"Sitcom Royal Rumble"
Rated T for mild language and violence
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment, Total Nonstop Action, or sitcoms associated with ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, Disney, Nickelodeon or TBS. Anyway, I'd figured I'd do this for fun and amusement. So enjoy!
Chapter 2: National Anthem/The Rumble Begins
The place was Madison Square Garden. Around 22,000 fans had shown up to attend this unbelievable event. People from all shapes and all sizes were awaiting the fireworks that was about to sound off inside The World's Most Famous Arena, therefore indicating the start of the event. All of the signs in the arena were a lot vocal, having things that said 'Full House Sucks' to 'Sheldon Rules' and from 'Screech 4 Prez' to 'Red Forman: 3:16'. The fans were already getting patient as it was.
After growing restless for nearly 25 minutes...
*BOOM!*
The fireworks went off in the sky, blasting red, white and blue colors all throughout the building. The building was flashing different colors from red, white and blue as well, making it look like some sort of American rave party.
After the fireworks were finished sounding off, the people all cheered on their feet as the camera was shown getting a good look at them. The screaming was so loud and erupting that the roof could hardly contain it all. Aside from the screaming fans, the camera got a good look at the announce team sitting next to ringside.
Michael Cole: Hello everyone, and welcome to the first-ever sitcom Royal Rumble! I'm Michael Cole, and with me as always is my broadcast partner, JBL!
JBL: Oh man, I cannot wait for this! We're here at the World Most Famous Arena where 50 of the most popular sitcom characters on TV battle it out for One mil! It's so loud, the roof's looking to explode any minute now!
Michael Cole: You got that right, JBL! All sitcom characters from shapes to sizes get a golden opportunity to fight it out for a chance at glory and a chance at the $1,000,000.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Oh man, imagine the big names that are gonna be in this. You've got Al Bundy, Carl Winslow, Steve Urkel, Sheldon Cooper, Screech, Red Forman, Barney Stinson, I'll tell ya, it's gonna be total bedlam in New York City!
Michael Cole: Well, we won't have to wait any longer, gentleman! We're all set so let's go to the ringside to legendary WWE announcer, "The Fink" Howard Finkel!
The camera centered around ringside where "The Fink" Howard Finkel stood. After the bell rang, the ring announcer spoke to the fans.
The Fink: Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the 1st annual Sitcom Royal Rumble!
The crowd all stood up cheering their heads off. They were finally getting to see the action they've been wanting to see for quite some time, but the Fink actually had other plans.
The Fink: But before I explain the rules of the Royal Rumble, allow me to introduce to you the individual who will be singing our National Anthem, Roseanne Conner!
As Roseanne Conner from "Roseanne" started getting in the ring, he was greeted by boos all around Madison Square Garden.
Some of the fans around ringside even scurried behind their seats, scared of what was about to happen. Heck, even the commentators at ringside all cringed in impact.
Michael Cole: Oh no, you really gotta be kidding me here.
Jerry Lawler: Oh please don't let her sing. I swear, do not let her sing.
JBL: *looking pleased* I don't know. I think this could be good.
As she grabbed the microphone, Roseanne Conner waved to the fans, which didn't respond to her one bit.
After that five-second silence, the National Anthem started to play around the sound-speaker.
Roseanne Conner: *singing* OHHHH SAY, CAN YAAAA SEEEEE? BYYY THE DAWWWN'S EARLY LIIIIIIIIIGHT! WHAT SO PROUDLY WE HELLLLLLLLED! AT THE TWILIGHT'S LAST GLEAMING! WHOSE BROAD STRIPES AND BROAD STAAAAAAAAAARS, THROUGH THE PEEEERO-LOUS FLIIIIIIIGHT! OVER THE RAMPARTS WE WAAAAAAAATCHED WE'RE SO GALLANTLY SCREAMING! *screaming* AND THE ROCKETS RED GLAAAAAAAAAAAARE, THE BOMBS BURSTING IN AAAAAAAAAAAIR...
During Roseanne Conner's singing, everyone screamed in pain in mercy. Some of the fans even tried choking themselves off, and even finding some sort of weapon to kill themselves while being held back by security.
Even the eardrums of the commentators (mostly from Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole) were bleeding from the inside, despite wearing headphones.
Michael Cole: Dear god, somebody make her stop!
Jerry Lawler: Same here too!
JBL: *clapping and applauding* Bravo! Bravo! Better singer than Pavarotti!
Despite hearing the foul cries from fans and commentators, Roseanne Conner finished the closing moments of the song.
Roseanne Arnold: *still screaming* OHHHH, SAY DOES THAT STAAAAR-SPANGOLD BANNER YET WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! OVER THE LAND AND OFF THE FAH-REEEEEEEEEEEEE! AND THE HOOOOOOOOOO OF THE BRAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
After the song ended, Roseanne Arnold once again waved to everyone. Once again, she didn't get a response from the fans. It was all silent and no reaction at all. Luckily, the fans didn't manage to kill themselves from all of her singing.
When she left (to relief from the fans), The Fink stepped in the center of the ring to explain the rules.
The Fink: Well, that was unholy. *clears throat* Ladies and gentleman, let me explain the rules for the Sitcom Royal Rumble. Eariler, the first two participants who drew numbers 1 and 2 will begin the event. And every 1 minute thereafter, another entrant will enter by the number that they choose. Remember, in the Royal Rumble, it is every man for themselves. No friends, only foes. Elimination will occur when a wrestler is thrown over the top rope and both feet much touch the floor. The last man who is remaining in the Royal Rumble after all forty-nine have been eliminated will be crowned the winner of the Sitcom Royal Rumble and will be awarded one million dollars!
The crowd once again were on the feet, cheering for the prize itself.
Jerry Lawler: This is what I've been waiting for, guys!
JBL: I know the same feeling!
After the cheering died down, the announcer now started to announce the entrants.
The Fink: And now, let us introduce the man who has drawn number one...
The crowd now all awaited the entry of the first man. They all awaited for a good five seconds before the "Family Matters" theme song played throughout the arena, which brought out a stellar ovation.
Entering from the small titantron through the entranceway was a certain nerd that everyone hated to love. With his trademark glasses, stretched up suspenders, crotch-high pants and famous snort, he began walking down the aisle.
The Fink: From "Family Matters", Steeeeeeeve Urkel!
Entrant #1: Steve Urkel (Family Matters)
Jerry Lawler: Well, this is a surprise.
Michael Cole: Steve Urkel, the fan favorite of the show 'Family Matters', just drew the unluckiest number of them all!
JBL: A skinny guy like him isn't even gonna last long. I'll bet my $500 on it if he doesn't last all the way through the last entrant.
Michael Cole: Well, back at the 1995 Royal Rumble, Shawn Michaels entered at Number 1 and lasted all the way through number 30 to win! So far, anything can happen in the Rumble.
After Steve Urkel entered the ring, he raised his fists in victory to the fans, who were giving the nerd the support that he needed.
From there, the Nerd awaited the second entrant of the match.
The Fink: And now, here is the man who drew number two.
Steve Urkel cracked his knuckles, hoping to see what the second entrant would look like.
Luckily, he didn't wait any longer when "The Big Bang Theory" theme song played to a huge pop. This was very surprising to the fans and commentators alike. But what was much more surprising was the person who entered through the entranceway.
He was decked out in a t-shirt that featured his favorite superhero, The Flash. In fact, he loved the Flash so much that he started running down the aisle, a la Ultimate Warrior. While he was running from all four corners giving out high-fives to the screaming fans, The Fink announced him.
The Fink: From "The Big Bang Theory", Dr. Shelllllldon Cooper!
Entrant #2: Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory)
Jerry Lawler: Well, talk about your surprises!
JBL: We got two nerds starting out! I like it!
Michael Cole: Both Steve Urkel and Sheldon Cooper are gonna start out this Rumble! Can you believe it?
JBL: I can! I'm hoping they get thrown out of the match that early! I can't even stand nerds, let alone look at them.
As Sheldon entered the ring, he was met in an intense standoff with fellow nerd Urkel.
The tension between them was so amazing and tense, that a knife was begging to be cut from them. It was almost like two outlaws battling for supremacy. It was like PokeMon vs. Digimon. It was like Pepsi vs. Coca-Cola. It was like Muhammad Ali vs. Mike Tyson. No matter which way you put it, the fans were begging to see Urkel vs. Sheldon.
Michael Cole: The fans have been waiting for this to happen!
Jerry Lawler: No kidding! I'm on the edge of my seat, Cole!
Both Urkel and Sheldon were urging each other to take the first punch of the match. Who was gonna throw down? Who was gonna flinch?
Everyone would find out when that bell rang.
Sorry if I had to stop again, but I felt like it would be more dramatic if I stop them there.
How surprising is it that we have Steve Urkel and Sheldon Cooper starting off in this Rumble? Who will be next to go after them? Will I get my extra brownies for this? The action will finally begin next chapter! Until then, cheers!