Thanks for reading! And reviewing! I am happy you like Renata (honestly, I expected everyone to hate her!)

More soon!

love, w

"They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for." - Tom Bodett

DECEMBER

(1)

Something changed after Mia got photographed with Harry. I stopped seeing her in the news. At first I thought her grandmother and father simply didn't allow her to go out much, but knowing Helen, I quickly dismissed the thought. I knew Helen, she was not the biggest supporter of royalty and especially not of Dowager Princess Clarisse. She wouldn't allow Clarisse to set rules for her daughter, and I was convince that she was, like me, happy to see Mia loosen up a little.

Whatever was keeping Mia from landing in news, I liked it. It meant she was home more, emailing me.

About a week after the Genovian badminton match, she emailed me. It wasn't only couple of lines, like she usually had written; it was lengthy email, almost a whole page long. She didn't touch the events in Genovia with a single word; instead, she wrote about the movie she had gone see with Tina. I don't know why she thought a new Ryan Gosling movie would interest me, but it was so Mia, I couldn't stop laughing.

This time, I responded within three days. Two days seemed to be too quick, especially for our still somewhat stranded relationship, but on the third day, I simply couldn't wait any longer.

I wrote her about an anime parody of Star Wars I had watched with colleagues during lunch break. I added a few pictures I had found online, and tried to be as humorous as my poor writing skills allowed me. Mia was always the writer of the two of us.

Instead of writing every fortnight, I was emailing her – and receiving her reply – every week. If I could do it without looking too desperate, I would email her every night.

Besides being more frequent, our correspondence also became more personal. We included more of our feelings, opinions, more of what was going on in our lives. She was back to writing pages and pages about her obnoxious grandmother and in response I wrote everything I could think of pertaining to strange Japanese rituals I was witnessing. We were talking about everything – and I mean everything. About major music star quitting Spotify, about weather changes, reporter killings, new viral kitty video. Everything was worth writing about, as long as it didn't pertain to our relationship.

I loved reading her words. I loved writing to her. I loved being a part of her life again. I loved knowing I was in her thoughts even when she wasn't writing to me - the way she described things she witnessed every day made me think she was careful to notice and remember every single detail – as if knowing she was going to tell somebody about it.

Renata was the one pointing out the other possible reason why Mia seemed to be home more. One evening, she brought home more than just take out.

"If you're too proud to look it up, I guess I did it for you," she winked at me, handing me a piece of paper. I glanced at it, seeing it was printed off New York Post.

It had a big picture of JP in the center, holding hands with a girl I didn't know. The caption named her Stacey Cheeseman, and went on to explain she was his classmate.

I don't know why, but the first feel to fly over me was surprised.

Renata laughed at my puzzled face.

"You might as well just sign your email with love, you know," she said.

My heart started skipping at the thought of what JP going out with someone else might mean. Apparently Mia wasn't seeing him anymore – instead, she used more time to stay in touch with me, her ex-boyfriend. I witnessed many relationships around me falling apart – Felix, the guy from my band, was a dater as serial as they come. He never stayed in contact with a girl after breaking up with her,. But, on the other hand, he had never been friends with her before starting going out with her.

Maybe it meant what I wanted it to mean. Maybe it was just a confirmation of what I suggested the night I had broken up with her - we were friends. We knew each other for too long to just throw it away.

I didn't know.

And I knew it wasn't fair to ask her.

Just as it wouldn't be fair of me to ask her to wait for me before I headed to Japan.

I put the paper on the table, realizing that no matter what she may or may not feel for me, the distance between us was too much to overcome so soon after falling apart.

"I'm in Japan," I said. "And I will be here for quite some time."

"What are you saying?" she frowned, sitting on the counter.

"She's sixteen. And I am in Japan and I don't know when I might be coming home – it could easily be another year before the arm is finished. I can't get back with her and expect her to be happy with it. The only thing I can give her right now is the boyfriend that emails and calls maybe every other day. She deserves more than that. I want her to have more than just that. Long-distance relationships are hard for adults, yet alone for a sixteen-year-old. She has enough of other problems."

As I was saying it, I realized how overdue my finally coming to terms with the consequences of going to Japan. I should have thought of this before I had left, before the breakdown in that hotel room. Now I knew how presumptuous of me was to expect us to be ok, despite living in two different parts of the world. Maybe she had seen it right when I told her of going. Maybe that was why she freaked out so much. Maybe she wasn't as short-sighted as I had been.

I saw it clearly now – I could fight as much as I wanted for the present and the future of us, but there was no way we could have them both at the same time. Maybe letting go of the present was what was needed to ensure the future. It was a bitter realization, but it was a fact.

"That is very noble of you," Renata said, but looked skeptical. "But you should know that noble people don't always win in the end. World isn't noble, you know."

I knew it all too well. It was why I was there in the first place. If the world was a place where understanding, kindness, loyalty and love mattered more than anything, I would be its champion.

"I need to let her go for now," I admitted.

"But what if she meets someone else while you're here? You can't just expect her to drop everything and come back running to you once you return to New York."

"I can't expect, but I can hope," I responded. "If it is meant to be, she'll find her way back to me."

"And what if she doesn't?" she vocalized my greatest fear.

I shrugged.

"Then at least I'd know I did everything I could. Life was just stronger opponent."

Even if I returned to New York finding her with someone else, I knew I wouldn't give her up that easily. I would fight for her, I would fight for her till death. I might not have a renowned family name, but I had myself. Whomever I would face, I wouldn't surrender. I invented this potentially life-saving device, and I loved her, I loved her enough to voluntarily move to the other side of the world for her. How many men out there could say they did the same for their girl? I would only truly let her go if I realized there was no way for us to work out. Only if she loved the guy she'd be with and who loved her unconditionally in return. I could never step in the way of her happiness – making her happy was the only thing I ever wanted. I could not live with myself if I knew I was intentionally hurting her. If letting her go be with someone else meant happiness for her, I'd do it.

Otherwise, I would not go down without a fight.

I didn't say any of this out loud to Renata, but by the way she was grinning, I think she knew exactly how my mind was working.

"What?" I still said.

"Nothing," she shook her head. "I was just remembering how that night in the bar I thought you'd be an easy lay, that's all."

The next day, the first snowflakes of the winter touched the ground in Tsukuba. They reminded me that Christmas was only a couple of weeks away. I knew I wasn't going home for Christmas, but I still wanted to get something for my family.

I was never exceptionally good at buying gifts, but buying them in Japan proved to be worse than any Christmas shopping before. Knowing the costs of postage, I wanted to buy them all something small, something that could fit into an envelope, but Renata was repulsed at the idea.

"If you can't be with them for Christmas," she preached them, "at least buy them thoughtful gifts to show them you are with them in the spirit."

I spent a few afternoons in supermarkets all over Tsukuba, trying to find proper gifts, but always returned home empty handed. The irony was, everyplace I went to, I found something I knew Mia would love, but I knew this was not the Christmas I was supposed to give her anything.

When I thought back to our deal to only make each other gifts, I decided that instead of buying them something, I would make something for my family.

And I immediately knew just what.

So I bought a photo album and filled it with pictures I had taken during my stay in Tsukuba. I made sure to include a few pictures of myself, to calm down Nana's fears of me not eating enough due to living alone and working so much.

But there was somebody I ended up buying a present for. I went to a record store and bought a Japanese release of a Joshua Bell album for Boris. It had a few additional tracks on, and I knew Boris AKA JoshBell2, would love it. He deserved it, for keeping me update on what was happening in school. According to his reports, Mia and Lilly still weren't talking, but at least they avoided each other. I didn't know what he meant by that, but I didn't poke. He also confirmed JP started going out with Stacey Cheeseman, a girl starring in his play. That was something I wanted to know more about. What the fuck could he write a play about? How privileged his childhood was, how great it was being loved by everyone? How great it felt breaking up with girls and going out with girls barely out of the previous relationship? Boris didn't know any details.

After mailing presents, I also realized another change Christmas time was bringing me.

Renata's stay in Japan was ending.

She returned home two days before Christmas.

For the first time I left the lab when there was still daylight. I offered to drive her to Tokyo, but she decided to take the train instead. She came to my apartment to say goodbye and, as it turned out, to give her something.

It was a framed photograph, taken the day we had gone to Tokyo. But it wasn't picturing us – it was showing a random street we stumbled upon, full of street performers and stands selling everything you could think of. Bright colors were everywhere and it almost looked like a bunch of colors were splashed on the canvas, mixing to create a picture. One had to wonder at the mere sight of it – remembering the atmosphere there filled me with joy.

"I don't want to remember what happened between us that day – just as I don't want you to remember me," she said. "But I want you to have this picture to look at when you're feeling down, and remember life is always out there, you just need to be willing to take it in. Life doesn't come to you; you have to want it and fight for it. You can't lose if you choose life."

She hugged me goodbye and left.

We didn't exchange phone numbers of emails addresses, making promises to stay in touch. I didn't look her up on Facebook, and she didn't add me as a friend. It was the last time I ever saw her or heard from her.

It started as only sex, but I grew to care for her, a lot. She was there to chase away the darkest nights, helped me through the worst time of my life. If I didn't love Mia as strongly and devastatingly as I did, I could grow to love Renata one day. I had no doubt that in another life we could have a solid future together.

As she left, I went to my bedroom and opened the closet, pulling out one of my bags. There was something in one of the pockets I hadn't dared to take out yet.

Now I felt strong and confident enough.

I sighed as I held the necklace in my hands again. I had given it to her as a sign of our love. When she threw it back at me, it became a symbol of what I had lost.

Now it was a symbol of hope. At first I had come to Japan to ensure a future for us; now my main reason for sticking with what I had begun was to get her back. My goal now was to somehow get to the point when I could give her the necklace back, this time not only as a sign of the deep love we shared, but as a reminder of the journey our love had taken us on, and the way we came out stronger in the end.

Of course nothing was for certain. Life is unpredictable and it rarely plays out the way you expect or want it to. Maybe we would never get a second chance.

But ether I would give up before the end, surrender myself to bitterness I had barely just climbed out of, or I could embrace hope and go down fighting for something better. Because Renata was right – the only ones who fail are the ones who never give life a chance and instead stagnate in misery.

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.