Waking up, the first thing he is aware of is the weight on his chest and when he glances down, he is only mildly surprised to find Matthew still asleep on his chest. A smile tugs at his lips for just a moment at how peaceful the guardian looks; it was just like any other morning.
But it wasn't. The smile fades away as his gaze shifts towards the ceiling and memories of the previous night return. I should be appalled that I allowed such a thing to happen.
The prince waits for the all too familiar feeling of regret to surface, but when it does, it's not due to the reason he was expecting. He has the sudden realization that the only regret he holds is hurting Matthew. He feels like he should regret doing such a thing with another man, but he knows he doesn't. I should be disturbed that I gave in so easily, yet I'm not. And if he were to ask again— I'm not positive that I would deny him...
"What the hell is wrong with me? I'm so confused." He grumbles, then giving a deep sigh. Too many things...
Ivan's eyes drift down and he takes notice of Matthew's tangled, messy hair. On impulse, his hand lifts and he combs his fingers through the soft blond locks. The movement so gentle, the guardian doesn't so much as stir as his knots of hair inevitably snag the prince's fingers.
Pulling away from the younger man's hair, Ivan gently grazed his fingertips to Matthew's exposed back. As his eyes are drawn in with the motion, Ivan's heart clenches tightly within his chest at the sight he sees. Weak ink stains of blue and purple peeking out from under the soft, blond, down feathers of the guardian's wings. He was already imagining the full extent of bruising that must be spread over the rest of the wings' base. It would likely be painful to move them.
"Shit... I didn't-" His teeth clenched tightly, angry at himself as he felt the bruise.
However, Matthew flinched and moved at the touch. Lazily, his eyes blinked open and small groans passed his lips, but it didn't seem like he was aware of his surroundings yet. "...Already?"
"Yes, it's morning already." Ivan responds quietly, sneaking his hand away.
"Hm?" The blond seemed puzzled and he looked upward, his cheek still resting on the other's chest. "Ivan...?" His eyes suddenly grew wide and he bolted upright. "Ah! Sorry, did- Gi!" Pain suddenly shot down his spine, grappling his pelvis. "Ouch! Ow owowow!"
Ivan gave a jolt of surprise at the sudden pain, though his focus quickly went to Matthew as the blond fell back onto his torso. "What's wrong?" He asks in alarm, carefully holding the other still.
Matthew instantly grew pale and looked away. "N-nothing, my legs just cramped up. I must have slept on them oddly."
Ivan frowned softly in concern. "I don't think so, you were laying on top of me all night."
"... I'm sorry." He whispers. "I shouldn't have."
"I— It's alright Matvey. I wasn't complaining." The prince replies gently, a bit surprised at the unexpected apologies from the other. Slowly, he sat up, holding Matthew in place to keep the younger man from tumbling off of his lap. The guardian winced and Ivan could feel the same pain from before come back, along with his own guilt as he saw just how much he'd hurt his friend last night, though he had softly puzzled look on his face. The foreign feelings were back, he noticed, but he still didn't understand. They felt real, but didn't quite seem to belong to him.
Being touched while still naked after what they'd done last night was weird to Matthew, though he was glad that Ivan didn't have any hesitation in doing so. Not wanting to look at the other, Matthew chose to look down at himself, only to feel his cheeks redden at the sight of his torso.
Ivan's gaze followed his and he felt his own cheeks flush faintly upon noticing dried semen was on both of them. "Ah- would you like to take a bath first... or shall I?" He asks awkwardly.
"M-may I?"
"Of course." With Ivan's grip released, Matthew moved to get off the bed slowly, but the small pain of moving had Matthew nearly tumbling to the floor. Ivan just barely caught him by the waist. "...Are you alright?"
"I've got it."
"I can help."
"It's fine, Ivan. I don't need it." Matthew pulled his legs forward and tried to stand, but his legs didn't give him much help; it was as if his legs were made of sand, crumbling under his weight.
"Matvey." Ivan said gently as he stood from the bed, his arm still wrapped around the other's waist. The guardian made small sounds of pain and squirmed weakly in the hold. "I don't-" I don't want you to hurt yourself... I have caused you enough pain already.
"Let go, you're being silly. It's just a little numbness in my legs, that's all." Matthew was smiling, trying to laugh it off. But even if he refused to make eye contact, Ivan knew that it was all a lie. The guardian was clearly hurting and his control was crumbling.
The guardian's chest felt brittle, he didn't want Ivan to do this, and his own breath felt short and wavering. Matthew could feel that he was about to cry; the stinging was already in his eyes. Don't look at me. Don't help me. Please.
Ivan frowned and held the younger man closer. "Please. Let me help, Matvey. It's the least I can do for what—" Ivan couldn't bring himself to finish, the guardian had frozen stiff, and he couldn't hurt him anymore than he already had. With no further reply, Ivan quietly helped Matthew walk towards the bathing room. Matthew tried to hide the faint limp in his step, but it did not go unnoticed by the prince.
Once in the room, Ivan sat him on a chair and went to prepare the tub. But after fifteen minutes Ivan paused and turned his head back to Matthew. The blond hadn't said anything yet, but there was this quick pull in Ivan's gut, like he was going to be sick or like he was trying hard not to laugh.
"I've fallen, been shot, had broken bones, and even been stabbed. I shouldn't even be bothered by this." Matthew tries to laugh it off as a joke, but it only came out sounding awkward and fake. "And yet I can't even keep my legs from shaking."
Ivan couldn't help but notice the ever so faint bruises around the guardian's lower area. With a heavy frown came Ivan's slow reply. "You... are not accustomed to pain. ...And that's not wrong."
"Are you-" Matthew quickly looked down at the floor, regretting the way that had started. "W-what I mean is- this must seem silly... For a man that has been to battle, I bet pain like this is nothing huh?" Again, he tried to laugh, doing a bit better this time.
Are you accustomed to pain? That was how that cut off question had been going to end. Ivan almost doesn't hear the words that came after as his thoughts immediately started heading down a path he didn't want them to. His head turns away, his nails digging into the palms of his hands to keep himself from lifting either one to grip at his neck until he could feel the bite of his nails on his skin. He swallows the lump in his throat and turns back towards the bath, but his response doesn't come until he is able to unclench his fists and answer the question Matthew had actually spoken aloud. "No... I suppose not."
Silence ensued as Ivan prepared the bath until it was hot and ready. He returned to Matthew's side and held out his hand. "The bath will help... do you need a hand? I could carry you— if you want me to that is."
"No, I can do it." The guardian's voice shakes just as bad as his legs as he tries to stand up, only to flop back into the chair once more. "I-I can do it... I'm not weak."
"I know." The prince's voice does not waver, nor does his extended hand. "And accepting help when you need it doesn't make you weak."
That was almost as funny as it was hypocritical coming from Ivan, the very man who had a hard enough time accepting help from anyone. Matthew wanted to thank him for those words, but he feared opening his mouth. Instead, he took a moment to calm himself, and then he accepted the other's hand, squeezing just a bit more for his own comfort.
Ivan helps him to his feet, steadying him and supporting his weight so he wouldn't collapse. "Do you want me to carry you?"
The guardian shakes his head and steps towards the bath. It feels like he's walking with glass between his joints, but this morning was already hard enough. Both know why he hurts in this way; they had not forgotten about last night, yet neither wished to say it.
Matthew wished Ivan would. He wished he would just leave him alone, ignore it all, or just lose it already. Anger would be easier than this; Matthew could handle anger from Ivan, but not pity.
Ivan slowly helps Matthew to the bathtub, remaining silent as he did so. Once the guardian was safely seated in the tub, Ivan pulled away.
Matthew glanced back towards Ivan when he didn't leave. It made him feel a little awkward to have the man just standing there watching him so Matthew pulled his legs up, a subtle way to cover himself. Not that it mattered; they had had many encounters with each other when they were both naked. But it felt different after what had happened, he feared that Ivan might be disgusted.
The prince stayed by the tub for a few moments, moving a few things closer to Matthew before hesitantly returning to the bedroom without saying a word.
)*(
Ivan paused after he exited the bathing room and closed the door behind him, frowning softly as he took in the state of the room. Why did he find throwing my clothing around the room necessary? He sighs a little and starts to move about the room, picking up clothing, tossing them near his bag, and making piles of like garments. He would fold them after; for the moment he just wanted to make the room look less like a tornado had hit it.
When he finished tossing his clothing into piles, he found the vial and put it in his bag; it was a small thing and one that could easily get forgotten if he didn't put it in his bag now.
He then picked up his scarf, folding it and setting it on the bedside table before straightening up other things in the room and stripping the bedding. Any other time Ivan would not have bothered, but the fewer questions asked, the better, and a servant would be less likely to notice if they did not strip it themselves. Once he was done with that, he moved over to his pile of clothing and knelt down, starting to fold and repack. He counted things to make sure he hadn't missed anything, and to keep his mind distracted as he waited.
)*(
Ivan had finished preparing his clothing for the day as Matthew slowly stepped out with a towel wrapped around his waist. He stopped and stared over at Ivan, noticing that the man had cleaned up. "I... um, you can have the bath now if you're ready." His voice was low enough to be a whisper.
Ivan nodded. "Yes, thank you." He says, walking past Matthew into the bathing room and gently closing the door behind him.
The guardian quickly finished drying off and dressed himself. While the bath had pushed the pain aside to a dull throb, it was still strange for the blond. I want this to end soon...
)*(
Ivan couldn't help but let his mind wander as he dressed, thinking about these foreign feelings and emotions that had yet to go away. Is it a guardian thing? I suppose it could be...
When he was done getting his clothes on and drying his hair off, he ran a comb through his hair to fix it before going back out into the bedroom. Matthew now sat on the bed, fully dressed, and his wings put away. "So..." The younger man spoke, though did not make eye contact. "A-about last night."
"Yes?" Ivan asks as he grabs his socks and boots before sitting down on the same side of the bed as the other.
Swallowing thickly, Matthew speaks. "I'm sorry and ashamed of myself." He trembles. "I should never have done that to you o-or even asked. I am mortified by my actions. Regardless of my state, I should have bared with it as I have before." He bowed his head as he tightly gripped his knees. "I know that there is no way for me to atone for the sinful acts I forced upon you, but-! But please forgive me!" The guardian's heart was beating frantically in his chest; he didn't want to lose Ivan.
It was painful; such an alien kind of pain, and one Ivan couldn't verbalize. To see this, and to hear how Matthew spoke. It wasn't something he wanted to witness of his precious friend. What he couldn't understand was this nauseating pull, this urge to embrace Matthew, to feel the other's tender lips against his, to drown out Matthew's fears, and to give him nothing but reassurance, comfort, and acceptance.
He shakes his head a little to clear it. "Of course I forgive you Matvey." He says, his voice sounding much calmer than he felt. It wasn't until he had his boots on before what Matthew had said fully registered, making him pause and turn his head towards the other. "As you have before...?" He questions, giving Matthew an odd look.
Matthew trembled, he could already picture Ivan losing it and he tried not to cry. Instead of the horrible acts that he had gone through, he could have left Matthew be and none of this would have happened. "B-back at the vampire's castle and the days that followed... It was my first a-and this- this is my second season. I may have been still recovering from my wounds or I may have been panicking, b-but it didn't feel as strong. I still don't have a full understanding of what happens, but it is no excuse."
So it's still new to him. Ivan is silent for a few long moments. "I see... Why did you refer to it as sinful? It's not— That's not how your country thinks of such things."
"But, you are from Solstice; it is common knowledge that same-sex relationships are punished with great cruelty, death even. I can't imagine what that is like for royalty... If anyone were to find out- find out what I made you do— ...So it doesn't matter what my kingdom thinks."
Ivan can't keep himself from scoffing softly. "They'd have to find out about it first. Death isn't an option for me unless my father wants it; I'm too high up. And I doubt he'd do that, since I've just done what he's been wanting me to do for a few years now." His tone is casual and he sounds rather unconcerned with how others would react to learning such a thing. There was no way anyone in Solstice would find out about this in the first place after all. "...Wait." Ivan turns his head towards Matthew suddenly and gives him a questioning look. "Is this because I've called it sodomy in front of you before?"
Matthew, after a moment, slowly nodded; it was a good part of it. Another part was from using his friend's kindness for such low means.
After a slight hesitation, Ivan reaches out and puts a hand on the guardian's shoulder. "You shouldn't take what I say in front of Arthur to heart." He chides gently.
"B-but even still!" Matthew only looked up for a moment before looking away. "I shouldn't have forced such things upon you. It was wrong."
"I agreed to it."
"God damn it Ivan!" Matthew screamed; causing Ivan to jerk his hand back while his eyes widened in shock. Tears were stinging the guardian's eyes as his words wavered and cracked from force. His actions and emotions were already bursting at the seams; he was acting without thought. He shoved himself away from Ivan's touch, glaring at him furiously. "I-it wasn't something that you wanted to do, and if it weren't for how I acted, or what I said, you would have never done such a thing." The guardian's body was shaking again. "You can't deny that!"
Was it pity or was it all an act?
Was Ivan still just doing this all for Matthew's sake, because he had asked him to last night?
It wasn't fair.
It just wasn't fair for Ivan to act like this, so calm, like nothing had even happened.
You can't just bury something like this beneath a mask and pretend it's fine!
What was Ivan truly thinking? What was he holding onto this charade for? What was he trying to keep hidden? Everything was burning from the inside out; it hurt, and it was so painful.
Ivan didn't- couldn't reply right away, the ethereal emotions momentarily gaining nearly all of his attention. Fear, sadness, and anger; each was such strong and visceral emotion on its own, and the sudden onslaught of all three at once, combined with his own emotions was almost more than he could handle. It was sensory overload: weird, confusing, frustrating, and extremely stressful.
A stern, unforgiving look appeared on his face. "MATTHEW." He growls. His voice comes out sharp, short, and commanding. It's the tone of voice that he uses when giving orders, usually to soldiers, and it's one that should not have been used on Matthew. He had unintentionally slipped into it in response to his own frustration and the tense situation.
Matthew froze in fear. He had broken through Ivan's wall and now everything was spilling out. The guardian braced himself to be struck; he deserved it and he accepted that. Matthew wanted Ivan to hit him, to get angry for what he had done. It was unforgivable and Ivan had no need to have such things dwell within him. If he got it out now, there was hope that in time Matthew could rebuild what bonds they once had; hope that he could be close to him once more, to be at his side.
But Ivan stilled at Matthew's fear, looking startled and almost horrified at himself for using such a tone on his friend. "Shit. Sorry. I didn't— I shouldn't have spoken that way to you." He apologizes, his tone nothing like it had been just seconds ago as he lowers his head and frowns at his lap. "It was uncalled for."
Matthew breathed out slowly, trying to calm his racing heartbeat. "No it wasn't... I deserved it. I shouted at you."
Ivan takes a few moments just to breathe, closing his eyes as he attempts to get a grasp on his own emotions amidst the overwhelming foreign ones, and control them. He doesn't succeed, but he manages a reply to Matthew. "No, it- it wasn't the shouting." Not really anyway.
"It was something I said?"
"No, it-" He stops and sighs, opening his eyes and frowning. "It's... unrelated, I suppose? I'm not quite sure what's going on at present."
Matthew blinked. How could he have shouted over something that hadn't even been said?
Ivan just frowns at his lap quietly for a few moments, considering how to start. When he speaks, he sounds a bit frustrated. "Have you been feeling any feelings or emotions that aren't your own? Because I have since last night, and I'm not really sure what's going on. It's making it hard to sort out my own emotions and focus. Several that are intense in their own right got stronger too quickly all at the same time just now and it was too much— Too frustrating and stressful." He sighs. "That's why I shouted." It was a habit he'd thought had disappeared while he'd been traveling with the guardian. Obviously he'd thought wrong.
"No... I have not." Then it clicked quickly for Matthew. "Northwinds! A bond? A bond has been formed?!" When did that happen? Ivan said it had started last night, but when did Matthew have the time to do such a thing?
"A bond?" Ivan echoes, blinking in surprise and looking up at Matthew. "So it is your feelings and emotions that I'm feeling?" He had suspected that they might have been Matthew's, but he hadn't been positive.
"Y-yes, but I do not feel yours so it must not be a complete one." Blush dusted his cheeks as he wondered how much of his emotions had gone through. Did Ivan know? Had he found out Matthew's love for the prince?
"I ah, do have a question though." Ivan says after a few moments of silence.
"Y-yes...?" He was nervous; he feared what the man would ask.
"How long do you think this will last? The bond, I mean."
It was a relief for the guardian and he was able to relax. "Not long, I believe. Three months at most? It will fade faster the less I use my healing abilities on you."
"Then it is best we avoid the more dangerous adventures, hm?" Ivan smiles, the mood between them finally lightening up and removing the gray cloud that had been hovering over them since they awoke.
The guardian returns the smile. "We can try."
)*(
Matthew waited outside the throne room while Ivan went to speak with the queen and princess one last time. While servants weren't allowed in the throne room without permission, the younger man couldn't care less, no more freaky bird decorations for him. And Matthew was happy with that, but he would be happier once they left this horrific kingdom.
Ivan's eyes roamed the room and admired the statues again as he approached, briefly wondering what type of birds they must be hunting before then turning his attention on the royals when he reached them. His fiancé looked very uncomfortable at having to sit in a chair; she was more for doing things herself in a more physical way.
The queen smiled as she looked up from papers, softly dismissing a man with a small wave of her hand. "One last goodbye before you're off?"
"Indeed." Ivan smiles.
Khutulun came forth to stand next to her mother. "I will pray for your safe journey." The princess says with a smile as she gave a small bow of her head. "When you arrive home, my gift to you will be waiting."
The queen chuckled softly. "The gift giving has already begun, has it?"
"I appreciate your prayers." He replies. "And I shall pray that you have a safe journey when you travel there later." He pauses a moment at the mention of the gifts and then speaks. "On that topic, I was wondering if it would be alright to request the female with blonde wings instead of the male? To make it more of a balanced pair."
"Of course, of course, that won't be any trouble." Khutulun says happily. "The night bird and his morning dove will be yours."
He grins a bit at how poetic that phrase sounded. "Fantastic. And may I compliment you on such a lovely way to describe the pair."
"You may." The princess gave a small grin of her own, but far more mischievous.
The queen then spoke. "I hope that your time spent here was enjoyed to the fullest, Prince Ivan."
He smiles at the queen. "It was, and I thank you both for your hospitality. If I may ask, will you be attending the wedding yourself?" Without a husband to tend to the country while she and the eldest daughter were away, there was a possibility she wouldn't be able to attend.
"I hope to, but it will depend when the time comes."
He nods in understanding. "Of course. Well, I hope to see you there, but if I don't, then I wish you well until we next meet."
"To you as well. Shall you be needing anything for your journey that I could provide you?"
"Just the papers with your seal." He responds with a smile.
)*(
As they started heading back towards their respective homes, the first few days had been a bit foreign, due to the bond, more so to Ivan than to Matthew. It appeared that while Ivan could feel the bond, Matthew could not.
"I don't think it's a complete bond." Matthew had said before and they returned to the topic again while taking a break.
"Because you can't feel it?" Ivan questioned.
"Yes. I should feel it as well if it were complete."
"So it should wear off at some point?"
"It should... I can't see it staying long if it's not a full one. Kuma's has been taking ten years." He glanced to his partner with an uncertain look before smiling back at Ivan.
"Alright." Ivan nods, gazing at the fire in thought for a few moments before glancing up at the guardian. "...And if you're wrong?"
Matthew gave Ivan a puzzled look that turned into one of slight concern. "I doubt it... But if I am wrong, I guess we'll just have to wait until it wears off."
"I don't think you're wrong." Ivan smiles slightly. "It's just good to think about what ifs sometimes."
"Does it bother you that this has happened?" Matthew asks quietly.
Ivan turns his gaze back to the fire and ponders this for a few moments before speaking. "In a sense... yes. But not for the reasons you would think, I'm sure."
"Being tied to someone so personally that you feels ones emotions, I can see it being invasive of ones self, but I can also see it as something scary." The guardian took a moment to think back to what happened to him and Kumajiro. It was both a familiar and foreign experience. "But, being a guardian and growing up with this connection... It's almost frightening to not have such a thing. And I think I did not fully understand what it was like to feel and also not feel such a bond until it happened.
When my parents died, it was like someone had pulled my soul from my body. It was painful. I felt like I had lost a part of me and as if I were swimming through a lake of mud. Just trying to get it back to not feel broken and lost.
Then there was Kumajiro. Suddenly feeling his pain or joy, when I knew it wasn't mine, when I wasn't use to someone so new... I didn't like it. I didn't want it. And I don't think Kuma ever did either.
I was used to my brother, to the faintness of Alfred's emotions. I could always feel them when he was around, but it was like a gentle touch. Not a forceful grasp."
Matthew breathed in heavily with a remorseful frown. "What I'm trying to say is, when I say I understand what it must feel like, I mean it. I truly do understand."
Ivan is silent for several moments, considering his words and making sure he was certain which emotions were his. "I can see how someone would consider it scary... though I personally do not find it as such." He says calmly. "I do find it invasive, yes... however, in a less... personal way, I suppose."
"Less personal?" Matthew couldn't see how it could be.
"Less personal for me, I should say." The prince adds, thinking for a moment longer before continuing. "What I mean is... while it is a different and slightly confusing experience at times, I don't find the... bond to be invasive to me. As it stands, my emotions are still solely my own." Which was a bigger relief than he'd willingly admit to anyone. "If anything, it feels a bit more like I'm the one being invasive."
Matthew shook his head and gave the man a small smile. "You're not. As a guardian it is normal for someone else to feel your emotions, and it's by choice, so don't feel bad about it. Even if this one was by accident, you're someone very close to me, and important too. I may have not wanted this to happen now, but maybe, just maybe I would have offered in the future? ...You could say that bonds are a way of becoming family." He was embarrassed, he would admit, and he didn't want Ivan to know that he had grown to love Ivan, but being bonded to a person was something special and considered to be the greatest display of ones trust. The fact being that Ivan was trying not to pry or figure out the meaning behind Matthew's emotions was proof of his respect and trust. Not that Matthew ever had any doubt, but seeing Ivan handling the bond thus far; it filled him with joy, pride, and relief.
)*(
"Ivan? Would you like to know an interesting trick?"
"Hm?" The prince gave Matthew a curious look while he packed up the last of their campsite.
"To disarm a guardian without hurting them or yourself. Want to learn?" He smiled.
Ivan blinked in surprise. "Ah, alright...?"
"Stand up." Matthew says cheerfully as he does the same and spreads his wings. As Ivan approaches, he asks a question to start. "Hm, wait, have you ever owned a cat?"
"No, but I have held a kitten before."
"Ah, because this is going to be similar to a cat." Matthew turned his back to Ivan with his wings lowered, but he still did his best to look over his shoulder and point. "Grab both wings about a hand's length away from the base like you are picking up something heavy. Don't worry about hurting me, my feathers are sensitive but the muscle is tough and I hardly feel pain there."
"Alright, as you say." Ivan reached out and did as Matthew had instructed him to do.
"Now lift up." And as Ivan did so, not one part of the guardian slumped aside from his feet. Other than that, it was like he was just standing there. "Did you see that? How much of my body is affected by it?"
"Yes." Ivan nods and sets Matthew back down. It was interesting, though he didn't see how this could be helpful in the ways of disarming.
"Now grab me the same way, except change the way you hold your hands and hold on as tight as you can." Matthew smiled.
Puzzled, Ivan gave a nod and then grasped the same spot in the way one would when climbing a ladder.
"I'm going to flap my wings, so get ready."
"I am ready."
After Matthew warned him, he tried to flap his wings, but all his body did was tense up and give a little jerk. His wings were strong, but only as strong as they needed to be to lift him.
Ivan blinked a little in surprise. "Interesting." A normal man may need to exert a bit more force to do this, but not much force was needed for him to stop a guardian from taking flight.
"If you hold my wings like this I can't move my arms behind me." Matthew laughed. "My wings and arms have to move with each other if I want to scratch my back. You're also stronger than me. Thought a guardian that is trained to fight will be on more even grounds with you. If this happens, try to rush them. We're top heavy and can fall if enough weight or force hits us and we aren't ready for it. Sometimes shoving them into a wall will work, but to sit your weight on them is better. It may only disable some for a few moments, others completely, but I can't say for sure." There was no possible way that Matthew had tested all of this on Alfred. Nope, he had done no such thing.
"Quite interesting." Ivan agrees with a nod. He then lets go and tilts his head at Matthew curiously. "Why are you sharing this with me, Matvey? I appreciate it, but I thought your kind dislikes sharing things like this with other races."
"Well..." Matthew turned around to face him. "I trust you Ivan, and I want to protect you as you have protected me."
"Oh." Ivan smiled softly. "Thank you."
Matthew smiled back. "I just want to make sure that if you ever have to battle a guardian, you will have a trick or two. Guardians fight best off the ground and your skills are better set for on the ground."
Ivan chuckles softly. "Unless your brother finds reason to attack me, I do not think that I will ever fight one. Especially since I'd neither seen nor heard of them before meeting you."
Matthew laughed. "Ah, won't he be surprised!"
Ivan laughed as well. "Yes! I bet he would shout at me for doing it."
"He would and then at me for telling you."
Ivan snorts. "Well if he ever does get mad at me, he has to go through most of Solstice first to get to me." He gave a sly smile. "I do not think he would want to go through all of that effort and freezing weather just to shout at me."
"That's true."
"Since we are all done with breakfast, shall we go?"
Matthew nodded. "I'm ready to leave."
Ivan shouldered his pack and smiled at him. "Then grab your things and we shall leave at once."
)*(
Ivan slowly got used to and more comfortable with the bond. There were ups and downs, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. However, the more he thought about it, the more he felt as though this particular type of bond was meant to be shared with someone other than himself. He'd brought it up one afternoon as they were walking.
"Matvey?"
"What is it? You hungry?" Kuma's ears perked up at the suggestion of food.
Ivan shook his head. "No, I was just thinking about the bond again and I had a question."
"Ask away."
"The bonds are... primarily familial, yes?" He paused a second before rephrasing. "I mean, the bonds are mostly between family members, yes?"
"They are." Matthew confirmed, but gave Ivan a worried look. "But I don't see how that would be troubling. Is something else the matter? Are my emotions too strong? I could give you more space." He took a few steps sideways to make a gap between them.
Ivan shook his head. "No, you were fine where you were." He looks over and smiles at Matthew before looking back ahead. "Do all bonds feel the same?" He questions. "Or do they differ?"
Matthew hums in thought. "I'm not fully certain, but I believe so. Mother and father always felt like a warm blanket from what little I can remember. Alfred on the other hand doesn't feel the same... At times it can feel like looking into a mirror, but most times it's like a light pat on the shoulder." He expressed both an annoyed and upset look towards the earth beneath his feet. "But that doesn't make sense, because it's emotions we feel, not touch. I'm sorry, that probably didn't help at all."
"What about the one with Kumajiro?" Ivan glances over, arching an eyebrow curiously. "Does it differ from the one with Alfred, or are they similar?"
"They were very similar."
Ivan nods and considers that for a moment. "I wonder... what type would this one be considered?" It definitely wasn't a parent-child bond. Siblings, possibly, though he could think of a third type, and that's what was concerning him.
"Family." Matthew said without hesitation, a bright smile on his face. "One does not have to be born into one to become family. You are a very dear friend to me and even before this, that made you family."
Ivan couldn't help but smile at that. "I appreciate that." He did, a bit more than he could put in to words actually. "And yes, family, but there are different types of family. Parents, children, siblings, spouses..."
The young blond laughed. "I'm still not understanding your question, are you holding something back?"
The prince gives a slight huff, partly out of amusement and partly out of annoyance at himself. There were just some things he was bad at discussing out in the open. "Given what wastaking place when the bond appeared, it seems to me as if this type is meant to be between the latter." He pauses a moment before clarifying. "Between spouses, I mean."
Matthew instantly stopped walking and his cheeks flushed red, but a heavy frown weighed down his once bright smile. With his eyes cast away from Ivan, there was nothing to distract him from his memories of that night. It reminded him of how sick he still felt from guilt, how it lingered over his insides. The younger man could already feel his insides curdling. He still hadn't forgiven himself and doubted that he would for a long time. I'm sorry.
Ivan got maybe one step ahead of Matthew before he stopped as well. The sheer amount of guilt that Matthew was feeling not only confused him, but also made him hesitate, unsure of how to proceed. He's uncertain whether or not he should speak, so he doesn't. He just turns to face Matthew and watches him, waiting for the guardian to speak first.
"I... I do not even know if such a thing exists. I'm sorry, but I only know a little and even out of a half of it I can't even prove that it is true." Matthew whispered and swallowed down his emotion of guilt, cutting it was hard and even more so to try and stop it from reaching Ivan. It was something he had done to Alfred once; feeling nothing was painful on his heart and he doubted that it would fully work, but he had to try. He didn't want to hurt Ivan any more.
"You don't have to apologize." Ivan stepped back next to Matthew. After a moment of hesitation, he chose to place a hand on Matthew's shoulder, even though he knew it would only make the emotions stronger. "I only meant that... if that is what type of bond it is..." He spoke quietly, voice just a little louder than a whisper. "If the bond is not temporary... I'm just concerned whether or not that will prevent you from having one with someone else later."
Matthew looked up at Ivan. "You're... You're worried about me? About whether or not I find a mate?" He didn't fully know why; he had only one reason, but it felt like everything, and he just wanted to cry.
"Yes." Ivan wasn't sure what else to say to that, especially with the emotions he could feel Matthew experiencing. "...Is there a problem with that?"
"No- it's just... I'm not worried about any of that, I'm just worried about you."
Ivan gives a soft huff of amusement and a slight smile. "You shouldn't be."
"But I am." I don't care if I never find a mate, I don't want anyone else. I just want you, and I just want you to be happy above all else.
"I know."
)*(
Traveling together for three and a half weeks or so, Ivan could have parted ways with Matthew sooner and they could have both headed off towards their own homes, but he hadn't wanted to. For some reason, Ivan had wanted to prolong the journey back as much as he could. Perhaps it was just because he had gotten so used to traveling with others and wasn't eager to complete the journey home alone. Or perhaps he just wasn't eager to leave when he knew he wouldn't see Matthew again for nearly a year.
Matthew, while he said nothing of it, shared this feeling. But when he knew home was close, he just wanted to get there soon. He was feeling sick from heavens knows what, be it emotions, stress, or the anxiety of Ivan leaving. He was willing to put money on the latter. Matthew was done, at times wanting nothing more than to sleep in a bed for two days without leaving it, and a bucket should he decide to puke.
But they parted nonetheless, and they were both alone once more, in a greater way than either could have expected.
)*(
When Ivan was about a week away from the palace, he found himself quite giddy for the first time since he had separated from the guardian. He'd finally gotten betrothed and now he would regain his title as heir. Which just happened to come with the added bonus of being able to gloat and rub it in Gilbert's face; a thought that had him grinning. He was quite looking forward to that.
The day he knew he would reach the castle, he changed into his more princely attire, stowed the letter in his coat pocket, and rode to the castle that way.
As Ivan finally reached the palace, he was greeted by quite a few stares. This did not surprise him in the least; after all, he had been gone for over two years. It was no wonder some of them were looking at him like they'd seen a ghost.
Ivan left the horse in the stables and handed off his pack to a nervous looking servant boy to have it put in his room before he went looking for other members of the royal family. Much to his surprise, he could hear Irunya as he walked down the corridor. She must have been over for a visit since she lived with her husband in Autumnal.
Following the sound of her voice, he walked until he found the room she was in. She was sitting down with her back to the doorway, currently chatting quite happily with their stepmother Elena, the current High Queen. The older woman took notice of him standing in the doorway and blinked in surprise, holding a hand up to get his sister to pause in talking, looking at Ivan as she spoke. "It has been quite a while since I have seen you around here."
Ivan nodded. "Anything of note happen while I was away?" He asks, watching in amusement as his older sister gasped and spun around with wide eyes at the sound of his voice.
"You father was frequently in a good mood." She says in amusement.
"Oh?" Ivan chuckles, walking over to greet his sister with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, which she returned with enthusiasm. "Are there more siblings I should know about?" He teases.
Elena gave a laugh at that. "None that I know about."
He chuckled and turned his attention to his sister as she looked him over and fussed a bit. "How have you been Irunya?"
"I've been great. What about you? I haven't seen you in so long! How goes the search?"
"Yes, how has your search been going?" Elena asks, arching an eyebrow curiously.
Ivan grinned as he pulled the letter out of his coat pocket and opened it up, turning it so they could read it and clearly see the seal on the page. "I'd say my search is over." He says a bit smugly.
Irunya's eyes skimmed across the page, her expression becoming more excited as she read until she reached the bottom and near squealed in delight, giving him a big hug. "Congratulations! When will the wedding be? Can I help plan everything?" Her eyes were sparkling in excitement, a huge smile on her face.
Ivan laughed and gave her a hug back. "Of course. You practically raised me, I would be insulted if you didn't want to help." He teases with a smile. "I told them the wedding would be in a year, so we have time to get everything ready."
"Excellent! Oh Ivan, tell me all about her!" Irunya was positively gushing with joy and she pulled him to sit.
"You father is settling a dispute near the border of Autumnal." Elena comments, then excused herself and leaving both of them to talk. She would help later, but at present, she had better things to do than listen to him talk of his travels.
Ivan huffed a little at his stepmother's words, knowing that meant he would have to wait until his father returned to be able to gloat to Gilbert. Pushing that thought aside however, he sat with his sister and told her all about the Princess and his travels.
Irunya listened with interest, gasping in surprise as he told her about Matthew. "You made a friend!" She exclaims joyfully. "One that will last a lifetime as well. I'm so happy for you!"
"Ah, a lifetime?" He asks with a smile, chuckling at her enthusiasm.
"Yes! The way you talk about Matvey tells me you both are very good friends! Is he coming to the wedding?"
"Yes, I promised him the very first invitation. I plan to have Orel bring it to him when we have a set date planned and everything is underway."
)*(
About two months later, his father returned from the Autumnal border, scowling at Ivan when he saw him. Ivan simply held out the letter to him without saying a word. The king took the letter and read it while he walked. When he finished reading, he had pursed lips. "Alright, get it planned and ready. I will not be helping with it, understood?"
Ivan nodded respectfully. "Understood."
"Good, now get out of my sight." The king dismissed him with a wave of his hand.