would have watched over them forever, but the guilt would have kept him away from them both. She still would have had her son … but no matter what happened that day, she would have lost someone.
She thought about all of this as she sat in the basement of the store, clasping Marie Havelock's hand. She thought about all of that, and about what she learned from Marie's husband Chuck about a Year nearly everyone had forgotten about, which technically didn't exist, and yet did. For the first time, she heard about the Master, an insane Time Lord who was apparently Moriarty to the Doctor's Sherlock Holmes … and who spent an entire year torturing and killing her father when he realized that Jack couldn't stay dead. To his credit, Chuck Havelock hadn't wanted to tell her about that horrific Year. He hadn't wanted to tell her about the night when he helped to beat her father to death, either. But Alice persisted, and Marie finally convinced her husband to tell her everything. At first, Alice was grateful … and then she wished she hadn't pushed.
There was a part of her that was angry with her father, after hearing what Charles Havelock had to say (especially the revelation about how he came to be immortal … why had he never told her that he became immortal through no choice of his own?). She wasn't entirely sure why she was so angry with him, aside from the fact that he never told her about it. But that was par for the course with Jack, and a conversation with Esther reminded her of that. Her father didn't want to talk about things that hurt him. She asked Esther if he understood that maybe talking about it would help to heal him, but the young blonde shook her head and explained that for Jack, it wasn't about healing … it was trying to protect others from the horrors that he experienced, and sometimes took part in. Besides, she asked a bit sadly, had she ever actually given Jack the chance to tell her? No, Alice was forced to admit, no, she hadn't. Esther nodded, before moving their conversation forward.
She had come to know Alice's father well, in those two months they traveled together … those two months when it was widely believed that Jack was the only person who could die. Alice noticed the way she worded that, as if Esther questioned whether that was the case. However, she wasn't given the opportunity to remark on it, as Esther was explaining that she came to know him very well: not just the good things, but the bad things as well. She knew about Steven, and about Alice, and whatever she felt about what he did to them, Esther kept it to herself. As she explained when Alice inquired about it, this wasn't about her. It was never about her, and it really had nothing to do with her.
Ironically, it was those words that allowed Alice to come to the single most horrifying truth of her life … the bad things that happened to her really had nothing to do with her. The first time was when her mother took her away from her father and changed her name from Alice to Melissa. Despite Lucia's claims, it had nothing to do with protecting Alice, and everything to do with punishing Jack. And the second time … Jack hadn't sacrificed Steven because he wanted to hurt her, but because at that point, he saw no other way to drive off the invaders. Alice countered that yes, he hadn't done it to hurt her; however, he knew that it would hurt her and did it anyway.
Esther shook her head impatiently, explaining that Alice wasn't understanding. That was clear. And a moment later, so was Esther's explanation, as she challenged Alice to tell her what would have happened if Jack hadn't done it. She'd stared at the young woman in astonishment, especially when Esther informed her in rather blunt terms that there were three choices that day: a) tell the aliens where to go, keep the children … and watch the earth burn; b) turn the children over, the children whom a handful of people regarded as less than other children, and have the 456 return ever ten, twenty, forty years for their tribute; or c) wipe out the 456, killing one child to do it. The only child who was on the premises, Jack's own grandson, whom he loved so very much and whom he still loved. There were no good choices that day. None.
Alice asked a bit numbly how she knew all this … while Esther was once part of the CIA, she wouldn't have access to all that information. The younger woman shook her head, answering that while Carlyon Tregarth was the head of Torchwood South, he was also her grandfather. And once that discovery was made, after Esther came to terms with the knowledge that her entire life was based on a lie, he told her the rest of the story about the 456, to put it into context and perspective. No matter what happened that day, Alice likely would have lost her son. It was always just a question of how. Esther added softly that she wasn't telling her this to make her forgive Jack … she knew that wasn't possible … but so she would understand.
And now, all of that was running through her mind, as a tornado raged over her head. She thought about what brought her to this point in time, about losing her son and about losing her father. She thought about a lost, confused young man who didn't understand what was done to him or why his home suddenly disappeared. She thought about her little boy, who could have died as the world burned or as a drug to an alien or as he did die. She thought about her mother, and about Carlyon Tregarth, about Sophia Tregarth, and about Natalie, who lived when Steven died. And then, she thought about the Families, who shortened her own life in an attempt to recreate the Miracle.
Through so much of her life, choices were made for her. She hadn't chosen her parents. She hadn't chosen her son's fate. She hadn't chosen even how or when to die (although, in truth, most people didn't get to make that choice, either). But here was a choice in front of her now … how she would spend the last few months of her life. She could continue to hate her father as she had for most of her life, and still did to some degree for putting the world before her and her son, and she could continue to hate Carlyon for putting his own child before hers. Or … or she could choose to forgive. Forgive her father for not putting her first and forgive Carlyon for putting his child first. The irony didn't escape Alice. The question was, was she as strong as her father? Was she strong enough to forgive?
She didn't know. But it was time to find out. As she acknowledged this, Alice realized that it was quiet. It was quiet, but no one was moving, and Alice asked Marie softly, "Why isn't anyone leaving?" Well, there was, but it was only one person. Marie just squeezed her hand again, and Alice smiled at her new friend. In so many ways, they were different, but that never mattered to Marie. She was a good woman … a good woman and a good friend, and Alice counted herself so lucky to know her.
"She's going up alone, to make sure that it's actually over, rather than a temporary calm. If the coast is clear, we can go home … and you can make sure that jeopardy-friendly daddy of yours is okay," Marie answered and Alice nodded. It was then that her mobile beeped and she saw that she had a text from Esther. 'Come home when the coast is clear.' She smiled at that, and so did Marie when Alice showed her the text. Her friend murmured, "I always liked that girl. I liked her even more when she allowed Matthew and Ava to keep her two nieces after their momma died … knowing that she couldn't be the mother they needed if she stayed in Torchwood, but wanting to make the world safer for them? Got a good head on her shoulders."
Alice couldn't argue with that, and she texted back, 'thanks. Will head home shortly. All is well?' As she hit 'send,' she thought about what Marie said about Jack. According to Marie's husband, it was something that the Doctor used to say about his previous companion, the girl who made Alice's father immortal. What amazed Alice was that her father didn't hate the girl. She knew that in the same circumstance, she would have cursed her, her parents, her grandparents, and all of her descendents.
Another beep from her mobile alerted her to a second text from Esther, which she read with raised eyebrows, 'all are well. Few complications, but all is well. Come home when able. Porch light will be on.' Marie observed, "A few complications? That could mean anything." Something Alice well knew, but in the end, everyone was okay. That was what mattered most to her. Leaving the porch light on was something Alice encountered when she first arrived, all those months ago.
It had two meanings: first, it meant to welcome someone. And secondly, there was a practical aspect to it … keeping people safe by keeping an area well-lit. Regardless, Alice embraced the idea of leaving the porch light on. To see it now, after surviving her first tornado and taking the final steps away from the bitterness that poisoned so much of her life … it meant welcome home. And as soon as that woman came back to give them the all-clear signal, she was going home … to her father, and to the odd little family that welcomed her into their embrace, just because she was Jack's daughter.
She was coming home.
TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW
Safe Haven, Nevada
Same Day
"I am going to fucking kill Natalie Tregarth! God, they're killing me!"
Ianto Jones and Toshiko Sato began slowly backing out of the room where Suzie Costello was even now writhing on the davenport where they'd placed her after she'd collapsed. Ianto honestly wasn't sure how to react or what to think. Obviously, something happened with Suzie's soul-twin, but he had no idea what it was. Tosh murmured as they neared the door, "Do you think she decided to take up sky-diving or something like that?" Ianto could only shrug helplessly. In truth, he couldn't decide if Suzie was experiencing extreme pain or extreme pleasure. And if it was the latter, who was the other part of 'they' Suzie mentioned?
"Actually, dear child, what Suzie is experiencing is the conception of my grandchild," Rassilon observed from just behind them. He offered a smile that was obviously meant to be angelic as the two jumped and spun around to face him … emphasis on 'meant to be,' because Rassilon did 'angelic' about as well as Jack did 'innocent.' Which was to say, not at all. And then, the meaning of those words actually hit Ianto. His grandchild. That meant … Rassilon responded with a small shrug, observing, "Rex Matheson and Natalie Tregarth were both sprayed with sex pollen when they went to investigate. Rex's dose was manageable, although I think he'll be embarrassed for some time to come … he was closer and got hit with the small, more concentrated dose. Natalie, however … she was hit with a larger dose, and it would have burned her from the inside out, if Jack hadn't intervened."
"You knew this was going to happen?" Tosh inquired, and Ianto couldn't be sure if she sounded curious or accusatory. Once more, Rassilon shrugged, although it seemed more sheepish than indifferent. Tosh, who was coming to learn Rassilon's body language, actually smiled and said, "You knew that the grandchild would come into being … and who the mother of that grandchild would be … but you didn't know the circumstances." Rassilon hesitated, and then nodded. But it was his expression that took Ianto's breath away. He looked … Ianto shook his head, because for the first time since his resurrection, the young man could see the same vulnerability in the father that he'd seen in the son.
"I dreamed of her … of my granddaughter. I saw her, months ago. She'll be beautiful, just like her father. She'll have the temperament of her mother … the kindness and compassion of both of her parents. I dreamed of my granddaughter, Toshiko, and she was the first dream I'd had in many thousands of years. When I dreamed of my granddaughter, I knew that I was taking another step away from the monster I made the Doctor think that I'd become," Rassilon answered. Ianto swallowed hard. What the hell did you say to that?
Suzie was gasping for breath, muttering, "Okay, yeah, I was curious about sleeping with Jack, but not that curious! Dammit, Natalie, maybe if you hadn't been a virgin, this wouldn't have happened!" She was pushing herself upright on the davenport, wiping away the sweat that poured down her face, and raised her head. She froze, seeing all three of them looking at her, and asked in a very small voice, "Oh. That sounds like I was blaming the victim, doesn't it?" Tosh nodded, although Ianto noticed a tiny smile on her face. Suzie blushed and ducked her head, murmuring, "It isn't her fault. I know it isn't."
"What? There's an ape over the age of sixteen who hadn't lost her virginity? I'm in shock, whatever is wrong with this person?" Koschei asked, and Ianto turned the full force of his glare on the junior Time Lord. The former Master sniped, "And what are you complaining about, Jones … it's your paramour she's shagging, after all!" Ianto didn't often do this, but in this case, he thought it was appropriate … he LOOMED over Koschei, using every spare inch he had over the Time Lord to his benefit.
"Natalie Tregarth was sprayed with sex pollen, Koschei," Rassilon said quietly, "it was either burn from the inside out or shag Jack." Koschei actually swallowed at that, and backed up. Literally, backed up. Rassilon continued, "She is the mother of the young girl I saw in my dreams. My granddaughter has been conceived … Jack's daughter, Natalie's daughter." Now, the amused scorn on Koschei's face gave way to … awe? He actually looked … awe-struck? But it was Toshiko who put the pieces together.
She was always someone who enjoyed putting puzzles together. That was a large part of what she did for Torchwood, after all, figuring out how the pieces fit together. Maybe she wasn't as good at putting the pieces together when it came to people, but people weren't as reliable. They could betray you in unimaginable ways. It was only during her second chance at life that she began to put the pieces together in other ways. She observed with a small smile, "None of this would have been possible without you, Koschei." The Time Lord looked at her, startled, and Tosh explained, "When you told Carlyon Tregarth that Esther was still alive, you set all of this into motion. That rescue brought Carlyon back together with Jack, to the recreation of Torchwood, and now, to the creation of Jack's daughter. None of that would have been possible without you telling Carlyon about the survival of his granddaughter."
Now that Tosh put it in those terms, Ianto saw what she meant … and so did everyone else. And much to his astonishment, Koschei was actually blinking back tears. But it was Rassilon who asked in an achingly gentle voice, "You've tasted both creation and destruction, old friend. What gives you the greatest pleasure?" Creation and destruction were forever linked. Ianto knew that. There could be no creation without destruction. But they had to stay in balance. The Master had tried to upset that balance. So had the Families.
Koschei's eyes shone as he whispered, "Creation … life. Oh, Rassilon … now I understand!" And so did Ianto. It wasn't forgiveness, but it was something like that. Or perhaps, it was understanding that the creature who tortured Jack no longer existed … and this Time Lord took his place. And this was something else that sex pollen bomb created. Not just Jack and Natalie's daughter (and he would need to come to terms with that later), but this détente between Ianto and Koschei. From terrible mistakes, from horrendous evils, could come amazing things. He'd done it once, in the aftermath of the Cyberwoman … he could do it again. Ianto Jones didn't know if he could create … but he could damn well avenge, and he could always protect.
Fin
Additional Author's notes: (staring at the finished product) Okay, that went places I wasn't expecting. Especially not Ianto and Koschei's contributions here in this last section. However, that brings me to the next series, once I wrap up 'Birthright' with 'Lay My Honor in the Dust.' I'd originally thought it would be called 'Atonement' or 'Redemption.' Rather, it will be called 'Something Like Forgiveness,' and it will deal with Koschei's new attempts at creation (once he helps to destroy something that should have never been created); with Lucas North's quest for atonement; and with the fallout from Carlyon Tregarth's death. But first, I need to finish 'Dite's Favor' and write 'Master of the Game.' One problem at a time.