FINALLY! First off I'd like to say that I'm sorry for the extended delay, my life has been so crazy lately, and I've been seriously lacking on writing inspiration. However, I've finally managed to finish this last installment of The Precipice. I really hope it's everything everyone is hoping for, thank you all for your follows, favourites and reviews, and most of all for your patience. Enjoy.
The Precipice
Part VIII
It's been two days since Hanna finally told Caleb the truth, and they've been attached at the hip ever since.
Friday they went to the Philadelphia zoo after school and spent the day roaming around looking at all of the animals. Saturday he took her out by the lake on a romantic picnic date.
Each and every second Hanna finds herself falling more and more in love with him. Every day she thanks the universe that Paige found her that day on the cliff, because she'd been so lost she'd forgotten how much she had to live for.
Caleb dropped her off, the first night at Paige's, the second night at Alison's, and she'd crawl into bed and cuddled up with her friends. Her heart was mending, and each one of Caleb's sweet kisses, Paige's warm hugs or Alison's gentle touches was like a light shining through the darkness.
Oh, the demons were still there. At night they haunted her worst of all, sometimes the urge to cut would be so strong she'd cry until she couldn't anymore, other times she'd catch herself thinking of stealing a bottle of liquor, but with the help of her friends, and her boyfriend, she managed to keep herself on track.
On the third day Caleb wanted to take her to a movie, followed by an early dinner, because she needed to get home early to prepare for a big day tomorrow.
That morning when she'd woken up in Alison's bed, she'd looked into blue eyes and confessed how much her heart was still aching from the loss of Aria, Spencer and Emily. To her surprise, Ali had just nodded.
"I get it Hanna. Maybe this is a sign, maybe you should tell them. They will either apologize and support you or they won't, but at least you can move on either way. And you know that no matter what Paige, Caleb and I are going to be here for you."
So her decision was made; she must face this, and whatever happens, it doesn't even matter. Although deep in her heart she hopes that they can all go back to being friends again, because she loves them, she always has.
After their conversation Alison shooed her out the door, telling her they'd text the girl's after she returned from her date with Caleb.
After another wonderful evening Caleb pulled up to Alison's house, he looked over at his beautiful girlfriend with a smile.
"I love you Hanna."
"I love you too."
Leaning over the console she kisses him softly, not wanting to get caught up in the moment, she isn't quite ready to re-take that step with him, and he's more than willing to wait.
Caressing his cheek with a gentle hand she whispers, "I'm so happy."
His smile just grows.
"I'd do anything to make you happy Hanna…"
"You make me happy."
She kisses him again and then pulls back.
"Thanks for everything, text me when you get home?"
He just nods before she climbs out of the car and starts walking towards the house with a little skip in her step.
When she steps up onto Ali's porch she doesn't even consider knocking, because Alison is expecting her, not to mention the fact that she's the only one home (her dad is at work—like always).
But when she swings open the door, and steps inside, she really, really wishes she would've knocked.
From where she stands she has a perfect view of the living room couch, where a topless Alison is currently straddling Paige, their lips locked together.
She's too stunned to even say anything, and the pair is so caught up in each other they don't even hear her come inside.
Hanna watches as Paige squeezes tightly at the exposed skin of Alison's torso, as the blonde moves her lips down the column of the taller girl's throat eliciting a low moan from the swimmer.
It doesn't take Hanna long to recover, because she isn't blind, she'd noticed the shift of dynamics between the pair a while ago, so in reality she isn't that surprised. More like she's just startled at catching them in such a compromising position.
Deciding to have a little fun, she moves into the room and plops down in the armchair without a word. They still don't notice her.
She patiently watches her new (and old) best friends making out with each other, waiting for them to notice her. However when she sees Paige's hand slide up Alison's back and land on the clasp of her bra she decides to speak up.
As much as she loves the blonde, she doesn't need to see that much of her.
"Well, this is… insightful."
Her voice is light and playful, but it resonates around the room, causing the blonde and brunette to halt their actions.
Paige squeezes her eyes shut and tries to hold in a laugh, because they'd just been caught red-handed, there would be no talking their way out of it.
Alison on the other hand glances over her shoulder at Hanna, a blush spreading over her cheeks, as she tries to form a sentence.
She can't though, she's too mortified, because Hanna wasn't supposed to find out like this, and god it's so embarrassing.
Reaching for her shirt she covers herself before moving off of Paige's lap.
Hanna just grins at the pair of them.
"So… this is new…"
"Hanna we can explain, it's just…"
"We weren't really sure how to tell you and we didn't want it to be awkward, but hell, it's so awkward, it's still awkward for us!"
Alison just groans and Paige laughs again as she finishes her sentence.
"Clearly not that awkward…" Hanna says with a knowing smirk.
Both girls fix their eyes on the blonde, trying to gauge her reaction.
They stay silent for a while, no one daring to speak.
"Hanna I'm sorry if you're upset… it's just, say something…"
Hanna glares for a moment then bursts into a 100-watt smile.
"It's about damned time! Your sexual tension was even getting to me!"
Alison groans again, flushing, and Paige grabs the nearest pillow tossing it at Hanna's face.
After Paige leaves about an hour later, Alison helps Hanna figure out what to text the others; eventually they settle on something simple and straightforward.
November 1, 2014 9:12pm
To: Emily Fields, Aria Montgomery, Spencer Hastings
I'm ready to talk. Meet me at my house after school if you are still willing to listen.
By 10pm all three girls had responded and agreed. The whole thing makes Hanna nervous, but she wants to do this, she needs to do it.
The next morning when she and Alison wake up, the nerves that settle low in her belly make her want to throw up, but she manages to pull it together.
After they get ready she shoots Paige a text. The swimmer comes over and Alison cooks them breakfast before they have to leave for school.
Even though her mind is preoccupied she doesn't miss the way Alison and Paige sneak glances at each other from across the table.
Hanna smirks to herself, when Paige blushes as Alison catches her looking.
"God! Could you two be any more obvious?"
The swimmer flushes a darker red and the blonde giggles nervously.
Hanna smiles at them for a moment, but then it fades as a thought crosses her mind.
"Are you going to tell her?"
The atmosphere in the room changes completely, a sombre feeling overtaking them all at the vague statement.
But neither girl needs to inquire into who Hanna's talking about because they all know she means Emily.
It's silent for a while before someone speaks up.
"I'm not sure. In a way I feel like we should, and I know she's going to be hurt, maybe even angry but then again, we aren't really sure what this (she gestures to Paige and herself) is. So I don't know if it's a good idea."
Hanna nods towards Alison, understanding exactly what she means.
"Maybe don't tell her yet, but I don't think you should have to hide it either…"
"You're right, I am kind of tired of hiding it. We'll figure it out Han, but let's just get through today first? It's about you, okay?"
"Okay."
Alison smiles over at Paige, feeling butterflies settle in her stomach.
It takes them about fifteen minutes to clean up before they pile into Paige's car, her hands linked with Alison's, Hanna smiling on in the backseat as they drive off towards Rosewood High.
First period choir is still as awkward as ever, but with their prospective meet up, the tension in the room between Emily, Spencer, Aria, Alison and Hanna is thicker than ever. But unlike many times before the tension isn't filled with anger and hurt, instead it's anticipation that settles over them.
When lunch rolls around Paige is the one escorting Hanna to the lunchroom. Even though the girl is significantly better, her friends have made a habit out of being with her as much as they can, and she really doesn't mind.
They spot Alison sitting at their table, and it's a small surprise. Previously Alison was usually sat a few tables away, alone, keeping watch over them, because she was unsure if it would be okay to be seen with Paige. But after this morning's conversation she'd decided to take the risk.
Grabbing lunch trays both girls move over to the other blonde and sit down at the table, Paige beside her, Hanna across from her.
They start up an idol conversation, nothing of real importance; however, anyone looking on can clearly see how close the three have grown.
A few tables away, that's exactly what Emily sees. Even with the prospective reconcile with Hanna, she can't shake her own angst at seeing Paige and Alison. Paige and Alison sitting next to each other, talking and laughing, and when Paige leans in and puts a hand on the blonde's shoulder Emily feels sick.
But for some reason she can't look away from the trio, so instead she focuses her gaze on Hanna. She looks different, better, happier and somehow that hurts a little bit too. It's been months since she's had Hanna by her side, and the girl's absence has taken its toll, not just on her, but on Aria and Spencer as well.
At that moment Hanna's gaze meets hers and she freezes momentarily at being caught staring, but the blonde doesn't look away, and instead smiles. For the first time since she found out about everything with Hanna, she feels a tiny bit of hope swell inside her chest.
It's quarter after three, and school's just let out. Hanna's sitting in the passenger seat of Alison's car, waiting for the girl to arrive.
She's only left alone with her thoughts for a few minutes when the blonde appears, a huge smile on her face. Climbing into the driver's seat she smiles at Hanna.
"What's got you so smiley?"
Hanna raises her eyebrows, but seeing Ali's blush she quickly backtracks.
"Nevermind! I don't need to know what you and Paige have been getting up too!"
Alison giggles at the mortified look on Hanna's face before starting the car.
"Like you and Caleb are any better!"
Hanna can't deny that, so instead she just laughs. She loves this side of Alison.
The drive to her house is quiet, as both girls lose themselves in thought, Alison's on Paige, Hanna's on the talk ahead. She's both dreading this and looking forward to it. She wants this burden off of her chest, because for once in her life she's not just keeping the demons at bay, she's actually winning the war, she has to do this, to heal, but more importantly to get her other best friends back.
As soon as her house comes into view her nerves kick into overdrive, she can see Spencer's car in the driveway, see the outline of three silhouettes on the porch. Heart hammering, she nearly screams at Ali to turn around, but instead Hanna takes a deep breath. Sensing her anxiety Alison reaches over and takes her hand.
Pulling in behind Spencer, Alison shuts of the engine and jumps out of the car. Throwing open the back door she grabs her backpack and Hanna's messenger bag, shouldering the heavy load of books. Pausing for a minute she waits for Hanna, but nothing happens.
Sighing she moves around and opens the passenger door offering Hanna her hand again. The shorter blonde takes it with an apprehensive smile and steps out of the car. Alison turns and looks directly into her bright blue eyes.
"You can do this, for us, for them, for yourself. They love you, and despite what you tell them, I know they will still love you. I'll be just inside if you need me okay?"
Hanna just nods.
The pair walks up the driveway towards the porch where Aria, Spencer and Emily currently reside. As they reach the others Alison squeezes Hanna's hand once before dropping it.
"Hey Spence, Ar, Em, how are you guys?"
They all chirp out a polite response, although, Emily's is half-hearted. Their reconcile with Alison was still tentative, but they were working on rebuilding a friendship with the girl.
After exchanged pleasantries, Alison went into the house with one last purposeful glance at Hanna, Emily's eyes on her back the whole way, unable to shake her feelings. Taking a breath she finally manages to turn back to Hanna.
But the blonde doesn't say anything, she stands frozen as three pairs of eyes stare up at her.
Finally she clears her throat.
"Well, umm, you all know why you're here. I've had a lot of time to think, and to try and heal, but I can't, I can't heal because despite everything I need you."
Her words settle around the others, and it's Aria who moves first. Not able to control herself she stands and throws herself at Hanna, hugging her tightly, tears falling down her cheeks.
Hanna doesn't even stop to think she just wraps the small girl up and holds on, her own tears falling.
"I'm so sorry Hanna!"
Soon enough Spencer and Emily are they too, arms around her.
It's nearly 10 minutes before they break apart, all of them wiping at their eyes.
"I missed you guys." Hanna whimpers.
"We missed you too Han." This time it's Emily's voice.
As much as she wants to wrap her arms around them all again, (after all she has months' worth of hugs to make up for), she steps back.
"Before anything else, I need you guys to listen, what I'm going to say isn't easy and I'm begging you not to interrupt…"
Noting the more serious tone in Hanna's voice the girls nod and reclaim their seats. Pacing in front of them Hanna starts to spill her guts.
She starts with the night at the Brew, telling them about Zack's advances and the utter disgust she felt, not just with him but with herself.
Going on she tells them about how Alison's return and Caleb's problems only accelerated her already out of control drinking problem. How she used the alcohol to hide the pain used it to try and tame the nagging voice in her head.
It felt odd describing that part out loud, sure she sounded crazy, but the other's said nothing, all listening with rapt attention and heavy hearts.
She tells them about feeling ugly, useless, and unwanted. Without emotion she describes how their actions, and her own inner demons, her own feelings of worthlessness drove her to take a blade to her skin.
Emily gasps and Aria cries silently to herself as Hanna talks about the night she was at Devil's Ridge when Paige found her, so close to ending her own life.
She fumbles through the details of her friendship with Paige and her continued fight, only hesitating when she tells them about the night Alison found her unconscious and bleeding. Knowing she needs to show them she unbuttons her jacket and lets it slide to the ground revealing her exposed arms. Like Paige, her arms are covered in white scars, the three largest on her left arm more pronounced, but healed from Alison's stitches.
The tears begin to fall as she sees Aria, Spencer and Emily's faces, and somehow the rest of the story is lost. Suddenly arms are around her again and they're all crying.
Over and over Spencer and Aria whisper "I'm sorry Han, so sorry, we love you."
Emily just squeezes tighter, refusing to ever let the blonde go again.
From the kitchen window Alison looks on with a slight smile. Silently Paige, just back from swim practice, comes up behind her and hugs her waist.
"Let's go to my house? I think Hanna's in good hands for tonight."
Alison just turns and nods before taking Paige's hand and heading for the front door, only stopping to scribble a little note for Hanna.
Hours later, when the four girls are all cried out they're up in Hanna's room in their PJs. Just as Alison predicted, the girl's still love Hanna, love her despite her flaws, love her in spite of the demons that haunt her.
Even though it's a tight squeeze they all decide to sleep in Hanna's bed, wanting to be close to the friend they'd nearly lost.
Just as they settle in the blonde's hand comes into contact with something under her pillow. Furrowing her brow she sits up slightly and pulls. In her hand is a small piece of paper with familiar scribble.
Don't you ever give up, you've got six best friends now (well five, plus a fabulous boyfriend!), and we're never going to leave. You are loved, you are wanted, you are worth everything.
-Paige & Ali
Smiling in the dim light Hanna shoves the note back under her pillow, and settles in between Aria and Emily. Reaching over she finds Spencer hand in the dim light and grips it tightly.
As she drifts off to sleep, faces swim before her, Aria, Paige, Spencer, Emily, Alison, Caleb. She has so much to live for, so much to fight for. She may've been on the precipice before, but now she's made her choice. One step forward, one step back.
She will always choose this, will always choose them.