In this episode, Candace learns a new magic trick that runs her into some problems. "Teen Break" shows the youth that it's okay to stand up while they pee. Consuela Martinez (Isabella) teaches potential Cheese Thieves employees the best cheese thieving techniques. Candace draws free portraits at the Midsummer Festival. Lucy Michaels (Adyson) returns home from her summer abroad with newfound powers in Macaw Maiden.

(A hand picks up a handful of cheese squares)

Narrator: IT'S CHEESE THIEVES!

(Melted cheese is poured from a spoon; Caption: $3.99)

Narrator: The new and exciting way to enjoy noodles, meat, and cheese!

(A hand picks up a cheese cube from a bowl with an award ribbon on it)

Narrator: Our award-winning cheese makes the perfect match for our wheat-ground pasta and our dry-killed meats.

(Cheese is poured on both noodles and meat)

(We see a graphic showing the moisture taken out of the noodles and meat)

Narrator: Trust me, we've taken all the moisture out, so you need lots of that wet gooey cheese!

(Cheese poured onto noodles, then played in reverse)

Narrator: No good thing comes easy...

(We see a young woman (Wendy Park) dressed as a thief. An arrow points to her with the caption "professional cheese thief")

Narrator:...that's why we've hired professional cheese thieves to try to steal the cheese right off your table.

(We see a little animation of a cheese thief trying to steal cheese, and struggling with a hand)

Narrator: Watch out! Guard your cheese!

Patron (Monty Monogram): Screw you, cheese thieves!

Jingle:

'Cuz there ain't no

sherrif here at

cheese thieves!

(Picture of the store with caption

Now Hiring

Managers

Pasta Cooks

Cheese Thieves)

(We see Candace and Stacy sitting in a couple of chairs. Candace is wearing a black T-shirt with the words "Imhotep" written in red, with blue skinny jeans and crocs, while Stacy is wearing a T-shirt over a striped long-sleeved shirt, a plaid miniskirt, harlequin thighhigh stockings, and sneakers. Caption: Candace & Stacy Epic Program Awesome Thing! Picture warps)

Candace: Hello, welcome to our show. I'm Candace Flynn. (gestures to Stacy)

Stacy: Hey, I'm Stacy Hirano. It's so great to be here.

Candace: Hehe. How was your weekend this, this weekend, Stace?

(Camera goes to Stacy)

Stacy: Not so well, Candace.

(Camera goes to Candace)

Candace: I get it.

Stacy: (offscreen) (sigh)

Candace: I get it.

(Camera pans to both of them)

Candace: Um, I actually picked up a pretty freaking awesome, uh, you know, magic trick this weekend.

(Camera goes to Stacy)

Stacy: Really?

Candace: (offscreen) Yeah.

Stacy: Can we do it here right now?

(camera pans to both of them)

Candace: Of course! Here we go (closes her eyes)

Stacy: Hmm

(Candace transforms into a hyacinth macaw)

Stacy: (bewildered) Uh. (Camera zooms in on her face) Wha...? (claps)

(Camera pans to both of them)

(Candace transforms back into a human)

Candace: Haha...

Stacy: (gasps) Well?

Candace: TA-DAH!

Stacy: That's in-f**king-credible!

Candace: Well...

Stacy: How did you do that?

Candace: Ah, it's actually very...

(Candace transforms into a macaw again)

Stacy: (confused) Uh,

(Candace briefly transforms back into a human, screaming, only wearing her blue bra and checkered panties, then transforming back into a macaw. Stacy does a beckoning motion to get the macaw to come to her.)

(Camera zooms in on Stacy)

Stacy: (whispering) Candace, Candace!

(Macaw Candace climbs all over the chair)

Stacy: (offscreen) Candace!

(Camera pans to both of them)

(Candace briefly transforms into a miniature version of herself in her bra and panties screaming, then back into a cat)

(Camera zooms in on Stacy)

Stacy: (does some chirping and squawking noises)

(Macaw Candace flies off)

Stacy: Jim...(shakes head)

(Intro plays)

(Logo: Channel 8 Teen Break)

(Candace is wearing a baseball cap, a Vote for Pedro T-Shirt, and black skinny jeans, while Stacy is wearing a backwards baseball cap, a striped polo, and blue skinny jeans. Candace occassionally pulls her jeans down to illustrate points, and sometimes shows checkered panties. Candace and Stacy wear sneakers. Candace wears a ponytail, while Stacy wears pigtails. Candace is outside the Girls' Bathroom. Stacy is inside. We then go to Candace, who is standing with her jeans half down, with her back facing the wall, panties showing, and apparently, standing up in front of a toilet. She is looking back.)

Candace:

I stand up when I pee! (Caption: I stand up when I pee!)

(close up of Candace's face)

There's nothin' that crazy 'bout me!

(zoom out)

I'm just taking a wiz,

just mind your own biz (Caption: Just mind your own biz)

Why is everybody always staring at me?! (question marks appear)

(Candace is dancing outside of the stall, while Stacy walks out from behind one)

Stacy:

Hey Yo! (Speech bubble: Hey Yo!)

I've gotta go! (Speech bubble: I've gotta go!)

Lemme go! I gotta go #2! (Caption: I GOTTA GO #2!)

(Close up of Candace)

Candace:

No can doo! (Caption: NO CAN DOO!)

I'm takin' a pee! (Caption: I'm takin' pee!)

(zoom out of Candace in front of the toilet with her jeans down)

Candace:

Standin' in front of the loo, (Caption: STANDIN' IN FRONT OF THE LOO,)

Havin' a good long wee! (Caption: HAVIN' A GOOD LONG WEE!)

(goes to Stacy)

Stacy:

Are you standin' up?

(goes to Candace)

Candace:

I'm standin' up!

(goes to Stacy)

Stacy:

There's no one around?

(goes to Candace)

Candace: There's nobody around!

(Goes to Stacy)

Stacy:

Are you making cherry tea?

(Goes to Candace)

Candace:

Just lemonade.

(Goes to Stacy)

Stacy (confused):

But are you standin' up?

(Back to Candace standing up with her pants down facing a toilet)

Candace:

I'm standin' up!

(Stacy breakdances)

(Stacy looks into Candace's stall)

Stacy:

Why can't you sit

Like a regular gal?

You can pee perfectly

anyhow!

(goes to Candace standing near the toilet)

Candace:

If you really wanna know

why I'm standin' fast.

I just can't stand

infectin' my ass!

(covers up her pantied ass with her hands while a cross-out graphic appears over it)

(Stacy shakes her head. The two then dance outside the girls' room with the caption "PAID FOR BY VOTER INITIATIVE PROP 532". Candace shakes her pantied ass in front of the toilet and claps, then she, still with jeans half down, then twerks with Stacy. Candace then pulls her jeans back up.)

(We see Stacy holding Macaw Candace on her arm)

Stacy: I need you to come back right now. (looks into camera)

(Logo: CT: CHEESE THIEVES...PRESENTS...TAPE #782 NAB THE CHEESE thieving techniques)

(Clip zooms in, and we see a young latina woman (played by Isabella Garcia-Shapiro) dressed in a fanciful dress and her hair in a bun. This is Consuela Martinez)

Consuela: Hello, thieves. My name is Consuela Martinez, (faces camera) and not too long ago, I was in the same position as...you are now. About to become a proud cheese thief. (faces second camera) Those were the good old days. (faces other camera) HAHAHAHAHA! (laughter plays back and fourth) As you know...

(We go to a shot of three cheese thieves in training watching her video)

Consuela:...Your mission is to steal as much of our...

(Goes back to her holding a cheese wheel)

Counsuela: ...award-winning cheese (switches to other camera) from as many customers as you can (puts cheese wheel down and eats a cheese square). (Pan shot)

Consuela: The key to becoming a good "Cheese Thief" is to keep yourself in peak physical condition. (camera switch) Because you'll be required (shot of her waiting on the floor with a blanket) to wait in a stealth position for hours (shows her exercizing) crouching (rolling), lingering, hovering (bending her knees), you're gonna need to creep up on the other customers (back to her) So when you go in and SNAP that cheese up from the customer's table, you'll be prepared.

(Graphic: STOP TAPE NOW (stop sign) TRY PRACTICING YOUR OWN CROUCHING TECHNIQUES)

(One of the robbers leaves)

(Caption: Phineas Flynn tries to reason with "Macawndace".)

(Phone ringing)

Phineas: (over the phone) Candace, are you alright? Sis?

(Macawndace looks around, squawking)

Stacy: I'm sorry for interrupting you, Phineas. It's just that she's actually a real hyacinth macaw. I don't think she understands you.

Phineas: (Over the phone) What do you mean she's a macaw?! Like a macaw lady?

Stacy: She's a freaking hyacinth macaw! You know what a parrot looks like, right? A pet parrot? She looks like a blue parrot.

Phineas: (over the phone) Here pretty Candace-birdie!

(Macawndace is on a perch, looking around)

Stacy: Lootie!

Phineas: (Over the phone) Who's a pretty birdie!

("Birdie" is then mixed back and fourth with Macawndace bobbing her head up and down, and the minature Candace comes back briefly)

(We are at the Midsummer festival, and Candace is sitting with an easel. She is wearing a tank top and shorts and sandals. Her hair is in a side ponytail)

Candace: What's up?! Anybody want a free portrait?!

(She holds up a sign saying "FREE PORTRAITS")

Candace: Free portraits!

(Caption: Portrait of a True Artist)

(People walk past her)

(Candace frames an African American woman with her hands)

Candace: You want eyes?

Woman: Yes.

Candace: OK. (draws) Whoops! I forgot to do your nose!

(Candace is in the middle of the crowd)

Candace: WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP! Anyone want a free portrait?!

Candace: I've never drawn an alien before.

(A Tauttiyi (played by Yar Tavdhladleklwa) points to the portraits)

Tauttiyi: Then why do you have a picture of a Nitarikit there?

Candace: That's a crow! I can draw crows easy!

(Candace is standing in the crowd again)

Candace: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Does anyone want a free portrait?

(Candace hands an African American woman a picture.)

Candace: For you.

Woman: Thanks.

Candace (talking to another woman): OK, I can do that.

Woman: I don't have any ears!

(Candace is drawing a picture of a man)

Candace: Do you wear glasses?

(Man shakes his head)

Candace: Want a pic of you wearing glasses?

(Shakes head)

Candace: 'Cuz I just started doing a lens here, and you have only one mouth, so I'll just do one mouth.

(Candace is in the crowd again)

Candace: (screaming)

(Zoom in of Candace's drawing: A wierd man saying "I LOVE YOU, MANNY!")

(Caption drawn on: Awesome Thing!)

Narrator: Awesome Thing!

(Commercial)

(We cut to a shot of a neighborhood, where a girl (played by Adyson Sweetwater) gets out of the car. She's wearing a jacket, tank-top, skinny jeans, and boots. Caption: Channel 8: all new series)

Narrator: Coming this fall, Channel 8 Thursdays are about to get even more tender.

Lucy: My name is Lucy Michaels, and I've just finished my summer abroad, but it's good to be back home. Something wonderful happened to me while I was away (enters her house, and her two brothers, John and Ron Michaels (Played by Buford van Stomm and Ferb Fletcher), come into view. They both wear sweaters and khakis.), something I hope my two big brothers will understand. (They both hug and kiss her. Caption: Starring Ronnie and Flonnie Barleys. And Adyson Sweetwater.) These are my brothers, John and Ron. They raised me after our parents died in a big wreck. (They take turns holding her and playing around) I love them very much. (They pray before having dinner and clink glasses of wine)

Lucy: (to her brothers) Brothers, I have something very special to show you.

Narrator: From the magicians that brought you "Swingers" and "Swingers 2: Swingers on Patrol" (She stands on a chair and turns into a macaw) and the wizards behind the genius of 4D technology. The Morgensen Group in association with the Barleys Brothers presents: a new kind of drama.

(Caption: Macaw Maiden)

Narrator: Macaw Maiden

(We see the brothers holding a macaw. Caption: and introducing Penny. Caption: Channel 8 thursdays this fall)

(Fades to black)

(Flash of light, with bizarre images)

(Caption: TAPE #790 BONUS FEATURES)

(We then see Consuela Martinez eating a hunk of cheese)

Consuela: (faces camera and burps) (burp!) I'm Consuela Martinez.

(Thief does a cut)

(We see Consuela on the floor. She isn't happy)

Consuela: The lighting is crap!

(Thief drops a bomb)

Consuela: Cheese! (silence) CHEESE! (motions to someone to take their headphones off) Get those off! (silence) There's a lot of noise, a lot of chatter. CHATTER! Not cheddar! (looks around) Is there cheddar?

(Thief drops a hammer)

Consuela: These are trained military veterans...

(Camera cuts to a thief leaving)

Consuela: Trained (repeats several times) Trained military veterans.

(Consuela is blindfolded)

Consuela: Those were the good old days.

(Cut)

Consuela (on the phone): Hi, Sally! (silence) Ugh! Doing this stupid thing. (silence) (laughs) You're kidding! (silence) When?! (silence) Hehe, yeah, I'll call you back, that's wierd, but I'll call you back (hangs up). Her cousin was murdered.

(Thieves in Chinese clothing carry a gong, a thief almost hits the gong, but all three are crushed by a panda)

(Cuts back to Consuela, who's combing her hair, with her autograph: Keep thieivin'! Consuela Martinez)

(We see a picture of a hyacinth macaw, then " - Cute $7.00 obo. Then a sign

MACAW FOR SALE

(Hyacinth)

(Picture of Macawndace)

"Candace"

Likes to squawk

Sits on perches

(Almost) House Trained

Cute

$7.00 OBO

SHirano )

(We see Stacy holding a covered cage with the caption: Re-enactment using actual actors and actresses. Stacy knocks on a door, and an old lady comes out.)

Stacy: Here she is.

Old lady: Awwwww...my new birdie!

Stacy: Hehehe..She's a really good girl. (puts cage down) I just can't care for her anymore.

Old lady: Aw. What's her name?

Stacy: (hesitates) It's Candace. (Voice cracks) She used to be my best friend. (Begins having memories about Candace, like Candace being in a tree with Stacy, laughing, with the song, "That's what Friends Do" playing in the background. Caption: Actual footage. Stacy and Candace dance in some leaves. Stacy and Candace play in a shopping buggy. Candace drinks from a water fountain. Stacy smiles.)

(Tears flow down Stacy's face as she shakes her head. She then breaks down sobbing. Just then and there, Candace turns back into a human, albeit in a bra and panties. Stacy and the old lady are shocked)

Candace: Ugh! Squawk!

Stacy: Yay.

Candace: AAGH! OW!

(The old lady and Stacy look at her)

(We are in Danville Park, and Candace and Stacy are singing while walking through the park. Candace is wearing a T-Shirt and shorts and shoes, while Stacy is wearing a tank-top and shorts and sandals)

Candace:

Well I'm glad

I'm not a macaw

no more!

Stacy:

Yeah, that trick

you learned could

use a little work

I'm sure.

Candace:

But I've got a li'l trick

that I'll think you'll love!

Stacy:

I don't want

another trick

that I think I'll love!

Candace:

Watch me!

(Candace's legs grow long, as do Stacy's)

Candace:

Well, my legs are long!

Stacy:

Yes! Our legs are long!

Candace:

And my legs are long!

Stacy:

Yes, they're very, very long!

Candace:

Wow, Stace! Can't you believe how high we are?

Stacy: (looks nervous)

Ehhh...Ehhhhh! (feigns a smile)

Moon (played by Wendy Park)

You gals are doing great!

Candace:

Thanks, Moon!

'Cuz our legs are long!

Stacy:

Yes, our legs are long!

(They unknowingly crush thousands of people to death and half of Danville with them with their large feet)

(Credits roll)

Next Time on Candace and Stacy Epic Program Awesome Thing: Candace and Stacy give lessons on how to make Anime. Meanwhile, come to Julie and Jessie D'Amicco's Monkey-Clown Imporium and Monkey-Clown Shoe Shop!