"Sitcom Royal Rumble"
Rated T for mild language and violence
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment, Total Nonstop Action, or sitcoms associated with ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, Disney, Nickelodeon or TBS. Anyway, I'd figured I'd do this for fun and amusement. So enjoy!
Chapter 12: The Fonz Strikes
Looking around at the competitors, Fonz took his sweet time combing his hair while getting on the apron.
Meanwhile, Mike and Carl were looking right at the greaser dead-on. From there, the two policeman huddled, thinking of a game-plan.
Mike Biggs: *to Carl* I don't like this punk kid. As soon as he comes in, we double clothesline him!
Carl McMillan: *to Mike* Affirmative!
Suddenly, as the Fonz came in, both Mike and Carl joined hands together, hoping to eliminate the greaser early on.
But it was a total mistake as the Fonz lowered the rope, which sent both Mike and Carl over the top rope and onto the floor!
Jerry Lawler: Wha-!? I don't believe this!
JBL: How on earth did the Fonz do that!?
Michael Cole: I don't know, but both Mike and Carl are officially gone from this Royal Rumble!
32nd Eliminated: Mike Biggs; Eliminated by: The Fonz; Duration: 3:12
33rd Eliminated: Carl McMillan; Eliminated by: The Fonz; Duration: 17:12
Victoria ended up throwing a fit at the point of Carl being eliminated in this Rumble as a matter of fact.
While Mike, Carl and Victoria left in total disappointment, Fonz looked around and saw Danny and Urkel testing their strength (Danny was winning, by the way). Feeling tired and bored from this snoozefest, Fonz managed to grab both Danny and Urkel's head and banged them together with a double noggin knocker!
Jerry Lawler: OH! Talk about a meeting of the minds!
Michael Cole: That's bound to cause someone a headache.
JBL: Somebody get some aspirin, pronto.
As the clean-freak looked a bit dazed and confused, The Fonz wasted no time as he immediately threw Danny over the top rope with both feet hitting the floor. Therefore, it brought The Fonz another elimination.
JBL: There does the neat freak!
Jerry Lawler: See ya later, Danny!
34th Eliminated: Danny Tanner; Eliminated by: The Fonz; Duration: 4:32
As Danny laid motionless on the floor, Theo Huxtable had Tyler James groggy on the turnbuckle, hoping to nail the ladykiller with a high-risk top rope superplex.
Tyler tried to hold on the best that he could, but Theo connected with punch shots to the gut.
Michael Cole: Tyler hanging on the best that he could here.
JBL: Yeah, but Theo ain't gonna let it happen.
With Tyler hanging on for the ride, Theo launched him up in the air...
...
...
...and crashlanded onto Al Bundy and Carl Winslow, resulting in another major dog pile!
Jerry Lawler: Whoa, what a collision!
JBL: We're getting a lot more dogpiles than Charlie Sheen ever has with women!
Michael Cole: I can only hope it's the last.
As the four men tried their best to recover quickly, The Fonz was at the lower left turnbuckle, putting his foot in Steven Hyde's mouth.
Meanwhile, as the stoner was trying hard to breathe, the Rumble clock lit up, bringing in another entrant for the match.
Michael Cole: Here comes number 39! Who's it gonna be?
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #39: Cody Lambert (Step By Step)
As the buzzer sounded, a tall teenager with a blue-flannel shirt and black jeans came through the curtain.
But he wasn't alone though. He also brought his famous slicked-back flat top and along with it came his Jeff Spicoli accent.
Jerry Lawler: Hey, another familiar face!
JBL: I don't even remember him!
Michael Cole: That's because that's Cody Lambert from the ABC sitcom "Step By Step"!
JBL: Are you sure that's not Boner from "Growing Pains"?
As Cody entered the ring, The Fonz broke off of Hyde so that he could brawl with the cool-as-heck motorcyclist.
The Fonz tried to pull off a punch, but Cody managed to block every single one of them with his hands. From there, Cody pulled off two punches, followed by a smooth spin kick, getting Fonz right in the gut!
Jerry Lawler: Whoa, check that out!
JBL: Never seen a combo like that in my life! Boner's got moves!
Michael Cole: *to JBL* Um, that's Cody, not Boner.
JBL: *to Michael* Yeah, same thing...
(FUN FACT: Sasha Mitchell, the actor who played Cody Lambert on seasons 1-5 on Step By Step, actually has a blackbelt in martial arts.)
While The Fonz was still stunned from that combo, Cody kicked the bad boy in the knee, bringing the greaser to his knees.
As he was on his knees, Cody started kicking away at his chest multiple times, a la Daniel Bryan! With every kick, a "Yes!" chant would break out in response.
Jerry Lawler: Looks like Cody's gone all Daniel Bryan!
JBL: Great. I hope he turns into a goat as well.
Michael Cole: Those kicks are definitely stinging him for sure.
The Fonz looked to be dazed.
And as Cody went for a huge roundhouse kick, The Fonz managed to duck. But as Cody turned once again, Tyler James came out of nowhere and decked out Cody with a running knee!
Michael Cole: Running knee! Running knee!
JBL: Please tell me Tyler's not gonna turn into a goat as well!
With Cody shaken a bit from that impact, Steven Hyde capitalized the moment by trying to eliminate both men in Carl Winslow and Steve Urkel.
Jerry Lawler: Uh-oh, someone's looking to go out!
JBL: There isn't no way Hyde's gonna take out both men. Carl weighs so much like an RV!
After several seconds of struggling, the two managed to go over the top rope, but managed to remain on the apron.
Steven Hyde was celebrating, thinking that he'd actually eliminated two of Chicago's finest. In reality, Steve Urkel went up to the top rope and Carl Winslow re-entered the ring. When Hyde turned around though, Carl had launched Urkel unto him with an Aided Cross Body from the top!
Michael Cole: Urkel right into Hyde!
Jerry Lawler: *to JBL* Did you see how high Urkel flew!?
JBL: Big deal, pigs can fly higher than him.
With Hyde down on the floor, The Fonz was busy brawling with Al Bundy to the upper left turnbuckle while Tyler James was still throwing out punches on Theo Huxtable.
While that was going on, the Rumble clock lit up once more. Which obviously meant that another entrant was about to appear.
JBL: Number 40's coming up, I can't wait!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #40: Alan Harper (Two And A Half Men)
As the buzzer sounded for the 40th time, a short-haired man with a polo shirt and brown slacks came through the curtain.
Shocking as this was, this man was greeted by boos from the crowd.
Jerry Lawler: Oh, here comes Alan Harper!
Michael Cole: Off from the CBS show "Two And A Half Men"!
JBL: Yeah, and it's safe to say he's not a crowd favorite here.
Ignoring all the boos around him, Alan tried to get in the ring, but unfortunately, the brawl between Al and The Fonz was preventing him from entering the ring (much to the delight from the crowd).
So Alan did the best thing by trying to enter the ring by top rope.
Jerry Lawler: Oh man, is Alan Harper crazy?
JBL: No, he's just being stupid.
However, it proved to be a mistake.
As soon as he went up top rope, Tyler James had whipped Theo to the ropes, which forced Alan to painfully rack his nuts on the turnpost.
Jerry Lawler: *cringing* Ah, good heavens!
JBL: See, told ya he was stupid.
Michael Cole: Alan is definitely never having kids after this one.
Alan started wobbling around in pain while the entire Madison Square Garden laughed at him.
As he got up though, he bumped right into The Fonz, who tripped Alan by his feet. Grabbing Alan by his soles, Fonzie had an idea in mind.
JBL: Whoa, what's he got planning?
Jerry Lawler: I don't know, but I'm willing to find out for sure!
The Fonz: *to Alan* Ay, time for you to take a spin!
Grabbing Alan by the ankles, The Fonz started spinning him around with his version of the Cesaro Swing!
One by one, he kept spinning him all over the ring, which made Alan sick. The crowd simply took a liking to this, counting down many revolutions that the Fonz can do.
Michael Cole: Look at Fonzie go!
JBL: He's looking to outdo Julius here! And Julius spun Zack around like 20 times!
Jerry Lawler: Boy, is that gonna be a record here?
Suddenly, the giant swing managed to last long for a record 40 seconds, which pretty much took an entire minute.
Knowing the greaser was tired himself, he decided to throw Alan away. By the time he was done, he spun the Polo-wearing toothpick around 40 times! That brought in a huge pop from the New York crowd, to be honest!
Jerry Lawler: Oh, Alan's gonna be sick for days!
JBL: I think he's already sick right now. Just hoping he doesn't spill out in the ring.
As Alan tried to keep his gag reflex intact at the ropes, Fonzie's little swing wasted a lot of time, which was enough for the 41st entrant to appear by the count of 10.
Michael Cole: We're about to see number 31! Who will it be?
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #41: Michael Kelso (That 70's Show)
With the buzzer sounding, the next entrant came running down the aisle.
He was dressed in a red skin-tight shirt with blue jean bellbottoms, and a Bruce Jenner-styled haircut. Strange enough, he managed to get a good reaction from the crowd. Major points for a pretty boy, for sure.
Michael Cole: Here comes Kelso!
Jerry Lawler: Look at him! He's feeling pumped to be here!
JBL: As if we didn't get enough braindead idiots to begin with.
As soon as he got in, he looked around the ring to find which competitor he wanted to fight.
As luck would have it, Kelso managed to eye out Alan Harper, who managed to get to his feet. Shaking some nerves off from that giant swing, Alan looked right at Kelso with such odd questioning.
Alan Harper: *to Kelso* Hey, Walden. Where did you grow out your hair?
Pissed off that he was called 'Walden', Kelso began rushing after Alan, who clotheslined him over the top rope and onto the floor instantly.
Alan's elimination brought in such total delight from the crowd, who were happy to see him go!
JBL: A-ha! So long, Alan!
Jerry Lawler: I don't know what Alan did to get Kelso pissed off, but that sure was a mistake!
35th Eliminated: Alan Harper; Eliminated by: Michael Kelso; Duration: 1:12
Alan got up and looked at Kelso with such shock. Apparently, Alan must've mistook Kelso for a billionaire playboy.
Still struggling to find out what was going on?
Alan Harper: *to Kelso* Walden, what was that for?! I thought we were friends!
Michael Kelso: *to Alan* My name's not Walden, dumbass! It's Kelso!
Michael Cole: Kelso telling it like it is in this match.
As Alan left feeling unexplained, the action continued as Cody Lambert and Al Bundy tried their best to successfully lift up Carl Winslow with a double suplex.
But Carl's weight proved to be a benefactor in this match. He was possibly too heavy to be lifted off the mat.
JBL: No way this is happening. Carl must've ate a whole house before the event.
Jerry Lawler: You may never know, John!
Cody and Al tried to lift him up again, but no use.
But then, help arrived as The Fonz and Theo Huxtable managed to team up alongside the two, making this a four-on-one struggle. With 100% effort, the four managed to get Carl Winslow up in the air, and slammed him down with a quadruple suplex.
Michael Cole: My god, how is this possible?!
Jerry Lawler: *to JBL* Told you they could do it.
JBL: It was just beginner's luck.
Meanwhile, Steven Hyde was busy getting Tyler James over the top rope, but managed to remain on top of the apron.
Seeing this, the stoner tried to hit the pretty boy off the apron, but Tyler countered it with a roundhouse kick.
Jerry Lawler: Ooh, that had to hurt!
Michael Cole: I agree with you more.
While Tyler managed to fight Hyde off successfully, the lady-killer noticed Kelso going after him.
Hesistating dearly, Tyler managed to hop off the apron...
...
...
...and stick to the black barricade like a spider, therefore preventing elimination!
JBL: Tyler's out-no, what?!
Michael Cole: Look at this!
Jerry Lawler: No way! Tyler just pulled off a John Morrison move right there!
JBL: He's not eliminated, but he's stuck in a hard place now!
Michael Cole: The question is, how is Tyler James gonna get back in the ring, now?
Cole was right. How exactly was Tyler gonna get back in the ring from the barricade?
As he was thinking on how to re-enter the ring from a risky standpoint, the countdown clock lit up again. Which only meant that number 42 was about to enter.
JBL: Anyway, we might as well know who number 42 is!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #42: Balki Bartakamous (Perfect Strangers)
After the buzzer sounded, a foreign man came through the curtain to a mixed reaction (mostly boos).
His outfit was nothing more than a black matador uniform. Hard to say, the style pretty much suit him, especially his black shorts.
JBL: Hey, I remember this guy!
Jerry Lawler: What a surprise! Balki from "Perfect Strangers" is in!
Michael Cole: The man from the land of Mypos, and an immigrant of the city of Chicago!
JBL: Yeah, but the reaction isn't saying much since New Yorkers pretty much hate Chicago.
Michael Cole: Can Balki survive with the big boys long enough to win?
To be continued...
Yeah, we'll probably have to wait and see for that to happen. BTW, love the "Perfect Strangers" theme song. It's my second favorite theme song, next to "Growing Pains". Anyway, here's the stats we got so far!
Eliminated: Dez Wade, Martin Payne, Leroy T. Brown, George Costanza, A.C. Slater, Pops Williams, Bob Duncan, Barney Stinson, Mike Seaver, Beck Oliver, Julius Rock, Eric Forman, Gilligan, Howard Wolowitz, Zack Morris, Bull Shannon, Maxwell Sheffield, Red Forman, Sheldon Cooper, Shawn Hunter, Fez, Austin Moon, Marshall Eriksen, Dan Fielding, Liv Rooney, Norm, Bud Bundy, Eddie Winslow, Mike Biggs, Carl McMillan, Danny Tanner and Alan Harper
Still in the ring: Al Bundy, Balki Bartakamous, Carl Winslow, Cody Lambert, Michael Kelso, Steve Urkel, Steven Hyde, The Fonz, Theo Huxtable and Tyler James
Entrants in the ring: 11 (so far)
Entrants still left to go: 8 (so far)
Longest time spent in the ring so far: Steve Urkel (Over 40 minutes)
Shortest time spent in the ring: Howard Wolowitz (0:01.8 seconds)
Most people eliminated: Tyler James (8)
Now that Tyler's in a bit of a pickle, can he pull off a Kofi Kingston and get back in the match?
Will Balki reign supreme over everyone in the Rumble?
Will The Fonz strike again?
Will JBL keep calling Cody "Boner" for the remainder of the Rumble?
More answers will be revealed next chapter. Until then, eat it! No, I mean eat it.