"Sitcom Royal Rumble"
Rated T for mild language and violence
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment, Total Nonstop Action, or sitcoms associated with ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, Disney, Nickelodeon or TBS. Anyway, I'd figured I'd do this for fun and amusement. So enjoy!
Chapter 9: Sneak Attacks and Pepper Sprays
As soon as Maxwell Sheffield finally got inside the ring, he started hammering away at Austin Moon right away.
But not too long ago, Austin's good friend, Dez Wade, ran down the aisle and got in the ring, tackling Mr. Sheffield to the mat!
Michael Cole: Hey, wait a minute, where did Dez come from?!
Jerry Lawler: He's not allowed to be in the ring! He got eliminated!
JBL: Looks like Dez is still mad that he was the first one out of the Rumble. Can you blame him?
After hammering him for a good 10 seconds, Dez finally managed to get out of the ring.
However, the unexpected run-in made Maxwell disoriented a bit. This became a huge opportunity for Austin Moon as he rockstar grabbed the Broadway director by the collar and threw him over the top rope and onto the floor. Apparently, Mr. Sheffield's early elimination ended up giving a negative reaction from the New York City folk.
JBL: *whining* Ohhh, come on!
Michael Cole: And just like that, Mr. Sheffield's out!
Jerry Lawler: Boy, these New Yorkers are crying foul.
JBL: Can you blame them? It was Dez's damn fault!
17th Eliminated: Maxwell Sheffield; Eliminated by: Austin Moon; Duration: 0:18
Mr. Sheffield was disappointed that he was out this early due to an angry ginger that was Austin's friend.
While he left to a case of disappointing boos, Bud Bundy managed to whip Eddie Winslow to the upper left turnbuckle chest first. And then Bud tried to catch him in surprise with a Rebound German Suplex, but Eddie managed to hang on to the ropes.
Jerry Lawler: Hey, check this out!
JBL: Oh man, there is absolutely no way Bud's gonna consider doing this! He's a toothpick.
Bud was trying to lift Eddo up to the best of his ability, but Eddie still wouldn't budge.
But out of nowhere, Carl McMillan managed to sneak up by surprise and lift both Eddie and Bud up with a double German Suplex! This on the other hand, pleased his girlfriend Victoria, who was cheering on him from ringside.
Michael Cole: *shocked* OH MY!
Jerry Lawler: What a german suplex!
JBL: Talk about killing two birds with one stone!
While both Eddie and Bud were knocked out, Sheldon Cooper tried to get Liv Rooney eliminated by clotheslining her over the top rope, but Liv managed to duck!
So forth, Sheldon was launched over the top rope, and painfully wrecked himself on the ropes, forcing the fans to cringe!
Jerry Lawler: Oh man!
JBL: There goes his atoms again!
Jerry Lawler: If he keeps getting his atoms smashed like this, he could sound like that chick who sang "Lovin' You".
While Sheldon was hanging around the ropes in pain, Liv then connected with a high-jump enzugiri to the back of the brainiac's head.
A hit like that would have sent Sheldon to the floor, but luckily, he managed to land back in the ring!
Michael Cole: Impressive kick by Liv Rooney!
Jerry Lawler: He's taking some hard punishment despite being in that long!
JBL: I can honestly agree. It won't be long before he goes bye-bye!
As Sheldon started wailing away in pain, the countdown clock lit up on the titantron again, bringing in the 27th entrant of the match.
Jerry Lawler: We got lucky number 27 here! I can't wait!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #27: Shawn Hunter (Boy Meets World)
As the horn sounded for the 27th time, a brown-haired teenager with a shirt that read 'Shawn 3:16' on the front, along with some fresh-cut jeans made his way down the aisle with yet another ovation from the crowd.
JBL: Oh great, another damn high-schooler again!
Jerry Lawler: That ain't no high-schooler, that's Shawn Hunter from "Boy Meets World"!
Michael Cole: Can he go all the way and win this Rumble, concerning the number that he drew?
Jerry Lawler: I think so! His chances are great!
As Shawn Hunter got inside the ring, he started trading dropkicks one at a time, mostly to Austin and Tyler.
And then, he went behind Urkel and spun around, hitting the nerd with a Float Over Neckbreaker!
Jerry Lawler: Whoa, look at him go!
JBL: Big deal, I can do a neckbreaker better than him.
Michael Cole: I don't know, I'd like to see that.
As Shawn was still building momentum, Eddie Winslow managed to trap Bud Bundy on the lower left turnbuckle with punch shots to the gut.
And then, he hung the pervert upside down on the Tree of Woe. This was gonna be bad for Bud.
Jerry Lawler: Uh-oh, Bud's upside down!
JBL: This can't be good for the perv.
Michael Cole: And he's about to find out why!
As Bud tried to escape from the Tree of Woe, Eddie backed away from him for a good second...
...
...
...but only to rush right at him with a leaping Samoan headbutt!
Michael Cole: YOW!
JBL: That'll definitely keep Bud laid for a while.
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, I can only hope that's a pun taken.
As Bud laid down in pain, Red Forman saw Urkel get up from the neckbreaker.
As soon as Urkel ended up getting on all fours, Red Forman rushed right in and sent his foot lodging into Urkel's ass, painfully!
Jerry Lawler: Uh-oh, there's another one!
JBL: That's like the third time that's happened. I think I may like this guy from now on!
Michael Cole: I hate to see who's gonna get the end of that foot next.
While Urkel started butt-scooting around the ring (hoping to get rid of the footprint that was imprinted around his bottom), the Rumble clock came up again, indicating that the next entrant was about to enter.
Jerry Lawler: We're gonna have our next competitor here momentarily!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #28: Dan Fielding (Night Court)
As the horn sounded, a man with a grey business suit, blue tie, and almost graying hair came through the curtain with yet another hometown pop.
Despite his narcissistic ways and prudish attitude, he was appreciated by the response.
JBL: All right, here comes another New Yorker!
Michael Cole: For those of you familiar in the 80's, here comes Dan Fielding from "Night Court"!
Jerry Lawler: This crowd is so loud, you might need a gavel to shut them up!
As Dan finally got in the ring, he was greeted by a Super Kick by Shawn Hunter, which knocked the district attorney over the top rope, but managed to keep himself grounded on the apron!
Jerry Lawler: WOW! Did you see that!
JBL: Dan nearly got eliminated just as he got in! I almost peed myself watching that!
As Dan got back in the ring once again, he checked his jaw to see if it was broken. Luckily, it wasn't broken.
But Dan wanted revenge on Shawn. As the teenager threw another dropkick on Carl McMillan, Dan Fielding started sneaking up behind him.
Michael Cole: Uh-oh, this can't be good for Shawn.
When Shawn turned around, Dan crushed him with a Superman Punch, forcing his jaw straight into the teenager's mouth!
JBL: Ohhh! Talk about payback!
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, and Shawn Hunter felt that too close to home!
With Shawn holding his jaw in excruciating pain, Dan took the time to talk down to the young brat.
The district attorney spent his good time talking trash in response of the surprise Super Kick that Shawn gave him.
Dan Fielding: *to Shawn* You think you can surprise me with that foot of yours, you little Philly Punk? New York's better than Philly, pal!
Unfortunately for Dan, Red Forman had a smirk on his face, seeing the DA bend over like that.
This caused Red Forman to extend his foot, and just like a football kicker...
...
...
...he punted his foot all across Dan's ass, making him scream in total pain!
Michael Cole: *cringing* Oh my god!
Jerry Lawler: *chuckling* Poor Dan Fielding!
JBL: Oh man, that's like the fourth time that's happened! Why can't Red ever give these losers a break?
With Dan crying like a baby, Red Forman became satisfied.
As he tried to go after Liv Rooney, Tyler James came running out of nowhere and dropkicked Red right in the head, which forced the older Forman to tumble over the top rope and onto the floor, eliminating him to the commentators' surprise!
Michael Cole: WHOA! MY GOD!
Jerry Lawler: I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
JBL: That punk just took Red Forman out of the Rumble!
Jerry Lawler: Red isn't gonna be happy about that!
18th Eliminated: Red Forman; Eliminated by: Tyler James; Duration: 13:46
As Red got up from the floor, his jaw dropped at the fact that he was eliminated.
Shocked and angry, he tried to go after Tyler with the rage only an angry Green Bay Packer fan could handle! However, the referees held him back from entering the ring anyway!
Red Forman: *to Tyler* This isn't over, dumbass! I'll shove my foot way up your ass so bad, your girlfriend would find your butt in El Salvador!
JBL: Words like that won't do him any good. He's gone.
Jerry Lawler: You ever go to El Salvador?
JBL: I have. I actually like the new motto, "Welcome to El Salvador. We got Nikki". Makes me want to go there.
While the referees escorted Red out of ringside, the countdown clock started, bringing in another entrant into the Rumble match.
Michael Cole: We've got another entrant running into the Royal Rumble match!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #29: Fez (That 70s Show)
While the buzzer sounded for perhaps the 29th time, a foreign kid wearing a pink leisure suit started dancing to the ring like he was at a disco club. Of course, no music was heard when he came out, but there was music hearing in this kid's head.
JBL: Oh, damn it! Not another one!
Jerry Lawler: Oh, this is gonna be interesting!
Michael Cole: It's Fez off from "That 70's Show"! I can't wait to see this kid in action.
JBL: I don't know why the hell he's dancing, but he ain't no John Travolta.
While he was still dancing down the aisle, Fez saw Red Forman walk by him to the entrance aisle.
Curiously, the foreigner decided to greet his hard-ass friend.
Fez: Hi, Mr. Red! Sorry you got eliminated by a pretty boy!
Red Forman: *shouting to Fez* It won't be pretty when you find my foot imprinted under your ass!
Shaking off that hurtful comment, Fez managed to get to the ring.
But before he could enter the ring however, he got a glimpse of Carl McMillan's girlfriend, Victoria, standing on ringside. Using his slick charm, Fez managed to charm the Georgia-accented belle.
Fez: Hey mama, you're looking fine as a peach. Ready to get plucked!
Victoria Flynn: Ew, I'm taken!
In retaliation, Victoria took out his pepper spray and sprayed Fez right in the face.
The impact was so brutal that Fez started running all across four corners of the ring! It felt like tiny little globs of lava headed towards your face and burning every ounce of your face off. That's what it felt like to Fez!
JBL: Uh-oh, bad move, wrong time, rodrigo!
Jerry Lawler: Oh, that's gotta bite for Fez!
Michael Cole: Apparently, someone forgot to tell Fez that Victoria's already taken.
As Fez was rolling around on the floor in total pain from that pepper spray attack, Sheldon Cooper looked down on him in total shame.
Sheldon Cooper: *sighing* What a joke. I swear Raj can do a better job than that.
Sheldon then managed to go to the top rope, where he saw Eddie Winslow fighting off both Austin Moon, Liv Rooney, Tyler James, and Shawn Hunter one at a time.
As Eddo turned around, Sheldon managed to leap in the air for a flying body press, but Eddie managed to catch him in mid-air!
Jerry Lawler: Uh-oh! Poor move for Sheldon!
JBL: Somebody please throw the nerd out! I hope Eddie does it!
Michael Cole: I hope Sheldon packs some peanuts for the ride!
Holding Sheldon right by his shoulders, Eddie managed to muscle the nerd up with a Gorilla Press!
Eddie then scooched over to the rope where he managed to launch Sheldon over the top rope and onto the floor, eliminating him! But he just didn't launch Sheldon onto the floor, he launched him onto Fez, who was still trying to get up from the attack!
Michael Cole: Sheldon's out! I repeat, Sheldon is out!
Jerry Lawler: What a shame too! He was one of my favorites!
JBL: I gotta admit. For a nerd, he did manage to last long in the ring!
19th Eliminated: Sheldon Cooper; Eliminated by: Eddie Winslow; Duration: 27:50
While Fez was now knocked out and unconscious, Sheldon managed to limp himself off from ringside and back to the dressing room.
Meanwhile, the carnage continued as Eddie and Bud Bundy went at it, and Dan Fielding was trying hard to eliminate Carl McMillan from the matchup. As that went on, the crowd highly anticipated the arrival of number 30.
JBL: We are halfway there in the Rumble! Who's number 30?
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #30: Marshall Eriksen (How I Met Your Mother)
With the buzzer sounding again, a middle-aged man in his 30's came out through the curtain, wearing nothing but his underwear.
And to no surprise, he felt a little drunk, which was why he was walking down the aisle like a zombie.
JBL: Oh great, now we got this guy?!
Michael Cole: That's Marshall Eriksen from the sitcom, "How I Met Your Mother"!
JBL: More like "How I Met Your Psychologist", because he may need one.
Before he could actually get to the ring, he stopped for a moment and gave out his battlecry.
Marshall Eriksen: *shouting drunkenly* I'm Marshall Erikson, but you... CAN CALL ME BEEEEEERCULEEEEEES!
To be continued...
Uh-oh, this isn't gonna be good at all. But before the wrath of Beercules can be unleashed, let's see what stats we have now!
Eliminated: Dez Wade, Martin Payne, Leroy T. Brown, George Costanza, A.C. Slater, Pops Williams, Bob Duncan, Barney Stinson, Mike Seaver, Beck Oliver, Julius Rock, Eric Forman, Gilligan, Howard Wolowitz, Zack Morris, Bull Shannon, Maxwell Sheffield, Red Forman and Sheldon Cooper
Still in the ring: Austin Moon, Bud Bundy, Carl McMillan, Dan Fielding, Eddie Winslow, Fez, Liv Rooney, Marshall Eriksen, Shawn Hunter, Steve Urkel and Tyler James
Entrants in the ring: 11 (so far)
Entrants still left to go: 20 (so far)
Longest time spent in the ring so far: Steve Urkel (I think around 28 minutes.)
Shortest time spent in the ring: Howard Wolowitz (0:01.8 seconds)
Most people eliminated: Austin Moon (5)
Will Fez ever get in the ring, due to that pepper spray attack?
Can Tyler chase down Austin Moon's record for most eliminations?
Will anyone escape Beercules?
Find out on the next chapter! Until then, BAZINGA!