I had never heard this song until Littlemissjellybabies suggested a tag to 'Expiration Date' based on the song. And wow did I fall in love with this song. So thank you for the suggestion, I love listening to new songs.
Enjoy, I do not own any of this…sad I know
Deeks tells Kensi what Thapa said instead of late. Later that night Kensi comforts Deeks.
Artist: Gabrielle Aplin
Song: Home
From:Littlemissjellybabies
I Need You
"Are you alright?" Kensi asked looking at Deeks, she knows he is taking Thapa's death harder than he is letting on, she sees it in his eyes and hears it in the tone of his voice, and she knows that she needs a night off like he suggested but she doesn't think that it should be tonight…any other night but tonight.
"Yea I was just thinking about what Thapa told me about smiles…He said that home wasn't a place for him anymore, he saw home in his wife and kids smile…it was a feeling…" he looks at her then and she wants nothing than to hug him and hold him… but she sees he is trying to revert back to the light-hearted banter, so tonight she will indulge him in this simple coping mechanism. "So uh getting through our first fight is a big deal huh?"
She looks down when she sees him throw his bag over his shoulder revealing a bit of his toned stomach, she only has so much resolve after all. "I would say it is a pretty huge…"
"Well some would argue that this is cause for celebration." This gives Kensi pause…so does he want to be alone or not? Even after being all in he has his moments where a comment can just be simple meaningless banter or something else…
"But n-not tonight " she tries to clarify, and she sees him smile slightly.
"Well not to quote the fairy godmother but technically tonight ends when the clock strikes midnight…so" she can't stop the smile that touches her lips as she looks at him, that mischievous glint in his beautiful blue eyes…
"Just…just call me if you want to talk…" the smile disappears as he looks at her, his gaze full of heat that makes her heart beat faster and her insides catch fire. "What?"
"Your smile is so perfect…" she looks at him, before that comment would have earned him a punch to the shoulder, but she was working on that and she can't help the smile that springs across her face making him smile softly. "There it is," she looks down still not entirely used to the fact that he thinks of her like this…beautiful…perfect… "Good night."
"Just go home."
"I'm already there" he doesn't know it, but she hears him…and she wants to go to his place but she gets in her car and heads home, regretting every minute away…
She is tossing and turning in her overly empty bed. "Damn him…" she says to the darkness, she missed him lying next to her…the warm presence of his body, and the feeling of safety… she looks at the clock and sees that it is after one in the morning. That is when she hears a knock, and she knows that it is him…
But what she opens the door to is not what she expects. She expects him to have that suggestive glint in his eyes and saying that it was after midnight but what she sees breaks her heart in half; he is still in his night clothes, his hair sticking up every which way and his eyes rimmed with red and dried tears were streaking his face…his sad face.
"I know that I said…" another tear falls. "But I need you."
"Oh Deeks," her voice breaks as she drags him inside and pulls her to her bedroom. It is there that she finds him with his head resting on her chest as she rakes her fingers through his hair as he sobs against her. she lets loose a few tears as well, partly for Thapa but mostly for Deeks' heart break at his friends death. She wants nothing than to take his pain away, while she might not completely heal him she can soothe him.
So she takes a deep breath and starts, with his words from earlier in her mind…home…
I'm a phoenix in the water
A fish that's learned to fly
And I've always been a daughter
But feathers are meant for the sky
And so I'm wishing, wishing further,
For the excitement to arrive
It's just I'd rather be causing the chaos
Than laying at the sharp end of this knife
Her soft voice and rhythmic rising of her chest brought him out of the darkness that was eating away at him but he does not move caught up in her voice, it was soft and without music but soothing nonetheless. God he loved this woman…
With every small disaster
I'll let the waters still
Take me away to some place real
Thapa's death was yet another disaster that littered their path, but it was a path of bumps and bruises that brought them together and made them and their love strong…Her smile may be his home but his was her home…his eyes and that caring heart that is covered in scars…much like her own.
'Cause they say home is where your heart is set in stone
Is where you go when you're alone
Is where you go to rest your bones
It's not just where you lay your head
It's not just where you make your bed
As long as we're together, does it matter where we go?
Home home home home
At the end of that verse he clutches at her, squeezing her to him, his head was still resting on her chest just under her chin that she rest on the top of his head…They may have needed a night off but the loneliness that she felt when he was gone was overwhelming, she had wanted nothing more than to crawl into his bed…his bed, with him in it, was another place she called home…but together…that was the greatest place in the world.
So when I'm ready to be bolder,
And my cuts have healed with time
Comfort will rest on my shoulder
And I'll bury my future behind
I'll always keep you with me
You'll be always on my mind
But there's a shining in the shadows
I'll never know unless I try
Sidorov… Afghanistan…those wounds have healed…but the pain from them still lingers but he has always been a shoulder for her to rest upon and cry…it was her turn to be that shoulder…her turn to be strong again…she did it after Sidorov, he was strong when she was brought back to America…
He has buried the past of his father and some of his insecurities have been vanquished my his beautiful wonder woman, his Fern…he learned to love himself…
She let go of Jack…solved her father's murder…reunited with her mother, she let go of the pain and the bleak expectations when she met her Max…she learned to love again…
With every small disaster
I'll let the waters still
Take me away to some place real
Through all of it, they found each other and neither was letting go…Granger be damned…LAPD be damned…they were not letting go!
'Cause they say home is where your heart is set in stone
Is where you go when you're alone
Is where you go to rest your bones
It's not just where you lay your head
It's not just where you make your bed
As long as we're together, does it matter where we go?
Home home home home home home home home
If one of them let go, the other would vanish…no, they belonged together, they would never let go…
'Cause they say home is where your heart is set in stone
Is where you go when you're alone
Is where you go to rest your bones
It's not just where you lay your head
It's not just where you make your bed
As long as we're together, does it matter where we go?
Home home home home home home home home
They were not letting go because they were home, right here in Kensi's bedroom tangled in a mess of limbs and tears…Kensi's soft voice ebbing the final tension from his body and soothing the man asleep…it shocked her that two, incredibly broken people could heal each other, maybe not become whole, but pretty damn close.
"I am home too, Marty…"
-A. Grayson