"Sitcom Royal Rumble"
Rated T for mild language and violence
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment, Total Nonstop Action, or sitcoms associated with ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, Disney, Nickelodeon or TBS. Anyway, I'd figured I'd do this for fun and amusement. So enjoy!
Chapter 13: When Justice Serves
Feeling pumped and psyched, Balki Bartakamous managed to step inside the ring...
...
...
...only for Theo Huxtable to connect with a superkick! Of course, the impact sent him over the top rope, but luckily, he managed to remain on the apron.
Jerry Lawler: Whoa! Balki almost went out!
JBL: Maybe this ring ain't the safest place for him.
The kick rattled Balki good, but nevertheless, he still managed to stay intact.
While he entered by rolling under the ring and resting on the turnbuckle, he noticed Michael Kelso rushing right after him. Knowing this, Balki lent out his feet and connected right to Kelso's face, stunning him for the moment!
Michael Cole: Oh, hello!
Jerry Lawler: That's gotta bite for sure!
As Kelso looked groggy, Balki Bartakamous wrapped his arms around Kelso's neck in a front facelock.
And then, he span around, nailing Kelso with a tornado DDT!
Michael Cole: And Balki with the tornado DDT!
JBL: Never knew the foreigner had it in him!
Meanwhile, somewhere around the ring, Al Bundy had Steve Urkel grounded, setting the nerd up for a powerbomb.
But before he could take the nerd up, Carl came out of nowhere and held back Al. This left a huge opportunity for Urkel, who wanted to smack the shoe salesman in the mouth.
Jerry Lawler: Urkel gets saved yet again!
Michael Cole: A little alliance between Urkel and Carl forming here!
JBL: Yeah, but it's still every man for himself!
With Al trying to break out of Carl Winslow, Steve Urkel rushed in and threw a dropkick!
But unfortunately, Al Bundy moved out of the way, which forced Urkel to dropkick Carl instead!
JBL: Uh-oh, bad place at the wrong time!
Jerry Lawler: That definitely was a mistake!
The impact forced Carl to take a step backwards and tumble on the ropes.
As Carl lost his balance on the ropes, Al Bundy capitalized by clotheslining Carl over the top rope, which sent the policemen flying to the floor in elimination!
JBL: Look at this! Carl's history!
Jerry Lawler: I'm afraid justice isn't being served tonight!
33rd Eliminated: Carl Winslow; Eliminated by: Al Bundy; Duration: 6:35
Urkel was shocked that he accidentally eliminated his best friend/neighbor out of the Rumble!
But while standing there, The Fonz ended up lifting the nerd up on his shoulders. With Theo Huxtable on the top rope, disaster loomed for the Chicago-born nerd.
Michael Cole: Oh no...
JBL: That's gonna be a long way down, Urkel!
Urkel tried to punch the Fonz's forehead into letting him down, but it was too late.
With the nerd on Fonz's shoulders, Theo jumped off the top rope and decked Urkel with a Doomsday Device clothesline! This forced the crowd here in New York City to break in a "LOD" chant!
JBL: Doomsday Device! And Theo hits it!
Jerry Lawler: No kidding! Listen to this crowd! They're loving it!
Michael Cole: And why not? This is what they've been waiting for, King!
As he fell all the way down, Urkel wobbled all around the ring in pain, having his jaw broken by that hit.
Meanwhile, the rest of the action had been fierce as Steven Hyde trapped Tyler James in a Boston Crab while Cody Lambert was busy stomping a major mudhole on Michael Kelso. This was now turning into major bedlam for the contestants.
Jerry Lawler: This is starting to turn into war now!
JBL: Yeah, and I'm amazed how long that nerd's been lasting so far! He must've lasted around 40 minutes or so!
Michael Cole: Impressive showing by Urkel so far! But now, we're about to see number 43!
JBL: Yeah, I can't wait!
While the carnage went on, the countdown clock lit up, bringing in the next entrant in just about t-minus...
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #43: Jason Seaver (Growing Pains)
With the buzzer sounding again, a middle-aged man with a long sleeved baby blue shirt and tuxedo vest came running through the curtain.
Once again, he got a bit of a hometown pop, concerning the fact that he was a New Yorker!
JBL: All right, another fellow New Yorker!
Michael Cole: From Growing Pains, it's psychologist Jason Seaver!
Jerry Lawler: You have to wonder what kind of mind games he'll use on his opponents here tonight!
Before Jason Seaver could step in the ring, he managed to look for something under the apron!
After searching in the apron for under 10 seconds, he managed to pull out a steel chair!
Michael Cole: Uh-oh, this won't be pretty!
Jerry Lawler: Now we're about to see some real 'growing pains'!
As he entered the ring, he now started whacking away at everyone he saw.
He first started out with Al Bundy, then Balki Bartatakamous, and ended up nailing Theo Huxtable right in the face! The impact was so great, that Theo was now donning a crimson mask full of blood!
JBL: OWWWWW!
Michael Cole: What a horrendous chair shot!
Jerry Lawler: Yeah! I think Theo might have been knocked into a new nationality!
Looking for someone to hit next, he was met by a flying forearm by Michael Kelso, who came out of nowhere!
Jerry Lawler: Wow, look at Kelso!
JBL: Yeah, Jason Seaver didn't see him coming!
Kelso felt the blood pumping through his veins, so he went after Jason once more.
Not even looking behind him, Kelso whipped Jason to the lower right turnbuckle, only for the Seaver father to counter whip Kelso instead. What was worse than this was that Kelso was running right into Steven Hyde, who was busy giving out a 10-punch salute to Tyler! As Kelso rammed into Hyde, the stoner stumbled over the top rope and immediately went out!
Jerry Lawler: Uh-oh, look what Kelso did!
JBL: How stupid is that tater-nut?! He just eliminated his best friend!
Michael Cole: Hyde is definitely not gonna like that!
34th Eliminated: Steven Hyde; Eliminated by: Michael Kelso (accidentally); Duration: 10:32
While Kelso looked shocked at the accidental elimination, Hyde looked pissed off at his friend.
Kelso tried to tell Hyde it was an accidentally, but suddenly, the stoner said otherwise.
Steven Hyde: *to Kelso* Damn it, Kelso! Why did you do that? I had this won!
Michael Kelso: *to Hyde* It was an accident, Hyde! Honestly!
Jerry Lawler: *to JBL* Whoa, how do you like to be friends with that?
JBL: *to Jerry* Believe me, I don't.
However, in the middle of the argument, Tyler managed to connect with an enzugiri to the back of Kelso's head, which sent him over the top rope, but not out on the floor.
So far, Kelso was safe.
That was until Hyde came up to Kelso and dropped him off the apron, therefore dropping him on his face and eliminating him much to the laughter of fans!
Michael Cole: Uh-oh, talk about poor sportsmanship there...
JBL: It's exactly what Kelso got for eliminating him!
Jerry Lawler: I guess you can now say they're even!
35th Eliminated: Michael Kelso; Eliminated by: Steven Hyde (on purpose); Duration: 2:48
Irritated that Hyde pulled him off the apron, Kelso tried to push back, but the referees did their job separating the two men successfully. Hard to believe that they still had bad blood between each other, despite being friends.
Suddenly, as both Kelso and Hyde walked away, the Rumble Clock appeared, bringing in yet another entrant in the match.
Jerry Lawler: Let's see who's drawn entrant number 44!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #44: Judge Harry T. Stone (Night Court)
As the buzzer sounded, a man with a judges uniform and short boyishly brown hair came through the curtain.
Just like his former teammates, Dan Fielding and Bull Shannon, he too got a huge hometown ovation from the fans!
JBL: Oh wow, doesn't it get any better than this!?
Jerry Lawler: Judge Harry T. Stone from "Night Court" is here! I swear, New Yorkers like him definitely have home field advantage!
Michael Cole: Things are definitely gonna get interesting!
As Judge Stone stepped inside the ring, he immediately went after Al Bundy, who tried to surprise him with a clothesline.
Using his smarts, Judge Stone ducked the hit, and ran right back with a spear on the Shoe Salesman!
Michael Cole: Spear! Harry Stone with the spear!
Jerry Lawler: Nearly speared him out of his shoes for sure!
Still feeling energized, Judge Stone went after Cody Lambert, who tried to roundhouse kick the judge's head off.
Luckily, Harry caught the foot and managed to lift Cody up by his legs. Swinging like a pendulum, the judge slammed Cody down with an Alabama Slam!
JBL: Oh yeah, the Alabama Slamma!
Jerry Lawler: If he keeps this up for long, we might as well have a new Rumble favorite!
Michael Cole: Knowing the impact he's making for so long, he might as well be the favorite!
As Cody remained motionless on the mat, Balki decided to take a high-risk chance on the top rope.
Eyeing down a bloody Theo Huxtable, Balki launched himself onto him with a flying body press!
Michael Cole: Flying body press on-no wait a minute!
However, the momentum became too much for Balki as he was turned over by Theo Huxtable, who managed to counter the move.
Despite being bloody, Theo Huxtable managed to muscle Balki over with a backbreaker position. Yet suddenly, Theo managed to bend up, and clobber Balki with a World's Strongest Slam!
JBL: Theo with a World's Strongest Slam! That oughtta make Mark Henry proud!
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, and that oughtta make Balki into a pancake!
That slam was enough to knock Balki out of commission.
Knowing this first-hand, Theo managed to pick him up and throw him over the top rope. But before he could go over the top rope though, Balki managed to latch on to the ropes. That forced Theo to push harder and harder than ever!
Michael Cole: Look at Balki trying not to get eliminated here!
JBL: Maybe he's got some tape stuck to his hands.
While Theo pushed hard, it wasn't good enough as Tyler snuck up right behind the first-born Huxtable, and dropkicked him over the top and onto the floor, eliminating him!
Jerry Lawler: Theo should've used some tape on his feet, because he's out just like that!
JBL: Should've used some before the event!
Michael Cole: At least Balki's safe again!
36th Eliminated: Theo Huxtable; Eliminated by: Tyler James; Duration: 13:38
Finally landing on his feet, Balki took his time and hugged Tyler tightly, kissing his cheek.
Tyler looked a little creeped out of the way Balki was thanking him.
Balki Bartakamous: *to Tyler* Thanks for saving me! I owe my life to you, my boyishly handsome hero!
Unfortunately, Tyler scowled at him, thinking that Balki was hitting on him.
In response, Tyler grabbed Balki by the back of his hair, and sent him flying over the top rope and onto the floor, eliminating him as well!
JBL: Ha-ha! Back to wherever goat farm ya came from!
Michael Cole: Apparently, Tyler didn't take Balki's thanks very well!
Jerry Lawler: And now he's out!
37th Eliminated: Balki Bartakamous; Eliminated by: Tyler James; Duration: 2:47
The immigrant from Mypos felt sad that Tyler would eliminate him like that. Because of this, he left in defeat.
Following Balki's departure from the Royal Rumble, the Rumble clock had lit up on the titantron again, therefore bringing out another entrant!
Michael Cole: We're about to see number 45 in the Rumble! Who's it gonna be?
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #45: Ray Barone (Everybody Loves Raymond)
As the buzzer sounded, the New York crowd once again went wild for who was coming out.
The dude looked just like Ray Romano, except for the fact that he dressed like Stone Cold Steve Austin (with shirt and jean shorts, mind you). And instead of 'Austin 3:16' blazing his shirt, his shirt now read "Ray Barone 3:16" in tribute to the Texas Rattlesnake!
JBL: *feeling excited* Oh, yes! Another fellow New Yorker of mine! I'm loving this Rumble!
Jerry Lawler: Ray Barone's definitely sporting some interesting gear there!
Michael Cole: He's definitely gonna play a factor in this matchup, for sure!
Ray looked pumped up to be a part of this Sitcom Royal Rumble
However, as he was walking down the aisle, Norm from "Cheers" came from behind and attacked him!
JBL: Hey, what the hell is this?!
Michael Cole: That's... that's Norm from "Cheers"!
Jerry Lawler: This isn't right! He's already out of the Rumble! What's going on!
Michael Cole: Apparently, Norm's still upset that he didn't get a chance to make an impact!
The crowd saw this and grew a bit vile of this attack, forcing their cheers into boos for Norm.
The referees were trying to break out the fight against Norm and Ray Barone, but it was to no use. Norm was beating Ray Barone down like a abused dog. New Yorkers around the arena grew furious at this, chanting "Boston Sucks" at Norm, concerning the fact that he was from Boston.
JBL: Somebody stop this!
Jerry Lawler: The referees are doing the best they can, JBL!
Michael Cole: This is just madness here!
JBL: For once, I agree with you, Michael! Somebody get this fat drunk on a leash!
The vicious beating wasn't over yet.
As Ray grew dizzy, Norm picked the Long Island native and headed off what seemed to be to the entrance stage. However, it wasn't the entrance stage that Norm was headed to. Instead, the two stopped at the stage, only for Norm to pick him up with the powerbomb! The referees were begging to put him down now and leave, but nothing was persuading him from doing the impossible.
Michael Cole: What's he doing now?
JBL: He better not think what he's doing, or else!
Jerry Lawler: There's no stopping Norm now! Ray's a goner!
The King was right on the dot.
With Ray Barone on his shoulders, Norm slammed him down on the table, breaking Ray apart like glass itself! Norm's little act of vengeance forced the boos around Madison Square Garden to increase in velocity. They were begging and urging to get their hands on the angry fat drunk themselves. But knowing that they were behind barricades, they couldn't get the job done.
Hearing the boos all around him, Norm spoke back to them.
Norm: *to everyone at MSG* Ah, screw you all and this Rumble! Boston's better than your Momma's asses!
JBL: *shouting over to Norm* Oh, just leave already!
Jerry Lawler: *also shouting to Norm* Yeah, just go back to Boston where you came from.
Finally, after such persuasion, Norm finally left.
But the damage to Ray Barone was already done. He was so hurt and incapacitated that there was possibly no chance of him ever returning to this Rumble. Suffice to say, thanks to Norm, his night came to an end.
Michael Cole: There is basically no way he's getting back in.
JBL: Not after what we saw.
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, I don't like his chances at all. Not after the beating we saw.
However, Norm's little assault on Ray cost too much time in the Rumble itself. Thanks to the horrible beating, the people lost sight of what went on in the ring.
But that didn't matter anyway as another entrant was seconds away from entering the Rumble.
Michael Cole: While the ring officials check on Barone, we might as well see who number 46 is!
JBL: Yeah, I can't wait.
To be continued...
Ouch, that was such a tense beating that Ray Barone took. Norm must be one angry drunk for sure. At least we won't have to see him again. Meanwhile, number 46 won't come until next chapter, so let's take a look at the stats so far!
Eliminated: Dez Wade, Martin Payne, Leroy T. Brown, George Costanza, A.C. Slater, Pops Williams, Bob Duncan, Barney Stinson, Mike Seaver, Beck Oliver, Julius Rock, Eric Forman, Gilligan, Howard Wolowitz, Zack Morris, Bull Shannon, Maxwell Sheffield, Red Forman, Sheldon Cooper, Shawn Hunter, Fez, Austin Moon, Marshall Eriksen, Dan Fielding, Liv Rooney, Norm, Bud Bundy, Eddie Winslow, Mike Biggs, Carl McMillan, Danny Tanner, Alan Harper, Carl Winslow, Steven Hyde, Michael Kelso, Theo Huxtable and Balki Bartakamous
Still in the ring: Al Bundy, Cody Lambert, The Fonz, Jason Seaver, Judge Harry T. Stone, Ray Barone (hasn't entered), Steve Urkel and Tyler James
Entrants in the ring: 7 (so far, if you're not counting Ray)
Entrants still left to go: 5 (so far)
Longest time spent in the ring so far: Steve Urkel (Over 45 minutes now)
Shortest time spent in the ring: Howard Wolowitz (0:01.8 seconds)
Most people eliminated: Tyler James (10)
Will Tyler keep throwing out competitor after competitor?
Will Urkel manage to go all the way to the end?
Will Jason Seaver, Judge Stone or any other New Yorker win it all?
Will Norm troll around in the Rumble again (hopefully not)?
The answers will be revealed next chapter, folks! Until then, stay frosty and cold folks (which isn't surprising since winter's already over).