In this episode of Candace and Stacy: Epic Program Awesome Thing!, Julie and Jessie D'Amicco (Candace and Stacy) advertise their monkey-clowns and monkey-clown shoe rental services. Django Brown and his puppet Philip sing about the Guhlamin and meeting in the light, and explain the meaning of "Nekho!". Stacy and Candace give a seminar on how to build a successful Slice of Life Anime writing career. Candace and Stacy's assistant, Sally, presents them various numbered nerdy boys in "Here He Is."
(We see a blonde-haired New Jersey-esque Italian-American woman (played by Stacy Hirano wearing a bleach blonde wig) dressed in a tight-fitting short-sleeved blouse, very skinny jeans, and high heels. Her hair is in a weave. Next to her is the caption "JULIE D'AMICCO'S MONKEY-CLOWN OUTLET)
Julie D'Amicco: Hello, and thanks for choosing Julie D'Amicco's Monkey-Clown Outlet.
(Description says
Why not?
Parties
Special Events)
Julie D'Amicco: Why not use our monkey clowns for your next party or special event? It's a fact! (Caption: Washed, Diapered) Our monkey clowns are washed and diapered daily! And no monkey clown comes without fake plastic doo-dee (poop graphic)! My monkey clowns never take breaks! (Graphic of human adaptor) Now you can rent a human adaptor to bring that monkey and/or ape clown to a regular person's eye level! Our primates are soft to the touch! They're soft to the touch!
(Caption: DID YOU MAKE A MESS?)
(Julie's store: COSTUMES 50% OFF!)
Julie D'Amicco: Did you make a mess of our monkey clowns? Bring 'em back dirty! We'll hose 'em off! Now we've made returning your monkey clown even easier! (Graphic of a car throwing a monkey into a dumpster. Booth: ALL NIGHT CLOWN DROP. DRIVE THRU. PLACE CLOWN INSIDE BIN) Just use one of our many, many of our D'Amicco Monkey Clown Express Drop-Off Booth! If ya don't like that, I've got cookies!
(graphic of a scantily clad man and woman)
Julie D'Amicco: D'ya have a discreet adult party that you need monkey-catering for? USE MY MONKEYS!
(Intro Music plays, only ending with "Nekho!" instead of "Awesome Thing!")
(Stacy is talking into a microphone. She's wearing a t-shirt under a jacket, skinny jeans, boots, and has her hair in a ponytail)
Stacy: Hi, I'm Stacy Hirano, and welcome to my show!
(Candace appears from behind the camera. She's wearing a long-sleeve shirt under a t-shirt, shorts, striped kneehigh socks, and crocs. Her hair is done up in pigtails)
Candace: (into mike) Our show. Candace Flynn, reporting.
Stacy: Hey, Candace, how are you?
Candace: Uh, good. Sorry I missed college this week. I guess we don't have a show. We can probably jus..
Stacy: Actually, I have a surprise for you. Um, I stayed up all last night, and I made the show on my own.
Candace: Well, (hesitates) lemme just sign off on it and we'll throw in the mix.
(Stacy holds up a large disc reading "Stacy Hirano's Epic Program Awesome Thing")
Stacy: It's right here. (Throws it into the computer)
(We see Django Brown, who's now dreadlocked and goateed, and he's got a special guest with him: one of his puppets, a duck puppet named "Philip")
Django: Today, we're gonna teach you a lesson that we're not alone in the universe. There are sentient beings that are living among us, and they are from another..uh, star.
Philip: Tell me the name of them critters.
Django: My favorite species is called the Guhlamin. They're an insectoid race.
(puppet nods)
Django: When they say hello and goodbye, they say "Nekho".
Philip: Nekho?
Django: Yeah, I just made up a song about it!
Philip: Can I learn that song?
Django: Sure can! Let's do it.
(Music plays)
Django:
Go into the light,
until we meet again.
That's what the Guhlamin
say again and again.
Knowledge is power.
It grows like a flower.
Philip:
Go into the light,
until we meet again.
That's what the Guhlamin
say again and again.
Light years and light years.
Try not to shed
no tears.
Nekho! Nekho!
Django:
Nekho.
Philip:
Nekho.
Django:
Nekho.
Philip:
Nekho.
Django:
Nekho!
Philip:
Nekho.
Django:
Nekho!
(Creepy pause and a look at Philip the creepy ventriliquist's dummy)
Django: (yawns) Thank you. (waves)
(We see Julie D'Amicco again. Caption: OFFICIAL ENDORSEMENT)
Julie D'Amicco: HI! I'm Julie D'Amicco, and I officially endorse my sister Jessie D'AMicco's Monkey Clown Shoes Outlet! (Caption: JESSIE D'AMICCO'S MONKEY CLOWN SHOES OUTLET) LOVE YA, JESS!
(We see Jessie D'Amicco (played by Candace wearing a blonde wig) wearing a faux leopard-skin jacket, miniskirt, and thighhigh high heel boots. Her hair is done up in a beehive/bun weave. Like her sister, Jessie is also tan-skinned. Her Store signs: IM JULIES SISTER. RENT YOUR SHOES HERE.)
Jessie D'Amicco: I LOVE YA, JULE! I love my sister, Julie, but I'll tell ya one thing: (shows graphic of a monkey clown with dirty feet) Her monkeys don't come with shoes. You ever seen a monkey clown without shoes? It's disgusting! Don't get your monkey clown shoes from any other outlet. IT'S DISGUSTING! We specialize in Big-Top, Round-Toes, Aquarium, Wrestling, Magic Laces, Velcro, High-Tops, Multicolored, Single-Toe, Rim-Lace, Mirrored, X-Tra Comfort, Utility, Late Night, Erotic, and Sand-colored shoes. (Picture of both the sisters' stores with a cartoon finger pointing to Jessie's store) I'm located right next to my sister! I LOVE YA, JULE!
Julie D'Amicco: I LOVE YA, JESS!
Jessie D'Amicco: We love each other!
Julie D'Amicco: I LOVE YA, JESS!
Jessie D'Amicco: I LOVE YA, JULE!
Julie D'Amicco: I LOVE YA, JESS!
Jessie D'Amicco: I love ya, Jule. I wish ya the best!
Julie D'Amicco: I love ya, Jess.
(Caption: Here He Is)
(We are in what appears to be a wedding chapel, and Sally (played by Charlene Doofenshmirtz) is walking with some nerdy boy down the aisle.)
(Candace and Stacy are holding microphones. Both are dressed in bridesmaid outfits.)
Candace: Here he is...
(Close up of the nerdy boy's pimpley face)
Stacy: Here he is...
(Close up of another geek's face)
Candace: (looking at Stacy) Here he is...
(Close up of another)
Stacy: (making clicking noises) Here he is...
(Sally looks happy as she walks a nerd down the aisle)
Sally: (whispering) Don't be nervous.
Candace: Here he is...
(Sally gives the nerd a number. Then she claps gestures the the two to proceed. Candace and Stacy nod in agreement.)
Candace: Thank you very much, Sally. Stand aside.
(We see a picture of two skyscrapers with the words "CANDACE & STACY")
(Caption: The Candace and Stacy Center Headquarters)
(Picture zooms away to reveal the following)
(Candace and Stacy's Center for Entertainment presents: "Making it" in Funimation. (Bottom) The entire seminar series now on BluRay.)
(Some guy, played by Stacy Hirano's father, appears)
Jun Maedaru: Hi. I'm Anime writer/director/voice actor/comedian Olivier Stones, and my career was in the hamper until I signed up for the Candace and Stacy seminar for how to "make it" in Funimation.
(List goes by, including the altered names of many Anime series, such as "Cuttlefish Girl, Sailor Planet, Minami-Ko, Kill la Gull, Precute, Sgt. Toad. etc)
Narrator: Thousands of Anime series have used the valuable tools available to you at the Candace and Stacy Center for Entertainment and Internet Technology.
(Caption: Lowering expectations)
(Candace is standing in front of a chalkboard with the word "WELCOME" written on it. She is wearing a professional business outfit)
Candace: So, how many people here have parents who have told them in the past that they're talented or creative or have potential?
(A few students raise their hand)
(Stacy is also wearing a professional business outfit)
Stacy: No. (shakes head)
Candace: No, not at this seminar, guys.
(Caption: Internet safety)
Stacy: How many people delete their entire internet history every week so their boyfriend or girlfriend don't think they're going on porn? (Raises hand)
(Caption: Getting ahead)
(Chalk: SLEEP your way to SUCCESS)
Candace: How many women do we have here today? Besides us two. Can we have a count?
(5 women raise their hands)
Candace: (counting. Stacy does as well) Keep your hands up.
Stacy: Keep 'em up!
(finish counting)
Candace: Now, the power positions at Funimation are almost entirely controlled by men, as they should be. But we women can use our powers of seduction, our sexuality, to further our own careers. (Stacy shines a laser light at one of the women) I'm gonna give you a quick example. One of my college classmates took the opportunity of her boyfriend's success and capitalized on it. (Stacy does sexual moves) Privately. Behind his back.
(Caption: Using accents)
Candace: (using an Australian accent) Hello, mate. Welcome to my billabong!
(Stacy is laughing while recording this on her iPhone)
(Caption: One on One Extreme Knowledge Adventures (For Female Students))
Stacy: I do trips to Baja. Down south. Get some ATVs. Two-seaters. In the front. (does impressions while the students write stuff down.) Here comes the jump! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Candace looks behind.
(Caption: Candace and Stacy's Center for Entertainment presents "Making it" at Funimation)
(Candace and Stacy bow several times)
Candace: Thank you very much
(Philip and Django appear and bow as well)
(Candace is in her dressing room, with an assistant tending to her hair. She is laughing, along with Stacy)
Stacy: Your hair's looking great, Candace.
(They all laugh together)
(Candace winks into the camera. It then freezes to black and white with the words "Nekho!")
(Caption: Cake Decorating)
(Graphic: Man and a Woman holding a cake made like the Norwegian national flag, along with a miniature Norwegian flag.)
(Caption: Flagmanship)
(Graphic: A man holidng two Norwegian flags)
(Caption: Body painting)
(Graphic: Man with a Norwegian flag painting on his back)
(Candace and Stacy appear to have mike problems)
Stacy: Uh, Jorge? (taps the mike while Candace gathers all the cords)
Candace: (holds up an unplugged cord) Here's the problem right here. It's not connected to the camera. They're just lying on the floor. (Stacy begins to pull up the cords)
Stacy: Jorge!
(Jump cut)
Stacy: (mike too loud) ONE TWO, CHECK! ONE TWO, CHECK!
Candace: (mike too loud as well) ONE TWO, CHECK! ONE TWO, CHECK!
(Caption: AUNT TULIP'S VARIETY HOUR)
(We then see Jamie (Candace) singing.)
Jamie:
BANG BANG! Cops and Robbers!
BANG BANG! Robbers and Cops!
BANG BANG! Rob that bank!
Put 'em in jail!
Put 'em in jail!
(Her sister (Stacy) is dressed as a policewoman)
(Caption: Jamie and her Sister "Happy poult")
(Jamie's looking nervous and eczemic as usual)
Jamie:
BANG BANG! Cops and Robbers!
BANG BANG! Robbers and Cops!
(Jamie's sister also appears dressed as a thief)
BANG BANG! Rob that bank!
Put 'em in jail!
Put 'em in jail!
(Jamie begins to gulp. Her sister pokes her robber self. Jamie begins to cry)
Jamie:
BANG BANG! Rob that bank!
Put 'em in jail!
Put 'em in jail!
(Her sister shakes her head)
(Jamie throws up)
(Caption: Aunt Tulips' Variety Hour)
(Candace and Stacy are still dealing with their mike troubles)
Stacy: Look at it. We'll be done in, like, 5 minutes.
Jorge: I think we can get it fixed.
Stacy: OK.
Candace: OK.
Stacy: Fair enough.
Candace: We ready?
(screen warps back to the "Here He Is" segment)
(Sally is still walking nerds down an aisle)
Candace: Here he is...
(Close up of nerd)
Stacy: (does kissing noises) Here he is...
(Sally does some gesturing and clicks, as do Candace and Stacy. She hand the geek a number. Candace and Stacy nod at each other)
Sally: Here they are, ladies. I hope you like 'em all!
(Pictures of said nerds light up)
Stacy: 034.
(A very nerdy pudgy spetacled boy is chosen)
(applause)
Candace: Come up.
Stacy: Come here, sweetie.
(Sally does a freaky grin)
(Candace and Stacy are shown dancing with no. 034. Vanessa appears from behind a pew. She is wearing a black dress with black gloves.)
Vanessa (singing):
Here he is,
My warrior.
My shining statue.
(Candace and Stacy kiss on him)
Vanessa (singing):
He sits upon
the cloudtops.
(signing that she doesn't like what she's singing about)
Singing through
the night.
Here he is...
(Sally dancing)
Here he is...
(Nerd looks uncomfortable as Candace and Stacy kiss on him)
(We see Django sitting under a sign saying "BluRay FOR SALE" while holding DVDs, while Stacy holds up a rather large disc. Django yawns)
Stacy: Excuse me. Um, Candace didn't like this, so I need to return it right now.
(Candace walks up)
Candace: (To Django) Hiya. (to Stacy) I changed my mind. The DVD is great, so let's go. Nekho.
All three (bowing) Nekho. Nekho. Nekho. (Applause) (Phillip bows too) Nekho X 20.
(Stacy throws the disk into the air)
Django: What was that? Was that a disc?
(Credits roll)
Next time on Candace and Stacy: Epic Program Awesome Thing! Tyler's secret love for his cruel boss reaches boiling point. Meanwhile. Candace has trouble pulling up her skinny jeans. Primarily because a certain Japanese-American woman put wacky glue in them.