First of all thank you again for the amazing reviews! This is the last scene of Episode 4 and it was very very hard to write this one. It was simply I think a very important moment in Jarbie's relationship and also so sad… I don't know if I managed to capture it well enough but I tried!

Your sorry

(S01x04 – Part 5/5)

And he waited a whole hour not moving even one inch from her bedside. He listened to her slow, even breathing and thought about all that had happened during the last few days. He glanced aside, deep in thoughts. They definitely needed to sort out some things like Phil and the cabin and he still didn't know what she knew.

"Was that you?" Her voice, soft and tired, drifted to him like the sweetest music. He turned to her bed his pounding heart finally slowing down. She was awake, she was okay. He forced himself to stay still on his seat however. They had parted earlier on not the best terms because of the whole Phil issue and now with the cabin story, he didn't know where they stood. He watched as she laid with her back to him, her head turned slightly his way but she did not look at him.

"Was that me what?" He asked with carefully even tone.

"Was that you who saved my life?" She asked. Her voice lacked any kind of emotions.

He honestly didn't know how to answer that question. Was he saving her life? On a very basic level yes, he had found her and brought her to the hospital. But also he and his lies were the reasons she ended up in the cabin, far far away from any medical attention. Also simply the fact that he was not able to leave her alone, even after what he did to her husband…

Julia turned to her back but did not look at him instead she stared at the ceiling. Barbie folded his arms in front of his chest and down casted his eyes. There was no good way to answer her question but it seemed she was not expecting one either.

"I learned about Peter in that cabin."

Now that got his attention and he glanced up at her. It was the moment of truth. Oddly he felt no worry or fear of what would happen if she found out he had killed Peter. No, what he feared was that she would not ever want to see him again.

"We are broke; he emptied our accounts." She started to say, her voice still emotionless. Maybe it was still the effect of the pills and antibiotics she got. Barbie watched her carefully.

"And the house is in foreclosure." Well that was some deep shit Peter guy was in. No wonder he could not pay him, well Maxine, up.

"So, what were you all into?" Julia asked finally turning to him but now he found it difficult to look into her eyes.

"Drugs?" On that he let out a smile but it lacked any true happiness or amusement. He looked away, his eyebrow twitching like they usually did when he found himself in a situation he rather would have avoided or didn't know how to handle. The silence was heavy between them and he felt Julia's eyes burning a hole into his head. He owned her some kind of answers. He needed to be honest, she deserved it after all the lies Peter was telling her. He took several deep breaths before he looked out the window to focus on something, anything else than her burning eyes.

"When I got out of the military, I did uh…" He turned back to face her. Now was the time to tell the truth. But the moment their eyes met he felt it stuck in his throat. "I had a bunch of odd jobs." Understatement. He glanced at the ground. It was easier without looking at her. "Uh… I was a line cook. Constructions." He took another deep breath. "And then, um…" Fuck this was harder than he had thought. "Then I linked up with a bookie out of Westlake." There, it was out. He glanced up to see her reaction.

"Taking bets?" She asked frowning. Yeah, not exactly on that part of the table...

"Making sure the people paid what they owed." There, since they were being honest, she needed to know. He tried to put it the nicest way possible. He could see as she frowned and her mind tried to make sense to his words. He saw the exact moment she understood. She turned away from him immediately.

"You are an enforcer." She sounded disappointed and cold. He felt an urge to try to make it somehow better…. to explain better, to take away its edge.

"Guys like Phil owed… and then they paid up, and most of the time, it's like that." He was not the evil himself, he was only fighting when he had to. If people paid he was not hurting anyone.

"Peter never gambled." Julia said not even listening to his explanation. She sounded unsecure and as she turned to him with utterly lost eyes he made a decision. It was time she was seeing everything clear, not just him or who he was, but that husband of hers too. First of all she deserved the truth. And a selfish part of him just wanted to make her see Peter was not an innocent little angel either. He was lying to her for God knows how long. So he took out his mobile and pushed the replay button.

'I've got the cash, but my wife's home. Meet me at the other spot.' the voice recorder gave back Peter's voice. Julia frowned.

"It's his voice mail from five days ago." Barbie added leaning slightly forward. Julia turned to him and her eyes were so uncertain, so unsecure, he felt like kicking himself all over again for lying to her. Her husband did nothing else but lied to her and she deserved honesty.

"So, where is he now?" Her question made him look away again. The truth… she needed to know the complete truth.

"Please." She begged with a broken voice and Barbie looked at her again. Inside of him there was a whole war going on. If he kept it as a secret, maybe now that she knew Peter wasn't a saint either, they maybe could have a chance… but that would be built on lies and she deserved the truth but if he told her…

"I have to know." She was at the edge of tears and it broke his heart. He stared into her eyes. Yes, he needed to be completely honest… He took a deep breath and looked away.

"He must have taken off. You know that happens sometimes. Some of these guys, they get in so deep, and…" He was lying… again… but God helped him he did not want to lose her. Maybe, just maybe they could start something but even if not, maybe she would be able to still look into his eyes and not hate him. "you know, they skip town."

She was staring at the ceiling again and no matter how much he wanted her to look at him, she did not move. If only she would say something…

"I am sorry." he murmured and his voice sounded broken even to his own ears. He was sorry. Truly sorry about not telling her sooner and about him being a selfish beast and lying yet again. But he just couldn't bring himself to tell her. Not even now.

"You are sorry?" Julia cracked out in disbelieve and turned to face him again. Her eyes were flat and emotionless. "I let you stay in my house." He could not bear her eyes on him. She was right.

"I trusted you." She added and he looked back at her. She was hurt, and he was one of the reasons for her pain. He was an asshole he knew that but when she turned away and talked again, her next words cut deep into his heart. "Your sorry means nothing to me."

"When I get back home, you better be gone." She added after a moment. He stared into space. She was right of course. He was a piece of shit he did not deserve better; he absolutely did not deserve her. But it still hurt like hell… This was it; this was the end of something that had never even started yet, something that could have never worked anyway. Taking a deep breath he stood up and left her room. He would walk away, he would leave her alone… For her shake.

As I mentioned I am not sure if it was good enough… Let me know what you think!

knuckles99heidi, Romantic In Denial, Luvs2Ship, yas-m: guys thank you for the support! I hope you liked this chapter as well.