Don't Look Back
By Bre (dust2dust34)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Arrow.
Rating: Explicit
Author's Notes: Part of my Heartbeats Olicity smutlet collection.
Summary: Smut Drabble Prompt: leilanewood – i just needed this.
Holly (geniewithwifi) wrote a happier sequel to my Nanda Parbat fic To This Moment called A Field of Goodbyes. Please consider this my smangsty sequel if things had gone in the opposite direction… Reading To This Moment is recommended, but not necessary.
"I just needed this."
The words hung in the air between them.
Felicity pressed shaking hands to his chest, blinking rapidly to dispel the thin layer of tears as she bit her lip to keep a sob at bay. They - they as in she, John and Thea only - were due to leave Nanda Parbat in just a few hours… and she wasn't ready. She would never be ready for this. For saying goodbye. For something so final, something that would effectively sever everything between them.
They had spent so much time pretending things would be okay if they never happened, but now that it was upon them… she wasn't ready.
"I just…" she said, her voice wavering. "Needed this."
For the first time in days, she'd found him wandering the halls of the freakishly large compound of the League of Assassins. She had been prepared to step aside, let him slide by - he'd barely slid her a glance - but at the last minute, she'd snapped.
She couldn't leave, not without…
He didn't move and neither did she.
She knew he'd been avoiding her since the morning after their one night together. It had been over a week ago since that night, since she'd finally gotten a taste of what being loved back by the man who owned her heart and soul so completely was like… only to wake up by herself, in a room that no longer held the romantic glow of love and warmth and security.
He had been gone, and she had been alone… until now.
Felicity couldn't look him in the eye. She knew if she did, she knew her Oliver would be shining back at her, from underneath the harsh new veneer of Al-Saheem, Heir to the Demon, the man who would be taking the mantle of the most dangerous man on the planet. She could handle seeing that man looking back at her, because at least then she could pretend that her entire world wasn't falling apart around her, but…
But nothing else.
So Felicity stared at the dark robes he now wore, her hands looking small and pale against his broad chest, lost in a sea of darkness… she bit her lip to keep it from trembling as she touched him, moving her hands over him, seeing in her mind's eye the scars she had traced, the star tattoo, a silent reminder that there was still so much of this man she didn't know about, so many stories he had yet to share, so much about her she wanted to share with him, her own scars…
But they wouldn't get that.
Her hands stilled at the thought, and a second later she pulled them back.
He still hadn't moved, and she still didn't look at him.
"I'm sorry," she said softly. She pointed over her shoulder, closing her eyes. "I'm gonna… go. Now."
Did she say goodbye?
The crack in Felicity's heart she had been carrying around with her since she'd woken to a cold bed that morning, the crack that had slowly grown deeper and deeper when she'd seen the shift in Oliver, seen him go through the ceremony without glancing at her, seen him slowly disappear from the man she loved… shattered when he didn't move.
"Goodbye, Oliver," she whispered, and a burning tear escaped, sliding down her cheek, stinging her dry lips. She closed her eyes, more tears falling, and turned away from him.
"Felicity," he whispered harshly, her name sounding more like a curse than the reverent way he had whispered it for as long as she had known him stopped her dead in her tracks.
Oliver was at her back before she could react. Hard hands gripped her upper arms, tight enough to make her gasp, and then he was spinning them out of the corridor and through one of the doors off the hallway. He had the door open and closed before she could see where they were, and she stumbled in the bleak darkness, running into a high-backed chair.
"Oliver, what-"
Suddenly he was there; he was everywhere.
Felicity gasped as he grabbed her by the waist, yanking her back to his chest, burying his face into her hair. He inhaled quickly, and she felt his entire body trembling against her, so hard she was afraid he was going to hurt himself.
"Oliver," she whispered, her voice cracking and he let out a harsh breath against her ear, and she felt something wet fall onto her collarbone. Was he crying? Her own tears rushed to the surface, flooding her vision and she blindly spun, reaching for him the same time he did, just as they had that night.
Their lips crashed together violently, their emotions raw like someone had stripped them of all their nerve endings and put them back frayed and painful to the touch. She held him as tightly as she dared, barely wincing when he wrapped his arms around her tightly, yanking her up against him.
Their teeth clashed as they kissed, their lips pulling and taking equally as Oliver spun them until her back collided with a wall.
The room was still dark, too dark to see anything, and she was glad. She knew she wouldn't be able to do this if she had to look him in the eye, if she had to see her Oliver staring back at her, if she had to see the tears she felt coursing down his cheeks as he hiked her up the wall.
With a growl, he broke away from her, and she heard the whoosh of his robes coming off, followed by his pants, and then his fingers were at her belt, yanking it open and undoing her jeans. She grabbed his shoulders for balance, neither speaking, as he shoved her jeans and panties down her hips and legs. She lifted one leg, kicking her shoe off so he could push the material off, leaving the rest dangling as he surged back up to her, his hands gripping her painfully by the ribs and lifting her up.
He was already ready for her, and she gasped when she felt the head of his cock slide through her wetness. She wrapped her legs around his waist, her head falling back and hitting the rock wall with a pained thud that she barely felt as Oliver positioned himself before sliding in with a precision he had only gained from the hours spent learning every inch of each other as they had.
A sob ripped from Felicity's lips before she could stop it, and she clamped her lips shut, squeezing her eyes closed as Oliver thrust in to the hilt, giving no indication that he had heard her.
He shoved his face against her neck, pulling out and thrusting back in just as violently, and she whimpered in combined pleasure and heart-rending sadness when she felt Oliver's tears against her skin.
This was it. This was their goodbye.
Oliver's thrusts were harsh and uneven, his grunts sounding more like sobs themselves as Felicity wrapped herself around him, taking it, absorbing him and everything he was giving her. It was anger at the situation, pain that they had tasted joy and had had to give it back so quickly. Regret that they had waited so long, rage that it wasn't enough, that it would never be enough.
Felicity's release came on without warning, and it ripped through her like a rusty knife.
She yelped, her head slamming back against the rock wall again as the liquid hot pleasure sluiced through her. She vaguely felt Oliver's thrusts growing more frantic, his hands gripping her so hard she knew they were going to leave bruises and her nails digging in his neck and scalp like she was afraid if she let go even a little, he would be gone again.
Oliver came with a jagged shout, his hips thrusting so hard that Felicity gave him a pained whimper. He spilled into her, filling her completely.
She didn't know how long they stayed like that, breathing each other's air, their combined mess leaking down between them, smearing both of them, before Oliver pulled out of her.
He lowered her gently, keeping his hands on her when she wobbled, before she gave him a short nod. And then she remembered that it was pitch dark, and he couldn't see her, so she whispered, "I'm okay."
It was the biggest lie she'd ever uttered.
He didn't move right away, his hands clenching at her waist for a second, and she closed her eyes, fighting the urge to launch herself at him… when he finally stepped back.
They dressed in silence.
Oliver opened the door, letting light from the corridor spill in and Felicity left first.
She hesitated, keeping her back to him, unable to speak, to think about what they had just done, to even care that she might have made things so much harder, that everything might now be… worse.
She stifled a sob as Oliver closed the door.
And then she turned, finally looking at him.
His face was wet with tears, his eyes red with unshed pain, the blue of his orbs so bright and striking it pierced right through her heart, and she knew he was seeing the same thing in hers.
With a sob, Felicity threw herself at him, and he caught her, their lips crashing together again, one last time. The kiss was powerful and beautiful and painful and everything they couldn't say. It was all the years they were going to miss with each other - both as friends and as lovers - and it was the goodbye they couldn't vocalize.
Oliver pulled back, his grip on her face unyielding as he whispered, "I love you, Felicity, I will always love you."
"I love you," she whispered, her words running together. "I love you too, I love you so much."
With one final squeeze, Oliver turned and walked away from her, not looking back.
After a moment of standing in the corridor, her eyes still closed, her hands still hovering where she had been holding his face, Felicity turned as well, heading towards where the others waited for her, where they were to get on a plane and leave.
Forever.
From my "One Line of Dialogue" prompt request on Tumblr (I'm dust2dust34)
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