This news about the Reapers and their origins was what had been troubling Del for so long after she woke from her coma. This information had been hidden in her subconscious, locked away in the nanites- probably by Id itself for whatever purpose- and protected with a program that forcibly ejected anyone from a mind meld that was seeking to access it. This was what had caused Del to feel uneasy, like she was a sham, a fake, someone who had done something horrible instead of a hero- like the war was not yet over.
Liara's heart broke. Her only comfort was that the real Del never learned this information. Still, hearing this simulation going through the horror of what it believed it had done was enough to make the asari feel physically ill.
"Del, please. Please, listen to me," she said, trying to comfort her despite still reeling from the news herself. "It was not your fault. These…these Brasa are the ones to blame. They condemned untold species to endless Cycles of terror and slaughter, not even having the decency to leave any explanation as to why. They swept the whole matter under the rug and let this go on and on. There is no atoning for those sorts of crimes. Del, they had no intention of coming back, and if they ever had any intention of actually addressing and…and fixing this supposed 'strange plague' they would have done so. As it stood, those species in those Reapers would never have been given their second chance. This was not your fault, Del. You cannot put such a weight on your head. You could not have known."
"They'll come back now, Li…don't you see?" the simulation said thickly, its voice raw. "The Brasa, I mean- the Senate…the Iovino left Id and the plans for the Crucible to give us a fighting chance against what they saw as the gravest injustice. When the Senate discovers that the Reapers around one galaxy have been destroyed- that this 'infection' now has a chance to spread- they'll come. They'll bring all their strongest forces to wipe out any chance this galaxy has at ever again developing life, sentient or otherwise. They'll go to the other quarantined galaxies and eliminate any Crucible plans they may have been left, if they don't just wipe them out at a molecular level too. I didn't stop this war, I just gave us a respite until an even more horrific one could land on our doorstep! It could take centuries, but it will happen-"
"Shh," Liara tried to soothe her. "There is a still a chance that will not happen. From what you have told us, the Brasa have buried us so deep it may be that even they no longer remember us. And if we can discover what this 'infection' was or is, perhaps we can find a way to fix it, address it. Perhaps we can find the solution the Brasa failed to find."
"They were so far advanced, Liara. If they couldn't fix it…I…I'm so sorry, Tianlán. I wanted to save you. I wanted to do something good. Instead I just made things worse-"
"Never," Liara said breathlessly, leaning over and pressing her forehead to the chassis'. "I love you, Del Shepard. No one could have done what you did. You did unbelievable good in this galaxy. You gave us all a chance. There is nothing we cannot do, cannot overcome. The Reapers did not destroy us, and if these Brasa and their Senate come, they will not destroy us. We will fight. I swear it to you. We will fight down to the bitter end."
Del made a sound, as if struggling to get her emotions under control. "I love you too, Liara," she said thickly, then after a long pause, she said, "I am dying, aren't I?"
"Shepard…"
"That's what you don't want to tell me, isn't it? That I'm dying. Whatever wounds I have sustained, the doctors can't fix me. Please, Li. You promised you would tell me. Please tell me."
Liara looked up at the others, before meeting her daughter's eyes. Irie, having gotten herself under control, had come back in, gripping tightly to Gerty's hand. Her cheeks were still damp, but she was composed. Melara looked back at her mother, then nodded slowly.
"Tell her," she said softly. Liara looked at Irie, who also nodded.
"Shepard, I am going to tell you the truth of what is happening," she said softly. "I am going to tell you everything. It may be hard for you to hear. You may not understand it, but…there is so much I must tell you, and we do not have much time."
"Tell me, Li. It's ok."
"Del…you set off the Crucible. The Reapers were utterly destroyed, the war ended. We won, Shepard. You saved so many lives-"
"But…" she prodded, perhaps sensing Liara still did not truly want to tell her.
"But…that was over three centuries ago," she said gently.
"Three cent…how is that possible?" Del asked, clearly startled. Confusion filled her sightless gaze a moment, then cleared. "The nanites," she said softly. "I died, didn't I? When I passed out on the Citadel, before I woke up here…I didn't really pass out. I died. I didn't make it. And now something is happening and you somehow retrieved my nanites to try and find out if I had seen or heard something that may help. I'm…not really me, am I? I just think I'm me…"
"No, Shepard, no, that is not…well, it is, but you- you did not die Shepard. Not then…"
As evenly as she could, she told Del about them finding her, alive but badly injured. She told her about the coma, about the aftermath of the war, about the galaxy rebuilding. Tears once more swamping her eyes, she shook her head.
"We had a long life together, Shepard. Much longer than I once ever thought possible…and far shorter than I ever could have hoped. We had a home, a…a family. Two beautiful daughters. You were so proud of them, Del. You were such a good father."
"Daughters," she replied softly. "I…fuck me. Really?"
"Yes. And now grandchildren. They are here, right now, Shepard. Your daughters are here right now, listening to everything we are saying."
Del turned her eyes, trying to see through the impossible black. Frustrated at the futile effort, she said, "Where? I can't see them? I want to-"
Something shifted closer. She heard the gentle sound, like a throat clearing. "I'm here, Bába. I'm right here, beside Mama."
The first voice, the one Del had mistaken for a doctor. My daughter…can this really be my daughter?
"I'm…I-I don't know what to say…wh-what's your name?"
"Melara," she replied. "Melara Shepard."
Del's heart clenched. "Not T'Soni…"
"No. I chose Shepard. I chose it because of you, Bába. There's…there's so much I want to tell you. From the earliest I can remember, I wanted to be just like you. I wanted to be everything that you were, Bába. Good, kind, strong…never giving up. You were my hero. You are my hero. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you, even now. How much I wish you could see your grandson-"
"Grandson?"
"Melara and Daenys adopted a rakir boy," Liara told her. Then perhaps realizing Del would not know who Daenys was, she clarified. "Dae is Deed's daughter."
"Fuck me," she said again, in wonder. "A grandson…"
My daughter married Syd's daughter? God, I can almost picture Syd's reaction to that.
"He is a good boy, Bába," Mel said. "But he's afraid. His people are just newly uplifted, but they reject him. He hears lies, people who try and convince him that he is evil, that you would be ashamed of him-"
"What?" Del's legendary temper came through, even in synthetic form. "Cao that! You tell that boy not to listen to those nǎo cán bái chī! You tell them that his yéyé loves him, and that if anyone says different they're fucking idiots and not worth his time."
Emotion, colored with amusement, came through in her voice. "I have told him, Bába."
"Well now he has it straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak. Are you…are you actually a doctor?"
"No, Bába," Melara said. "Actually…I'm an Alliance captain, and a Spectre."
Del felt pure shock. While she had briefly entertained the notion that, if she ever had a daughter, she'd follow in her footsteps and become a soldier, even a Spectre, she had never considered the Alliance twist on things.
"Well fuck me," she said again, unable to think of anything else that would quite cover it.
"Melara is a hero in her own right, Del," Liara said gently. "She is…she is so much like you."
Not too much like me, she hoped. She would never condemn a child to having her kind of anger, her recklessness. She did not want any kid to have to go through being doubted, disbelieved, and shunned by the very people she was trying to save.
"I'm so sorry," she said, trying to break the tension with a little humor (even if she did technically mean it). She heard a faint chuckle from Mel.
"I'm not. You were the best father I could ever have asked for. If I become even a tenth of what you were…I love you, Bába. Thank you, so much. Thank you for loving me, for always believing in me. Thank you for encouraging me and for just…for just never giving up. Thank you for taking care of us, and for loving us so perfectly. I can never say it enough. Thank you."
There was a rustle, then a new voice, soft and elegant, and as formal as Liara's had ever been. "Bába, I am Irie. I am your eldest."
"Irie," Del felt a grin on her face. "I like that. Irie."
"Irie is a musician," Liara told her. "As well, she is an astrophysicist. Her daughter Lily is the chief medical officer aboard Melara's ship."
"A granddaughter," Del grinned, then blinked. "Wait…if it's been three centuries since the war, and you have a daughter old enough to be a medical officer already-"
"I…it was not long after the war when I was born," Irie said carefully. "You and Mama decided to waste no time after the Reapers were defeated. And I had Lily rather young as well, just over a century."
"Lily…"
"That is what we call her," Irie said. "Her given name is Delilah."
"Oh…sweetie. Thank you. I…I'm honored."
"I am honored, Bába. I am honored to be your daughter. Mama is right. You have meant so much to this galaxy. To them you were an incredible hero. To us…you were our hearts and souls. You taught me so much, even though I was not a soldier, like you and Mel. I never once felt unloved or second in your heart."
"I just hope I was there for you when you needed me. Both of you. I never had a family as a kid. I never knew what it was like to be a good parent. I just hope I didn't fuck things up too badly."
"Never," Melara said, sounding scandalized. "You never fucked anything up!"
"Language," Del warned, then grinned. It waned quickly, though, her brows knitting once more. "Li…?"
"I am here, my love. I am right here."
"Did I…I'm not entirely sure I want to know, but…did I…how did I go? Please tell me I didn't leave you in some stupid firefight with two young kids to raise-"
"No," Liara said softly. "You were nearly two hundred and fifty years old, Del- thanks to your modifications. You went in your sleep, surrounded by family. You lived long enough to hold Lily in your arms. I…"
Her voice broke and Del shook her head. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Liara."
"Do not be," Liara said sternly. "Never be sorry for our lives together, for the love you gave me and our children. Never apologize to me for that, Del Shepard."
"I never meant to hurt you."
"Hurt is an inevitable part of life and loss. I just- having this opportunity to speak to you again…this means more to me than I can ever describe. There is so much that I still wanted to say to you. There are so many times I felt you near me, even after you had…never apologize to me for that."
Shepard closed her eyes a moment, then opened them again. "It's come, hasn't it? If it's been three hundred years after the war... that's why you needed the nanites. That's why we're doing this, isn't it? Because the Brasa are coming, and you needed to find out why."
"I do not know if they are coming or not. Irie's work discovered the 'quarantine' of Reapers around Andromeda and the other local galaxies. We have been searching for the last five years to find out the meaning of this- some of us longer. There have been…hints, I suppose, that something more may be going on, something bigger behind the Reapers, but it was so intangible, so vague, we could not be sure."
"I wish I could help you fight," she said. "I wish I could protect you, our girls-"
"You have fought your war, Bába," Melara said. "This is our fight now. And Mama is right. We will fight to the last breath of us if we have too, and we will find an answer to this. If it hadn't been for what you did on the Citadel, we wouldn't even be here. Irie and me, your grandkids…we have life because of you, and the choice you made. And we are going to keep fighting as long and hard as it takes."
"I'll be with you, Mel," Shepard said. "All of you. I'll be right there with you, I swear it."
"I know you will. You always have been."
Del sensed her time was growing short, and grief tightened her chest again. I'm not even really me, she thought. I'm nothing more than nanites spitting out their memories, a digital ghost of the real Del Shepard.
"Liara," she said softly. There was so much she wanted to tell her too, so much she simply could not put into words. "Do I have to be stuck here in the dark? Please…I want to see you again, just once. Hold you. Please…can I…isn't there any way I can…?"
Liara looked over at EDI, who was watching silently. Catching her look, EDI nodded. "I have been in constant communication with the facilitating AI. I believe a certain measure of trust can be extended. I am well enough established to be able to override motor control again in 3.2 nanoseconds, should it suddenly become hostile. However there is a risk-"
"I will accept that risk," Liara said. The synthetic was turning its eyes again.
"Was that EDI? Is EDI here?"
"Yes, that was EDI. She is facilitating the connection."
"EDI, it's good to hear you again. I'm glad you're still around."
"It is good to hear your voice again as well, Shepard. I am going to give you full sensory and motor control. The nanites have finished their data dump. You will only have about sixty seconds before they go into automatic shutdown."
"I understand."
"Implementing. Stand by."
The black slowly broke apart and began to melt away, color and form swimming into existence. Sensation grew, and testing, she shifted her hand a little. Unlike before, it immediately obeyed.
She was laying on her back in some kind of obsidian cavern. She barely glanced at it, automatically seeking out her wife.
Liara was the closest, and as sensation came so did the feel of her touch on Del's arm. Her cheeks were damp and her eyes darkened by tears. She looked older, and for a moment Del remembered the first time she had seen her. She was so young then, just a maiden- naïve and wondering. This Liara had a lifetime's worth of experiences behind her eyes.
"God, you are still the most beautiful thing I have ever seen," Del said, and Liara's face crumpled. Pushing herself up into a sit- ignoring the pain that still burned through her- Del hugged her. Liara clung to her, sobbing into her neck.
"I love you," the asari said thickly. "I have missed you so much, Del."
"I love you too," Shepard said. She didn't want to let go, but she had only so much time. Looking around, she had no doubt the other two asari nearby were Mel and Irie. Loosening her hold on her wife, she turned toward them, hugging them both as they shifted closer.
"Bába," Irie said thickly, the damp of tears clearly felt on Del's shoulder.
"My beautiful girls," Shepard said. "I am so proud of you."
She drank in the sight of their faces, wondering at how Mel had her eyes, how Irie looked so much like her mother. Aware of the shortness of time they had, they relinquished her back to Liara.
Turning toward her wife once again, she reached and softly laid a hand on her cheek, before pulling her close. "My sweet Tianlán…" she whispered.
"Thank you, Shepard. Thank you for our lives, for our children. Thank you for…for everything."
"It was my honor," she said.
"Goodbye, Shepard," Liara said, knowing the simulation had at best only seconds left to run. "Goodbye, my love."
Something shifted in Del's mind. She had been both aware and unaware of a small voice, a presence in the back of her head. Now this voice seemed to speak up, imparting some information to her instantly. She was unconscious of the process but it was as if she had suddenly remembered something that she had previously forgotten.
Loosening her hold on Liara but never releasing it, she gently kissed her forehead, then looked over her shoulder at some of the others gathered silently near. Her eyes landed on a human woman with short hair and a straight bearing, watching nearby.
This woman's eyes were damp and reddened as well, her face carefully schooled, but troubled beneath that. When she saw Shepard looking at her, she stiffened even more, lifting her chin as her brows knit. She almost looked like a child bravely preparing herself to face a parent's angry tirade.
"You," Del said, then smiled. "You take good care of my Sky Blue, you hear me? You love her like she deserves."
Liara looked startled, as did the human.
"Shepard…?"
"I-I could do no less, Captain Shepard," the stranger said. "She means everything to me."
"Yeah," Del said, looking back and meeting Liara's eyes as she gently touched her cheek. "She means everything to me, too."
Then everything was fading out, turning back into darkness. She kept her eyes fixed on Liara's face, holding that image as tightly and closely as she could.
"Bye, Tianlán. Never forget I love…"
Liara could see the light literally go out of the chassis' eyes as the nanites reached the end of their function and stopped transmitting, her voice droning out in mid-sentence. Everything beyond the recall of Del's memories to the point of her unconsciousness on the Citadel had been only their extrapolation of what Del would say and do given the current stimuli. The more such abstract extrapolation went on, the more of their processes were used to generate it. They could only keep it up for so long before an automatic shutdown. They were simply not designed to cope with the massive amount of variable possibilities.
As the synthetic shut off it slumped in Liara's arms, EDI once again cutting off motor control so that the AI would not gain control of the body of its own volition. Liara clung tightly to it, closing her eyes and letting out a sob. Despite the renewed grief, part of her felt lighter than it had in years. Finally, she had been able to say an honest goodbye, and hear that goodbye in return.
Struggling her tears back under control she sniffed. As Melara gently eased the now limp chassis out of her arms, Liara looked sharply up at EDI.
"You told her. You told her about Sam."
"I chose to impart the information to the AI, who in turn shared it with the simulation," EDI said with a nod. "I believed it was psychologically necessary for you to have her reaction to your new bondmate, and for Dr. Williams to see that Del would hold her with no animosity because of your relationship. We did not have the processing time remaining for a lengthier explanation-"
Liara pushed herself to her feet, Irie straightening and touching her arm worriedly. "Mama-"
Gently Liara brushed her off, and then silently turned and walked from the room.