Sorry for the long wait, I got myself sucked into writing another story. If anyone is a fan of Alison or the Emison pairing, you should check it out, it's called Beautiful Little Secret.
Trigger warning! You have been warned.
The Precipice
Part V
It's 10:02 when Paige hears a vehicle pull up outside. She breathes a sigh of relief before making her way to the door. Opening it up she sees Hanna waving to Caleb as he pulls away, she smiles and waves too.
When the blonde turns around her smile widens.
"Thanks for setting that up. We had a great time."
Paige smiles at her.
"No drinking?"
Hanna shakes her head.
"Good I'm glad. Now let's get inside it's freezing out here!"
The pair walks into the house and they get ready for bed in silence. When they're both in their PJs, Hanna sprawls out on the couch, Paige sitting in the arm chair beside her.
They spend a good hour talking about everything and nothing. It's the first light-hearted conversation they've had and Hanna can't help the feeling swelling in her chest. For the first time in what feels like forever, she's actually happy.
Noticing the relaxed state of her new friend Paige decides to keep her encounter with Alison to herself, at least for now, sure than mentioning the other blonde will ruin Hanna's mood.
When it's nearly midnight they say their goodnights, Paige tucking Hanna in again.
The simple, sweet gesture is enough to have Hanna falling asleep almost immediately.
The next day at school Paige refuses to leave Hanna's side, not wanting Emily, or the others to corner her again.
She can see that Hanna is making an effort, that she's managing to keep the demons at bay, at least for now, and she wants to do everything she can to keep it that way.
When she drops the blonde off at her first period choir class, the swimmer locks eyes with Alison through the glass door. She nods curtly at the girl who gives a little nod back.
It's a subtle exchange that none of the others notice, but it speaks volumes. As Hanna marches confidentially into class, Paige turns to walk away thinking that maybe the blonde isn't the only one that's winning against the demons today.
All throughout the day Hanna manages to keep her head held high, but it's hard. She can feel Aria, Emily and Spencer's eyes on her, staring a hole through her heart. Despite her date with Caleb and chat with Paige last night she can feel herself slipping with the heat of their gazes.
When she catches Spencer's eye during 6th period she swallows hard feeling her throat constrict. Breathing deeply she counts down from 100, trying to fight her pain. When the bell rings she bolts out of the classroom, needing to get away.
Before she's even in the hallway she spots Paige waiting for her outside of the room, clutching both of their math textbooks in her arms.
"How are you holding up?"
Hanna shrugs, then glances around for the others.
"I'm trying."
Paige just nods and puts her arm around thin shoulders.
"Well I'm proud of you. You're doing great."
With a shared smile they head off towards seventh period calculus.
The hour is better than the last, and it goes by quickly with the swimmer by her side, when the bell rings signalling the end of the day Hanna breathes a sigh of relief.
Paige walks with her to her locker, making sure to keep a look out for the other liars. But upon not seeing them she decides it's safe for Hanna to go out to the parking lot on her own.
"I've got practice again Han, but why don't you take my car. You can stop by Caleb's if he isn't busy or you can just go over to my place until I'm finished? Sound good?"
Hanna nods.
"Be strong okay? I'll see you soon."
Hanna hugs the girl before she shoves her books into her locker and heads for the parking lot.
Just as she gets into the car her phone buzzes. Immediate dread fills her, holding her breath she pulls out the phone praying that it isn't 'A' or her former friends.
October 15, 2014 3:27pm
From: Caleb Rivers
I miss you. I've got some stuff to do this afternoon but would you want to meet for dinner at the grille?
Hanna lets out the breath she was holding and quickly replies.
October 15, 2014 3:28pm
To: Caleb Rivers
I'd love to… oh and I miss you too…
She presses send and it's not even 30 seconds later when she gets another message.
October 15, 2014 3:29pm
From: Caleb Rivers
I'll pick you up at 7. =)
A giddy feeling swells in her chest. For once it seems something in her life is going right. She can hardly believe the whirlwind she's lived the past few days. But deep down she knows that the fight is far from over, but now with Caleb and Paige on her side, things are starting to look a little bit brighter.
Ten minutes later the blonde pulls up to Paige's house. It's empty but it's better than going to her place. She'd called her mom after Caleb had texted her, the elder Marin woman was a little suspicious of Hanna spending so much time with Paige, but didn't push the issue as long as Hanna continued to check in regularly.
For a moment she just sits in the car staring out at the house, speculating about what her mother must be thinking. Hanna almost can't stop a grin when she considers the idea that her mom will think she's gay and dating Paige. Truth is, if she wasn't so god damned in love with Caleb she could see herself falling for the swimmer. Gender had never really mattered to her anyways.
Shaking the thought off she shoves open the car door, grabs her backpack and heads for the front door.
As she nears the steps she catches a glimpse of movement. Stopping dead in her tracks she feels panic swell up inside of her, involuntarily her throat burns and her arms tingle.
She's on high alert, terrified of what might be lurking in the shadows surrounding the porch.
"Hello, is someone there?"
She tries to make her voice steady but it comes out shaky and unsure.
Darting her eyes around she sees another flash of movement and three figures appear in front of her.
Her eyes lock with cocoa coloured orbs and instantly her heart races. She can feel the sweat collecting in the palms of her hands, and a nervous tremble run through her body.
The reaction is completely instinctive but ridiculous all the same. The three brunettes standing in front of her used to be her entire world. She would've done anything, given anything for them, or to protect them… And truth be told, she probably still would.
Even if they thought she was a screw up, a snitch, a loser, even if they hated her, she would always care about them.
But no matter how she felt about them, their presence stirred the beast inside her chest. Instantly her mind raced with insults.
You are nothing. Everything you ever had with them, your entire friendship was a lie. How could they care about you? Why would they? They are amazing and beautiful and perfect, you're a screw up, a dirty slut, no one could ever care for you. You are worthless.
Everything happened within seconds, but to Hanna it felt like a lifetime as she struggled against herself.
But it was no use. The monster always managed to win, and in the back of her mind Hanna knew that it's because those things are all true.
She is worthless.
Her gaze instantly drops to the ground in defeat; she can feel the burning sensation behind her eyes. She has to get out of there.
Desperate and panicked, Hanna fails to see the worried and pained expressions on her friends faces, fails to hear their apologies.
Noticing the broken look on their blonde friend's face all three girls move closer wanting to console her, to hug her tight, to reassure her that they really are sorry.
But the instant Hanna sees them moving closer, it feels like a hand has clamped around her throat. Without hearing anything the girls had said Hanna turns around and takes off running.
Hanna ran and ran, without ever stopping to look back. She couldn't handle it, her depression and anxiety were swallowing her whole, she needed release.
Not realizing where she was going until she saw her house appear in the distance, Hanna pushed herself harder until she was throwing herself at her front door.
It was locked.
Knowing that meant she'd have the place to herself she grabbed the spare key, shoved it in the lock and turned.
Frantically she ran upstairs and into her room. She didn't even stop long enough to realize that Alison's stuff was no longer there. Instead she pushed open the door to her bathroom and hysterically dug through her cabinets and drawers tossing items all over the floor, searching for something, anything to appease the beast.
When she felt a sharp sting on the tip of her finger she sighed.
Taking the blade from its hiding place she held it in her palm, caressing the metal.
With practiced ease she tossed aside her jacket, and brought the blade to her skin.
The first cut was like a burst of air, she felt like she could breathe for the first time since she saw the three girls standing on Paige's porch.
Letting the sensation drown her as she slices again and again.
This one is for Zack hitting on you.
This one is for hurting Aria.
This one is for being a big mouthed tattle-tale.
This one is for putting Emily, Spencer and Aria in danger.
This one is for not jumping when you had the chance.
This one is for everything Ali ever said.
This one is for being stupid and fat.
This one is for being nothing.
This one is for being worthless.
After the 12th cut she lets the blade tumble out of her hand as she stumbles backwards hitting the wall and sliding down it.
Blood covers the marks on her already tainted skin, the coppery scent hangs in the air but to Hanna it smells like the beautiful tragedy of her life.
As she sits there broken inside and out she realizes that the monster inside of her is silent once again, revelling in her destruction.
Dizzy and confused from the exhaustion of it all, Hanna doesn't hear the bathroom door open, doesn't hear the gasp, or the painful sobs.
She barely even recognizes that someone is in the room with her, and really she's too tired and weak to care.
Her eyes slip shut, just as she faintly registers the feel of arms around her and the smell of lavender.
Cradling Hanna's limp body in her lap, Alison lets the tears fall down; sobs wracking her body uncontrollably for what feels like hours.
She hugs Hanna tightly, caressing her face, praying that she isn't too late.
Knowing that she needs to do something she tries to pull herself together long enough to drag out her phone.
Just as she's about to dial 911 she hears a tiny broken voice.
"Alison?"
Looking down into hazy blue eyes she cries harder.
"Oh Hanna, I thought I was too late, I thought… I thought…"
She can't even finish the sentence because the possibility is too painful to say out loud.
Her shirt is covered in Hanna's blood, but she doesn't care, all she cares about it making sure the girl is okay.
When she feels the fragile girl trying to sit up she helps her up slightly before getting up on her knees and reaching for a nearby towel. With gentle hands she cleans the blood from the girl's arms then cradles her against her chest.
Because they are almost the same size it takes every bit of Alison's strength to lift Hanna off of the floor and into her arms, but she manages.
Walking slowly she takes the girl to her bed, tossing back the covers and laying her down gently.
Still semi-unconscious Hanna can't quite make sense of her surroundings, but when she feels Alison sit next to her on the bed and pull her head into her lap, Hanna lets out a small sob.
Seeing Hanna so utterly broken shatters Ali's heart, because even if she can be a cold hearted bitch, she loves this girl, loves all the girls.
In a very uncharacteristic manner she leans over the girl and presses light kisses to her forehead, each with a whispered 'I'm sorry Hanna, so sorry'.
With the soft feel of Alison's lips and her soft whisper of her voice, Hanna drifts off into a dreamless sleep.