A/N: I swear this story is going to go on forever... every time I try to plan the next part and the next part it just grows and grows. You guys are with me for the long hual, right? 'Cause I think it's gonna be a really long haul! lol Thank for all the reviews on the previous chapter, now let's see what's going on with Jess...

(For disclaimer, etc. - see prologue)

Chapter 26

Jess hadn't really known where he was going when he left the Gilmore house in a rage. His mother could push his buttons like nobody else he ever met. Sure, he and Luke had their fights, so did Jess and Rory, he even had some spats with Lorelai that were pretty memorable, but Liz was a whole other level. She could bring forth pain, sadness, and rage that Jess sometimes forgot had ever existed in him these days. One conversation that had fast turned into a fight, and he was back to feeling like that angry kid that had first come to Stars Hollow with a need to loathe everyone and fight against everything. He hated that. He hated that she had that power over him, that he continued to allow her to.

Just an hour ago, Jess was sat on the couch with Rory in his arms, listening to his uncle bicker with her mother in the most loving way. The house was full of a genuine warmth and the smell of turkey cooking. They were going to have a nice day, a happy family occasion, all four and a half of them, and Jess was genuinely happy to be a part of it. Trust his lousy mother to throw a wrench into everything.

It was months now since Jess last had a cigarette. He tried to give up before, so many times, but on the day they found out Rory was pregnant, he threw out the half a pack he still owned and vowed never again. So much for that promise, as he pulled out another cigarette and lit up. So far he'd chain-smoked most of a pack without even really noticing he was doing it. Sat here on the bridge it was all a little too familiar, but Jess thought of this place as his, moreover his and Rory's these days. It had been a weird kind of sanctuary to him, ever since that day when Luke pushed him in the lake.

Maybe it would sound crazy to anybody else, but it was when his uncle dared to shove him head first into the water without warning that Jess realised he was finally living with a person who actually cared. His mother punished him sometimes, but mostly her yelling and striking him was for nothing worth mentioning, whilst other crimes slid by unnoticed. Liz got high and drunk so much, ran around with any guy that'd take her. Jess was pushed out in the cold at best and blamed for being the child of a worthless creep at worst. At least in Stars Hollow he had someone who cared what he was doing and didn't judge him on another person's mistakes. Luke never seemed to see him as Liz's kid or Jimmy's son. To his uncle he was just Jess, his crimes were his own, no more, no less, and that was that. Above all, he did his best by him, and Jess appreciated that, even if it had taken almost three years to make his gratitude clear. Luke was the first decent role model Jess ever really had, and he tried to be more like his uncle than either of his parents. One brief meeting with Liz and he was right back to being the worst of himself, screaming and running like a child.

"I don't want you turning out like Jimmy!"

Jess winced as he replayed the words in his head. He didn't want to turn out that way either. His kid deserved better, and he was going to get it too. Jess had to be a better father than a man that ran out the door the day his son was born. He liked to think he could handle it, but once upon a time, Jimmy had thought he could too, until reality taught him better. He had his life together now, or seemed to anyway. With Sasha and Lily, and his business going well, he was finally making something of himself. Jess wanted to do that, but a whole lot sooner than Jimmy managed to. He had to get it right the first time, he just had to.

"You idiot! You... I can't believe you would screw up some poor girl's life like that!"

Jess swallowed hard and took another long drag on his cigarette before flicking the butt into the water. He defended himself to Liz, said he and Rory were happy, but the charge laid at his door by his mother was true enough. In some ways he really had ruined Rory's life. When he first came to town, he screwed up over and over. He broke up Rory and Dean, caused her tears and pain way too many times, even before they were dating. As her boyfriend, he was so far from the kind of guy she deserved. Didn't call when he said he would, didn't treat her right, kept secrets and ultimately ran away like a frightened child. Jess liked to think he had grown up a lot the last couple of years, that he wasn't even the dumb guy that went to Rory's dorm room asking her to run away with him as if they were Romeo and Juliet or maybe Bonnie and Clyde.

Things were different now, he was responsible, he had two jobs and was determined to take care of Rory no matter what, but Liz was right, he had screwed up his girlfriend's life. Yale was on hold at best, potentially abandoned at worst. The grandparents said they would pay, but the logistics of the situation still hadn't been hammered out. When Jess worked and Rory went to school, who took care of the baby? Luke and Lorelai would both be working too. Between the diner and getting an inn off the ground, there wouldn't be enough hours in the day for anybody to play baby-sitter. If Rory gave up her college courses completely, she would live to resent Jess, because unlike Liz he was sure she would never, ever put the blame on their child.

Even if she got through college, Rory could never have the career she always dreamed of. Jess lit another cigarette and pulled his jacket tighter around him. He recalled a conversation in Rory's old car, not long before they crashed and he ended up here on this bridge, hating himself for hurting her. In that car, she had confessed her dreams to him, her longing to one day be the next Christianne Amanpour. Jess had been sceptical at first, but soon insisted she could make it. In fact, he had actually promised her she would. There was no way for her to be that person now, not with a baby to think about.

Jess took a long drag on his cigarette and tried to swallow down the bile in his throat. He felt so sick right now, and it was hard to know if it was the fight with Liz, the cold seeping into his bones, or flooding his body with tar and nicotine after so long without it. Whatever it was, he didn't feel good, and in the mood he was in right now, Jess suspected he deserved it. Too late he realised there was no way to breathe through the need to throw up. He barely made it to the end of the bridge before he heaved spectacularly into the bushes.

On his knees in the dirt, Jess leaned back and turned his face to a cloud-filled sky. In a fit of almost pure hysterics, he laughed painfully at the mess of a day he had ended up in, and then just as quickly, he cried.

"Where is he? Where is he?" Rory muttered to herself, dialling Jess' cell phone for the ninth time in as many minutes as Lorelai walked back into the living room. "Hey, I have a question! Where is he?!" she asked her mother, when once again an annoying voice asked her to leave a message.

"I'm sorry, honey, I wish I knew," Lorelai sympathised, sitting down beside her daughter on the couch and putting a arm around her.

Rory threw the house phone forcefully into the opposite arm chair with a thud. She hated this. She hated that Jess would just run away after all those times he promised her he wouldn't do it again. She wanted to believe he would be back, the larger part of her did believe it actually, but it was hard to forget that day on the bus when he acted totally normal and then was gone, or the day after the car crash when she heard he was already back in New York without so much as a goodbye. Rory couldn't go through losing Jess again, she just couldn't, especially not now.

Luke came through from the kitchen with the dish towel over his shoulder and a grim expression.

"I know it's not a priority right now, but dinner is almost ready," he said, trying for a smile that didn't quite come out right.

He hated to see Rory so upset, and by extension Lorelai too. What affected daughter affected mother and vice versa. Luke supposed he should be mad at Jess for causing all this but he couldn't quite manage it somehow. When he got to the diner and found Liz crying, he felt bad for his sister, but the more of the story he got out of her, the more he realised it was at least half her own fault, maybe more actually.

Luke didn't know what it was about Jess and Liz. They just couldn't find any middle ground or common bond. He could manage with the both of them at different times, but together it was always a powder keg. They were best kept apart, as sad as it was to say about mother and son. Now he had a crying sister who he had been forced to let stay at his apartment (along with T.J. who arrived right in the nick to catch the worst of the wailing), an AWOL nephew, and his two favourite women worrying way too much, especially Rory who should have as little stress as possible now she was pregnant.

"I'm gonna go take another look around," said Luke eventually. "I mean, I can only really look at the places I already tried but there's a chance that..."

It was as far as he got when the front door suddenly opened. Rory was on her feet in a second, hurrying towards her boyfriend.

"Jess!" she exclaimed, diving into his arms.

He caught her easily and held her close, letting her cling to him for as long as she wanted. Jess closed his eyes and breathed her in, his Rory, who loved him so much even though he could never quite wrap his head around why. He never had deserved her. As a kid, he didn't think that mattered, and later he thought it mattered too much. Just when they started to find a happy medium, everything had to get messy again. It seemed their relationship was destined to be nothing but a bumpy road.

"I have been so worried about you," said Rory as she pulled back just enough to see his face. "Where were you?"

"Around," Jess shrugged. "I had some thinking to do. Rory, I'm so sorry if I scared you," he told her honestly, a hand at her cheek.

"You didn't," she assured him. "Well, no, I was scared what might have happened to you, but Luke said you fought with Liz so I figured you just needed some time. I knew you'd come back," she said bravely.

He saw in her eyes that was what she wanted to believe and yet she couldn't really manage it. There had been a moment, maybe more than one today, when she had wondered if he had up and left her. If Jess could be sick again he probably would.

"Hey, are we happy to see you?" said Lorelai with a smile as she appeared with Luke at her side. "Words you never thought you'd hear me say, huh?"

Jess forced a tight smile but it was all he could manage. Lorelai wasn't looking all that genuine in what she was saying right now either and he knew why. They all thought the same thing, that he was the same worthless runaway jerk he always had been. It hurt, but Jess couldn't really blame them.

"I knew you were going to turn out just like your father!"

"I need to take a shower," he said quickly, pulling out of Rory's embrace and heading straight for the stairs.

"Oh, okay," she replied, feeling a little startled. "But... don't you wanna talk about what happened?" she asked in earnest.

Jess looked from her to Luke and Lorelai then back again.

"Really don't," he muttered, and then he was gone.

Rory stared after him long after Jess was out of sight. She felt her mother's hand on her shoulder and sighed.

"He's been smoking," she said flatly, despondently walking towards her room and disappearing into it.

Luke watched her go and then put an arm around Lorelai's shoulders, pulling her close. She dropped her head onto his shoulder and felt him kiss the top of her head.

"Happy Thanksgiving," she said without a hint of joy.

To Be Continued...