*Thank you all so much for the love! I love reviews and hearing from you. Several of you have told me you understand about my PPD and I think you for that. It seems like something that is never talked about. Here is the next chapter! Like I said before I am sticking to Cannon with most events and such and trying to follow the timeline in this, but I think the extra time apart from each other is going to lead to a different way of them handing things. Still not sure if I will stop once they get married or keep going. I guess I see what the characters tell me they want!
ANA POV
I don't say anything back, instead I freeze from shock I think. I suddenly feel very sober This was the last thing I expected him to say to me. I feel my heart swell up, tears start to form in my eyes.
"Shit, oh shit." he says. "I'm sorry, Ana, I just thought, I hoped…" he pleads. I see the rejection in his eyes, I see him closing down on me.
"No! No don't!" I whisper to him. "I love you too." I take my fingers and slowly caress his face. I watch his face relax, his eye close briefly and he holds me even tighter.
"Oh, Ana," it's all he says before he presses his lips to mine again and we are alone in the world for a moment in time.
I feel very warm...Christian warm. I smile to myself. It wasn't a dream. It was real. Here he is, holding me, snoring very softly behind me. I feel very lighthearted, so much better than I have felt in weeks! I try to ignore my bladder's pressing need and scoot myself closer to him, enjoying the moment for a few more minutes before….
"Good morning," I hear the smile in his voice. I turn over and smile back at him.
"Good morning." Nothing is said between us for a few more seconds, both of us seeming unsure what to say or do next.
"I'm sorry," he says first.
"No I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for. These last two weeks. These have been the worst in my life. I never want to feel that way again. Please, don't ever leave me again. I will do anything you want. If you want hearts and flowers, I'll do it. I'll be more. So much more." So desperate my Fifty is.
"All I want is you." I say simply. It's true. I just want him. All of him. I just wanted him to love me. "I mean, we still need to have a big talk but I'm not going anywhere!" As if to make my point I lay against him and cuddle deeply, the sheet between us. He flinches slightly but relaxes quickly. The touching is going to be the biggest thing but we'll get there. I know we will.
"Get up, we need to shower and eat." He pulls me up and carries me to the bathroom. I dont say anything and just let him. I missed him so much I'm willing to let him have anything he wants right now. Almost.
I'm sitting in a robe on the loveseat in the sitting room, waiting for breakfast to be delivered. My limbs are sore but in a good way. My inner goddess is purring. She's very please. She hasn't been very happy with me since I left Christian. She was enjoying all the perks of having a man in our life. I guess 22 years of being dormant has made her bitter. There is a knock on our door and Fifty comes out, dress in jeans only, no shirt and drying his hair.
"That's breakfast, I'll get it." He opens the door and in come Elliot and Kate, looking awfully please with themselves. "Oh for fucks sake!" Christian says as Elliot pushes past him.
"Hey, Ana! How ya doing?" He says cheekily. I make sure the knot on my robe is tight and smile back.
"Hey Elliot, Kate." She has a change of clothes. I'm suddenly very suspicious. "What are you guys doing here?"
"Christian booked us a room as-" Kate elbows Elliot. I look over at the three of them, sharply. They all look slightly guilty.
"What do you mean? How did he know that we were even...oh Kate." It suddenly makes so much sense to me. Why Kate was there yesterday, how Christian knew where we were. I groan into my hands.
Kate speaks first. "You guys were miserable. You both needed a slight push." She shrugs. "I pushed." Grinning like a cat who ate the mouse she sits across from me on a navy chair. I can't be mad at her when I'm so happy so I smile back.
"Well, thanks I guess." I see Christian relax a bit. The door knocks again and this time it is room service with our breakfast. It's a good thing that Christian orders a large amounts of food because based on the look on Elliot's face, they are staying.
While the waiter is setting up breakfast on the dining table in the room, Christian goes to find a shirt for him to wear and Kate hands me the bag she brought in, I didn't even notice it.
"Here, Steele. I figured you needed something to wear." She smirks at me and I blush to Elliot's laughing. I thank her quietly and run to the bathroom where Christian is brushing his hair. I close the door and lean against it, the black bag in my hand.
"Hey," he says to me. "You aren't mad?"
"No, I'm not." I'm really not, Kate is a force to be reckoned with, much like my Fifty. And if I am going to be with him I might as well learn to let the small things roll off my back. Especially since it gets me what I really wanted anyway. I smile at him and he smiles back. He tugs at the tie on my white robe, opening it up. I'm of course naked under it and he brings his mouth down to my nipple. I gasp loudly, stopping the groan that was building in my throat.
"Christian! Stop it!" He grins wickedly at me but lets go.
"You're right, if we don't hurry, Elliot will eat all the food. I love you." He winks at me and leaves the bathroom for me to get dressed. Good thing I'm not wearing panties, cause I would have to change them anyway. I shake my head and open the bag, simple pink lace shirt and white jeans and gold flats. Thank you Kate Kavenagh! She knows me. It's sexy but simple and I'm grateful for the flats. My feet still hurt from those heels last night.
Quickly pulling myself together I go out to the sitting area and sit at the table. Christian already has my plate loaded with food and my tea is warm. My stomach growls and I'm grateful for his forethought.
"So, have we made up then?" Elliot asks, jumping straight to the point. HIs mouth is full of eggs and Kate looks over in slight disgust. He winks at her and she blushes slightly looking away. Wow, I don't think I've ever seen her blush before!
"Elliot. Shut up." Christian says, cutting his pancake up neatly and taking a bite. I look at my plate, a blush on my face. I'm still too new to the whole sex thing and with everyone knowing that I'm having it, just embrasses me. Elliot smirks one more time before taking another bite of his food. I just want this morning to be over.
"Ana, I'm going to drive back up with Elliot, wanna take my car?" Kate asks me, spreading butter on her toast.
"No, she'll fly back with me." Christian replies for me. I bristle a bit at it. I know I'll have to deal with overbearing Christian but he doesn't make my choices for me.
"Yes, Kate, I would love to. Thank you." I give Fifty a pointed look. "I need to get my stuff from Ray's."
"Taylor can get it for you."
"I don't want Taylor to get my stuff. I want to see my dad and pack my own things." Christian glares at me and I can see Elliot and Kate looking at us like a tennis match.
"No. That's final."
"No, it's not final! I can make my own fucking choices, Christian!" I yell at him. I see Kate approving of me. She leaves her car keys on the table and pulls Elliot from his food. They leave the room quietly and leave us glaring at each other. After a few minutes Christian's faces softens to me.
"Please, it's not safe to go by yourself." I roll my eyes at him, knowing that will annoy him even more but I'm way beyond caring.
"Christian I am more than able to drive myself, thank you very much. I will do so and I will meet you back in Seattle tonight if you like." I say this softly and calmly as I can at the moment.
"Please don't leave me," He whispers quietly to me. Oh I see.
"Christian, I'm not leaving you. I will be back to you. What can I do to show you that?"
"Move in with me. Marry me." Woah, wait what? I blink several times. I try to start a sentence and end up just opening my mouth over and over again. I must look like a fish. Oh Fifty, he really takes this whole 'more' thing way too fast and serious.
"Um," I say. Oh, real intelligent my snarky subconscious is back. I didn't miss her. "Well, we just, uh, um." I have no idea how to reply back to this. "How about I promise to stay the night tonight?" I manage to squeak out. He doesn't look please with it.
"Please." He whispers. Oh for the love of it all. I count to ten before I reply.
"Christian, we have so much to talk about first before we even consider those options, don't you think?" I push my chair back and move to his lap. He takes me in his arms, his nose is in my hair and we sit like this for a few minutes.
"Can I drive with you?" He asks, quietly into my hair. I think about it for a moment. It would be good. We've only known each other for about 6 weeks and two of those have been apart.
"Yes, yes you can." I smile peacefully. What could go wrong?
Everything. Everything could go wrong. I was going to kill him. Like pull over and beat the breath out him. And not in the way he likes it!
"Ana, please, drive slower." His jaw was clenched. That's it. I turned the right blinker on and pulled over on the next exit. "What are you doing?" he questioned as I slowed down and the car to came to a stop. I got out and walked to his side of the door, he was already out.
"You can drive if you hate it so much," I snarled at him, furious. We had only been on the road for thirty minutes and his ass was driving me crazy. He stomped over to the drivers side of Kate's car and set his adjustments for the mirror and seats. I sulked into my new seat and put my seatbelt on. I knew I was pouting like a child but I didn't care. We still had two hours until we got to Ray's and I was already regretting letting him come with me.
I wanted to use this time to talk more. To talk about our issues and what we could do about it. I don't even know where to start.
"Why can't I touch you?" I blurt out. I regret that as well. Way to piss him off more, Steele. I see his brow furrow a little as he thinks. "I just think I should know this stuff if you want me to move in with you." I didn't say the other 'm' word. But he wastes no time.
"Correction, I want you to marry me." Sigh, Do I even want to get married? We've know each other for five minutes, I'm only 22 we already fight all the time. Wisely, I say nothing about it.
"As you know I had a rough childhood. It makes me uneasy to have anyone do so after that. But I want you to. I want you to so badly. I see how it makes you feel when you can't. I can't imagine not being able to touch you. But we have to go slow. It's just…" he falters a bit. I can't help the tears that spring to my eyes when I think about his scars. A sad and scared little copper hair boy in my minds eye.
"I can agree to that," He flashes that million dollar smile of his at me and I gasp loudly. Will I ever get use that? The tension in the car relaxes a little bit.
"Why don't you want to get married?" He asks me. Seriously, two weeks ago this man didn't even want to sleep in the same bed as me and now he wants to marry me?
"Christian, we barely known each other. Yes, I love you, but don't you think we should walk before we run?" He smiles even wider at me.
"That is what Dr. Flynn says to me."
"Then maybe you should listen to him?"
" I love you, Anastasia. More than anything in this world. I know what I want and I want you. I don't ever want to be away from you again." How in the hell do I say no to that? My heart is pumping as fast as it can, ready to leap from my chest.
"Okay, I'll agree to move in with you. That's if for now. I expect I'll be spending the night at your house more anyway." I try for nonchalant and pretty sure I failed based on his smile.
"I can accept that….for now." This is going to be a battle of wills. And sex. The silence in the car is calmer now. He takes my hand in his and we just sit content for a while more. We still have a lot to talk about and learn with each other but we can do it little by little. I also never want to be away from him again. I never thought I would be caught up in this whirlwind romance and I have to try to set back and enjoy it.