"Sitcom Royal Rumble"
Rated T for mild language and violence
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment, Total Nonstop Action, or sitcoms associated with ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, Disney, Nickelodeon or TBS. Anyway, I'd figured I'd do this for fun and amusement. So enjoy!
Chapter 14: Burn This 'Mother' Down
As the entire backstage crew tried to tend to Ray Barone, the clock lit up, bringing in the 46th entrant of the match.
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #46: Ted Mosby (How I Met Your Mother)
As the buzzer rang out, a man who was dressed in all black forman and looked very similar to Jimmy Fallon made his way through the curtain.
Like any other New Yorker that appeared in this match, he got a hometown pop from the fans!
JBL: Well, Ray Barone may be out, but at least we got Ted Mosby! Fellow New Yorker of mine!
Michael Cole: We had Barney and Marshall earlier on, let's see what Ted can do in this Royal Rumble.
JBL: I hope he can pull it off!
Before he could enter the ring, Ted had an idea in mind.
He decided to look under the apron and search for a weapon he could use.
Jerry Lawler: Ted Mosby taking his sweet time here.
JBL: I think he's gonna find something comfortable for him to use.
After seconds of searching out, Ted Mosby finally pulled out a table, therefore setting up to the enjoyment of fans in New York City!
Michael Cole: He's got the table.
JBL: This is gonna be bad news for sure!
However, Ted Mosby wasn't done just yet.
He then dug out of his suit pocket to reveal some lighter fluid, in which he squirted some on the table. Who knew what went on in that mind of Ted's.
Jerry Lawler: Oh, no. Please tell me what I think he's not gonna do.
JBL: It looks just like it, King!
However, he decided to wait until later to pull off the 'flaming table' stunt. Right now, he was wasting a lot of time now. What mattered to him was getting in that ring and making an impact.
As Ted got on the apron, he noticed Judge Harry T. Stone trying so hard to push Cody Lambert off the top rope. Seeing this struggle go on, Ted yanked Cody's hair from the apron and got him over the top, but remained on the apron.
Michael Cole: Cody's over, but not out!
Jerry Lawler: I wonder what for? Ted should have eliminated Cody right there!
With Cody on the apron, the architect kicked the guitar-playing blackbelt right between the legs!
Before he could set Cody Lambert onto the powerbomb position, Ted dug into his pocket and brought out what seemed to be a match! Getting a huge ovation from the fans, Ted struck the match, turning it into fire! And then, he dropped the match, sending the table ablaze!
Jerry Lawler: Oh no, the table's on fire!
JBL: Oh, he's about to light it up!
With the table on fire, Ted lifted him right up, and holding him on his shoulders...
...
...
...he powerbombed Cody onto the flaming table, eliminating him to a deafening applause!
Michael Cole: *shrieking* My god! Good heavens!
Jerry Lawler: Cody Lambert has been barbecued out of the Rumble!
JBL: He's definitely served up well done here!
38th Eliminated: Cody Lambert; Eliminated by: Ted Mosby; Duration: 7:42
Luckily for Cody, none of his clothes catched on fire. But just in case, some of the ring officials all sprayed their fire extinguishers at him.
As Cody was begging to be taken out on a stretcher, the countdown clock lit up yet again. This time, it was awaiting the 47th entrant of the match.
Jerry Lawler: While we pray that we dont smell charred skin, let's see who number 47 is!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #47: Jake Harper (Two And A Half Men)
With the buzzer sounding, a thick-builded teenager came through the curtain to perhaps a luke warm ovation.
He was decked out in an orange shirt alongside ordinary black shorts and a teal and mahogany hat. Apparently, the 47th entrant decided to enter the Rumble in his Vod Kanockers persona.
Jerry Lawler: All right, we got Jake from "Two And A Half Men".
JBL: Yeah, apparently, I thought he'd be skinny!
Michael Cole: Well, he was packing on pounds prior to this rumble, so his mass could play a huge factor in the match!
As he entered the ring, he was approached by Steve Urkel, who tried to roundhouse kick him.
But luckily, Jake caught his foot, and muscled him way up with a huge spinebuster!
Michael Cole: Dear lord, what a spinebuster!
JBL: Yeah! I can't believe how long Urkel's lasted so far! He entered number 1 and he's sticking it out to the end!
Jerry Lawler: Talk about resilency!
After taking care of Urkel, Jake saw The Fonz trying his best to lift up Al Bundy with a german suplex. Suddenly, this gave Jake an idea.
So he snuck up right behind the greaser and as he shockingly lifted him up, Fonz lifted up the shoe salesman as well! Therefore, Jake managed to slam both Fonzie and Al down with a shocking double german suplex! Suddenly, the fans all reacted crazily in shock and awe at Jake's sudden feat of strength!
Michael Cole: *shocked* Are you kidding me?!
JBL: Please tell me Jake did not pull that off!
Jerry Lawler: Like it or not, he did!
JBL: I didn't think it was possible that someone the size of a tree stump could lift up two men!
Meanwhile, right around the lower left turnbuckle, Tyler James started hopping on Al Bundy's entire back.
And then, just like a spider monkey, he managed to extend his body to the middle rope and wrapped Al Bundy's neck with a Rope Stretch Chicken Wing! Just the pain around the neck and shoulders was enough to make the shoe salesman sore for weeks!
Michael Cole: Impressive move by Tyler!
Jerry Lawler: That kid's definitely making a killing in the Rumble!
JBL: He's definitely gonna be one to watch out for!
While Al was busy trying to escape Tyler's clutch, Jason Seaver was busy giving Harry Stone an airplane spin!
Over and over again, he spun the judge around a very good thirteen times. During the little rotation, he even managed to knock out Ted Mosby from that spin!
Jerry Lawler: Jason Seaver has gone spin crazy here!
JBL: That's definitely a ride Harry's not gonna enjoy!
However, Jason got dizzy from that airplane spin.
He got so dizzy that he tumbled over the top rope and landed onto the floor! Obviously, Harry hung on to the ropes and turned his body over Jason's, eliminating the psychologist from this match!
JBL: Uh-oh, the doctor is out!
Michael Cole: Um, JBL... Jason Seaver's a psychologist.
JBL: Same thing!
39th Eliminated: Jason Seaver; Eliminated by: Judge Harry T. Stone; Duration: 4:47
As soon as Judge Stone rolled himself back into the ring, the Rumble clock lit up again, bringing up the 48th entrant!
Jerry Lawler: Here's comes number 48 on the way!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #48: Leonard Hofstadter (The Big Bang Theory)
With the buzzer sounding, a short yet attractive man with slicked-back hair and glasses, came through to a standing ovation.
However, he was dressed in his Green Lantern costume as a special occasion!
Jerry Lawler: Wow, look at this!
JBL: I can't believe this nerd just drew a good number!
Michael Cole: Leonard Hofstadter from "The Big Bang Theory" may have just increased his chances of winning here!
As Leonard entered the ring, he managed to pull off double dropkicks on Al Bundy followed by an irish whip.
And as Al was about to counter with a clothesline, Leonard ducked, only to wrap Al Bundy's neck with a huge neckbreaker!
Jerry Lawler: Wow! Leonard's looking very impressive!
Michael Cole: Leonard's definitely rolling here in this match!
Meanwhile, he saw Jake Harper approach him next. Apparently, Jake had gotten dizzy from the superkick that he took from The Fonz.
Leonard successfully managed to lift Jake Harper up by his shoulders. And in an instant, Leonard dropped Jake off right on his knee, connecting with a GTS!
Michael Cole: Go To Sleep!
Jerry Lawler: Leonard's definitely looking to be the favorite here now!
JBL: I wouldn't doubt it if I tried...
As the action was going on, one of the men from backstage went to the announcer's table. Apparently, the news they heard was very serious.
It was so serious that Michael Cole had to announce it head-on.
Michael Cole: Ladies and gentleman, we can inform you that Ray Barone's assault was definitely severe. Unfortunately, he suffered two heavily broken ribs from that powerbomb that he took from Norm. Because of this, he will not be able to enter the Rumble match.
JBL: That's just a damn shame. It was all because of that fat drunk. I'm pretty sure Boston's full of them right now.
40th Eliminated: Ray Barone; Eliminated by default
Meanwhile, Fonzie was at the upper right turnbuckle, giving out a 10-punch salute to Ted Mosby.
With Ted tired and groggy from all of those punches, it was time for the Fonz to do a little launching.
Jerry Lawler: What's gonna happen here?
With The Fonz's knees bending down, he launched Ted in the air. But he started front flipping, which caused him to crash facefirst onto Steve Urkel's crotch!
That sent the fans' spines to cringe from that display!
Michael Cole: *cringing* OH, GEEZ!
JBL: I think that might have sent Steve Urkel's vocal cords up a notch!
Jerry Lawler: Maybe even enough to lose his voice!
Meanwhile, Tyler James and Judge Stone were busy trading punches against one another, but then, the Judge scored an excellent uppercut right around Tyler's chiseled jaw.
That forced the lady killer so sit on the lower rope, feeling a bit groggy. Suddenly, the Judge began to back away from the native from Pasadena. Something was definitely on Judge Stone's mind.
JBL: Uh-oh, what's the judge gonna do!?
Jerry Lawler: Basically something that's gonna make Tyler's brain pop out!
With Tyler still dizy, the Judge dashed at him...
...
...
...and connected with a running knee strike!
Michael Cole: Ow! What a running knee!
JBL: Judge Stone's serving a little justice on that girly-boy! That's what I like from a fellow New Yorker!
With Tyler down on the mat, the carnage kept on going.
It was also just about time for the clock to light up as well, bringing in the 49th entrant of the match.
Jerry Lawler: We got two more men to go! Who'll be number 49?
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #49: Logan Watson (I Didn't Do It)
As the buzzer sounded for the 49th time, a teenager with slicked back hair and all dressed up in a Chicago Bears jersey, came out through the curtain.
Wearing his hometown's jersey, he got a handful of boos from the New York crowd (which is biased since New Yorkers hate people from either Boston or Chicago).
JBL: All right, I don't know who this is.
Michael Cole: Well, John, if you've been watching Disney Channel's "I Didn't Do It", this would be Logan Watson.
Jerry Lawler: The twin brother of sister Lindy Watson if you must know.
JBL: Are you kidding me, that guy won't last a second!
As Logan entered the ring, he picked up a chair and started whacking away at everyone constantly.
His first target was The Fonz, who he walloped right in the forehead!
Michael Cole: Oh, what a shot right in the forehead.
That chairshot that was connected to The Fonz made the greaser woozy.
Al Bundy capitalized on the occasion by throwing Fonzie over the top and onto the floor, eliminating him!
Jerry Lawler: Well, looks like the Fonz won't be winning this year!
JBL: Damn! And he was one of my favorites too!
41st Eliminated: The Fonz; Eliminated by: Al Bundy; Duration: 10:18
Logan wasn't done yet. He also nailed Jake Harper with a chair right to the guts and setting him up for a front facelock.
But before he could nail that move, he saw Leonard Hofstadter coming with a running lariat! Using his quick thinking, Logan ducked down and grabbed Leonard in a uranage position. With both Leonard and Jake in his hands, Logan slammed both of them down with a Reverse STO/DDT combination! Despite the fans opinion of him, he actually got a good pop from that move!
Michael Cole: Amazing!
JBL: He just took down two birds and one stone with that move!
Jerry Lawler: *to JBL* And you said he couldn't last a second.
JBL: *to Lawler* Okay, so maybe I was wrong for once.
Meanwhile, while Leonard and Jake were busy tending their wounds, a face off was occurring between Judge Harry T. Stone, Al Bundy and Steve Urkel.
Obviously, this became sort of a two-on-one handicap match, knowing that one of New York's hometown favorites was about to be ganged up by two of Chicago's finest.
Michael Cole: I definitely don't wanna be Judge Stone right now!
Jerry Lawler: I can see how Al and Urkel are staring justice right in the face!
But before either men could strike, Norm from Cheers came out of the curtain, rushed down to the ring, and started tackling Judge Stone to the ground!
Suddenly, the entire town of New York erupted in boos, directing hatred over at the fat drunk.
JBL: *shouting* WHAT THE HELL IS THAT FAT DRUNK DOING HERE AGAIN?!
Jerry Lawler: C'mon, haven't we had enough already?
Michael Cole: Apparently, Norm doesn't think so!
Norm kept on gunning Judge Stone with mounting punches, making Harry look so much like a punching bag.
Luckily, the referees had enough of Norm's bull-s**t for one night, so they got in the ring and got the fat drunk off of Judge Stone. In addition, the crowd chanted "Boston Sucks" just to piss off Norm.
JBL: It's about time someone got Judge Stone off of him! Somebody needs to castrate him!
Jerry Lawler: I know what you mean...
Norm: *to the crowd* Ah, all of y'all are drunk yourselves!
Meanwhile, as the referees finally sent Norm back to the dressing room once and for all, Urkel and Bundy nodded at each other, forming a possible alliance.
With Judge Stone knocked down, the shoe salesman and nerd teamed up by sending the judge over the top rope and onto the floor. This resulted in boos all across Madison Square Garden.
Michael Cole: And Judge Stone is gone.
JBL: Yeah, and it was all because of that fat drunk! This is just a travesty!
42nd Eliminated: Judge Harry T. Stone; Eliminated by: Steve Urkel & Al Bundy; Duration: 5:44
While the carnage kept on going around the ring, most of MSG stood up in anticipation, about to witness the final entrant of this Sitcom Royal Rumble.
Only 49 men had entered so far, and finally, there was only one left. Who was it gonna be?
Jerry Lawler: I'm ready! Here comes the last entrant!
10... 9... 8...
Michael Cole: I'm having goosebumps about this...
7... 6... 5...
JBL: Who's it gonna be? I'm excited!
4... 3... 2... 1...
*BZZT!*
Entrant #50: Dr. Cliff Huxtable (The Cosby Show)
When the buzzer sounded for the final time, a middle-aged black man with a light blue sweater appeared before 20,000 plus fans. However, something weird happened this time.
When he came through the curtain, he was welcomed by boos. This of course, was a shocking sight to begin with. Mostly, the boos would be directed at people who weren't from New York, but this was stunning. Even chants of 'sex abuser' rained down on him hard.
Michael Cole: Whoa! It's Cliff Huxtable from "The Cosby Show"! This just got interesting!
JBL: What the hell's up with these people! He's from New York! They're supposed to be cheering people who's from this city! What the hell's going on?!
Jerry Lawler: I don't know, but I'll hope we'll find an explanation why!
Michael Cole: The final eight's all set! Who'll win the first ever Sitcom Royal Rumble?
To be concluded...
Wow, I can't believe we finally got our final eight men! I'm so excited about this one. Before I close out this chapter, let's see the stats now!
Eliminated: Dez Wade, Martin Payne, Leroy T. Brown, George Costanza, A.C. Slater, Pops Williams, Bob Duncan, Barney Stinson, Mike Seaver, Beck Oliver, Julius Rock, Eric Forman, Gilligan, Howard Wolowitz, Zack Morris, Bull Shannon, Maxwell Sheffield, Red Forman, Sheldon Cooper, Shawn Hunter, Fez, Austin Moon, Marshall Eriksen, Dan Fielding, Liv Rooney, Norm, Bud Bundy, Eddie Winslow, Mike Biggs, Carl McMillan, Danny Tanner, Alan Harper, Carl Winslow, Steven Hyde, Michael Kelso, Theo Huxtable, Balki Bartakamous, Cody Lambert, Jason Seaver, Ray Barone (never entered), The Fonz and Judge Harry T. Stone
Still in the ring: Al Bundy, Dr. Cliff Huxtable, Jake Harper, Leonard Hofstadter, Logan Watson, Steve Urkel, Ted Mosby, and Tyler James
Entrants in the ring: 8
Longest time spent in the ring so far: Steve Urkel (Over 50 minutes now)
Shortest time spent in the ring: Howard Wolowitz (0:01.8 seconds)
Most people eliminated: Tyler James (10)
Who will be crowned the first Royal Rumble winner?
Will it be shoe salesman Al Bundy from "Married With Children"?
Will it be obstetrician Dr. Cliff Huxtable from "The Cosby Show"?
Will it be Jake Harper from "Two And A Half Men"?
Will it be nerd/scientist Leonard Hofstadter from "The Big Bang Theory"?
Will it be Logan Watson from "I Didn't Do It"?
Will it be the current record for longest time spent in the ring, Steve Urkel from "Family Matters"?
Will it be architect Ted Mosby from "How I Met Your Mother"?
Or will it be the current record holder for the most people eliminated: Tyler James from "Dog With A Blog"?
The winner will be revealed next chapter! If you want, you fans can guess who'll win the Sitcom Royal Rumble! Feedbacks are welcome! And until then, the bacon-wrapped steaks are on me!