A/N: Yay! People are actually wanting to read this! That makes me very happy - thank you to all those who reviewed. Please do review again if you like this, the first 'proper' chapter :)

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 1

Jess woke up with a crick in his neck that he hoped he'd felt the last of a couple of weeks ago - no such luck. He never thought about needing a real bed until he spent an awful lot of time sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Making do was all well and good, but a person needed a decent night's sleep, especially when they worked as much as he did.

Contrary to what the general populous of Stars Hollow thought of him, Jess could be responsible. Since leaving that place, he'd had to be. Saving money wasn't easy when you lived in New York. Even apartments in the rougher parts of town cost plenty more than Jess had saved from his days at Luke's and at Walmart. His last two trips to Stars Hollow had ended with a wad of cash hidden in his car from Luke. Then there was the pity cash Jimmy had sent on Christmas and his birthday. Added to the pay checks he got from working three jobs, Jess got by okay and managed to put a little cash aside. This new apartment had been home for a couple of weeks now, all one room of it, with a shared bathroom down the hall. His savings had to go towards some of the bigger items he could use next. First came a small second-hand refrigerator that actually functioned, then came a bed. He had got to sleep in said bed for all of three nights before Rory came knocking at his door. Every night since he had been back on the floor, without even a mattress for comfort's sake, just spare blankets and one lousy pillow.

He couldn't say she wasn't worth the pain, even now as he pulled himself up to rest on his elbows and turned to see her there, lying alone in his bed. She was beautiful and perfect, everything he ever wanted. Might have been better if she was his, Jess thought with a sigh. Sure, Rory had shown up on his doorstep full of apologies and begging to stay a while. He let her, because he had no choice. Jess loved Rory so much, sometimes it hurt just to think about it. Having her here, so near and yet so far, it was killing him by degrees, but he let it happen, because it was Rory and there was no other choice. She hadn't said she loved him, and went so far as to deny that she was really running away with him like he suggested before. Still, she was here, and didn't seem in any hurry to leave.

Rory made an unladylike snorting sound as she woke too suddenly. She sat up fast and looked around at the grotty hole Jess called home, remembering suddenly where she was and why. With a sigh she collapsed back against the pillows with her hands over her face.

"Good morning, sunshine," Jess deadpanned, levering himself up off the floor.

"Morning," she muttered, turning away.

It could be a lack of caffeine, since that was what so often made any given Gilmore grumpy first thing in the morning. Jess had a feeling there was way more to it. It wasn't like Rory to act out, to run from Stars Hollow, her Mom, her friends and family. There ought to be a real good explanation for it, and yet she hadn't given much of one yet. Jess never pushed, he didn't think he had a right too exactly. Rory was determined to pay her way and gave him money for the food she ate and such. He tried to refuse at first, but they both knew he needed room and board from her if she was going to stay, so he had to give up on the whole chivalry thing in that sense. He insisted on her having his bed though, and whenever she clammed up about why she was here, he let it happen.

There were a few questions he made sure he got in early, whilst she was still tearful and spilling her guts. Some people would say that was a dirty trick, praying on a vulnerable girl, but Jess needed to know what he was dealing with here. He had to know that Rory wasn't in any real danger, that she hadn't been physically harmed or threatened, that she wasn't in trouble with the law or similar. None of it was likely, but then Rory running from all she knew and loved was just as crazy a concept. The explanation she gave when he finally got her to stop crying was one Jess didn't entirely enjoy...

"I'm sorry," Rory repeated for maybe the twelfth time in as many minutes.

"Don't be sorry; be Rory," Jess urged her, pulling her hands away from her face.

She was sat on the end of his bed, the only place other than the floor to be sat really. He was crouched in front of her, scared out of his mind that something very, very bad was happening here.

"Seriously, Rory, you gotta tell me what's wrong," he said, gripping her hands in his own. "Point me at a person to punch, you know I'll do it."

A gurgle akin to a small laugh burst through her veil of tears. Jess wanted to take that as a good sign, and yet Rory was still worrying him. This wasn't like her at all. Not many people had the ability to freak him out, but she was doing it right now, whether she meant to or not.

"It's fine, I'm fine," she told him.

"Huh," he replied, clearly not convinced. "The appearing on my door step with the tears running down your face says different."

"Yeah," Rory sniffled then. "I've just... I made so many mistakes, Jess. That day when you came to my dorm, I got so freaked out. You just, you came back all out of the blue, and after everything, you still wanted me. I could've so easily just... I could've..."

Her voice went away when she looked up and realised how close their faces were. Jess' dark eyes were gazing into hers and Rory forgot how to breathe for a while. When the air came back to her lungs, so her words returned to her as well.

"I missed you so much," she admitted out of nowhere.

Jess couldn't help the smile that curved his lips, though he said nothing.

"Every time you've left town, I missed you, and I knew I would again when I said no and wouldn't run away like you wanted, but I just couldn't," she shook her head sadly, looking down then at their joined hands. "I thought I was wrong to even consider being with you after everything. I just kept telling myself I was better off before you came along, but I wasn't, Jess. I was so stupid. So, so stupid!"

"Hey, you're not stupid," he argued when she pulled one of her hands free and smacked herself in the side of the head with it.

"But I am!" she countered, even as he moved to sit beside her, ready to be sympathetic and helpful. "I'm so stupid, I slept with Dean! My ex boyfriend! A married man! What the hell was I thinking?!"

"Is that for me?" asked Rory, her question cutting through Jess' memories.

She was sat up in his bed with the covers pulled up around her, watching him stand there like an idiot holding two mugs of steaming coffee. Without a word he handed her the nearest one and then moved towards the door with his own drink still in his hand. Rory watched him go and sighed. He would only be going to the bathroom, since he wasn't exactly dressed for anything else, but she wished he had stayed and talked to her.

Maybe Jess was acting weird but Rory couldn't really blame him for that. She kind of sprung herself on him here and after their initial serious talk about why she'd come and what had happened, including her apology for how she reacted at their last serious talk, they hadn't really said anything real or useful to each other. He let her stay, and Rory couldn't be more grateful about that, but they weren't together, that wasn't what this was. Whether she had come here for a reunion of that kind, even Rory wasn't sure right now. For the moment, it was nice to be close, to talk about books and movies, flirt a little even, like the old days before they dated. Still, it wasn't entirely comfortable, and never could be.

Much like with Dean, there was no going back with Jess, only forward. Right now, Rory was too afraid to start any kind of conversation in that area with him. Somehow it didn't seem fair. It was nice to just be friends like this, and she wondered if she and Jess were better off this way, but seeing all the best traits of his character, getting to know him all over again as she had these past few days, it just reminded her why she loved him, how much she missed him. Plus on a simple base level, watching him undress for bed made her blush like crazy. He never looked when she changed at night, very deliberately keeping his back turned or even leaving the room entirely. Even now she realised he had returned from the bathroom and gone straight over to the window, not glancing at her for a second. Rory realised the sheet had moved and rather a lot of skin was showing - maybe he was as tempted as she felt sometimes.

Across the room, Jess trained his eyes on the skyline and kept them there. He heard Rory shift in the bed, and pictured her in his mind without ever turning. It was torture having her here like this, especially in her half-naked moments, her vulnerable moments. It was too late for that now, for them being any more than friends, at least that's what he told himself. He couldn't have Rory now, and that worthless idiot Forester had her first.

Jess was pretty sure a knife went into his gut right around the time when Dean's name got mentioned. The fact he and Rory had sex, that hurt a lot more than it probably should. She didn't exactly keep Jess at arms length the whole time they were dating. they got plenty close but never went 'all the way' like that. She was never ready, and he respected that, virginal as she was. It always helped somehow knowing that Dean hadn't had his way with her either. Now Jess knew that was exactly what happened, and it made him want to throw up.

There were a bunch of questions he wanted to ask. Chief among them if the farmer boy had forced her. Jess already knew the answer was no, that wasn't Dean's style, and Rory had to be just as guilty of some misguided attempt to recapture past happiness when the present and future weren't looking to sunny. That was one thing the two of them never did have in common. Jess was always looking forward, to where he was headed. His route there wasn't always well planned, and even less well executed, but he never had a yen to go backwards... at least not until Stars Hollow, and her, and a slim chance that they could start over. He had gone back for her, finally in a position to be what she needed, and Rory had shut him down. Jess actually thought that was it, that he'd never see her again, and vowed not to try for both their sakes. Suddenly she was here on his doorstep, crying like her heart was breaking, and all bets were off, the clock reset, new rules in play. If only he understood exactly what those rules were, they'd be fine. Undefined was the word right now, even after they talked through what happened and what came next.

"Why did you come here?" he asked seriously, trying to meet her eyes. "I mean of all the places to run, Rory, and you gotta have plenty..."

"I don't," she shook her head sadly. "And even if I did, I... I need you, Jess," she told him, just wishing he would get it. "You're the one person who always understood me, sometimes even better than I understood myself."

Jess was flattered at the idea of what she was saying and he couldn't really argue either. He was the one who questioned her about all she didn't have in common with Dean when they first met. Rory was into deep books, classic music, cult movies. Dean didn't know that stuff, most people in Stars Hollow didn't, but to say he was the only person who really got her, Jess wasn't sure he could earn that title so completely in Rory's eyes.

"I was pretty sure your Mom knew you best of anyone," he said, looking down at the floor because it was easier than keeping his gaze on her tear-stained face - she broke his heart sometimes.

"She does... she did," Rory faltered, shuffling her feet and wringing her hands. "I don't always know how to tell her stuff lately, how to explain. With you I never have to. Even if you don't like what I am or what I do, you just... you seem to get it, get me," she tried again to explain and knew she failed badly.

"Yeah," Jess nodded once, his hand finding hers and holding on. "Well, maybe that's 'cause you were the only one who really cared to even try and understand me," he shrugged.

They both looked up at the same time. One of the ridiculous cliché moments where there's a spark, a frisson, whatever you wanted to call it, they sure felt it then.

"Can I...? Would it be okay if I stayed here a while?" she asked, holding his gaze a moment before glancing down at his hand holding hers. "I just need somewhere to be, to think and figure out where I go from here..."

Jess didn't think for a moment she was trying to play him with her wide eyes and shy smiles. Rory was what she was, no games or pretensions. She really did just want to crash here, at a friend's place for all intents and purposes. He agreed, God only knew why, but he did, and here she was for the fourth day running waking up in his bed... half-naked and beautiful... He almost jumped out of his skin when he realised she wasn't there anymore but right behind him, dressed in her jeans and a T-shirt, holding her coffee mug in both hands and taking a long sip.

"So, what are you doing today?" she asked, looking out at the same view he was.

"Working," said Jess shortly, drinking down the rest of his own coffee.

"It's Saturday," she noted with a frown.

"So it is," he nodded once, before turning to walk away again. "I'm still working."

It was like she did something to upset him, but Rory wasn't quite sure what it was. He hadn't been right since she got here, and that could only be because of the way she just descended into his life again without warning. At some point she needed to figure out where she went from here, if she went anywhere at all. In the meantime, she couldn't stand him being all mad at her.

"Jess?" she called to him.

"What?" he answered without turning around, just stayed by the door with his back to her, concentrating on fastening his watch on his wrist.

"Thank you," said Rory, at last encouraging him to look at her, "for everything," she clarified, shifting her feet as if she were the most awkward person in the world.

"You don't have to keep saying that," Jess told her, pushing his hair back off his face, feeling like they were stuck in some kind of circular conversation these past couple of days - it was torture.

"I know," she nodded, "but... thanks anyway," she repeated.

Jess acknowledged that he heard her but didn't really say anything else, except to mutter that he'd be home before dark. Then he was gone, the door thudding shut in his wake. Rory looked around the small room of an apartment that suddenly seemed to increase in size tenfold now she was alone, just like it had yesterday and the day before. Alone. She cried.

To Be Continued...