THIS IS THE THIRD UPDATE TODAY, SO MAKE SURE YOU DIDN'T MISS ANY!

Thanks everyone for reading and reviewing! I am glad y'all like this!

Though you might start hating me right about ... now.

But, come on, is it really realistic for Michael not to have gone out with anyone while in Tsukuba?

Enjoy!

w.

PS: Read the first line!

(2)

I went back the following night. Renata was there, waiting on me. As she smiled at me warmly, I once again felt that thrill in my stomach. I ignored it. The integrity I still had was telling me it was still too soon. I surprised myself by realizing Mia had nothing to do with it - I just wasn't the guy who'd be randomly picking up girls from local bars. Though I doubted Renata would resent it very much.

We kept ordering drinks till closing time, at about three in the morning. It took three coffees to get me going in the morning, but it was worth it. Going out every evening made me feel less lonely, even though in a way it was an act of a desperate man. My sanity knew getting wasted with a stranger, no matter how much I wanted to get familiar with her, night after night, could not cure my demons, but I didn't listen. I was done listening, being rational; if it was making me forget about the stabbing feeling in my heart, it was good enough for me.

I never asked her if she was with anyone and she never asked me. As nights went by, we became closer. We started sitting closer to each other. If at first we only chatted about Japanese culture – Renata was from Germany, studying Asian cultures -, we quickly transitioned to talking about everything – everything minus our personal lives. I liked this just fine.

It was just chatting in bar, over drinks, but it was serious. We never skipped a night, though it meant me skipping the time I had reserved for emailing Mia.

I could email her some other time, maybe in the afternoon or during lunch break. However, seeing Renata was an excuse I wasn't going to waste. She chased away the silence that was swallowing me every time I was alone. I knew that if I had to choose, I would pick Mia, hands down, always, but there was no more Mia. Renata might never take her place, but at least she was there. And right now, I needed someone, anyone.

About a week later it became more than just drinks at night. As sudden as it seemed, it was a logical step forward. We enjoyed each other's company, though we didn't necessarily said it out loud. But I found myself being more and more intrigued with her and eventually, I couldn't picture a day without her anymore. As my frustrations with the whole Mia situation began fading, I started seeing Renata in a different, less friendly, more physical way.

What started as a lunch, the first proper one for me since arriving in the city, quickly led to visiting the air show, prepared by international students of Tsukuba. The following weekend, we rented a car and drove to Tokyo. As we passed the turn where I had almost hit a tree that awful night, I realized I was at the crossroads, just like Britney was in that movie Mia was so obsessed with. The last time I was at that spot, I was desperate to make sense out of the fiasco the what I presumed was the love of my life had turned into. Now I was there, with a different girl that could easily be a new kind of future for me. This time the girl didn't have a drop of royalty in her blood. She was just a random, every day girl, something Mia could never, ever be. Life would be so much easier with her – no more pressure from the world to be more than just a loving, loyal boyfriend. No more evil grandmothers refusing to acknowledge me by my first name. No more front covers choosing James Franco over me. I could just be who I was and, without sounding too narcissistic, I knew I wasn't some hillbilly. If nothing else, the mere reason for being in Japan showed that I was somebody. I would be more than just good enough for anyone, minus the family I wanted to appreciate me.

It was crossroads, indeed. Either I would continue the self-pitying, or I would move onwards.

The first stop we made, I kissed her. Her kissing me back awoke an even greater need in me.

We spent the first half of Saturday strolling around Tokyo, trying out different sakes and I felt more confident, maybe in some braver, with every glass drunk. We took the rest of the day off from sightseeing and got a room in the closest hotel. The moment the door of the room closed behind us, I kissed her, hard, on the mouth.

She responded with the urge identical to mine. I pulled off her top and explored her neck, her cleavage with my lips. She moaned, digging her nails into my back, urging me with her leg for more. It was the response I was so desperate for for years, but it wasn't the right girl.

I lifted her up and walked to the bed. We fell on it, both losing more clothes in the process. The next hour felt surreal, as if it wasn't happening to me. Oh, I enjoyed it, a lot, as much as it felt right, though, it almost felt wrong. The entire time I was thinking about Mia, wishing she was the one wrapping her arms around me instead.

I thought it would chase away my loneliness, but in reality it only made me emptier. My body was satisfied, it got the intimacy it desired, but my heart felt disconnected and nothing could compensate for what I truly, crazily wanted.

And my heart prevailed.

I waited for Renata to fall asleep. Then I carefully got up, not wanting to wake her. I got dressed and went on the balcony. I sat facing the bed, so that I would know when she would wake up.

As I sat there, overlooking Tokyo, I suddenly felt the desire, the irresistible urge to call her. I wanted to hear her voice, and thee wish was more powerful than ever. Such a perfect time it was, really, with a different girl in my bed. Everything I had done recently backfired at me.

I stared down at my phone. Calling her was only one click away. It was so easy, too easy. Joys of technology made forgetting her that much more difficult.

Instead of calling her, I deleted her contact off her phone. I went on to delete all the saved messages for her and I cursed myself when I regretted it, just a moment later. I slowly watched her disappearing off my phone, wishing my heart too would be an electronic device I had total control over. I wished I could fling it over the balcony, watch it fall to pieces, without feeling any pain. I wished starting over was as easy as buying a new phone.

When I walked back inside, I realized how pointless he whole thing was. I had her number memorized. And I carried most of her texts, no matter how silly, in my heart.

There was no love between Renata and I, it was just sex, for the both of us. But we kept our physical bond going. We chased each other's cold nights away and I liked having someone to wake up next to. I liked talking about something other than robotic arm. We both knew it would most likely not last – Renata was returning back to Germany as soon as the term ended, but for the time being we enjoyed each other.

As November was nearing, the autumn too was fading. The dropping temperatures were announcing the arrival of winter and most days it was too cold to run outside.

After I complained about it to Renata, she suggested I joined the gym. I did so the following day. At first I only used the track mill, then I moved on to the room bike and the following week I started lifting weights. I found it to be a great way to challenge myself, trying to lift a bit more every day. I usually spent an hour in the gym after finishing the day in laboratory, and then I returned to the apartment where Renata was waiting on me, sometimes making dinner by herself or simply bringing take out with her if she had a busy day at university.

After she was starting to spend time over at my place, I began noticing how more home-like my apartment started to look like. All it took was a few cheap paintings she had bought and hanged on the walls. I swear, never until this October I realized the importance of curtains. As soon as she brought ones in shades of orange, the place seemed so much warmer, so much friendlier.

Coming home one day, I found her in the bedroom, looking at the photographs I had on my night stand.

She smiled me that marvelous smile that brightened up every room she was in.

"Hey, how was your day?" she asked when I leant closer to kiss her. I sat down next to her.

I think she noticed how tense I became, seeing the photographs, in many ways the most precious thing I brought to Tsukuba with me, in her hands.

"I hope you don't mind," she said. I shook my head and took my family photographs from her hands. I started telling her about my family. I told her about the quirkiness of my parents, their unusual raising methods and their temporary separation. I spent half an hour reminiscing my childhood with Lil, of course putting special emphasis on some of her most notorious and silly episodes of Lilly Tells It Likes It Is, not forgetting to mention her making Hank the Underwear Model Extraordinaire.

Then there was only one photograph left, the one of Mia and me.

I didn't reach over and took it in my hands. Just keeping a picture of her so close to my heart would hurt.

"Is this her?" she finally asked.

"Who?" I asked. I honestly didn't know what she was hinting at.

"The girl you are running away from," she said it point-blank and I wondered if I truly was so transparent.

"I am not running away from anyone," I lied once again with a cold voice.

She just shrugged and put the picture back on the night stand.

"You both look so young," she remarked.

"We were too young," I simply said and got up to walk back to the kitchen.

"Well, that is a good thing about life," she remarked, following me, "we all grow up one day."

We didn't talk about it anymore. We opened the take out and wet to the living room, turning on the television. I had continued studying Japanese, and when we put our knowledge together, we could actually understand surprisingly much of what people on TV were saying.

Later that night and I carried her back to the bedroom, and once she fell asleep in my arms, I finally thought back to her words.

We all grow up some day.

Mia was so young when we started going out and she still was. We found each other and fell in love very, very young, maybe too young to know how to handle the feelings for each other. As good as it was, finding her so early in my life, it might have also been a curse. But one day, she'd be all grown up. Maybe then she would realize why I hadn't told her about Judith. She'd know what it was necessary for me to leave. Heck, maybe shed even see that my breaking up with her over the phone that night was the best thing for both of us.

Maybe then she could forgive me. By that time, I too would probably let go of the angst and frustration I was still feeling now.

Maybe that would be a time when both of us would be mature enough to start over, to fall in love with the new – and hopefully improved – versions of each other.

If, of course, JP – or someone else – wouldn't take my place in the meantime.

Time gives.

Time heals.

But time also takes.

Time can be brutal.

All I could do was to hope it was done taking things from me.

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.